Chapter 36
This time, they were going to film a night scene, so at noon they boarded a large truck hired by the crew and headed to another film studio.
"I heard they're filming a movie today."
"Really?"
Gu Mengzhu sat on the bus full of extras, gazing at the ever-changing street scene outside the window, attentively listening to their conversation. Qi Yaoguang wasn't beside her; he was in a private car with makeup artists and stylists, and supposedly, someone would be giving him acting advice. Indeed, someone was giving him acting advice, but they were veteran actors who had been on film sets for a long time. Sometimes, when he wanted to learn from their experience, he would join in the conversation.
“Acting is not that simple; even your posture has requirements. Every unconscious movement you make can reveal the character’s class and status. If you want to play a character, you must always remember your identity, and you cannot relax even when the audience can’t see you.”
"Yes, yes, even for a nobody, you have to make the logic straight. Reality doesn't follow logic, but fiction does, otherwise the audience will complain!"
"Let's take a down-on-his-luck scholar as an example. What kind of down-on-his-luck is he? Is it due to a decline in family fortune or a humble background? Is his underlying personality proud, arrogant, or insecure? We need to figure that out first. Once we understand that, things will be much easier. A proud person will always have a straight back, while an insecure person will have a hunched back and shrunk shoulders. Of course, I'm just using a very simple example; you can't generalize. You need to understand that if you play every role according to a template, that's called laziness and a lack of ambition!"
"That's true, but not all actors are talented. Let me tell you, some actors can act their whole lives and still just get by, they can't come up with anything special. You might say they try hard, they do try hard, but they're just not good at it, they can't come up with anything special, and they still get criticized by the audience."
He listened and nodded, secretly pondering today's play. Suddenly, the older actor with a beard on his upper right turned around, smiled, and said to him:
"But even the most aloof person has to bend their back when necessary. If it's a marriage proposal, then you have to kneel down, hold flowers in your hands, and make a big show of it, otherwise how will you win over your wife?"
"Bend! Bend! Three bows and nine kowtows are just right!"
The two people sitting in front of him exchanged a glance, then chuckled, as if they had come specifically to mock him. Qi Yaoguang glared, his eyes darting around a couple of times, but he didn't say a word, silently cursing inwardly:
Are you trying to mess with me, old man?
About three hours later, they arrived at the filming location. The crew began dispersing the crowd and setting up equipment, which took up even more time. Gu Mengzhu didn't know what they were dawdling about. She only knew that after lunchtime, the crew had been busy but hadn't started filming yet. It seemed like they were busy for the sake of being busy, just killing time.
She stared at the rehearsal requirements in the group chat—costumes had to be provided by the participants, but had to conform to the clothing style of the 1980s and 90s. Originally, she thought, "I don't live in the last century, who knows what they'd wear? Even if I wore something, what if it didn't meet the requirements? Plus, filming takes so long, it'd be a huge hassle." She decided not to go. But Qi Yaoguang said he was also filming this play and he wanted her to be there, so she came.
Luckily, there was Xiaozhi, who put together an outfit for her. A dark purple turtleneck sweater as an inner layer, topped with a dark brown wool coat, and light blue jeans. As for shoes, since someone couldn't wear heels, she changed them to gray boots. She looked at her creation over and over, extremely satisfied:
"Sure enough, you need to have a good bust to look good in this kind of sweater."
After saying that, she handed her a black leather handbag with a gold chain. She was very curious about where the child got so many clothes. The little girl put her index finger to her lips, smiled and squinted at her, and said that it was the stylist's secret.
Okay, she didn't ask any more questions. Fortunately, she passed the assistant director's test, and he nodded, letting her get into the car with him.
"You, stop looking, it's you."
Gu Mengzhu turned her head and pointed to herself:
"I?"
"Yes, you. Go to the dressing room and ask the stylist's assistant to fix your hair. Tell her you want big waves, she'll know how to do it. Also, put on some red lipstick, a bright red one, tell her it has to be really red."
Whether it was the director or someone else, someone wearing a wide-brimmed black hat pointed at her and spoke. She wearily said "Oh," and obediently went to the dressing room.
The person standing in the dressing room was an acquaintance, busy styling the female lead. She straightened the lead's long, black hair layer by layer, then tousled it a couple of times before spraying it with hairspray. The young woman looked left and right, then reached out and ran her hand through her hair. The strands fell incredibly silky, fluttering in the wind like willow branches before hanging down one by one, unbelievably smooth.
