Chapter 29 Walking Towards Her!!
Luo Qingyan told her grandmother and aunt that her friend needed to see her about something, so she wouldn't be going home for dinner. She saw her grandmother, aunt, and Li Zi off before taking a taxi herself.
Cuiyun Park is not far from Hefengting, normally it's about a half-hour drive. However, it was almost dinner time, and there were a lot of cars on the road, so it was very congested. We kept stopping and starting, and it probably took an hour.
Luo Qingyan wasn't in a hurry; she leisurely watched the city scenery outside the car window, gazing at the sky when there were cars on both sides. However, as the traffic jam continued, the emotions she had been trying to hide slowly seeped out, subtly affecting her.
She still felt anxious, even though she could maintain a calm facade; her mind was in turmoil. She wanted to know how the little merman was doing, she imagined their meeting, and she worried that she was doing the wrong thing…
Some things cannot be hidden.
The attempt to cover it up only makes it more obvious.
She didn't want things to be this way. She knew perfectly well that she shouldn't be like this; these emotions were detrimental to her, only making her more confused and depressed. For her, if she couldn't see what the road ahead held, staying where she was was the safest option.
Hesitant and indecisive.
Why is it that happiness is followed by sadness?
Utterly helpless.
-
When she arrived at the entrance of the residential area, the sky was already dark, as if a torrential downpour was about to begin. However, Luo Qingyan slowed down and walked slowly. She didn't want to rush, and she wanted to calm her mind and truly find peace.
Even as she felt the raindrops begin to fall, she did not quicken her pace, because she was not yet at peace.
Fortunately, the rain only started pouring down after she entered the building lobby.
However, she didn't pay much attention to this good fortune. Even when she got to her doorstep, she still felt a little unsettled.
Taking a deep breath at the doorstep would probably be heard by the little merman, so...
Whatever, whatever!
She opened the door to find the room completely dark. Instinctively, she reached for the light switch, but it didn't turn on. She turned on her phone's flashlight, then closed the door. Next, she went to the electrical box, opened it, and examined the circuit breaker inside.
As expected, the power tripped.
Lifting the small switch instantly lit up the room, and at the same time, the sounds of various appliances being plugged in could be heard.
Then, she changed into slippers and went to the bathroom.
The lights there are on.
As she reached the door, she saw the little merman turning off the nightlight. She should act more normally, she said as she walked inside, "It really did trip the circuit breaker; just flip the switch back up to restore power."
"Oh, thank you for your help." The little merman withdrew his hand from turning off the light and looked at Luo Qingyan.
"You're welcome, it's a simple matter." Luo Qingyan sat down on the low chair. "It's raining, and we were planning to go home early anyway."
"You got caught in the rain?" The little merman looked up. "You have a delicate, moist scent, and your hair is wet."
"I only got a little wet; the rain started to pour when I went into the hall."
"Do you need me to help you dry off? I remember humans don't like getting wet in the rain."
"What?" Luo Qingyan's eyes widened in disbelief. "Get the rain off yourself? You have such an amazing ability!"
"It's just about controlling the water," the little merman said calmly.
"Can you remove rainwater that has soaked into the fabric?" Luo Qingyan looked down at her clothes. "They're almost dry."
"Sure, do you need it?"
"I need it! I want to see it!"
"Okay." The little merman said, raising his hand and moving his fingers. Then water slowly condensed from Luo Qingyan's body, on his hair, clothes, and skin, finally forming a large droplet which was thrown into the drain.
"Hmm." The little merman nodded. "Controlling water isn't difficult."
"No... it's not difficult... as expected, behind that relaxed tone lies immense strength." Luo Qingyan sighed deeply, but suddenly, a wave of sadness washed over her. Her gaze slowly returned to the little male merman. "Are you almost fully recovered?"
The little merman's eyes widened slightly for a moment, but he remained calm overall: "Yes, I've recovered a lot."
A barely perceptible hint of disappointment flashed across Luo Qingyan's eyes, but she forced a smile at the same time: "How long will it take to fully recover?"
"It will probably take a few more days."
“Oh, that will be soon.” Luo Qingyan barely showed any expression. “Hmm… After you’ve fully recovered, will you… go straight back to the sea? Or can you go from the river to the sea? G City isn’t near the sea, so going to the beach… isn’t actually that far. You can take the high-speed rail, and it’ll only take three or four hours to get to the coastal city.”
The little merman's expression froze for a moment. He blinked and asked, "You... are you asking me to leave?"
"Don't you want to leave?" Luo Qingyan blurted out without thinking.
The little merman paused again, lowered his eyes, and remained silent.
“I’ve thought about it carefully. It’s really, really hard to truly love someone and form a contract,” Luo Qingyan continued. “At first, I probably knew I was going to die, so I was fearless and would do whatever it took, since I had nothing to lose. But after calming down, I realized that while I was impulsive, I couldn’t solve things with just a surge of passion. I had to recognize reality and cherish what I had.”
She looked at the little male merman's tail as she spoke: "Won't you recover in a few more days? You belong to the sea, you have your own secrets, we are always on different paths, and there will always be a day when we part ways. Whether it's a broad road or a narrow bridge, we should move forward."
