Account: Jian.jing
Password: 20140420
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A new interface popped up.
Jian Jing took a deep breath, drank a sip of cold beer, suppressed her excitement, and slowly read the text.
This is the last time I write a medical diary. Tomorrow morning, I will receive the last treatment to completely seal that memory. In fact, I don't remember what happened, but the professor said that hypnosis only hides the memory, and they may be triggered by some inducement at any time and return to the surface.
To defeat those memories, you need a weapon.
He thinks that my saving a child is the most suitable thing to deal with him. Because I saved a person's life, there is nothing greater than this, and there is nothing more powerful to fight him.
Well, just like Expecto Patronum.
But he is right. There are few things that make me so happy. The only thing that can be compared to this is probably the first time I got my new book.
But the weight of a book is indeed not as heavy as the weight of life.
The professor said that when we save others, we are also saved by them. Now I understand a little bit. Did I save that child? Maybe.
Anyway, now, it is the act of saving others that saves me.
It seems a bit difficult to understand, but that's what he meant. He hopes that I will never forget this feeling.
It is difficult to kill yourself, but it is easy to kill others.
It is difficult to save others, and it is the same to save yourself.
No matter how he brags about death, life is always more difficult than death.
So, he is a coward and I am a hero.
So the question is, who is he?
I closed my eyes and could only see a heavy dark cloud. Who is he?
——Jane
Jing let out a sigh of relief. After writing just a few lines, she was so nervous that her back was sweating.
This is the diary written by "me". It not only records the treatment process, but also various memories about "him".
She did find the key.
At the same time, the purpose of the password has a reasonable explanation.
——When we save others, our souls are also saved.
It turns out to be like this.
It should be like this.
Jian Jing thought for a while and decided to read it in reverse narration instead of directly looking at the earliest one.
She had to approach him slowly.
——I
had a nightmare again.
I couldn't see his face clearly in the dream. The professor said that this was the first part I forgot, which meant that his appearance was not worth caring about to me.
Yes, what I remember most clearly is his voice, which suddenly popped up when I wasn't paying attention. The professor said that I occasionally say some strange things - things he said before - but I was completely unaware of them.
The professor suggested that I write them down and then refute them one by one. He said that I was hypnotized and that those were not my real thoughts, so I had to learn to distinguish them.
PS: Anyway, there was nothing to do in the hospital, and the books I was given to read were all in English, French or Swedish. The Chinese novel was called "Fox Volant of the Snowy Mountain".
Are you kidding me?
Oh, I just seemed to remember something.
- There are countless pains and endless tears in life.
Why do I have such thoughts?
How to refute this?
I have a headache and want to eat ice cream. By the way, ice cream is very good, and cakes and fried chicken are also very good. If I hadn't been born, I wouldn't be able to eat these.
In addition, there are many happy things.
It's fun to play with classmates, write stories for others, and watch movies.
In a person's life, there are more joys than pains!
PS: I have no homework recently, so I am suffering less.
-
The beer can is empty.
Jian Jing didn't pour a drop, so she had to stop working temporarily and take out two more cans from the refrigerator. In order not to hinder her reading, she inserted a straw and drank while reading.
To be honest, alcohol is really a good thing, otherwise, reading this diary in the middle of the night would make my hair stand on end.
I drank one-third of it in one breath and continued.
The narration became heavier.
-
Today, the professor and I took a walk in the garden. He said I needed to breathe fresh air, get more sun, and feel the breath of nature.
I didn't want to move, but for William's sake.
William is a golden retriever.
The professor was very annoyed. I knew he meant well, and he insisted on doing an experiment for me.
There were many roses in the garden, and he asked me whether it was better for the flowers to bloom or to wither. I said they looked beautiful when blooming, and they could be used as fertilizer after withering.
The old man spoke good Chinese, and he quoted a line of poetry, "Turning into spring mud to protect the flowers, is that right?"
That's what I meant. Then, he asked me to pick the flowers, no, to be more precise, to dig them out with the roots, burn them into ashes, and then sprinkle them on the ground.
This job was tiring, was he just trying to torture me?
When I finished, he pointed at the ashes and the flowers next to it and asked me, "Never mind the value, what do you think is more beautiful when blooming or when dead?
" I have to admit that fresh flowers are more beautiful than fertilizer.
"We don't have to uglify death, but we shouldn't glorify it either," the professor said. "Anyone - I mean, whether educated or not, rich or poor - would make the same choice as you."
I wanted to refute him, but I didn't know... Maybe, but... No, I can't forget, I can't... I need to remember, I can't forget!
-
The further the timeline goes, the darker the background of the diary becomes.
The shadow of death becomes heavier.
Why would someone praise death? What does he want to do?
--
He said that humans are very fragile animals. If they don't eat, they will starve to death. If they don't drink water, they will die of thirst. If they get sick or injured, they will die soon.
In order to maintain a fragile life, people must do a lot of unhappy things. Adults hate work, just as students hate going to school, but these are things they have to do.
