Chapter Forty-Eight: The Medicine of Regret
Several months have passed since that chaotic Midsummer Festival celebration.
With the help of caregivers, Yun Yao is now able to walk independently again without crutches.
Even though his legs have recovered from that fall from the platform, he can no longer dance for extended periods.
But this time, Yun Yao was unusually calm when she heard the doctor's words. Perhaps, after such a series of devastating blows, she was no longer capable of generating any more emotions.
What does he have left now? Yun Yao thought numbly. Maybe all he has left is a broken, rotten life riddled with holes.
The scorching midday sun shone directly through the window, but even in such intense light, Yun Yao clenched his hands tightly on his lap, trembling all over, his head bowed but unable to shed a single tear.
Butler Xing, who came to greet him at the door, sighed with pity upon seeing this scene. More medical teams had been added to Muxi Garden these past few days, not only for Yun Yao's injuries but also for the Madam's chronic illness…
Butler Xing was filled with worry. After that day, for some unknown reason, the ailing Madam issued a strong order, ordering the eldest young master to set off for the Northwest ahead of schedule, and the second and fourth young masters were also sent back to their ancestral home.
The atmosphere in Muxi Garden suddenly became strange and tense. Compared to her previous gentle and cautious approach, the lady's methods suddenly became more forceful. Her former colleagues and certain important figures, whom no one could be mentioned, frequently visited the garden, as if she were accelerating something.
Butler Xing dared not think any further. He carefully and considerately escorted Yun Yao back to the main courtyard of Muxiyuan.
Upon reaching the lady's bedroom, Butler Xing cautiously knocked on the door. The door opened a crack, and a personal care manager nodded to Butler Xing from inside. Butler Xing then whispered something to Yun Yao before turning and going outside into the courtyard.
Yun Yao refused the nurse's offer to help him and slowly walked into the house. The once luxurious and stylish classical bedroom was now faintly filled with the bitter smell of medicine, as if no amount of expensive agarwood could mask it.
Yun Yao walked into the inner room, where the lady was still taking a nap under the swaying gold-embroidered curtains.
Yun Yao slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at the lady's suddenly aged face.
After that day, the lady fell seriously ill again, and she looked like she had aged ten years in an instant, with even the hair around her ears turning gray.
The lady looked very much like when Yun Yao first met her in Nanhang, no, she might have looked even older.
Yun Yao could sense that the lady's life was like a withered leaf in late autumn, teetering on the brink of collapse.
Looking at his wife's face, he was overcome with sorrow. Yun Yao didn't know whether he loved or hated his wife, whether he was happy or resentful, but now, none of that seemed to matter anymore.
Even if the lady's love for him is fake, or just love for a plaything, it is probably the only thing Yun Yao can rely on and possess now.
What wounded him was precisely the only thing he could rely on.
Moreover, now, looking at his own legs and then at his sickly and haggard wife, Yun Yao couldn't help but feel a sense of shared suffering.
Yun Yao gently lay down, resting his face quietly against his wife's wrist, as if this would give him the illusion of mutual support and warmth.
After Yun Yao slowly closed her eyes, the lady, who should have been taking a nap, opened her eyes.
The lady gazed at Yun Yao, who leaned against her so tenderly, her cold scrutiny slowly softening. She sighed inwardly. What could she do with him? He was so innocent, so beautiful, yet he had suffered so much hardship, and she herself was one of the sources of those hardships.
If she were still that ruthless ruler, she should have eliminated this threat to the family's future. But now she can't do it, nor can she bear to; perhaps she's truly grown old, and her heart has softened.
Her love for him was genuine, as was her romantic entanglement with him over the years—she couldn't bring herself to hurt him.
The lady sighed and said, "Let fate decide. If..."
As the lady pondered, she gradually succumbed to the drowsiness of her aging and ailing body. She reached out and pulled Yun Yao, who was leaning against her like a small animal, into her arms, and then fell asleep again.
After the lady fell asleep, Yun Yao opened his eyes. He hadn't been asleep at first and had felt the chill in the lady's gaze as she looked at him.
He was terrified and confused, so he could only pretend to be asleep. Although the lady quickly returned to her usual self, that cold, scrutinizing gaze lingered in Yun Yao's mind, reminding him that she wouldn't protect him forever; she was no different from those other people in essence.
Yun Yao felt a strange sense of self-mockery. Although he was utterly despondent, he still couldn't bear to give up his life. He was unconsciously trying to save himself; he didn't want to be swallowed up and disappear into this treacherous vortex without knowing why.
As dusk fell, the lady, having taken a long afternoon nap, felt more energetic when she woke up in the evening.
She had Yun Yao accompany her for a short stroll in the garden, and then ordered some warming wine, which she shared with Yun Yao for a couple of drinks.
The private doctor stood guard cautiously by, not daring to say a word. The lady's temper had become increasingly unpredictable lately, and everyone attending to her was extremely careful.
