Chapter 88 Your Highness, I'm sorry
"That's not how it is, Your Highness. I said it was my own free will!"
Lin Xiao stared intently at her, then knelt and took a step toward her. "Lin Xiao has always known the price of betraying His Majesty, but Lin Xiao doesn't care about that."
"Whether you are kind or not, you are still His Highness of Linxiao, and will always be the master of Linxiao."
"Lin Xiao swore that he would never betray you in this life and would always protect you, so Lin Xiao will never leave you."
"You... how can you still be so stubborn even now?!" Shen Panyan's voice trembled. "I've already told you, I'm not worth you doing this. You're so skilled and intelligent. You could have had a better future after leaving the Dark Guard Camp. Why do you insist on staying by my side?"
"I can't give you anything. I don't even have the ability to take you away from Father."
“I’m not worth it, Lin Xiao, really, I’m not worth it…”
“Your Highness!” Lin Xiao interrupted her, “There are not so many things in this world that are worth it or not. Lin Xiao thinks you are worth it. You are Lin Xiao’s master, the best Your Highness.”
He reached out and grasped the hem of her dress, pleading softly, "Your Highness, Linxiao really knows she was wrong. Linxiao really won't offend you like before. Linxiao will be very obedient. Please, please don't send Linxiao away, okay?"
Shen Panyan pursed her lips, looking at his pleading and pained face, and almost wavered.
She looked away. "I won't agree."
She bit her lip. "Lin Xiao, I came out today because I didn't want to see you tormenting yourself like this anymore. Even if you kneel down again and faint, I'll just have someone send you out of the manor..."
She refused again.
Lin Xiao couldn't understand it; he really couldn't understand it.
"Your Highness!" His eyes dimmed, but he still refused to let go. His knuckles trembled as he gripped the hem of her clothes. His reddened eyes were fixed on her, and what streamed down his cheeks was either tears or rain.
"Lin Xiao really doesn't understand why you insist on sending your subordinates away?"
“You weren’t like this when you were at the Royal Villa. Why did you change after returning to the capital?”
"Lin Xiao knows that he was too stubborn before and did not listen to your instructions, but he really won't be like that anymore. He will listen to you obediently, whatever you say will be done, whatever you ask him to do will be done. He will never act on his own again. Please, Your Highness, please..." As he finished speaking, his throat bobbed, and his voice became hoarse and choked with emotion.
She had never seen him so humbly pleading. In her memory, he had always been unruly, and even in death, his back had never bent. But now, he was clutching the hem of his clothes, his eyes red... Shen Panyan trembled so much that she could barely hold onto the umbrella in her hand, biting her lip, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Get up!" she whispered, scolding him as she looked at his disheveled appearance.
"Lin Xiao, get up. You don't need to beg me like this. I have never treated you as a servant."
"If you promise Lin Xiao that you won't send him away, then Lin Xiao will get up." Lin Xiao remained motionless, stubbornly sticking to his own opinion.
Shen Panyan laughed, "Do you remember what you just said? You said you'd do whatever I told you to do. Now get up, I'm telling you to get up!"
"Lin Xiao, get up!"
Lin Xiao refused to give up, saying, "Unless Your Highness promises not to send Lin Xiao away again."
"You..." Seeing that he remained stubborn, Shen Panyan was exasperated. "Why do you have to be like this? Don't you want freedom? Why don't you go and pursue the freedom you want? I've said it before..."
"Your Highness!" Lin Xiao suddenly interrupted her. He didn't want to hear what she had to say anymore, nor did he want to continue this hopeless stalemate with her.
"Your Highness, even if you say it a thousand times, I will not leave!"
Lin Xiao looked up at her, and knelt down step by step toward her. Although he was in a lower position, his attitude was extremely forceful, as if he were interrogating her.
"I want freedom because I don't know what the meaning of my life is except for freedom. I don't care whether I live or die. I will be loyal to Your Majesty for life. But since the Royal Villa, you have become everything to me. You have taught me so much. I took the initiative to recognize you as my master and defected from the Dark Guard to come to your side. It was never for freedom, but because of you. You are the meaning of Lin Xiao's life. Do you understand?"
Shen Panyan staggered backward, opened her lips, but couldn't utter a single word.
"I care about nothing but you. As for freedom, you are my freedom!"