"It doesn't seem to be working. My hair is too loose and it'll get messy easily."
She picked up the spray bottle and sprayed it on her hair a few more times. Then she turned on the hairdryer to test it, adjusting it for a long time before finally stopping, satisfied. The female protagonist quietly let her do as she pleased, without saying a word, appearing to have a very good temper.
Gu Mengzhu glanced at it.
She was very beautiful, the kind of intellectual beauty that belongs to the elite. With fair skin and a tall stature, she resembled a swan swimming gracefully on a lake, yet without seeming pretentious. Her face was slightly square, her head small, exuding a mature charm, which was also enhanced by her face shape, giving her a touch of stubbornness. Seeing her was like seeing a mesmerizing view through frosted glass—misty and golden—or like being in a desert, your throat and eyes parched, yet still relentlessly chasing the sun.
The main character's scenes were finished, and Xu Zhilu walked towards her. She covered her mouth and quietly asked:
"Xiao Zhi, did you handle all the makeup and styling for the female lead?"
"yes!"
The little girl let out a proud and triumphant laugh. Looking at that laugh, she felt as if she could smell the fragrance of spring flowers, so sweet that it brought her joy.
"Sis, are you getting your hair and makeup done?"
"Yes. They said they wanted to get big waves and wear very red lipstick."
Xu Zhilu slapped her forehead, suddenly realizing:
"I knew something was missing! Sis, sit down quickly, I'll get you a wig. But this time the requirements are pretty high, usually these kinds of modern dramas don't really care about the makeup of the extras."
The little girl suddenly switched to a very soft voice and whispered something in her ear:
"It's only because the female lead has no background and is a newcomer that I got to do her styling. Right now, everyone is begging and coaxing the male lead, acting like a big shot. Before casting, they said it was a female-centric film, and they even dragged the actress around for ages, putting her on the spot, all for the sake of a covert operation."
Gu Mengzhu smiled but didn't reply. After sitting down, looking at herself in the makeup mirror, she felt a little melancholy for some reason.
Now he's enjoying the treatment of a lead actor.
Perhaps because it was cold outside, the female lead didn't leave and was currently practicing her lines in front of a full-length mirror.
"Your affection is like pursuing danger and excitement. You indulge him by your side as if you were letting a bonfire burn in a house. You crave the warmth of the raging fire, but you also yearn for the danger. You understand that no matter who it is, he cannot give you a stable life. You know that this love will not succeed, and even if it does, you will destroy it with your own hands, because deep down you believe that you do not deserve happiness."
After practicing a few times, she turned around and asked them:
“I always feel that this way of acting is not right. What if the lines become voice-over, and I just stare at the mirror without saying anything, and express myself with my eyes and facial expressions? What do you think? I always feel that acting like this, talking to a mirror, is weird, and I can’t get into character.”
"I...I don't know, you should ask the director."
Suddenly facing such a beautiful person, Gu Mengzhu stammered due to nervousness. Xu Zhilu nodded beside her, not daring to say anything more. In the film crew, the more you say, the more mistakes you make, and it's a big taboo to teach others. Regardless of whether the actors are sincere or not, she could only choose to keep quiet to protect herself.
"Is that so?" She smiled slightly and nodded to them. "Sorry to bother you, please continue."
She turned back and started practicing in front of the mirror again.
"Shouldn't the tears be held back in the eyes, or should they fall?"
She muttered to herself, so engrossed that she couldn't hear anyone else's reply.
When Qi Yaoguang finished his hair and makeup, it was already dusk. He stood with his hands in his pockets, looking around for someone, finally spotting that familiar figure on a public bench by the flowerbed. His hairstyle made him hesitate, but he slowly walked over. Noticing someone above her, Gu Mengzhu looked up, revealing a pair of red eyes.
The man in front of me was wearing a suit and tie, his slicked-back hair gleaming in the afterglow of the sun, looking every bit the financial tycoon, which was quite amusing.
She actually smiled, but he quickly sat down, his tone urgent:
"What happened? Who hit you?"
Gu Mengzhu was very puzzled:
"That's weird, nobody hit me."
