Chapter 29 He's Changed
"I won't allow you to talk about yourself like that."
Shen Panyan released him, holding his shoulders with both hands. Tears still lingered in her eyes, but her gaze was gentle and firm. "Lin Xiao, remember this: in my heart, you are a very, very good person. I will not allow you to belittle yourself like this."
Even here, she had never felt so at ease.
And all of this is because of Lin Xiao.
Very, very good...person?!
Lin Xiao paused for a moment, looked up at her, but then avoided her gaze.
"Princess....."
"It's cold, get up quickly, Lin Xiao." Shen Panyan reached out to help him up. "Don't kneel down so easily anymore. I will never be angry with you."
Suddenly, she remembered that Lin Xiao had said not long ago that he would ask for punishment when he returned, and quickly added, "I won't punish you."
Back then, she was unconscious, and Lin Xiao knelt in the snow for three days and three nights to apologize. She didn't want him to experience that unconscious state again.
Lin Xiao stood there, hesitant, and after a long pause, finally voiced the question that had been nagging at him, "Princess... why are you so good to me?"
Lin Xiao had kept these words in his heart for a long time.
Even though the princess was kind to everyone around her, he could still sense her indulgence towards him.
Logically speaking, a bodyguard should hide in the shadows to protect his master, but he did not hide often. Instead, he appeared frequently, and the princess was not angry. She allowed him to appear at will and follow her around.
Besides, there was the time she ran barefoot towards him in the snow, the time she took care of him personally after he fainted, the time she stood in front of him in the teahouse to fight for justice, and the time she didn't go to the lantern market if he didn't want to... If this is just because she's a princess, then he can't explain it anymore.
"Why?" Shen Panyan thought for a moment. "There's no why. It's because you are Lin Xiao, and you deserve it."
Perhaps it was because he appeared when she was most afraid, or perhaps it was the handkerchief he offered her when she was crying, or perhaps it was the knife he gave her... In her heart, he will always be the most special.
"...Worth it?" A look of confusion appeared in Lin Xiao's eyes.
"Yes, it's worth it."
Shen Panyan said softly, "If it weren't for your timely arrival, I would definitely be in danger right now."
"So, Lin Xiao, don't doubt yourself."
"But this is what I should do. In fact, if I hadn't had that argument with Zhao Yun in the first place..."
"There's no such thing as 'should' or 'shouldn't.' Everyone has their own selfish desires and motives. Otherwise, how could Qiu Shuang have betrayed me? As for Zhao Yun's matter, he went too far with his words, so it's understandable that you're angry."
"You're a human being, not a piece of wood. How can you not have your own emotions?"
Lin Xiao: "But..."
Shen Panyan shook her head. "Alright, no buts. If others want to harm me, they will always find a way. This has nothing to do with you."
"I'm actually glad they did it now. If they had waited until after spring, when you left and returned to Father's side, then I would have been finished, and no one would have come to save me..." Shen Panyan's voice lowered as she finished speaking.
When the topic of his departure came up, both of them fell silent.
Time has flown by so quickly without us even realizing it. In just one month, Lin Xiao will be leaving.
If he returns to his father's side, they may never see each other again in this lifetime.
A sudden surge of soreness rose in Shen Panyan's nose, and her eyes burned. She tried her best to hold back her tears.
Lin Xiao pursed his thin lips slightly.
He hadn't thought about leaving the princess's side for a long time, though he didn't know when it started.
But when the time came, he had to leave; this order could not be disobeyed.
This is a heavy topic, and Shen Panyan doesn't want to bring up this unhappy matter again.
She suppressed the bitterness in her heart, "Lin Xiao, are we going to stay here tonight?"
It was pitch black at this time, and there were many shadows outside. We were deep in the mountains, and it would be difficult to go down the mountain.
"Mm." Lin Xiao nodded.
“Princess, do not be afraid. I will stay by your side tonight.”
Shen Panyan smiled and said, "Mm."
With him around, she wasn't afraid.
"Princess, please close your eyes."
Shen Panyan was puzzled, but she still obediently closed her eyes.
"I have offended you."
The next moment, Shen Panyan felt her waist being embraced, and her body was instantly lifted into the air. She couldn't help but exclaim in surprise, but the next instant she was back on solid ground.
Lin Xiao chose a clean room.
It was still dark, and going down the mountain was too dangerous. He could manage alone, but taking the princess with him might be dangerous, so it would be best to stay here for the night.
Lin Xiao lit an oil lamp, and the flickering flame immediately dispelled the darkness.
Previously, fearing that delays might lead to unforeseen complications, Lin Xiao did not rush to treat the princess's facial injuries, but instead first eliminated external dangers.
Now, looking at the finger marks on the princess's fair face, swollen and bluish-black, Lin Xiao's eyes trembled, and his fists hanging at his sides slowly clenched.
He felt some regret, regretting that Li Chongshan had died too quickly.
