Chapter 54 I’ll Come Back in My Next Life
"A husband and wife are in the same boat throughout their lives. They are one body, sharing honor and disgrace. You owe her what you owe her, and you feel guilty about it. If you want to repay her, I will not hesitate to do so and will repay it with you."
"But in order to repay her, you kicked me into the water and let me drown. That's not acceptable."
"You don't have to ask me why I'm abandoning you for someone else now."
"Imagine you and I are on a boat that can only hold two people. When we're about to reach the other side, you kick me off to make room for someone else. It's understandable that I wouldn't want to get on your boat again."
"If you have any conscience, stop pestering me in Xianyang City and go back to Pingzhou City to conquer your own world, avenge your blood feud, and marry your Lin Qingning. That way, you won't let her down, and you won't let me down either."
"No! No!" Yan Xingchuan reached out and grabbed her hand, explaining to her,
"I now know where she is and have sent people to look for her. She will be alive and well. In this lifetime, I will definitely not..."
"Don't you understand yet?" Cui Si pulled her hand back and stood up suddenly.
"I just want to tell you that I don't want to walk the same path with you in this life anymore. I only hope that we can go our separate ways from now on. You take your Yangguan Road and I take mine. I beg you to stop pestering me and let me go, okay?"
"You carry too much and too heavy a burden. There are always thousands and thousands of things you can't do anything about. Today there's Lin Qingning, tomorrow there's Mu Qingning. Being your wife is too tiring, and you could abandon me at any time."
"The thought of walking through life with you again makes me feel like I have a lump in my throat day and night, so uncomfortable that I can't eat or sleep."
"I just want to live a more relaxed life and stay with my grandmother in Xianyang City. Is that not possible?
You keep saying that you care about me and that you hold me in your heart, but why do you force me to do things I don't want to do? Why can't you fulfill my wish?"
Why can't I fulfill your wish?
Why can't I let you go?
Yan Xingchuan's hands trembled slightly. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but no words came out. He wanted to laugh, but couldn't.
The bright moonlight falls on the windowsill, casting fragments of light and shadow. The night wind blows the gauze curtains, and the bead curtains clink and jingle...
The bright moonlight is pure white, and the person in front of me is the one I love.
But the bright moonlight is out of reach, and when you touch it, it is completely empty.
The person in front of me is also out of reach, as if separated by thousands of mountains, rivers, sun, moon and stars.
Before today, he always thought that they would be reunited if they met again, but he didn't expect that she only wanted to say goodbye to him forever in this life, and from then on... they would never meet again.
Yan Xingchuan thought for a long time, so long that the wine she had splashed on his face and splashed on the ground had dried up before he came back to his senses.
"What about Yan Du? Don't you want me or him anymore?" Yan Xingchuan asked her in a slow voice.
"You carried him for ten months, gave birth to him, and raised him. He has always been filial and caring to you, far surpassing even a father like me. Could it be that you are willing to give him up?"
Speaking of Yan Du, Cui Si paused.
Seeing her hesitation for a moment, Yan Xingchuan's eyes lit up with hope again: "A'si, think about him, he..."
Cui Si closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, her vision was clear again:
"I've thought clearly about his affairs. I do care about him and can't bear to leave him, but my life is also my life, and I want to live it well."
"When I remarry in the future, if it is fate, he will still be my child, and I will definitely love him in every way. If not, then perhaps we are not destined to be together in this life."
"Here, I also ask one thing of you. If he has a strong connection with you and will be your child in the future, please consider the relationship between us in these two lives and care for him more."
She doesn't want him, and she doesn't even want the child.
It was as if a piece of Yan Xingchuan's heart had been dug out by her, and it felt empty.
It was also as if everything he cared about in this world was gone.
He had no family left, his wife didn't want him anymore, and he had no children either.
The world is vast, and he is the only one left, surviving in this world.
He never sought the supreme throne and the admiration of everyone; nor did he seek a glorious life and a name left in history.
All he wanted was to be Yan Sanlang, with his parents, uncles, brothers and sisters, as well as his wife and children by his side, whether he worked diligently to make a living or lived a carefree life.
All good.
All good.
But at this moment, it seems...there is really nothing left.
"If you are really so heartless that you don't even want the child, then you can't... you can't trust me again. I promise... I promise I won't treat you badly, and I won't make you sad again. You..."
"Being with you is the saddest and most painful thing for me."
Yan Xingchuan was choked by these words. After struggling to compose a few words to plead for himself, he couldn't utter a single word.
At this moment, Cui Si suddenly came forward and reached out to tidy his clothes, just like she had done before.
Yan Xingchuan paused and reached out to hug her: "A'si, you..."
Cui Si carefully arranged his clothes and said, "In my last life, you refused to let me go, leaving me in such an awkward situation, ridiculed and mocked by the world. Today, please complete what you left unfinished in your last life."
"If you have any sincerity towards me, or even just a little bit of love as a husband and wife, please grant my wish and let me go. Let me live a peaceful and worry-free life."
"If there is an afterlife..."
"Next life? Will you pay me back in the next life?"
"I don't know." Cui Si broke free from his hand and took a few steps back. "If there is another life, we will be even. Then, I won't bear any grudge against you."
"What if I come to pester you?"
"That depends on my mood." Cui Si smiled. "Life is a long journey. Perhaps my mood back then will be different from now."
Yan Xingchuan also smiled and said, "Then I'll come back in my next life."
"Okay." Cui Si agreed immediately.
Yan Xingchuan added, "In my next life, I might just be a dandy boy. You probably don't like me anymore."
Cui Si said: "That's not necessarily the case. Maybe I want to be a shrew in my next life. Then you can be the dude and I can be the shrew. We'll be happy together and it will be a perfect match. But when you go out to play, you have to take me with you."
"I have nothing to do today, so I'll listen to music in the brothel."
Perhaps it was too good to be true. Yan Xingchuan laughed out loud: "Yes, listening to music in the brothel."
Cui Si said again: "It's getting late, you should go back."
The smile on Yan Xingchuan's face faded, but he still agreed: "Yes."
It's time for him to go.
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