“Your Highness, it is you who have turned me into this. Originally, I was just An Jiu, a useful blade for His Majesty. But you gave An Jiu a name, a name that belongs only to him. This is the cause you planted, and you should bear the consequences.”
“Your Highness, I know very well what I am doing. You know my character. Even if you send me away today, I will return tomorrow.”
His gaze was fixed on her, his voice hoarse but firm, "Unless I die, I will never leave!"
"Are you threatening me?!" Shen Panyan was angry at first, then laughed.
"Yes, I was threatening you." Now that things had come to this, he stopped pretending.
"Your Highness knows that you are the most soft-hearted person and that you would not want me to get hurt. I will fight with my life, and you will eventually give in."
"In this game, unless you don't care about your subordinates, they will always win." He said casually, showing no concern for his own life.
"Fine! Fine! Fine!" Shen Panyan said three times in a row, "So you've been pretending all along, Lin Xiao? You're really good at pretending. All my reactions, all my compromises, were all things you anticipated, weren't they?"
"Yes," Lin Xiao said calmly.
Shen Panyan took a deep breath and spoke very quickly, "Then let me tell you, I will never compromise."
She dropped the lantern she was holding, and it fell to the ground, instantly soaked by the rain, with only a faint flame flickering gently.
She hadn't intended to be so ruthless, but he was too stubborn, even obsessive, to the point of threatening her with his own life. Shen Panyan simply couldn't accept him doing this.
He was too smart, so smart that he could easily see through all her thoughts.
Shen Panyan bit her lip and took off the jade bracelet he had given her from her wrist. Holding the bracelet, she questioned, "Lin Xiao, you're threatening me with your own life, but don't you even think about what gives you the right?"
"You think I care about you, so your threats will definitely be effective. But don't you think about why I should care about you? I am a princess, Princess Mingyue of Zhaoyan Kingdom, and you? You are just a bodyguard. What do you have? What can you bring me? You have nothing. The bracelet you bought with all your savings, but I can easily have many things."
"It was just a favor I did for you at the Royal Villa, and you think that's all you have? You're ridiculous. Your intentions, your insistence, and your threats are worthless to me, just like this!"
With that, she loosened her grip, and the jade bracelet fell to the ground with a crisp clang against the bluestone slab. In an instant, it shattered into pieces and sank into the mud. Large drops of rain pelted it, taking away its already meager warmth, leaving it icy cold.
Shen Panyan tried her best not to show her true emotions and looked at him coldly.
Lin Xiao stood there, stunned.
He stared at her indifferent face, then slowly lowered his head, looking at the shattered jade bracelet, his expression blank, and remained stunned for a long time before coming back to his senses.
"Your Highness..."
After a long while, his hoarse voice finally rang out.
"Are you really going to sever all ties with your subordinate like this?"
Shen Panyan nodded, "Yes."
"Understood."
Lin Xiao trembled as he closed his eyes.
"I will no longer persist."
In the past few days, whether under the scorching sun or in the wind and rain, even when kneeling, his back remained straight. But this time, his sturdy back was finally bent by the torrential rain.
Lin Xiao lowered his head, his fingertips trembling as he touched the shattered jade bracelet.
His prince no longer wanted him.
His owner really doesn't want him anymore...
He really had no other choice. His Highness was right. He was ridiculous. He was just a bodyguard, a lowly life. When did he start to think that his life could threaten her?
He even began to doubt whether his previous feelings were correct, and whether His Highness really liked him.
No, His Highness doesn't like him. The reason she's kind to him and cares about him is because His Highness is a good person and a very kind woman. She's kind to everyone. It's his mistake that he didn't recognize his own identity.
Now that the facade has been shattered, Lin Xiao has finally woken up from his obsession with what seemed like a beautiful dream.
A tear slowly slid down the corner of my eye, mingling with the rain and disappearing into the mud...
He was insignificant to her, but she was of paramount importance to him.
During the days he was locked in the dark room, in that timeless, hopeless darkness, he wanted to go crazy countless times, even to commit suicide. It was because of her that he survived time and time again.
For him, His Highness had long since become his entire life without him even realizing it.
If it weren't for His Highness, he would have died long ago on that rainy night.
She saved his life, and now that she doesn't want him anymore, there's no point in him living any longer.
