Chapter Twenty-Nine: His Tears
After returning from Qinghuanlou, Yunyao tossed and turned in bed.
He didn't want this "gift" from his wife at all; it was too expensive and extravagant.
He was just an ordinary person; he couldn't afford such a heavy gift.
Yun Yao remained clear-headed throughout. He knew that with every gain comes a corresponding price, and what was the cost of such a precious gift?
He knew he didn't want to pay the price behind it, and of course he wouldn't covet such unexpected wealth.
Even though it was a gift from his respected wife, with whom he felt somewhat close and dependent, he still considered it a hot potato.
He simply didn't know how to politely refuse Madam, since it was, after all, her kind intention. Although Yun Yao's first reaction was not to accept it, he was genuinely shocked and moved. He hadn't expected Madam to be so kind to him.
After much thought, he decided that he should just tell his wife what he truly thought.
At this moment, Yun Yao recalled the time he spent with his mother and grandmother. Occasionally, his mother and grandmother would make certain decisions for his own good, but as long as Yun Yao communicated with them with his true feelings, they would eventually respect his opinions.
Yun Yao felt he was taking a risk, yet an inescapable sense of anticipation crept into his heart. Since his mother's passing, he had longed to reclaim that genuine affection. His father had disappointed him, and his emotional attachments had gradually strayed from his rationality, leaning towards his current closest companion, his wife.
So when his wife came to his room that evening, Yun Yao mustered up his courage and told her his thoughts, "Madam, I am truly grateful to you, and I am very touched. But I think I still cannot accept the Qinghuan Pavilion that you mentioned today."
The lady opposite was taken aback, as if she hadn't expected the young man to say such a thing. She smiled nonchalantly, "Yun'er, you don't need to worry about anything."
“No, that’s not it, Madam.” Yun Yao looked at his wife earnestly and said softly, “I can’t accept a gift without merit, especially such a valuable one. I know you care about me and want me to have something to rely on. But I think I lack nothing now. My mother and maternal grandparents have left me some inheritance…”
Before Yun Yao could finish speaking, the lady suddenly raised a finger to stop the boy from speaking.
The lady's cool fingertips lingered intimately on the boy's dew-like lips, then traced their beautiful lines downwards, stopping at his collarbone. She smiled knowingly, "Yun'er, who said you wouldn't accept a reward without merit?"
Her fingertips skillfully slid down the boy's snow-white collarbone and into his collar. The lady said in a rare teasing tone, "Isn't this a merit?"
Yun Yao's face flushed red, and he felt a pang of discomfort and embarrassment. Indeed, even if he was deceiving himself, everyone who knew the truth about his relationship with his wife was well aware of it.
But why did Madam treat him differently? Why was she so kind to him? Was it just because of this? Yun Yao couldn't accept it. Before this, he had always felt that there was some genuine affection between him and Madam.
The boy's voice trembled slightly: "Is that why you're asking? Then I won't accept that gift, madam. I don't want to use that to measure anything."
The lady paused, looking at Yun Yao with some surprise, then smiled. She looked at the young man and said calmly, "Yun'er, you are mine, that's a fact. No one dares to interfere in my affairs."
The lady gazed at Yun Yao as if examining a treasure she admired most. "As for Qinghuan Tower, it's just an object. Since I've given it to you, you just need to accept it."
She raised her hand to stroke Yun Yao's beautiful cheek. Seeing the stubbornness and grievance in the boy's eyes, she said gently, "I love Yun'er, and this love is priceless. Yun'er, you don't need to think too much. There's nothing you can't have."
Yes, because of the lady's favor, he can get anything he wants. But is that right?
A sense of indescribable frustration rose in Yun Yao's heart. No matter how nice the words were, they couldn't hide the cruel truth that, correspondingly, he couldn't refuse anything either.
He has no right to refuse.
Yun Yao was ultimately disappointed. His delusions and unrealistic hopes were shattered. He didn't get the love and sincerity he wanted; he didn't even get the right to respect.
Yun Yao never realized more clearly that in front of his wife and in everyone else's eyes, he was no different from that Qinghuanlou; he was just an object.
At this moment, the light from the palace lantern beside the bed flickers and sways, and the priceless bed curtains seem to pour into the sea like tears.
In a dizzying moment, Yun Yao closed his eyes, letting his wife's kisses fall on his lips and his neck...
In the same passionate moments as every intimate one, his heart was as cold as if it had sunk into the deepest, darkest sea.
The next day, Yun Yao did not open his eyes early as usual. He kept his eyes closed, and when he heard his wife get up, he lay there blankly, motionless as if he were dead.
After the ladies had finished washing up with the help of the servants, they came to his bedside and a cool kiss landed on his forehead.
