No way to escape
The moment the plane landed, the damp night air hit her face. Shanghai summers always carry a sticky heat, like a giant curtain that suffocates you. Panqiu pushed her luggage out of the gate and immediately saw her mother waving at her from the crowd.
Dad was away on a business trip and couldn't come, so Mom drove to pick her up alone. She was wearing a neatly tailored light-colored shirt, her hair simply pulled back, and a crisp briefcase slung over her shoulder, looking like she had just come straight from the office. As Panqiu approached, she naturally took the luggage, and the mother and daughter gave each other a brief hug—the movements were a little awkward, but there was a long-lost intimacy in them.
"Are you tired?" Her mother opened the passenger door for her and handed her a bottle of room temperature mineral water.
"It's alright." Pan Qiu smiled, but her voice was so soft and weak.
The car entered the elevated highway, and clusters of city lights unfolded against the night sky. Mom drove steadily, the headlights drawing a long line along the highway. After a moment of silence, she suddenly spoke: "You seem...really heartbroken?"
Pan Qiu was stunned. Her parents had always been laid-back. When she was little, while other classmates were forced to attend tutoring classes and study advanced math, she mostly spent her weekends daydreaming in the courtyard of their apartment complex or casually flipping through books. Even in college and when she went abroad to study, while others were being pressured into blind dates, asked if they were in a relationship, and when they were going to get married and have children, her parents never mentioned it once. She was confident that her parents weren't the type to pressure her into marriage and having children.
So when she heard the sharp question, "Have you broken up with someone?", she didn't react for a moment. A bitter feeling welled up inside her. It did... feel a bit like a breakup. Except it was a story that ended before it even began.
"Mom—no, that's not it." She shook her head, trying to make her voice sound relaxed. "It's just that the pressure of pursuing a PhD is too much."
Her mother glanced at her, her expression showing some heartache, but her tone was surprisingly firm: "Life is short, there's no need to force yourself. Getting a master's degree and working as an HR professional in China is a good thing. Your father and I can help you arrange that."
Pan Qiu was stunned. Perhaps, the girl she was gossiping about with Ethan also stopped going back like that?
From childhood, her parents appeared to be indifferent, but in reality, they adopted a hands-off approach to raising her, never doing anything for her. They never interfered with her choices, nor did they pave the way for her. Even if there were resources available at home, they never considered them.
For example, when she was in junior high school, the whole school was going to divide students into fast and slow classes based on their grades. Many parents went around trying to find ways to get their children into the honors class. Her parents simply said, "Just do what you can based on your own abilities." In the end, her grades were good enough, and she was able to get into the fast class.
For so many years, she had never needed her parents to support her. But tonight, her mother said for the first time, "Come back, we can help you make arrangements," leaving her a little bewildered and surprised.
After returning to China, life gradually relaxed. The tension of doctoral studies was suddenly removed, and Panqiu completely relaxed during the summer vacation.
Shanghai summers are as sweltering as ever, with cicadas chirping incessantly in the afternoons. She often stays in her air-conditioned room reading books and watching dramas, occasionally going to a street corner to buy ice jelly, determined not to touch anything related to her research or anyone else.
Life was peaceful and uneventful.
It's been two years since I graduated from university, but we're still fairly close. Most of us stayed in Shanghai to pursue graduate studies or work, and there are always people in the group chat suggesting get-togethers every now and then. Pan Qiu usually stays silent and never speaks up, so everyone is used to treating her like a "missing person."
That night, the group chat became lively again.
[University Alumni Group]
Going for a run without a watch: How about we get together this Saturday? Hot pot or a pub?
I want ice in my Coke: Let's have hot pot! The last time everyone was together was the year we graduated.
Brother Jing: Everyone who can come, please sign up, otherwise it'll become a small group of three again.
Yao Yaozi: +1, I'm going.
Coke with ice: Me too.
Jing-gege: Let's just forget about those missing persons in the group; they never show up.
Going for a run without a watch: Haha, maybe someone is actually scuba diving?