Lin Xiao drew a dagger from his waist. The cold raindrops hit the blade, chilling him to the bone.
Throughout his life, he had killed many people with a dagger, and this time, it was finally his turn.
He smiled, but there was an unyielding bitterness in his eyes. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed the metallic taste rising in his throat.
"Your Highness, I'm sorry, but Lin Xiao will still have to soil your princess residence."
Lin Xiao's eyes were dark, and his hand holding the knife plunged into his own heart with decisive and unwavering force, leaving no room for doubt. Shen Panyan's eyes widened in horror, her pupils shrinking sharply, "What are you doing?!"
His movements were too fast and too decisive. Shen Panyan didn't have time to stop him and grabbed his dagger without thinking.
She was holding the blade; the sharp edge cut her palm, and blood dripped down the blade.
Lin Xiao froze, almost in fear, and released the dagger, staring blankly at her, "Your Highness..."
Shen Panyan closed her eyes, feeling helpless and exhausted. "Lin Xiao, you've won."
"You can stay here."
She released the dagger, and it clattered to the ground with a crisp sound.
She turned around and said, "I will have someone arrange a room for you. From today onwards, you will stay by my side. Don't try to kill yourself again. I won't send you away anymore."
"Your Highness, your hand..." Lin Xiao hurriedly grabbed her hand, seeing that her pale palm had been slashed open by a dagger, flesh torn open, blood dripping. His eyes suddenly reddened, and his hands, holding hers, trembled uncontrollably. "I'm sorry, Your Highness, Lin Xiao didn't mean to hurt you, I'm so sorry, Your Highness..."
"I'm sorry, Your Highness..."
If I had known, even if he were to die, I would have found a secluded place so that he wouldn't hurt her.
He did something wrong again.
He has wronged His Highness.
Lin Xiao's body trembled slightly.
Seeing his panicked and helpless look, Shen Panyan pursed her lips and her knuckles twitched slightly. "It's just a minor injury, I'm fine."
"How could this be a minor injury? It's all Lin Xiao's fault, all Lin Xiao's fault..." His eyes were filled with regret and pain as he frantically took out medicine from his pocket and sprinkled it into her palm. "I'm sorry, Your Highness..."
He poured out so much powder that one bottle wasn't enough. He took out another bottle and sprinkled it into her palm. Shen Panyan couldn't help but stop him, "Lin Xiao, that's enough. You don't need to sprinkle any more. That's enough."
“How can this be enough? This is still not enough…” Lin Xiao shook his head, the red marks on her palm stinging his eyes.
"I have hurt you again, Your Highness. I am so sorry..."
How could he possibly hurt his own prince again?
He was a worthless life to begin with, why should Your Highness hurt yourself for him? He was stubborn and disobedient, he was not worth Your Highness's efforts at all.
He was wrong. If he hadn't wanted Her Highness to remember him... Her Highness was so kind, how could she have watched him die in front of her? She was so afraid of pain; this injury would be too much for her... Pain welled up in Lin Xiao's eyes. "Your Highness, I'm sorry..."
He kept apologizing, but Shen Panyan didn't care about the injury on her hand. She pursed her lips and looked at him, "Lin Xiao, I'm really fine. Did you hear what I said just now? I said I wouldn't send you away again. From today onwards, you'll stay by my side. Did you hear what I said?"
The scene from just now still lingered in her mind, leaving her feeling terrified and fearful.
She truly hadn't expected Lin Xiao to be so resolute... She had thought that by doing this, he would only give up.
Lin Xiao finally came to his senses, and looked up at her tremblingly. He reached out as if to hug her, but then remembered something and quickly withdrew his hand.
"Your Highness, I'm so sorry..."
Before he could finish speaking, a metallic taste rose in his throat.
'puff--'
Blood stained her dress, dripping and mixing with the rain into the mud until it was washed away and disappeared.
Shen Panyan opened her eyes wide in horror and saw his face turn ashen in an instant.
"Yes, no, Your Highness, I'm sorry, I've soiled your clothes..."
He looked up at her, his gaze fragmented, wanting to apologize, but the next moment, he could no longer hold on, blood spilled from the corner of his lips again, and his body slumped down limply.
He was already at his limit.
"Lin Xiao!"
Shen Panyan suddenly snapped out of her daze, hurriedly steadied him, and shouted, "Zhuzhi, Qingdai!!"
