Chapter 217 The skirt I want to wear at the age of sixteen
"After all, you just don't believe me."
"Since you know I don't believe it, what's the point of saying all this?" Cui Si asked him, then smiled and said, "Perhaps it does make sense, and it will put your mind at ease."
Yan Xingchuan's face turned pale, and he felt a pain in his heart: "How can I just do this for my own peace of mind? Everything I said was true. I never meant to deceive you. You..."
"Are you going to quarrel with me?"
Yan Xingchuan: “…”
He clenched his fingers and let out a long breath. The hot air turned into a white mist in the cold wind, blurring his vision.
"Never mind. I shouldn't have mentioned that."
He just felt that they had been getting along much better recently. She wasn't as cold to him as before and occasionally cared about him. He thought her attitude towards him had softened and maybe they had a future.
She never thought that this was all his assumption. In her heart, he was still an untrustworthy person.
She didn't believe his promises and thought that once she encountered something that required her to make a choice, he would still abandon her.
"The future is still long. If you don't believe it, just wait and see." He had a lifetime to spend with her, but he didn't believe it. Until the day she died, she still didn't believe him.
Cui Si didn't respond, and didn't bother to care. She asked him directly, "Why did you come here today?"
We just separated yesterday, and today you come back again, even letting others slap you in the face. What serious matter could that be?
"It's nothing." Yan Xingchuan's expression relaxed.
Fortunately, as long as they don't bring up those old grudges, they can talk to each other peacefully. Once they bring them up, they will be like a pair of resentful lovers, and no one can feel happy.
"We parted in a hurry yesterday, and I promised you that I would return to Yunzhou City after sending you back to Xianyang City. I came here today for two reasons: first, to apologize to the Cui family, and second, to see you and say goodbye."
Cui Si nodded, feeling her hands and feet getting cold after standing for a while, and invited him into the hall to sit down and talk.
The house was elegantly furnished, with a fire dragon burning on the ground. Waves of warmth rose from the ground, and as soon as I stepped into the house, I felt a wave of warmth coming over me, and I felt much more relaxed.
Cui Si sat down on the Arhat chair and poured him a cup of tea. "When do you plan to leave?"
"We'll leave tomorrow. Let's rest a bit today. Prepare some dry food and clothes, and we'll set out early tomorrow morning." Yan Xingchuan held the teacup in his hand. Seeing that her face was still a little pale, he asked her, "You were cold all day yesterday. Are you feeling unwell? Have you seen a doctor?"
"Nothing, I've recovered a long time ago." Cui Si shook her head and asked him to wait. Then she went into the study, took out a few books and placed them on the desk. "I wrote these when I had nothing to do."
"Some of it is about farming, and some is about business. The new territory of Northern Yan is in ruins and needs to be rebuilt. Although officials should not compete with the people for profit, the war is in need of money now, so we have to make up for it first."
"There's another one, about official positions and the recruitment of officials. The imperial examination system will be more beneficial to the court. I've written down the details I remember."
"However, using the imperial examination system to select scholars will also affect the interests of the aristocratic families. You must carefully consider this."
"As for the Cui family, I will inform my third brother and ask him to manage the clan members well and keep them in peace. I don't ask for much either. In the future, Xianyang Academy must be a place to select scholars for the imperial examinations."
In this way, as long as Xianyang Academy exists, even if the Cui family falls into decline in the future, their foundation will still be there.
Yan Xingchuan flipped through a few pages in a daze. This book was about business, and it described the methods of making several kinds of jewelry, and also included several styles in the appendix.
Yan Xingchuan watched, feeling unspeakable: "Why do you still care about these things?"
Cui Si said, "I still hope for peace in the world, but I'm a little tired and don't want to do all this myself. You guys can do it yourselves."
In her previous life, she had never let Beiyan down, but Beiyan had stabbed her in the heart. In this life, although she still hoped that Beiyan would conquer the world, she didn't want to contribute anymore.
Although Yan Xingchuan was the one who did it, there were countless people in the court who supported him.
Everyone in the world is innocent, but she doesn't deserve this punishment.
In this case, I don’t want to bother with any more energy. Let’s just pray for our fate and take care of ourselves.
Yan Xingchuan's face turned pale when he heard this, and the hand holding the book trembled.
He knew that she had always hoped for peace in the world, but now she was unwilling to pay for him or Beiyan anymore. It was just because she had paid too much in her previous life, and as a result, he failed her, and the people of the world also failed her.
The barrier in her heart was hard to erase. She was unwilling to forgive him, but also unwilling to spend any more time worrying about the world. She wrote these books because she was afraid that they would mess things up, and it was also out of her kindness.
"A'si." He opened his mouth, "I'll pay you back what I owe you, okay? Will that make you feel better?"
Cui Si raised her hand and said, "The past is over. Can you please not mention it again? I don't want to argue with you today. I also said that what I asked for then is not what I ask for today. If you still don't understand, let me give you another example."
"When I was sixteen, I wanted to wear a beautiful dress, and you told me not to worry, and to give the dress to someone else first, and I would give it to you when I had one.
When I’m sixty, you can give me the skirt again and say I owed you this when you were sixteen, and now I’m making it up to you, but I don’t want to wear it anymore.”
"I've been upset about this skirt for half my life, and it's not something I can let go of simply saying 'I'll give it back to you' years later.
Fortunately, I have also let it go. I don't want to dwell on the past. I don't want to think about it anymore, and I hope you won't mention it in front of me."
"Okay." Yan Xingchuan nodded, "I won't mention it anymore."
Since this is what she asked, how could he not agree?
But every time he thought about this, his heart ached, and he felt helpless. He could not change the past, and apart from returning everything to her, he didn't know what else he could do for her.
Sometimes he also thought, how nice it would be if she didn't remember her previous life. Then, he could treat her well in this life, give her everything she wanted, and let her live her life without regrets or sadness.
But sometimes he was glad it was her. She, without any memory, didn't seem to be the one he owed. If she hadn't come back, she might have turned into dust in another time and space, and the one he compensated her with wouldn't be her.
The little hope that had risen in Yan Xingchuan's heart these days was also extinguished.
His future path did not get better after all.
There were twists and turns, but I didn't get what I wanted.
Female cause.
As long as she hadn't resolved her heart knot, even if he took nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine steps towards her, it would be fruitless.
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