The little merman frowned slightly: "If I leave, what about you?"
“Go on a trip.” Luo Qingyan smiled slightly. “When I found out I was sick and my life was counting down, my first thought was that I had to go on a trip. Leave everything behind, go to places I’ve never been before, feel nature, and enjoy life.”
"Why did you..." The little merman tilted his head slightly, thinking seriously, "It seems like you suddenly gave up on me."
“Maybe I didn’t have complete confidence from the beginning. It was just like… a drowning person grabbing at a straw, grasping at straws in desperation.” Luo Qingyan tried to make his smile seem natural. “Meeting you was indeed a serendipitous encounter. It gave me hope for a while and made me happy for a while. But this serendipitous encounter has a beginning and an end, and the end time is very likely to be the day you fully recover.”
“I…” The little merman’s eyes revealed a complex emotion, like a faint, ethereal light in the deep sea.
"It's alright, you don't need to feel like you didn't help me. Everyone has their own destiny." Luo Qingyan maintained her smile. "If you can deliver on your promise of a valuable return, that would be great too."
The little merman frowned noticeably: "Are you... not feeling well?"
Hearing these words that sounded like words of concern, Luo Qingyan's eyes instantly welled up with tears. She blinked hard, trying not to let the tears fall, but unfortunately, she couldn't help it, and tears streamed down her cheeks. She still tried to hold on: "Yes, I'm not feeling well. I... I'm a patient, so... I might not have much time left, so... I'm having physical and mental reactions, and I'm prone to... being sentimental, moody, and unable to control myself."
The little merman's expression returned to calm. He thought for a moment and said, "If you want to cry, then cry out loud. Crying is also an expression of emotion, and it will make you feel better."
Seeing the little male merman instantly regain his calm expression, Luo Qingyan felt as if her heart was being slashed again and again. She was like the sea surface before a storm, with surging waves, while the little male merman remained forever in the deep sea, without a ripple.
She gave a wry smile: "Actually, when I heard you say you wanted me to come over, I was quite...you...so why do you want me to come over?"
The little merman wanted to answer, but hesitated after opening his mouth, lowering his eyes to think.
Luo Qingyan waited a little while, but she didn't have much patience. She sighed softly, "It's you who makes me feel like I'm neither close nor distant." After saying that, she stood up, intending to leave the bathroom temporarily.
The little male merman wanted to keep Luo Qingyan, but he also sensed that the other party really wanted to leave.
"I'm not feeling well. I'm going to get some water." Luo Qingyan walked quickly. She really felt unwell, dizzy, with palpitations and weakness all over her body.
-
Going to the kitchen, Luo Qingyan poured herself a glass of hot water and slowly drank several sips, but her discomfort did not improve at all; in fact, it seemed to have worsened. Her heart was beating faster and faster, she felt nauseous, and even breathing became difficult.
It was so painful. She quickly put down the cup, braced herself against the countertop, and tried to steady herself. Unfortunately, her body swayed involuntarily, then she suddenly plummeted downwards. She tried desperately to grab onto something, but couldn't grasp anything, and in her panic, she knocked over the cup.
Hearing the sound of the glass shattering, Luo Qingyan felt dizzy, as if pain was exploding throughout her body. Breathing was difficult and painful, as if the surrounding air was being sucked away, leaving only a thin sliver of air carrying irritating, toxic fumes. Her internal organs ached, as if being pounded by fists, or squeezed and repeatedly pulled. Her limbs were cold and stiff, not only unable to be controlled flexibly, but also feeling like they would move erratically, completely out of control.
My body no longer felt like my own; it felt as if it would shatter into pieces at any moment, from head to toe.
At this moment, I feel so miserable that I want to die; life is worse than death.
So, is this how I'm going to die?
Luo Qingyan did consider whether to just let things go and let fate decide for her.
The remaining days are already short, and cancer patients will suffer terribly in their final days. It's better to have a short, sharp pain than a long, drawn-out one. Since they are already in so much pain, they might as well just go straight to the end.
Although I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling so unwell, if I die like this, it would be considered an accidental death, right? Then I wouldn't have to tell my family about my illness, say goodbye, or suffer the torment of separation and death, would my relatives and friends feel better? After all, life is unpredictable.
She no longer needed to think about her relationship with the little merman. Now, she couldn't understand his thoughts, nor could she understand her own. It was as if she were being pulled apart by an invisible hand, her mind a jumbled mess, dizzy and disoriented. She didn't want to continue like this, constantly shifting between clinging to a sliver of hope and utter despair—this erratic feeling was utterly tormenting.
That's settled then...
But is this really a good idea?
Even if it's not the absolute worst, grit your teeth, get up, and call for emergency help. And perhaps the situation isn't as serious as it seems; don't give up. Things will get better once this discomfort passes.
Alternatively, you can summon the little male merman.
Little male merman... I think I heard the voice of the little male merman.
It was a mess, and the image was blurry.
I feel terrible, physically and mentally. I just want to fall asleep forever.
In the hazy light, she seemed to see someone walking towards her.
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