Chapter 80 Your Highness, do you really not like your subordinate...?
Lin Xiao directly put the powder into his sleeve, saying, "I will not give you the powder."
"Your Highness, do not try to obtain the powder from anyone else again. Whoever you obtain the powder from, I will kill them. I mean what I say."
"You!!" Shen Panyan's cheeks flushed pink with anger. "Are you threatening me?"
Lin Xiao lowered his eyelashes: "This subordinate dares not."
"You wouldn't dare? You're about to kill someone and you still don't dare?" Shen Panyan was furious. "Lin Xiao, this is our business. You're not allowed to involve other innocent people. Besides, what right do you have to make decisions for me? This is my own business and has nothing to do with you!"
"If it has nothing to do with me, then why did Your Highness go to such lengths to take me away from His Majesty, even at the cost of your own health?" Lin Xiao removed his mask, his eyes as cold as frost, his dark pupils fixed on her, pressing her step by step, "Since you don't care, then why did you do so many unnecessary things?"
"Back at the Royal Villa, I was only slightly injured, yet you came to see me every day. You taught me to read and gave me a safety amulet. I was just a lowly bodyguard, a bodyguard of low status. What did I do to deserve such kindness from you? Or is it that Your Highness has been deceiving me all along, that you don't like Gu Jinyan at all, and that you don't want to get married? You've been deceiving me from beginning to end!"
"I..." Caught off guard by his words, Shen Panyan's heart pounded. She retreated several steps, turning her head away to avoid his gaze. Stubbornly, she said, "Don't talk nonsense. I love Gu Jinyan. I've already decided to marry him. You're overthinking it, Lin Xiao."
"The reason I did all this is simply because you saved me back at the Royal Villa, and I wanted to repay you. There's no other meaning behind it."
"I didn't mean anything by it..." Lin Xiao suddenly smiled. "Even now, Your Highness, you're still trying to deceive your subordinates!"
"I don't mean anything else, but would you allow your subordinates to sleep in your bed, would you allow your subordinates to act recklessly towards you, would you tolerate your subordinates' repeated offenses against you?"
"I... I was just worried about your injury..."
With nowhere to retreat, Shen Panyan stumbled and sat down on the bed, frantically grabbing the brocade quilt beneath her.
"Your Highness, you don't need to deceive me like this anymore. I can see clearly that you have no feelings for Gu Jinyan at all." Lin Xiao suddenly reached out and put his arm around her waist, lifting her off the bed. His pale knuckles gripped the back of her neck, and he lowered his head to kiss her soft red lips.
Shen Panyan froze abruptly, her eyes widening as if her thoughts had been instantly pulled away. Her heart pounded uncontrollably, and her eyelashes trembled.
The boy's kiss was haphazard, like a reckless interrogation or an all-consuming possession.
He hated his identity, hated that he couldn't openly occupy the position beside her, and could only hide in the shadows watching her smile and talk to others.
Why?
He had told himself that he was not qualified to compete for these things; he was just a lowly bodyguard. However, when he saw that scene, he still couldn't control himself... His Highness clearly liked him, so why couldn't he stand by her side and occupy a place beside her?
He didn't ask for much, just a position.
The more he demanded, the more Chen Panyan would tilt her head back uncontrollably. As their lips and teeth intertwined, she was so overwhelmed that she couldn't even control her breathing. Like a fish starving for oxygen, her body slowly went limp, and her waist collapsed softly into his arms.
His embrace was warm, and even though she was confined, it still made her feel at ease.
She couldn't help but sink into depravity.
She really liked him, liked him to the point of disregarding everything.
She couldn't push him away.
Her thoughts were consumed by him; her breath and his face filled her mind, and she instinctively responded to him. Lin Xiao's movements faltered slightly, then slowed down as Shen Panyan caught her breath.
She thought back to when she first met him. Everyone else treated her like dirt, as if she were some kind of plague... Only he, and only he, embraced her. Even though that embrace was cold at first, she still fell hopelessly in love with him.