The lady's voice was as gentle and affectionate as ever, "Yun'er, I'm leaving now." After saying that, the lady did not move. Yun Yao closed her eyes and pretended to sleep, without responding at all. The surrounding air was so quiet that it was unsettling.
After a long while, the lady sighed softly. She kissed Yun Yao's lips, then leaned close to the boy's ear and whispered, "Yun'er, my darling, I'll give you whatever you want."
This was the first time his wife had addressed him so affectionately and sweetly, but Yun Yao still didn't move.
After a while, the lady left. Yun Yao opened her eyes, but tears fell uncontrollably.
He hated himself for developing feelings he shouldn't have. He had already been with Qin Rao once, so why couldn't he see things clearly and understand them as he did when he was with Qin Rao?
How could he harbor such fantasies about someone like Madam? Compared to Qin Rao, Madam is from a completely different world.
Yun Yao wiped away his tears in a disheveled state. The sincerity he longed for was such a luxury.
...
Yun Yao tried his best to avoid running into his wife that day. He hid in the assistant's room and even avoided the crowd when he left the camphor garden.
He wandered aimlessly until he reached Lanfang Courtyard. But when he arrived at the entrance, he remembered the embarrassment of being seen by Xing Yu yesterday. Yun Yao sighed and decided to go somewhere else instead.
Before he could even move his foot, a sudden force pulled him down, and he fell onto a hot chest. Xing Yu's angry voice rang out: "Yun Yao! You think you can just leave after you've come all this way!"
Yun Yao turned his head in surprise and saw Xing Yu staring at him with a gloomy face.
Yun Yao helplessly pulled his arm away from Xing Yu's tight grip and said in a low voice, "Xing Yu, I accidentally wandered here, you..." He looked at his friend and sighed, "Alright, let's chat for a while, shall we go to that little pavilion in the backyard last time?"
Upon hearing this, Xing Yu's expression softened somewhat. He snorted and followed Yun Yao over.
Upon reaching the secluded pavilion, the two suddenly fell silent.
Yun Yao was in a bad mood, and coupled with yesterday's awkwardness, she didn't know how to speak.
Xing Yu looked at Yun Yao with a complicated expression for a while. Finally, as if he couldn't stand the awkward and sullen atmosphere, he said irritably, "Why do you look like you've been crying today? Who wronged you? Is there anyone in the entire Cuiwei Manor who dares to offend you now?"
Yun Yao remained silent, shaking his head without saying a word.
Xing Yu raised an eyebrow and said sarcastically, "Really? Someone actually has the nerve to offend you? You're practically the male version of Daji now. Anyone who dares to mess with you isn't afraid of being wiped out by the Madam?"
Yun Yao couldn't stand this person's nonsense and frowned, saying, "What kind of rubbish is this? What Daji? Do you think your wife is King Zhou?"
Xing Yu glanced around guiltily, and only after seeing no one else did he breathe a sigh of relief. "I was just using a metaphor. The way you and Madam acted yesterday at the lotus pond, the atmosphere, tsk tsk tsk... you completely captivated Madam. Everyone with eyes can see how much Madam dotes on you."
At this point, Xing Yu clicked his tongue and looked Yun Yao up and down, "I really didn't expect that. You look quite honest and upright. Although you were a bit naughty when you were young, you were still well-behaved. I didn't expect you to have this ability now."
Yun Yao's originally gloomy mood instantly turned into speechlessness. He was so angry at Xing Yu's nonsense that he almost laughed: "If you keep talking nonsense, I'm leaving."
Xing Yu finally shut up. But he seemed unable to stay still and asked again, "Why are you in a bad mood today? Yesterday, Madam took you away directly. Where did you go? You didn't really go back to Bai Rixuan..." His words stopped under Yun Yao's piercing gaze.
“You can talk about me, but your behavior of gossiping and prying into Madam’s private affairs is dangerous. If others find out…” Yun Yao couldn’t help but remind Xing Yu as he went further and further. In Cuiwei Manor, such behavior was actually very risky; at best, one would be expelled from the manor, and at worst, investigated.
Xing Yu, however, crossed his arms, glanced elsewhere, and said in a low voice, "Of course I know. It's just the two of us. Are you going to report me? I'm just being nosy. I don't have any other intentions."
Seeing him like this, Yun Yao could only sigh and say softly, "Alright, Xing Yu, we must be careful every step of the way in this Cuiwei Manor."
Xing Yu looked surprised when he heard this: "You're so favored, yet you're still so cautious?"
