Chapter 46 The comforting warmth of old memories
Chu Yanxi sat with Lin Rong on the old bench downstairs in Building 7 of Kangleyuan for a long time, until Lin Rong's excited emotions gradually subsided, leaving only exhaustion and deep fatigue from surviving the ordeal.
The afternoon sun filtered through the sparse leaves of the sycamore trees, casting dappled shadows on the two of them.
Just then, a familiar figure hurried through the gate of the residential area and ran towards them.
It's Lu Zhe.
He had heard about what happened at the hospital, his face still showing anxiety and worry, with fine beads of sweat on his forehead. His gaze swept across the room quickly, finally settling on Chu Yanxi sitting on the bench.
At that moment, the sunlight fell directly on Chu Yanxi's profile.
She tilted her head slightly, listening to Lin Rong's sobbing story, her eyes focused and gentle, her long eyelashes casting a small fan-shaped shadow under her eyes.
She wasn't as sharp, calm, or even slightly professionally aloof as usual; instead, she radiated a quiet, inclusive warmth. It was a kind of wisdom and compassion born from experience, as if it could absorb all sorrow and unease.
The sunlight cast a soft halo around her, making her look less like the sharp and decisive negotiation expert Lu Zhe remembered and more like a compassionate bodhisattva shrouded in warm light.
Lu Zhe's steps slowed involuntarily. His heart felt as if it had been gently bumped by something, and a strange, soft yet surging emotion instantly overwhelmed him.
He had seen Chu Yanxi's sharp and calm analysis of cases, her resilience and courage in the face of difficulties, and her occasional confusion and vulnerability, but he had never seen her exude such a divine gentleness and tranquility as she did at this moment.
This gentleness is not weakness, but a deeper strength, stemming from understanding, empathy, and the undying kindness of choosing to lend a helping hand even after seeing the cruel nature of life.
Compared to the Chu Yanxi of the past, who was prickly, used to protecting herself with a calm shell, and sometimes seemed aloof, the Chu Yanxi before us seems to have had some of her edges smoothed out by time and experience, and the inner radiance she possesses is even more gentle and moving.
This change subtly touched a chord in Lu Zhe's heart that had never been touched before.
A feeling mixed with heartache, admiration, and an indescribable attraction, like a stream thawing in early spring, silently seeped into his heart.
He clearly realized that something was different.
Lin Rong first saw Lu Zhe, who was standing there in a daze. She hurriedly stood up, wiped her red and swollen eyes with her sleeve, and greeted him awkwardly, "Teacher Lu, what brings you here?"
Lu Zhe snapped out of his daze and quickly stepped forward, but his gaze still involuntarily drifted towards Chu Yanxi. Chu Yanxi also looked up, met his gaze, and nodded slightly.
"I heard about what happened at the hospital and was worried, so I came to check on you." Lu Zhe's voice was gentler than usual. He turned his gaze to Lin Rong, his tone filled with concern, "Sister Lin, are you alright? What about Jinbao...?"
Lin Rong's face flushed with shame instantly. She waved her hands repeatedly, her voice choked with sobs, "It's alright, it's alright. It's all thanks to Officer Chu. I was foolish, I was out of my mind, and I brought Jinbao home without saying goodbye. If Officer Chu hadn't arrived in time, I... I'm afraid I would have..."
She trailed off, turning to Chu Yanxi with eyes full of lingering fear and gratitude: "Leader Chu, oh no, Little Chu, thank you, thank you so much! You are my great benefactor..."
Chu Yanxi stood up, gently patted Lin Rong's arm, and said in a calm but firm tone: "Sister Lin, let bygones be bygones, don't think about it anymore. What's important is the future. Please remember, no matter how difficult it is, don't let hatred for those who hurt you cause you to let down those who are genuinely good to you and sincerely help you. For Xiao Bin's sake, you have to look forward and walk the right path."
Lin Rong nodded vigorously, tears welling up again: "I remember, Xiao Chu, I remember! I will never do anything foolish again..."
Chu Yanxi comforted Lin Rong a few more times, and watched her turn and go upstairs with unsteady steps. She let out a soft sigh. The sunlight shone on her face, revealing the deep weariness hidden between her brows and eyes.
Lu Zhe walked to her side and asked in a low voice, "Are you alright?"
Chu Yanxi shook her head and gave a faint smile: "It's nothing, just a false alarm."
She looked up at Lu Zhe: "Why did you come here? Aren't you busy at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences?"
"No matter how busy I am, I have to come and see you." Lu Zhe looked at her, his eyes filled with undisguised worry. "I heard you single-handedly resolved such a big 'kidnapping attempt,' how could I not come and see this hero?"
Chu Yanxi chuckled at his slightly teasing tone, her tense nerves relaxing a little: "What hero? You almost became an accomplice in condoning crime."