She treated him well regardless of her own or his status. He wasn't made of stone, and she finally warmed that cold embrace.
He responded to her; everything he had, all of him, was the warmth and passion she craved.
Suddenly, Shen Panyan remembered the daytime curse from the Empress, in which she was called a plague and a jinx. She felt sorry for herself and thought that no one in the world would love her, and tears suddenly fell.
She already had someone who loved her the most, but this whole thing was a mistake from beginning to end!
Their social status was like an insurmountable chasm, an insurmountable gap.
She deceived herself, telling herself that it was only because of some wound that she tolerated him again and again. Lin Xiao was right; he saw through her too clearly. She was clearly the one who cared about him the most. She cared that he would get hurt, that he was not doing well, that she cared about him... It's just that she realized this too late, and he could no longer let go. He did everything he could, even if it was like a moth flying into a flame, to come to her side.
A salty, wet sensation touched his lips. Lin Xiao slowly released her, looking at her lips, which were red from the kiss. His gaze gradually fell on her trembling eyelashes, noticing the glistening tears clinging to them.
"Your Highness, do you really not have any feelings for me?" he asked in a low voice.
“I…” Shen Panyan’s eyelashes trembled, and tears welled up and rolled down her cheeks.
Lin Xiao lowered his head and kissed away her tears, the wind carrying his low, husky voice.
"Your Highness, please stop liking Gu Jinyan and like me instead, okay?"
He gently held her slender, soft hand. "Your Highness, I have thought about it. I thought that as long as you are happy and you are pleased, that's all that matters. But in the end, I still couldn't do it."
Why would you share something you already have with someone else?
His warm breath landed on her brow. "Your Highness, give me another half a month, and I will definitely return to your side."
After saying that, he slowly raised her hand and took out a jade bracelet from his pocket. The bracelet was emerald green and warm, with a delicate texture and no impurities, and put it on her wrist.
Her complexion was rosy yet fair, perfectly complementing the jade bracelet.
Lin Xiao didn't explain where the jade bracelet came from. After seeing that the bracelet was securely placed on her wrist, he turned to leave. Shen Panyan's heart tightened, and she hurriedly grabbed his sleeve, "Lin Xiao!"
Lin Xiao paused, turning his head to look at her. "Your Highness?"
Shen Panyan was about to cry again, "Please don't do this, I'll find a way..."
I don't want you to be in danger.
Lin Xiao reached out and gently wiped away her tears with his fingertips, saying softly, "Your Highness, I grew up in the Dark Guard Camp since childhood. I have survived to this day not because of reckless actions. I have a foolproof plan for this matter, so Your Highness need not worry."
"But...but..." Shen Panyan shook her head repeatedly, choking back tears, "Lin Xiao, what if something happens..."
"There won't be any unforeseen circumstances," Lin Xiao said firmly.
Shen Panyan knew she couldn't persuade him, nor could she change his mind.
"But Lin Xiao, what good will it do you even if you leave the Dark Guard Camp?" Her face was sorrowful, and her voice was filled with grief. "We can never be together."
"Your Highness, I have never dared to hope for such a thing." He lowered his head and kissed her lips again, carefully, his breath brushing against her cheek, like an evening breeze caressing the shimmering moonlight on the water, gentle and alluring.
"What I've always wanted is to stay by your side."
"If Your Highness wishes, I may become your male favorite."
"Everything I own belongs to you."
Including his body.
Shen Panyan blushed and her heart pounded as he spoke frankly and earnestly. "You, what nonsense are you talking about? I never wanted you to be my gigolo..."
Seeing that she turned her face away, her ears turning bright red, completely disregarding his words, Lin Xiao's eyes flickered, and he didn't continue talking about the matter.
He reached out and smoothed her slightly disheveled hair, speaking gently, "Your Highness, I still have a mission to complete and cannot leave for too long."