Night fell, and a strong wind, common in the north, swept in outside, causing the temperature to plummet. The lady dismissed everyone in the inner room, leaving only Yunyao.
A chilly wind blew outside, but the room remained warm and inviting. Yun Yao helped her slightly tipsy wife wash up, dressed her in a light and comfortable nightgown, and helped her lie down on the bed. After finishing these tasks, Yun Yao tidied herself up, put on a plain nightgown, and returned to bed.
Unexpectedly, just as Yun Yao sat down on the edge of the bed, his wife's aged hand suddenly grabbed his. Yun Yao was startled, and upon closer inspection, he realized that his wife was still awake.
Within the dimly lit curtains, the lady opened her eyes and stared intently at the young and beautiful man. She spoke slowly, her tone revealing neither joy nor anger, "Yun'er, are you afraid of me?"
Yun Yao paused for a moment, then chuckled softly. He moved closer to his wife, tugged at the blanket, and said gently, "Madam, I thought you were already asleep."
As the lady gazed at his exquisitely beautiful smile, she saw her own aging face reflected in Yun Yao's clear, ink-black pupils.
The lady held Yun Yao's hand in silence for a while, then suddenly looked at him and asked in a low voice, "Yun'er, am I old and ugly now? Don't you want to be near me anymore?"
Yun Yao suppressed his smile, looking at his wife with a hint of sadness in his eyes, which then softened into gentle tenderness. He grasped his wife's aged hand, placing it on his chest, and slowly leaned closer until their breaths were audible. "My lady, you know I never will."
Yun Yao held his wife's hand and unbuttoned his robe. His jade-like skin was warm and vibrant, drawing all eyes in the dim light of the curtains. His eyes, like the ripe fruit of temptation and allure, were luscious and tempting, beckoning one to devour him completely.
"Madam, I have nothing but you..." A soft sigh escaped from her beautiful lips.
From fingertips to palms, a warm touch, like holding warm jade, stirred within the lady a sudden, igniting fire in her already aging heart. Their breaths mingled, and the lady completely captured the little beast that had willingly walked into her trap…
Love is like addictive honey, drawing her deeper and deeper into its embrace, an endless entanglement. And in this all-consuming fire of desire, all worldly troubles, birth, aging, sickness, and death seem to be cast aside, which is what is meant by ultimate bliss.
After a night of indulgence, as dawn broke, the lady tenderly stroked Yun Yao's sweat-dampened back and whispered affectionately in his ear, "Yun'er, is there anything you want? You always ask for nothing, which breaks my heart."
Yun Yao lay awake in the darkness, his mind seemingly blank, or perhaps staring at some pointless void. After a long while, just as his wife was about to fall asleep, Yun Yao whispered, "Madam, could you please let Xing Yu come back?"
"Who?" The lady paused for a moment, recalling the somewhat familiar name for a while before she smiled and said, "Oh, it's that boy from the Xing family."
She hesitated for a moment before gently stroking Yun Yao's back and saying, "I heard he was your childhood friend. That's fine, let him come and keep you company, so you won't be lonely in the garden."
The next day, the lady summoned Steward Xing. "Jingze, your cousin made some mistakes at Cuiwei Manor. He should have been dismissed, but Yun'er pleaded for him yesterday. From now on, let your cousin follow Yun'er."
Butler Xing showed a slight surprise, but quickly bowed respectfully and agreed.
A few days later, Yun Yao saw Xing Yu in Muxi Garden.
That day, it was raining again. Yunyao stood in the Fangzhou Water Pavilion in the West Garden, watching the raindrops hit the eaves and break into tiny beads.
Gradually, the rain stopped, and a wild goose cried out in the distant sky. A flock of geese flying south spread their wings and soared into the sky. Their free figures swept across the distant viewer's pupils, like an elusive dream.
Yun Yao thought of his hometown, but he couldn't fly south freely like those wild geese.
At this moment, he felt an overwhelming surge of hatred. He wished there was a way to undo his mistakes! If only he hadn't sacrificed himself to save his heartless father when it all happened, he would have run away with his uncle who had come all the way to pick him up.
From now on, there will be no more so much pain, helplessness, and gloom...
Thinking of his uncle, Yun Yao felt a pang of sadness. He had been out of contact with him for years, leaving only two letters for his uncle, leading him to believe he had gone to Southeast Asia to study with Qin Rao. But Yun Yao knew that this clumsy excuse wouldn't fool his uncle for long; his uncle probably already knew something from Qin Rao.
He knew Qin Rao's abilities. Perhaps she used some deception or coercion to make his uncle hesitate and stop searching for him all over the world. But the messages his uncle sent him never stopped, but Yun Yao never dared to reply. He felt sorry for his uncle.
Under the wisteria trellis of Fangzhou Water Pavilion, Yun Yao watched the flock of geese until they completely disappeared into the horizon.
Just then, footsteps sounded behind them; it was Butler Xing leading Xing Yu over.
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