Seeing Yun Yao's calm expression, he nodded with satisfaction. He patted Yun Yao's shoulder and said approvingly, "You're right. Actually, I wanted to remind you too. Never take the Madam's favor for granted or get carried away. You know, I've been by the Madam's side for several years and I've seen others who were lucky enough to be favored, but they soon became arrogant because of the flattery of those around them, and their end was always tragic."
This was the first time Yun Yao had heard about his wife's previous lovers. Although he had long known that his wife couldn't possibly have never had other lovers, he still felt a pang of pain in his heart.
He was just one of the mistresses whom the lady occasionally "favored," so what right did he have to have such ridiculous delusions?
He deserved his miserable state. Yun Yao laughed self-deprecatingly.
Seeing Yun Yao like this, Xing Yu couldn't help but frown and say, "Yun Yao, you, you wouldn't do this to Madam..."
He observed Yun Yao's expression and said anxiously, "You mustn't do anything foolish! You know, in the eyes of the Madam and others, no matter how much you are favored, you're just toys. The word 'favor' isn't really a good one. What can people really favor? Nothing more than cats and dogs as pets, or a favorite decorative object."
Seeing Yun Yao's face suddenly turn pale, Xing Yu sighed, "I know, it's hard not to have other thoughts when you're in close proximity to someone like Madam every day... After all, she's Madam..."
He spoke softer and softer, his eyes filled with a complex and confused look. He sighed again and continued, "But we still need to be clear about our own positions. Yun Yao, now that you've become Madam's woman, just do your job well and don't think about anything else."
"Moreover, as far as I know, the lady is generally very generous to her lovers. You know, a long time ago, there was a male actor who was very favored. But later the lady got tired of him, and that male actor also met his childhood sweetheart. The lady generously gave them a house and a car, and also gave them a large sum of money as severance pay."
Xing Yu began to talk to Yun Yao about what he knew about his wife's love history. Of course, he was very careful when he spoke, almost whispering in Yun Yao's ear.
"And in the central city in the north, there are two former lovers who have been with my wife for over ten years. One is someone you've definitely met, a certain performing artist who often appears on television, a serious actor, who looks very upright and dignified. The other is a leading man in an art troupe in the central city... They're both quite adept at getting things done."
At this point, Xing Yu sighed again, "But later, when Madam fell ill, she became indifferent to such matters, and after retiring, she rarely smiled. So, Steward Cheng, the most obsequious fellow, took advantage of Madam's trip to Nanhang to recuperate, and secretly began selecting concubines in the south, hoping to find some young and fresh new women to please Madam."
Upon hearing these secrets, Yun Yao inwardly mocked himself for overestimating his own abilities. He struggled to hold back his tears and asked Xing Yu, "Xing Yu, when do you think Madam will let me go?"
Xing Yu was momentarily surprised, not expecting Yun Yao's thoughts to change so quickly. He thought he would have to provoke him again. But this was for the best, better for everyone, Xing Yu thought to himself.
He patted Yun Yao with a grin and said, "It's good that you have this idea, so you won't get too deeply involved. Actually, I had some news to tell you today. As you know, Madam's health has almost fully recovered. In fact, the people in the north have already been inviting Madam back. Madam has a large family there, and all the young masters and ladies are very successful. Several of the younger generations know that Madam likes Jiangnan gardens and classical culture, so they even built a large garden for her together... They are all waiting for Madam to return."
At this point, Xing Yu looked at Yun Yao and said, "The reason I advised you not to get involved is because, if Madam goes back to the North this time, there's a high probability that..." He looked at Yun Yao with some sympathy, gritted his teeth and continued, "there's a high probability that she won't take you with her. After all, you know that the North is not comparable to a small place like Nanhang... So, I guess by then, Madam will let you go."
"But don't worry, Yun Yao, Madam will definitely not treat you badly!"
Xing Yu looked at Yun Yao's pale face with some reluctance; after all, she was his childhood friend.
He couldn't help but pat Yun Yao on the shoulder and advised, "This is actually a good thing, Yun Yao, really. You have no idea what the North is like. Not to mention anything else, none of the Madam's younger relatives are easy to mess with. There are so many things to do in big families, and the rules and things are incomparable to those in Cuiwei Manor. Ordinary people really can't stay there. If a little white rabbit like you goes in, you'll get skinned alive. You'd better stay far away."
“I’m telling you all this for your own good. I won’t hide it from you, I know this information because one of my cousins is the head steward of the garden in the north. Madam actually trusts my cousin more in the north, but she brought that old scoundrel Cheng with her when she came to the south to recuperate.”
Xing Yu stroked Yun Yao's hair and sighed, "Madam will most likely be heading back to the North soon, and it's a good thing she's not taking you with her. But then we'll have to part ways again. That's alright, we can keep in touch by phone. If I ever come to Nanhang again, I'll definitely come to see you."
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