He returned to the capital this time because of what the Forty-Three had said. He was afraid that His Highness would be rejected by His Majesty and might do something irreversible despite his health, so he hurriedly returned to the capital.
Fortunately, he returned just in time.
"Your Highness, I really don't need you to harm your own body to help me escape the Dark Guard Camp." His eyes were fixed on her, as if he wouldn't give up easily if she didn't agree. Shen Panyan couldn't dodge it, so she had no choice but to agree, her voice muffled, "I understand, I agree."
Lin Xiao breathed a slight sigh of relief, gave her several more instructions, and then turned and left her room, leaving the princess's residence quietly as if he had never been there.
Shen Panyan sat on the edge of the bed, her mind in turmoil.
She looked at the jade bracelet that Lin Xiao had put on her wrist. It was warm and clear, like the color of water and sky. It was very beautiful and obviously very valuable. She wondered where he had gotten it.
Shen Panyan felt a pang of bitterness and sorrow in her heart; how could she not understand his feelings?
She only has one jade bracelet of this quality.
It was the coming-of-age gift that her father ordered the Imperial Household Department to send on the day she turned 18.
But... they really can't stay together. She really can't bear to part with him. What should she do?
Should I really agree to his request?
He always managed to sway her decision.
*
When Zhuzhi and Qingdai entered, it was already an hour later.
Qingdai was finally able to speak, "Princess, who was that man in black just now...?"
"What man in black?" Zhu Zhi asked, confused.
Qingdai glanced at Chen Panyan, and seeing that she didn't object, she told her what she had seen earlier. Zhuzhi's eyes widened in surprise, and then, with her sharp eyes, she noticed a slight redness and swelling on the corner of her lips. "Princess, your lips..."
Shen Panyan quickly covered her lips, her ear tips turning red, "No, nothing!"
Seeing her like this, Qingdai and Zhuzhi had no idea what was going on. They looked at each other, their eyes filled with disbelief and shock.
So, Princess, you liked that man in black from earlier?
Zhu Zhi hurriedly asked, "Princess, do you... like that man in black?"
Recalling the princess's strange behavior before, he asked, "And, Princess, were all the things you did before because of him?"
Shen Panyan buried her head between her knees in dejection and mumbled, "Yeah, but he doesn't agree."
They wouldn't agree to this either. Qingdai and Zhuzhi advised, "Princess, if that man in black also likes you, he certainly wouldn't agree to you harming your own body."
"Yes, Princess, those who love you certainly want you to be well. If you harm your body like this, not only him, but even I would not want it."
"I understand." Shen Panyan's voice was even more muffled. "But I can't think of any other way besides this."
Qingdai pondered for a moment, "Princess, may I be so bold as to ask, what is the identity of that man in black?"
"Is he the son of some general in the capital?"
Judging from his imposing presence, he must be a martial artist.
"no."
no?
Qingdai and Zhuzhi asked in confusion, "Is that a young master from some prominent family in the capital?"
"no."
Not yet?
He's not from a noble family, nor is he the son of a general, yet he knows martial arts... Could it be...? Qingdai gasped, "Princess, could he be a member of the martial arts world?"
The martial arts world has been in turmoil lately, so it's quite possible that some martial arts figures will come to the capital.
The martial arts world and the imperial court have always kept to themselves. If a princess falls in love with a martial arts practitioner, then things could get a little complicated.
But there is a way; as long as that martial arts practitioner is willing to join the imperial court, it will work.
Shen Panyan listened to Zhu Zhiqingdai's repeated attempts to guess Lin Xiao's identity, and felt even more distressed. She shrank back, her voice weak, "No..."
Not again?
"Then what exactly is the princess's identity? She can't be without an identity, can she?" Zhuzhi asked anxiously.
This time, Shen Panyan finally raised her head, her voice choked with emotion, "Yes, he just doesn't have an identity."
"This..." Qingdai and Zhuzhi were stunned. "What? He has no identity?"
