From as far back as I can remember, I was always strictly disciplined and never had the experience of playing with children my own age.
It's not that I don't envy other children who can go up mountains and down rivers, but whenever I see my great-grandmother, I feel unconsciously afraid and don't have the courage to ask to go play.
There was always so much to learn, and by the time he was ten, he had already had three different teachers. From the moment he opened his eyes, he was always with his teachers, and he only saw his mother when it was evening.
There was hatred and resentment in my heart, but later only indifference remained.
When I was little, my mother would hold me and cry, and I would cry too. Later, I started to comfort her, but eventually I became indifferent.
Her two younger sisters and her younger brother were taken away by the Second Master. At that time, she thought about leaving with them, but the thought only lasted for a moment, and she knew that it was impossible.
After I turned ten, I was sent to the capital. I must have felt overjoyed then, imagining that I could finally be free. Finally, I was free from that suffocating place, a place that could hardly be called home.
However, once a habit is formed, it is impossible to completely give up the habit of studying.
I continued learning chess in the capital, but after only a year, my teacher could no longer teach me anything. I didn't want to go back, so I just drifted along. I spent my days playing with my teacher's granddaughter. Although I felt she was too childish, it was still nice. This kind of interaction wasn't tiring.
Sometimes I feel disgusted when I see her doing stupid things; even calling her a pig is an insult to pigs.
However, it also helped to break the monotony of my life.
The master and his wife seemed to really want their granddaughter to get along well with them, so they went along with it.
So in the eyes of outsiders, we are childhood sweethearts. Once, when Second Master and his wife came over, they even joked that I should marry Zheng Wenhui. What a joke! Such a person can only be a diversion in my life. She is not qualified to stand by my side.
Grandma probably realized her own thoughts, and spent more than half of the following year on the mountain.
Actually, I'm someone who's inherently competitive.
I underwent inhuman, grueling training on the mountain. But I never thought of giving up; I persevered, wondering how long I could endure it.
Since I can remember, I've always been studying. Suddenly, I don't need to use my brain; it's all about physical strength. I think I'm quite happy like this, right?
Every day was filled with sweat and toil, and those were the happiest times of my life, as if all the shackles on my body had been removed.
Obsessed with the daily beatings, even if they were beaten so badly they couldn't get up, they were willing to live that kind of life.
Lying on the wooden plank every night, I wonder if I have masochistic tendencies? How could I be so fascinated by this kind of life?
The second year, he never came down the mountain again. He spent every day on the mountain, challenging the instructors one by one. At his worst, he had his ribs broken, but he still managed to laugh out loud.
When she turned thirteen, her father took her back home.
When I first saw him, I felt disgusted and resistant, right? But I had been raised with Confucian and Mencian education, so I was absolutely obedient to my elders.
Dad probably noticed my silence, so he gave me time and money to go out and have fun, anywhere and however I wanted, but I couldn't leave the capital.
I had twenty yuan a day, and back then I didn't know where to go, how to have fun, or what to do.
Wandering the streets in 1952, an era when people still couldn't get enough to eat, the people on the street were like pieces of paper. In my eyes, they were just wandering souls, without bodies.
I didn't spend a penny on the first day. On the second day, my father gave me another twenty yuan and five jin of grain coupons.
I felt I should spend the money, so instead of forcing myself to eat at noon, I went to the biggest restaurant on the street.
So this is what my master meant when he taught me not to focus on my appetite.
That evening, we went to another restaurant. For three days in a row, I'd eaten at all the big restaurants in the capital, and I was getting tired of it; this kind of life was utterly meaningless.
I still have a little over sixty yuan and fifteen jin of grain coupons left. Dad will give me more that night.
Then I would go to the mall and watch people line up and buy things, like an outsider. Sometimes, people would even fight over popular items, which was quite interesting.
So a new kind of fun emerged: going to the supply and marketing cooperative building every day to watch the excitement.
It was still three days, but after three days I suddenly felt that this was too boring.
Returning home feeling utterly bored, Liu Aimin asked, "Jingze, what have you accomplished in these eight days?"
"Dad, I don't think I'm suited to this kind of comfortable life."
"You should think it through yourself. Is there anything else you want to try?"
Liu Jingze shook his head. "No, I don't find it interesting at all. I'd rather go home and study." It's ironic; he was given a chance, but he couldn't adapt.
"Jingze, I won't find you a master. You should go to school."
"Dad, go to school in our hometown."
“It’s possible in your hometown, but only in the city. You can live at your third uncle’s house.”
"Why? I don't like them."
"Jingze, this is also a course. Even if you don't like them, you have to find a way to adapt to them. You will encounter more things you don't like in the future, and you can only change yourself and adapt to them."
You have two days left. You can do whatever you want with your time.
Liu Jingze wandered the streets, finding it all too boring. Before he knew it, he was home, having picked up his books once more.
I stayed home reading for two days straight.
Ten days later, Dad took me to Master Zheng Jixian's house.
Of course, he brought many gifts. Dad is a straightforward person, and he directly denied the Zheng couple's claims about Zheng Wenhui.
"Mr. Zheng, Jingze has a fiancée; they were engaged when we were children. Our Liu family would never break off an engagement."
This is two hundred yuan. Thank you, Mr. Zheng, for taking care of Jingze over the past year.
The Zheng couple's faces changed, but they held back and didn't lash out.
Zheng Wenhui actually pulled me and cried, which was disgusting. However, I would never do anything that would make others criticize me, so I patiently comforted her.
The father and son finally broke free from the Zheng family's control. "Dad, how come I have a fiancée? How come I didn't know?"
"That's Zhang Aiguo's daughter, Zhang Hongmei. Although she's only four years old, she's also your future wife."
Jingze, although I said we wouldn't call off the engagement, if you really don't want to, we won't force you.
"Dad, go back and tell my great-grandmother that we shouldn't mention Zhang Hongmei as my fiancée anymore. Just pretend it never happened."
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