Startled awake by the sound, Zhuzhi and Qingdai quickly put on their clothes, got out of bed, and rushed over.
"Quickly, quickly have someone carry him back to his room."
"Zhuzhi, go and find Physician Lin with my waist token. Be quick!"
"Yes, Princess."
Zhu Zhi, holding an umbrella, hurriedly left.
The courtyard was thrown into chaos again, with people stumbling and falling.
Physician Lin arrived in a hurry, and Shen Panyan, disregarding the injury on her own hand, quickly asked him to treat Lin Xiao.
"How is he? How is he?" Shen Panyan asked anxiously.
While Physician Lin was treating Lin Xiao, Zhu Zhi also gave her a quick treatment of the injury on her hand.
Physician Lin withdrew his hand. "Your Highness, she won't die."
Shen Panyan: "You won't die?"
What does "can't die" mean?
Physician Lin carefully chose his words, not knowing why, but every time he saw him, he was seriously injured, and the injury was getting worse.
He sighed, "Princess, his internal injuries have worsened, and his heart meridian is severely damaged. He won't die now, but he's not far from it."
Shen Panyan froze on the spot, her eyes wide with shock.
how so?
She frantically grabbed his arm, pleading, "Lord Lin, please save him! I beg you, you must save him..."
Imperial Physician Lin shook his head. “Princess, internal injuries are manageable with medicine, but I really have no good way to treat the damage to your heart meridian. I can only let it heal on its own for now. Perhaps one day it will recover on its own.”
Most heart meridian damage is caused by severe emotional fluctuations. After thinking for a moment, Physician Lin whispered a reminder, "Princess, if you want him to recover quickly, you should talk to him more. When he is happy, his illness may get better. Also, he must not have any more extreme emotional fluctuations, otherwise, if his heart meridian is damaged again, he really will be beyond saving."
Shen Panyan suddenly fell silent and slowly released his arm.
So it was because of her? Because of what she said, that's why he...
Shen Panyan lowered her eyes, tears trembling as she said, "I understand, thank you for your trouble, Lord Lin..."
Regarding the matter between the two, Imperial Physician Lin had guessed a bit and shook his head, saying, "It's all within my duty."
After going around in circles, everything returned to square one.
After writing Lin Xiao's prescription, Physician Lin examined her hand injury, left some ointment, and left.
Zhu Zhi tended to her hand injury again, wrapping the white bandage around and around, and sighed, "How did things turn out like this?"
"Yes, how did things turn out like this?" Shen Panyan stared blankly, tears streaming down her cheeks.
No matter how painful the injury on her hand was, it couldn't compare to the pain in her heart.
Densely packed, like cuts made with a knife.
She said in a muffled voice, "Zhuzhi, tell me, did I do something wrong?"
"I shouldn't have kicked him out."
In this way, he won't suffer damage to his heart meridian, nor will he seek death...
Zhu Zhi shook her head. "This is neither your fault nor his fault."
"It's just that it's destined that it will be difficult for you and him to be together, Princess."
"Yes, it's destined that it will be difficult for us to be together." Shen Panyan shed tears again.
What should she do?
After tending to her hand wound, Zhuzhi saw that her face was covered in tears and comforted her, "Perhaps things aren't so bad, Princess. He only wants to stay by your side, so you should keep him. As long as his identity isn't exposed, he shouldn't be in any danger."
"He's a smart man; he knows how to hide himself."
Shen Panyan lowered her eyes. "I know."
But this meant he was destined to remain hidden in the shadows forever, never seeing the light of day, watching her marry someone else... For a moment, she didn't know which ending was better.
Zhu Zhi sighed, "Princess, what is poison to one is honey to another. You may not like it, but it is what he seeks in his life. Matters of the heart cannot be calculated."
"If you continue like this with him, it will only result in mutual destruction."
Shen Panyan pursed her lips: "I understand, thank you, Zhuzhi."
After saying this, Zhuzhi looked at the bandage wrapped around her hand and said, "Princess, should I go to the palace and ask the imperial physician to prescribe some scar-removing ointment for you?"
The princess's wound is so deep, it will probably leave a scar.
Physician Xuan was the most skilled scar removal expert in the Imperial Medical Academy.