"How can anyone in this world be without an identity? Even ordinary people should have their own identity!"
“But he’s not even an ordinary citizen.” Shen Panyan’s tears streamed down her face.
Qingdai said anxiously, "Princess, please tell me his identity. Even if you sit here for a long time, you won't be able to come up with a solution. If you want to be with him, why don't you tell me and I'll help you think of a way?"
“Yes, Princess!” Zhuzhi chimed in.
Looking at their concerned faces, Shen Panyan hesitated for a moment before telling them about Lin Xiao's situation.
She was at her wit's end and couldn't think of any good solutions. She didn't even know what to do.
Perhaps bamboo twigs and indigo can help her come up with a good idea.
Upon hearing this, Qingdai almost cried out in shock, "What...?"
Zhu Zhi quickly covered her mouth, "Keep your voice down, don't make a sound. It's best not to let outsiders hear about this. Too many people will talk, and who knows if someone will leak it out."
Qingdai nodded quickly, and only then did Zhuzhi release her hand from covering her lips.
Zhu Zhi was older and had served Emperor Gan Ning since entering the palace. She was also more composed. After a moment of contemplation, she said, "Princess, his identity is too sensitive. You cannot be with him. His Majesty will not agree. You can only break up with him."
Chen Panyan shed tears, "I know, I've rejected him so many times, but he's unwilling to break up with me."
Qingdai asked, puzzled, "Zhuzhi, why must the princess break up with him?"
"Although his identity is something to be ashamed of, it doesn't have to be severed. The princess likes him, and he likes the princess. What's wrong with them being together? They can just be together in secret!"
Zhu Zhi remained silent. "Qingdai, he is a secret guard, and His Majesty's secret guard at that. He is required to be absolutely loyal to His Majesty. He has fallen in love with the princess and is no longer loyal to His Majesty. Do you think His Majesty can tolerate this if he finds out? Moreover, he is now trying to defect, which would be a dead end for him."
Qingdai was a little frightened and said, "Then, just hide it well."
"The truth will eventually come out. He may be capable, but every trace will remain. If he comes looking for the princess, he will be discovered one day. You can't let the princess live in worry and fear for him every day, can you?"
"Besides, a princess has to get married eventually. She has her own life. She can't spend her whole life secretly with a bodyguard, can she? What kind of life is that?"
"The best way to handle this is to separate."
After saying that, Zhuzhi looked at Chen Panyan and said, "Princess, if you really care about him, then don't hesitate any longer. You must harden your heart."
“You were too good to him before and gave him too much hope, which is why he is unwilling to let go. You might as well be firm in your words. Once he understands, he will naturally not come looking for you again.”
Shen Panyan knew that she was too soft-hearted, always letting him run wild time and time again, but, but, she really couldn't bear to.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, unstoppable.
"I......"
Zhu Zhi advised, "Princess, I know you feel reluctant, but if you continue to entangle yourself with him, there are only two possible outcomes. One is that your affair will be exposed, His Majesty will find out, he will be furious and execute him, and you will be imprisoned and become the laughingstock of the entire capital. The other is that you continue to entangle yourself with him endlessly, but what if one day you get tired of him, or he gets tired of him, and what if the mutual affection turns into mutual resentment?"
Shen Panyan pursed her lips and retorted seriously, "No, I won't blame him, and he won't blame me either."
"I can feel that his heart is the same as mine."
They were all scorching hot.
He was willing to give her everything, and she was willing too; they wouldn't go that far.
Zhu Zhi sighed, "Alright, even if you and he don't blame each other, people are greedy. How do you know he only wants a little now and won't want more later? If you keep hiding from everyone like this, you'll get tired one day."
"Princess, would you really want the person you love to be unable to show their face in public for the rest of their life?"
Shen Panyan was stumped by the question, "I..."
She was naturally unwilling.
She wanted him to be happy; how could she bear to let him hide in the shadows for the rest of his life, unable to face anyone?