He finally breathed a sigh of relief:
"Then why are your eyes so red?"
"Oh, that?" She rubbed her eyes. "It's from the smoke that just drifted over."
He knew she hated the smell of smoke, but in this situation, there was nothing he could do. Even with his quick wit, he could only manage a "Just bear with it." She hummed in agreement and lowered her head to wipe away the tears from the corners of her eyes.
"I thought you would smoke with them, given the immense pressure."
There are a million ways to relieve stress; there's no need to hurt people.
The important thing is that someone hates it.
He rested his hands on the bench behind him, leaning back and gazing at the sky. Neither of them spoke. The orange-yellow sunset dyed the nearby clouds and also tinged his half-face, which was turned to the side, with a rosy hue. She turned her head to look at him, as if possessed, and suddenly felt a sorrow that she couldn't shake off. Perhaps it was because dusk was approaching and the sun was about to set, or perhaps it was because night was falling and shadows were looming, but she always felt that the day of their separation was like the minute hand of a clock, moving clockwise, drawing ever closer to some end.
As darkness fell, they officially began filming. The sky gradually blended black and blue, the spring chill intensifying the wind and changing the color of the clouds. A red veil was tossed down from a second-floor window, its serpentine path swirling, the wind seemingly visible through the gaps between its threads. Neon signs suddenly lit up, one after another, flickering restlessly in the buildings and alleyways. It felt like a weekend; the streets were crowded, people strolling leisurely or busily along the narrow paths.
"Cut!"
The director yelled "Cut!" and the entire crew stopped what they were doing, waiting for him to speak. He called the cinematographer and stylists aside and began talking to them. Gu Mengzhu was standing nearby and, by sheer coincidence, overheard a little of it.
"What I wanted was to show the difference between them through their makeup and styling—one becoming worldly and mature, the other still pursuing a carefree and free spirit. You know, the difference between them is very striking, but it's a pity that it's not visible in the images. Especially in photography, you have to capture that."
What kind of nonsense are you spouting? Can't you speak Mandarin?
She frowned and turned away, not wanting those inhuman words to assault her ears. Not long after, filming resumed. Crew members used long-handled microphones to record sound, cameras glided along tracks, and extras acted as pedestrians as instructed. The tall, waist-length actress slowly walked into the frame. She wore a dark green trench coat over a fitted white shirt, a gray, black, and white checkered ribbon loosely tied around her neck. Her khaki shorts were cinched with a gold-framed brown leather belt, revealing her slender, bare legs. Gu Mengzhu glanced at the lead actress's attire and felt a surge of pride for the young girl once more.
She (the female lead) waited at the zebra crossing, her long hair blowing in the wind, which she quickly brushed back down with her hand. In the cloudy, dark night, red and green neon signs overlapped and intersected, everything looked old, except for the woman's face, which could be described as full of vitality.
Her steps were briefly halted by the flashing red light, then slowed to a halt as the green light appeared, finally weaving through the crowd. She was so conspicuous that it seemed as if she were the only one resolutely going against the tide of the crowd heading left. Her red Walkman was tucked into her pocket, warmed by her body along with her hands.
“Manly!”
Someone was calling her name. She turned around, and the person looked delighted to see her face.
"It really is you."
The camera froze at that moment, the two actors staring at each other. As extras, they slowed down their movements as instructed by the director, but because it wasn't natural enough, the director repeatedly called for a reshoot. Gu Mengzhu forgot how long this scene had been filmed; she remembered nothing. She only saw Qi Yaoguang's face repeatedly showing surprise and delight because of the female lead.
That's great, his situation is getting better and better.
After filming wrapped, the scene moved from the zebra crossing to the adjacent sidewalk. At the director's command, everyone took their positions, and instantly the set became eerily quiet, with only the sound of the wind whistling through the windows.
"Long time no see."
"Yes, it's been a long time."
She looked up at the swaying branch where a small flower bud was bobbing up and down in the wind.
"It's been about three months."
She heard herself open her mouth, but her voice seemed to be blown away by the wind. She waited for a long time without receiving a reply, followed by a silent silence between the two of them.
"I miss you."
The man's sudden remark startled her, and she froze, her hands in her pockets, unsure how to react. He stepped forward and easily pulled her into a hug. She smelled the strong scent of hair mousse, his suit jacket pressing down on her fluttering scarf, and the glaring red tie seemed to have imprinted itself on her chest.