Thinking of how she calmly taught Lin Rong how to deal with police questioning and how she personally made phone calls to secure evidence, Chu Yanxi couldn't help but shake her head with a self-deprecating smile: "Let's go back to the work station, there are still some work things to do."
The two walked out of the Kangleyuan residential area side by side. The afternoon sun shone warmly on them, and the streets were bustling with traffic, the hustle and bustle of the city carrying a genuine sense of everyday life.
Perhaps it was because she had just experienced a psychological storm, perhaps it was because the people around her were comrades she could completely trust, or perhaps it was the perfect sunshine and breeze that made her let down her guard, Chu Yanxi's tense shoulders gradually relaxed.
They walked slowly along the street lined with plane trees, neither of them speaking, a tacit tranquility flowing between them.
Lu Zhe deliberately slowed down his pace to match Chu Yanxi's rhythm.
After walking for a while, Chu Yanxi suddenly spoke softly, as if talking to herself, or as if saying to Lu Zhe: "Actually... I can understand Lin Rong's madness at that moment."
Lu Zhe turned his head to look at her, but did not interrupt.
“Despair to a certain degree can really make people lose their minds.” Chu Yanxi’s gaze was somewhat distant, as if it had pierced through time and space and seen a more distant past. “Watching your loved ones struggle in pain, and being powerless to help, that feeling… can drive a person crazy.”
Lu Zhe keenly sensed the unusual tone in her voice; it wasn't just a reflection on the Lin Rong incident, but rather carried a personal and profound echo.
He asked softly, "What are you thinking about?"
Chu Yanxi was silent for a moment, but her steps did not stop, and her voice became low: "I thought of my father."
Lu Zhe's heart skipped a beat. He knew that Chu Yanxi's father had died in the line of duty, but she had never mentioned the specific details, and he dared not ask further. After all, this was the deepest scar in her heart.
Chu Yanxi's voice was very soft, as if afraid of disturbing the spirits in her memory. "My dad was a criminal police officer. He didn't talk much, but he was a very upright person and hated evil. When I was little, he was always busy with cases and was never home, so my mom often complained about him. However, my parents had a very good relationship, and my dad was very good to me. Whenever he came home, he would carry me on his shoulders and take me to buy hawthorn candy balls, roasted chestnuts, and all sorts of snacks."
A bittersweet smile appeared on her lips, but it quickly vanished.
“I was only eight years old when he sacrificed his life.” Chu Yanxi’s voice trembled almost imperceptibly. “He was watching a drug dealer for almost half a year. That drug dealer was very cunning and had strong counter-surveillance capabilities. He had a mistress named Wang Caifeng, who was from the same village as him, and they were childhood sweethearts. After that man dropped out of junior high school to work, Wang Caifeng followed him, sharing his hardships and enduring poverty. Later, when that man went astray, Wang Caifeng knew, but she didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with it. She felt that everything that the man did was so that they could have a better life in the future.”
Lu Zhe listened quietly, and could sense the suppressed pain in her words.
“My father went to great lengths to get close to Wang Caifeng. She was very wary at first, but my father didn’t give up. He went to see her again and again, not like he was interrogating her, but more like he was having a chat. He reasoned with her, talked about the dangers of drugs, and told her that the man was on a path of no return. Gradually, Wang Caifeng seemed to waver. She told my father a lot about their past, saying that the man wasn’t a bad person at heart, he was just afraid of being poor… She even agreed to be a tainted witness for the police.”
Chu Yanxi paused, her breathing becoming rapid, as if the memories she was about to recount required immense courage.
"On the winter solstice of 2005, it snowed in Jiangcheng, and it was especially cold. The bureau received a tip that the drug dealer had returned, and my dad led a team to arrest him. The operation went smoothly; they stormed into the house, and before the drug dealer could react, my dad had him pinned down. My dad took out handcuffs, about to cuff him..." Chu
Yanxi's voice stopped abruptly, and her body trembled almost imperceptibly.
Lu Zhe subconsciously reached out and gently grasped her cold fingers. Chu Yanxi did not pull away; instead, it was as if she drew strength from his palm.
She took a deep breath and continued in a slightly trembling voice, "At that moment, Wang Caifeng, the seemingly weak woman who was standing next to me and was trembling all the time, suddenly went crazy, grabbed a sharp dagger from the table next to her, and stabbed my father viciously in the side..."
Chu Yanxi closed her eyes, as if she could still see the splattered blood and hear her father's suppressed groan.
"That knife... pierced his spleen... my dad couldn't be saved."
The thought of being rushed to the hospital when she was eight years old, only to see her father's pale, bloodless face covered by a white sheet, made Chu Yanxi tremble involuntarily.
Every night, in the stillness of the night, she would repeatedly tear open her wounds, watching them bleed and never heal. But, strong-willed as she was, she had never willingly shown this scar to anyone. Today, under Lu Zhe's gentle gaze, she opened her heart and spoke of this painful memory from the past.