Seeing her hesitation, Zhuzhi pressed on, "Princess, I understand your reluctance. Didn't you say he was extremely skilled? Next time he comes to see you, give him more money and let him go live somewhere else. As long as he's doing well, isn't that good? You and he are from two different worlds and shouldn't be entangled together."
“You’re right…” Shen Panyan lowered her eyelashes, tears rolling down her cheeks. “He and I are from two different worlds.”
"It was my fault..."
“I will explain it to him next time he comes.”
"Yes, please don't be so reluctant anymore. It's better for both of you to talk about this openly."
Qingdai had also realized what was going on and joined in the persuasion, "Although this servant thinks it's okay for the princess to like him, Zhuzhi is right. Princess, you can't keep getting entangled with him because of your soft heart. If he had any other identity, that would be fine. Even if he were just a commoner, as long as he's skilled, he could go to the border and make a name for himself. Maybe he could even earn military merit and be rewarded by His Majesty, and then have the opportunity to marry you."
"But he is not. He doesn't even have an identity. Whether he defected or not, he has no way to make a name for himself on the border. There is no solution to this problem."
Chen Panyan said sullenly, "I understand."
Although she already knew this would be the outcome, when she decided to completely sever ties with him, Shen Panyan still felt as if her heart had been ripped apart, as if someone had brutally crushed her heart, and the pain was so intense that she could hardly breathe.
After a long while, she spoke slowly in a low voice, "Qingdai, Zhuzhi, I've already said some harsh words to him before, and I even deliberately got close to Gu Jinyan, but he still won't let go. What kind of harsh words do you think I should say to make him give up?"
"That depends on whether the princess is willing to be ruthless. I have a good idea," said Zhuzhi.
"Zhuzhi, what good ideas do you have? Tell me about them!" Qingdai asked curiously.
Zhu Zhi lowered her voice, "Princess, that's how it is..."
Shen Panyan's face grew paler and paler as she listened, her fingertips trembling uncontrollably. "Does it really have to be said that way...?"
Zhu Zhi nodded, "Absolutely!"
"He will only give up if you completely shatter his hopes."
"Princess, please think about it carefully."
After saying that, Zhuzhi pulled Qingdai outside.
As the door closed, Qingdai and Zhuzhi's conversation reached her ears intermittently.
"Our princess is quite pitiful. She was neglected as a child, and when she grew up, she fell in love with someone she was destined to never be with."
"What can we do? A princess is a princess, she is a member of the royal family, and it is destined that she cannot do whatever she wants."
"...Exactly, if the princess weren't a princess, she definitely could be with him..."
"What nonsense! How could a princess not be a princess? Shh, someone's coming, stop talking..."
Their voices grew fainter and fainter until they disappeared completely. At that moment, Shen Panyan buried her head in her knees, tears soaking her dress.
If only she weren't a princess, but how could she not be?
She decided to do as Zhuzhi suggested; she really couldn't continue entangled with him.
If she continued to entangle herself, she feared she would lose control and continue to sink deeper into depravity, ultimately harming him without considering the consequences.
The following day, dark clouds drifted over the capital, casting a gloomy light rain.
Shen Panyan sent Zhuzhi to Physician Lin's house. She was still somewhat unwilling to give up on getting Linxiao from her father, but this time, Physician Lin dared not prescribe the medicine for her.
Shen Panyan was initially somewhat doubtful, but after hearing Zhuzhi's account, and the fact that Physician Lin stammered that a man in black had come to her house last night, she knew that it was Lin Xiao who had done it.
She suddenly felt a wave of weakness.
"I understand, never mind..."
If she can't stop him, then so be it.
The ending is the same anyway, there's no difference.
-----------------------
Author's note: I've finally finished the second phase. I never expected it to be this long. Originally, I only planned to write a few tens of thousands of words.
The third stage is a bit angsty, I guess you could call it angsty. But personally, I think it's okay, not too angsty, quite sweet. Yeah, it's a mix of angst and sweetness.
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