"Lin Xiao, what's wrong?" Seeing that he suddenly stopped speaking, Shen Panyan thought he had been injured, and her voice immediately became anxious, "Are you hurt?"
She quickly stood up and reached for his arm, "Where are you hurt? Let me see..."
Lin Xiao dodged her touch, "No, I am not injured."
A mere group of insignificant bandits was not enough to injure him.
His gaze fell on her cheek, and he took out a porcelain bottle from his pocket.
"Princess, please use this on the wound on your face."
When he mentioned his injury, Shen Panyan suddenly realized what was going on.
"So that's why you weren't talking earlier?" Shen Panyan didn't think it was a big deal and instead comforted him, "It was just a few slaps, Lin Xiao, don't blame yourself, I'm fine."
"How could it not be related!"
Back then, it was merely an instinctive retaliation that caused her fingertips to tremble with pain; now, the injury is so severe...
Shen Panyan was stunned for a moment; it was the first time she had ever seen him contradict her like this.
"It's really alright." Shen Panyan reached out and grabbed his wrist, smiling gently. "Falling into the hands of bandits only resulted in a few slaps, it's nothing serious."
"It's my fault..." Lin Xiao's voice lowered. He tried to pull his wrist away from her hand, but Shen Panyan held it even tighter. Afraid of hurting the princess, he could only give up.
"If it weren't for my subordinates..."
Seeing that he was blaming himself again, Shen Panyan quickly reached out and covered his lips, "Alright, don't say such unhappy things anymore."
"Could you help me apply the medicine?"
Suddenly, a warm hand covered his lips, and a faint fragrance lingered in his nostrils. Lin Xiao's pupils contracted slightly. He looked at her and nodded subconsciously, appearing somewhat dazed.
Shen Panyan then put her hand down, sat on the wooden stool to the side, looked at Lin Xiao with a smile in her eyes.
The flickering candlelight danced on the two of them, as if draping them in a gentle veil.
Shen Panyan endured the pain and did not cry out.
Lin Xiao's movements became lighter and lighter, and his lips tightened into a straight line.
Sensing his unease, Shen Panyan twisted the hem of her clothes.
She wanted to say she was okay, but the pain made it impossible for her to hide her trembling.
Seeing his cautious demeanor, Shen Panyan suddenly recalled what had happened before.
Previously, when she fell off the cliff, Lin Xiao had applied medicine to her, but at that time, she was completely unaware of his emotional fluctuations.
But now, Lin Xiao seems to be different.
Recalling their argument back then, Shen Panyan's heart suddenly trembled.
"Lin Xiao, I... can I ask you a question?"
Lin Xiao paused slightly, looking into her shimmering, watery eyes.
"What does the princess wish to ask?"
"Are you still taking such good care of me because of the mission?" By the end, her eyes were filled with anticipation.
Lin Xiao stopped moving completely and did not answer.
Seeing that he didn't answer, Shen Panyan asked, "Is my question so difficult to answer?"
Lin Xiao's voice was low and hoarse, "It's not difficult."
"Then why didn't you reply to me?"
Lin Xiao remained silent and did not answer.
Shen Panyan lowered her eyes in disappointment.
She understood.
After applying the medicine, Shen Panyan said softly, "Lin Xiao, I'm a little sleepy."
"Then Princess, please get some rest."
Lin Xiao turned his back and disappeared into the shadows. "I will stay here tonight and will not leave."
So much had happened tonight, and Shen Panyan was indeed tired. She sat on the edge of the bed, about to lie down fully clothed, when she suddenly spoke.
"Lin Xiao, I know this even if you don't say it. You're taking care of me now, not because of the mission."
She's not stupid; how could she not sense that he was different from before?
"Anyway, I'm very happy, thank you."
The air was completely silent.
Lin Xiao did not reply.
Disappointed, Shen Panyan didn't dwell on it and went to sleep.
Just after she fell asleep, Lin Xiao's figure appeared silently beside her bed.
His gaze fell on her, and he remained silent for a long time.
The princess was absolutely right.
He's different now.
This change left him feeling bewildered and with a barely perceptible sense of fear.
Now that he has calmed down, Lin Xiao realized how reckless his previous actions had been.
He hadn't even figured out the situation of this mountain stronghold, yet he decided to leave no survivors, just in case, just in case something unexpected happened... This was completely different from his usual cautious behavior.
But most importantly, he made this decision on his own.
Taking matters into one's own hands is a major taboo for secret guards.
Recalling that time, he seemed to have lost control... Lin Xiao lowered his eyelashes.
After an unknown amount of time, Shen Panyan, who was in her sleep, suddenly turned over, and the blankets on her body gently slid down.
Lin Xiao then came to his senses and realized that he had been standing in front of the princess's bed watching her for a long time. He quickly turned his eyes away, reached out to tuck the blankets around her, and then quietly disappeared into the darkness, as if he had never been there.
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