Shen Panyan shook her head, "No need. Imperial Physician Xuan is not Imperial Physician Lin. Everyone in the palace is involved with him. If Father finds out about this and asks, Lin Xiao will have no way to hide it."
"It's just a scar, it's nothing."
"Yes, then this servant will ask Physician Lin; he should know some of it too."
"Um."
After Zhuzhi left, Shen Panyan called Qingdai in.
"Qingdai, go and keep an eye on things with Linxiao. If he wakes up, come and tell me immediately."
She was afraid he would do something foolish again when he woke up.
"Yes, Princess."
*
Lin Xiao woke up the next day.
He vomited blood after waking up and fell into a coma again, only fully waking up on the third day.
Knowing that he had woken up, Shen Panyan hurriedly left and pushed open his door.
As soon as she opened the door, she saw him struggling to get out of bed. Even though he was unsteady on his feet, he was determined to get out of bed and go see her. Seeing this, Shen Panyan felt helpless and angry, but she felt more guilty and ashamed.
"You just woke up, what are you doing getting out of bed again?"
"Your Highness..." Seeing the door suddenly pushed open and her enter, Lin Xiao froze, then, as if he had done something wrong, lowered his head, "Your Highness, I'm sorry..."
"Lie still and don't get out of bed."
Lin Xiao was stunned. After a moment's hesitation, he obediently lay back down. "Yes, Your Highness."
Shen Panyan sat down next to him, looking at his pale face and his cautious, even hesitant, gaze. Her emotions surged, and she clenched her knuckles.
"Lin Xiao, I won't send you away again. From now on, you'll stay by my side. However, you must listen to me and not act recklessly like before, and you're not allowed to disregard your own life, understand?"
Lin Xiao looked up at her, then quickly lowered his head again. "Yes, Your Highness."
He seemed to have fallen silent.
Seeing him like this, Shen Panyan didn't know what to say to him. She had a lot to say to him, but seeing him like this, all her words were stuck in her throat.
Recalling what had happened before and what Physician Lin had said, Shen Panyan's voice softened, "In the time to come, remember to rest well and take good care of your injuries."
He was always stubborn, and fearing he might do something reckless again, Shen Panyan thought for a moment and said, "Didn't you promise to protect me? So you must take good care of your injuries. Otherwise, if you're not healthy, how will you protect me in the future?"
Hearing this, Lin Xiao finally looked up at her, hesitating, "Your Highness, is the injury on your hand... any better?"
He spoke very slowly, "I'm sorry..."
-----------------------
Author's Note: I've finally finished writing the biggest turning point in this story, and now it's time to wrap things up and bring it to a close.
Finally, as those who frequently keep wolves know, wolves are solitary and arrogant. When they first see you, they will definitely be disdainful and aloof. At this time, you only need to offer them some benefits, show them care and love, and they will become curious about you and slowly approach you. Then, if the wolf is injured, take good care of it and show it concern for it every day, and it will take you to heart. Although it may still be stubborn at times, it will actually consider you its master. However, if you want the wolf to leave the pack on its own initiative and become as obedient as a puppy, you still need to use some tricks.
For example, if another large dog appears and starts vying for your attention, the wolf will become unhappy. Why should its owner be taken away by another large dog? So, it will secretly beat up the large dog and start fighting and grabbing. At this time, if you feel that the wolf is not behaving well and start petting the large dog instead, the wolf will forcefully push the large dog away and occupy your attention. You scold the wolf for being disobedient, but the wolf will not listen. Moreover, the nicer you are to the large dog, the more unhappy it will become. In the end, it will voluntarily leave the wolf pack and guard you to prevent you from being carried away by another large dog.
After a wolf comes into your life, it covets you every day. Despite being a wolf, it pretends to be weak in front of a big dog, making you think that the wolf is too disobedient and too cunning. After all, a wolf is a wolf, and it's better to let it return to the wild. So you forcefully drive it away, and when it doesn't budge no matter how much it wags its tail and begs, the wolf will completely give up, feel that its owner no longer loves it, and then silently seek death.
After raising this wolf for so long, how could you bear to let it die? So, you softened and gave in. At this moment, congratulations on achieving the hidden achievement: you have successfully tamed a wild wolf and turned it into an obedient puppy.
Of course, I was talking about wolves, not the male protagonist of this story. [doge][doge][doge]
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