Half-summer has not yet autumn: I'm coming.
—The message was silent for a few seconds before it exploded.
Yao Yaozi: ? ? ? Goddess Qiuqiu has appeared!
Cola with ice: Really?!
Jing-gege: Overseas party members make their appearance, hahaha.
Running without a watch: Okay, now it's all set, everyone's sure to be here.
Counselor Li: My dears, I'm here too. I've missed you all!
Yao Yaozi: Hahahaha, teacher, stop messing around.
Cola with ice: The teacher, who had been lurking for years, suddenly resurfaced!
Jing-gege: This time it's truly an amazing lineup.
The gathering was held at a hot pot restaurant next to a school. The private room was noisy and filled with the smell of chili and butter.
Pan Qiu sat in the corner, an iced cola that had just been handed to her. She knew she was not the center of attention in this kind of situation, but since she was back, she needed to find something to fill the void of her summer vacation, so she insisted on signing up.
Everyone was in high spirits, ordering food, opening the pot, and sharing dishes, and the atmosphere quickly became lively.
As expected, counselor Ms. Li actually came. She opened the door and said with a smile, "My dear children, your teacher has missed you all so much!"
The entire audience burst into laughter. Someone jeered, "Teacher, you're the real grand finale guest!"
The hot pot was bubbling, several bottles of beer were opened, and the conversation quickly shifted from graduate students' research papers to who had found a job and who was preparing for the civil service exam.
The counselor listened and chuckled, then suddenly turned to Pan Qiu with a look of surprise: "Hey, I remember when you came back last year, you brought a young man with you. What was his name again? Liu Haoran version of Wang Yibo? Where is he?"
These words immediately caused an uproar on the other side of the table.
"Wow, teacher, your gossip spirit hasn't waned at all!"
"Liu Haoran as Wang Yibo—hahahahaha, that's an amazing description!"
"Tell me quickly! Who is Panqiu?"
Some people even banged on beverage bottles and pounded on the table, creating a cacophony of cheers.
"Come on, let's start the truth game!" someone shouted.
"It really takes Liu Haoran and Wang Yibo to win over Goddess Qiuqiu! Let's play a dare instead of truth, connect live and let us see who this amazing person is!"
Pan Qiu's palms were sweating, and she managed a weak smile: "Oh dear, teacher, you've got it wrong. There's no one here."
She raised her Coke cup and jokingly changed the subject: "Come on, cheers! Everyone eat more, the hot pot is going to burn."
After a burst of laughter, the conversation quickly shifted to who had just passed a certification exam and who was going abroad on an exchange program. Beer bottles clinked together, steam billowed from the table, and the noise seemed to fill the entire private room.
But in Qiu's heart, the question she had just asked really stung.
The river breeze, the ship's railing, and Lin Yue's gaze were all drawn back to her. Along with them, her guilt towards him was also brought back to the forefront.
But guilt, like an underground river, inevitably draws out another person—
That name she couldn't escape, and that secret stirring in her heart.
Pan Qiu took a sip of iced cola, the bubbles rushing up her throat, making her feel sour and tight. The lively atmosphere at the table was very close to her, yet she felt as if she were separated by a transparent glass maze.
She sighed to herself—
When you have someone on your mind, your thoughts will wander through a maze and always return to them.
That person's voice suddenly rang in my mind:
"Distraction is actually another kind of obsession."
This sentence wasn't actually said by Ethan; it was a phrase she had pieced together in her head, but she subconsciously used his voice.
It's like a form of self-hypnosis, and also like an obsession.
Is this self-reflection or going astray?
How ironic. Her research topic is "inner speech," yet at this moment, the very concept is backfiring on her in the most concrete and personal way.
The voice was so clear it seemed real, even more powerful than her own thoughts. A single sentence, like a calm judgment, sharp and irrefutable.
Pan Qiu's heart tightened, and she couldn't help but laugh at herself inwardly:
—Yes, she came to the party only to escape.
But the very fact that she tried to escape shows that she already knew—there was no way to escape.
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