"Let's start over, okay?"
He asked the question cautiously, his voice tinged with a pleading tone, and she let him hold her, offering no resistance. His body was warm, but the chill of late spring penetrated his embrace and pierced her heart. Her heart would no longer quicken at his warmth, nor would it feel sadness or helplessness at his actions. She didn't know whether to regret his love or the past version of herself that had been moved by love. Her heart, which should have been beating, was now completely frozen, like the howling wind; it wouldn't be held back by spring, it would head straight for another warmer place. Perhaps, in another warm spring, it would melt completely into a pool of water, quietly flowing into the earth.
For a long, long time, she remained silent. He snapped out of his reverie at her silent rejection and released the person who had once loved him so deeply.
"We're always out of sync, aren't we?" He gave a bitter laugh. "When you liked me, I didn't like you. Now that it's my turn to like you, you're moving on. Why, suddenly, do you not like me anymore?"
She looked at the man before her and found that the face she once knew so well now seemed so unfamiliar. Perhaps he had changed, or perhaps they had both changed. It had only been three months.
"It's not that I don't like it, it's that I'm afraid to, I'm unwilling to."
"Don't you think it's a pity? We could have had a better outcome if we had tried one more time. We're not young anymore."
The two of them suddenly froze, as if time itself had stopped. The crowd continued to surge and throng, slid past them like seaweed carried by an ocean current. Her gaze passed over the man before her, running towards the distant horizon. She remembered her mother's words: "You're thirty. You're already thirty. If you don't marry him, who do you want to marry? How will you get married without him?"
Similarly, she recalled her initial answer:
"Yes, I'm thirty years old now! I knew that day would come, but I'm not afraid anymore. Being alone isn't a big deal; I'm thirty now. And thirty is a remarkable age."
Just then, a nearby shop started playing Wang Jie's "A Game, A Dream." She turned her head to look at the warm coffee table in the shop and smiled with relief.
"Regret is painful, but it is also a source of light, because by carrying on with regrets, we can make the rest of us live even better lives. Good luck, and I wish you happiness. Goodbye."
She set off again. She took out her Walkman from her pocket and played the same song playing on the street. Her hands were in her pockets, and her black velvet boots trod across the narrow brick path, heading towards a wider street. The wind lifted her hair, strands brushing against her cheeks; her long hair, flowing like a veil, seemed free and unrestrained.
"Okay, cut!"
The director called a pause and pulled the two actors aside to discuss the details of what had just happened. He imitated Qi Yaoguang's walking posture, finding it too stiff and deliberate, and pointed out how to adjust it. Then, following the lines from the script:
"That question you just asked, 'Why do you suddenly not like me anymore?'—hey, that was a statement, not a question. Don't rise at the end of your sentence, and don't emphasize it too much. When you say it, it should be a conclusive statement, because you're not really asking a question, understand?"
He tugged at his tie and nodded quickly. The director told him to go aside and practice a little, then waved to the female lead and continued to work on the details.
During this brief pause, the entire crew stopped filming; even the extras were spinning in place. The song, however, continued, the male voice still echoing through the streets, broken and intermittently carried by the wind.
"Why say goodbye, and then talk about being together? Even without you now, I am still myself..."
I am still myself.
Gu Mengzhu paused for a moment, silently repeating the words in her heart along with the song, while glancing up at Qi Yaoguang.
At eighteen, listening to love songs would bring back countless memories, sometimes even causing her to cry silently in bed. But by twenty-five, she had changed. She found singers' constant tales of love and romance annoying, a sentiment she still holds today. Now, nearing twenty-nine, she listens to songs only to grasp the most important elements.
"I like it, I am still myself."
Confused, he asked her something, but she just smiled and shook her head. Seeing that she was unwilling to say anything, he turned back to the set with suspicion, pondering how to perform the scene later.
She tilted her head slightly to look at the man's profile beside her. He was oblivious, and she genuinely felt that things were fine as they were. From the moment she met him until today, everything they had experienced could be described by the song title—a game, a dream, and just a game, a dream. Whether she possessed him or cared about him was no longer within her consideration. If she had him, it wouldn't be a big deal; if she didn't, it wouldn't be a big deal either. No matter how one lives, one won't die without it.
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