"Later I learned that Wang Caifeng still chose that man at the last moment. Perhaps it was because of love, perhaps because of fear, perhaps because... she had no way back. She felt that my father had taken away her lover and ruined her future, and she wanted to stop it all."
“I heard from my master that Wang Caifeng was stunned when she heard the news of my father’s death during the interrogation. She wept bitterly and repented for her sins. She said my father was a good policeman, and that she never intended to kill him. She only wanted to help her lover escape. But... no matter how much she repented, it was all over. I lost my father, and my mother lost her husband. My family was broken.”
After saying all this, Chu Yanxi seemed to have used up all her strength, and her face was frighteningly pale.
Lu Zhe felt as if an invisible hand was gripping his heart tightly, causing him excruciating pain. He finally understood why Chu Yanxi had such complex emotions about "female crimes," and why she showed extraordinary concern, sometimes even bordering on obsessive, when faced with cases like those of Lin Rong and Zhang Ya.
It wasn't just because of her profession; it stemmed from the indelible trauma and confusion left by the horrific tragedy of her childhood. She hated the woman who took her father's life, yet she couldn't help but wonder what had transformed a seemingly ordinary woman into a demon in that moment.
Chu Yanxi opened her eyes, her gaze filled with unfathomable pain and confusion: "So, I've always been conflicted. I hate Wang Caifeng, I hate that she took my father away. But I can't help but wonder, wasn't she also a victim? Was she dragged down by that man? Was she driven to despair? Like Lin Rong, like Zhang Ya. I tried to analyze with reason, to empathize, but I found that I couldn't be truly impartial. Deep down, I always harbored prejudice against them... I feel this is wrong, as a negotiation expert, I shouldn't be like this..."
Her voice was filled with frustration and deep self-blame.
This long-buried self-examination, triggered by the Lin Rong incident, finally burst forth uncontrollably.
Seeing Chu Yanxi struggling to hold back her tears, seeing the vulnerability revealed in her self-analysis, Lu Zhe felt a surge of tenderness in his heart that threatened to overwhelm him. He could no longer hold back, and reached out to gently embrace her.
This embrace was devoid of any lust, filled only with tenderness, understanding, and support. He felt Chu Yanxi's body stiffen at first, then slowly and gradually relax, gently resting her forehead on his shoulder.
“It’s not your fault, Yanxi.” Lu Zhe’s voice was low and gentle, like a warm current enveloping her cold fingertips and trembling heart. “That’s not prejudice, it’s human nature. The pain of losing a loved one cannot be completely erased by any rational analysis or professional training. The fact that you can realize this and are trying to overcome it already shows that you are braver and kinder than many others.”
He gently patted her back, as if comforting a frightened child: "Look, you stopped Lin Rong today, didn't you? You didn't give up on her because of the shadows of the past. You saw her despair and pulled her back. That's the biggest progress and the most genuine empathy."
Chu Yanxi did not answer, but trembled slightly in his arms. Tears that had been suppressed for a long time finally slid down silently, soaking the clothes on his shoulders.
Sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting long shadows on the two embracing figures.
The hustle and bustle of the street seemed to fade away, and at this moment, time itself slowed down and became gentle.
After an unknown amount of time, Chu Yanxi's emotions gradually calmed down. She gently withdrew from Lu Zhe's embrace, turned her face away somewhat embarrassedly, and wiped the corner of her eye.
"I'm sorry, I lost my composure." Her voice still had a slight nasal tone.
Looking at her slightly red eyes and her forcedly strong profile, Lu Zhe felt his heart melt. He shook his head, his tone incredibly serious: "You never need to say sorry to me."
Chu Yanxi looked up and met his deep, gentle gaze, which was filled with emotions she had never seen before—clear and ardent. Her heart skipped a beat, her cheeks flushed slightly, and she awkwardly looked away, but something inside her quietly melted away.
“Let’s go,” she said softly. “If we don’t go back soon, Station Chief Wang will start to worry.”
“Okay.” Lu Zhe smiled and nodded, walking alongside her towards the community workstation.
The sun was still warm, and the wind was still gentle. The difference was that certain unspoken feelings had quietly blossomed between the two, like a spring breeze bringing life back to all things.
They walked side by side like that, neither of them speaking.
Along the streets, the sounds of clattering spatulas and the chatter of everyday family members emanated from the old residential buildings—ordinary and mundane, yet filled with a comforting, warm atmosphere.
Chu Yanxi suddenly felt that at this moment, all the trauma, struggles, and anxieties seemed to be soothed by the warmth of the everyday life. The pain brought by the deeply buried past in her heart seemed to have been illuminated by the warm sunlight because of this outpouring and embrace, and it had the possibility of healing.
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Author's Note: I'm taking a day off tomorrow, so I'm asking for leave from you all~
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