Only in this way can we make money, buy food and clothes, avoid hunger and cold, and have money to treat illnesses and avoid dying early.
But is this meaningful? Working and going to school are painful, and being sick and injured are painful. We endure so much pain just to live. Isn't living all pain?
I told him that there will always be happy times.
He said, yes, but it was very short-lived and very weak, like the fireflies on a summer night, which flickered and disappeared. After a moment of happiness, there was a long and endless night.
I asked him, maybe it was worth it for this little firefly.
He said, instead of spending a lifetime reminiscing about the short time, it would be better to die at the happiest moment. If you see the flying fireflies before closing your eyes, then this will be the supreme happiness.
Dying in happiness, there is no more pain, only peace and pleasure.
I asked, in the future, won't the fireflies come again?
He said, maybe, but it doesn't matter.
Why?
Happiness is only real at the moment of happiness, and the rest of the time, it is an illusion that deceives you into suffering. It's like the candy that your parents use to coax you when you take medicine.
Without sugar, how can you be willing to suffer? But in essence, it still makes you suffer, don't be fooled.
Happiness is just a trap.
He is right, but I... I am sometimes tempted by false happiness. No, if there is no happiness, there will be no pain, then I would rather not... Dad, Mom!!
Dad, Mom!! Mom!! Why me? Why me! What did I do wrong? ? Why why why!!
——This
is the watershed, and the above is the diary written after things gradually got better.
Although the sentences are occasionally broken, they are still organized. Further down, the narration becomes chaotic.
But this is the most valuable part.
The mumbling instilled into my mind is constantly fighting with me.
Jian Jing has reason to believe that this conversation has been played out countless times during the period of disappearance.
-
Why? My mom and dad, why did you kill them? You bastard!
- Honey, calm down, you shouldn't be angry with me about this.
You killed them.
- You think your parents love you very much, no no, they don't love you, they love themselves. What is there about you that is worth liking? When you were a baby, you were just a little thing that knew nothing. Why did they spend money to raise you?
Liar, liar!
- This is not out of love, to be honest, this is an investment. Do you understand what this word means? Just like making money, the money and energy you spend on them today will be recycled. When they are old, you will feed them and take care of their diapers just like they raised you. This is the nature of your birth.
Who believes your lies?
- Happiness, family, love, they are all lies to you. If they don't lie to you, how can you repay them willingly? Dear, life is full of sins from birth. Do you think you were born into this world to enjoy life? How naive!
Oh, you seem to have calmed down, let's talk about it.
I saved you, dear, I saved you from a scam.
You killed people.
Death, yes, let's talk about death.
We have nothing to talk about.
——Jian
Jing took off her glasses and pinched her nose. Her eyes were already bloodshot from staying up late.
There were several beer cans thrown into the trash can, but neither her biological clock nor the alcohol could make her fall asleep. Since
the diary could be written down, it must have been sorted out and organized, and the information revealed was relatively complete. This is naturally of great help in solving the case, but compared to the torture that "Jian Jing" has suffered, it is probably less than one-tenth.
When Jian Jing thought about how much pain she had suffered, she felt uncomfortable and stuffy in her chest.
"Jian Jing" was only fourteen years old when she encountered these.
At the same time, the biggest conflict between her and her family was the incompatibility of her hobbies and studies, the biggest worry was that her test scores fell out of the top ten in the class, and the most angry thing was that her parents did not agree with her and her classmates traveling long distances.
Two worlds, really two worlds.
This even made Jian Jing feel nameless guilt, feeling that she had taken advantage and blaming herself for no reason.
What kind of life did "she" live? What kind of life did I live? I am just lucky and live in a stable world.
This guilt is like a pair of twins, adopted by a poor family and a rich family respectively. She is the rich one, with a comfortable life and a happy childhood, and this is not because of anything else, just because of good luck.
She is ashamed, self-blaming, uneasy, and even a little ashamed.
And this is linked to another kind of shame, the shame that occupies her body. The real me has died, but fortunately I have been reborn in another me.
I stole "her" wealth, status, reputation and even feelings.
We are the same person, can I really enjoy all this with peace of mind?
Negative emotions surged like a tide and drowned her.
Jian Jing's reason clearly informed her: This has nothing to do with you, you are just affected by some negative energy.
But... it can't be done.
People are emotional animals, often empathizing with others, not to mention that this person is actually herself.
Such a suffocating experience, such a painful experience.
Unexpectedly, Jian Jing recalled "Hide and Seek Children".
As the second work of "Jian Jing", Hide and Seek no longer has the fairy-tale imagination of the white cat, and its attitude towards death and murder is cold and indifferent.
I thought this was a special mentality of teenagers, but now I think about it, I can't help but feel terrified.
She sealed her memory, but what about her emotions?
Perhaps, beneath the calm surface of the water, there was always a terrible undercurrent. The waves slowly ate away at the shore, and finally swallowed her silently.
Public opinion was just the last straw.
Jane closed her eyes quietly and held back her tears.