Soothing a child is a difficult process, especially since Zhou Xinya never cries.
When I first came to Shanghai, I tried to please Sun Lifang in the unfamiliar environment, and I never cried when faced with children who bullied and mocked her.
Today, I witnessed the first time a mother and daughter had a conflict and shed tears.
He was sobbing and couldn't explain himself.
"Why are you crying?" Sun Lifang cupped her little face in her hands, patting it a couple of times with her thumb, and said, "If there's a mistake, we'll fix it—"
"Mom didn't hit you, why are you crying?"
As if afraid her daughter didn't understand, Sun Lifang concluded, "You can't want everything, that's too greedy."
"Having gotten French food and then wanting cartoons too, isn't that being too greedy?"
"Aren't you a greedy little girl?"
Sun Lifang didn't expect a response after she said it in a joking tone.
Thinking it was just a small matter that would pass after a while of coaxing, Zhou Xinya nodded vigorously and hummed in agreement.
Is this a matter of admitting or not admitting fault?
Before Sun Lifang could answer, Zhou Xinya spoke up, "I'm a greedy little girl because I think my mother loves me the most—"
Because of love, one will unconditionally grant many requests.
"Just like I don't like getting up early to read, but my mom likes me to be obedient, so I get out of bed as soon as the alarm rings."
"But sometimes I want to be naughty, I don't want to always be obedient... hiccup."
In the end, the little girl cried again—
"I've been obedient so many times, what's wrong with disobeying once in a while?"
After listening to Zhou Xinya's reasoned and well-founded expression of her emotions, Sun Lifang felt both bitter and numb.
How should I put it?
My daughter has grown up and is now able to express her emotions rationally.
She needed love and indulgence, and Sun Lifang gave her love, but never indulgence.
Indulgence is not allowed. As a mother, she always likes to lecture, telling her child to be obedient and polite, and not to cause trouble for others.
But Zhou Xinya also wanted to be a "bad girl".
She had calculated the time difference carefully today, and she was just about to try to act spoiled and act cute when her mother immediately stopped her.
Just like a heinous villain who occasionally does a good deed and is praised as "a prodigal son returning home," while a normally well-behaved child who occasionally misbehaves is unbearable for parents.
It was at this moment that Sun Lifang began to reflect—
Am I too much of a perfectionist?
Trying to raise a child into a well-mannered adult too early ignores the fact that she also has the right to be willful.
Moreover, what happened today, seemingly because Zhou Xinya interrupted the dinner party, actually exposed such a big problem.
Since her rebirth, she felt that her daughter had become exceptionally well-behaved thanks to her upbringing.
Even when other parents are struggling with how to wake their children up in the morning and get them to sleep at night, and have to do everything themselves, they feel quite content.
But is there such a good fruit in the world for me to pick?
No.
All children are the same; parents need to not only love them but also give them appropriate indulgence.
Once the scales of love and rules tip, something needs to be added to the other side.
Sun Lifang hugged her daughter and kept apologizing, "Mom didn't expect this, I'm so sorry."
"I made you sad, don't cry, don't cry."
Zhou Xinya felt even more aggrieved, her eyes welling up with tears, and she spoke with a heavy nasal tone, "I'm very well-behaved."
"Yes, yes, she's very good. She's Mommy's best and cutest daughter." Sun Lifang showered her daughter with compliments as if they were free, trying to fill the emotional void in her daughter's heart.
With her eyes swollen from crying, Zhou Xinya asked her, "What if I'm not good?"
"You won't like me anymore if I'm not good?"
"No, no," Sun Lifang denied vehemently, saying sincerely, "You are my daughter, and I will always love you, no matter what."
After going through all this trouble, Sun Lifang finally understood—
The girl is just afraid that he won't love her anymore.
Children confirm their parents' love through repeated testing, and it's also Sun Lifang's fault for being too strict.
Anything that doesn't conform to the rules should be brought up and discussed.
"Sigh!" Sun Lifang let out a long sigh.
Being a mother is hard, but raising a mentally healthy child is even harder.
Although they say they want to "be friends with their children," in reality, when problems arise, parents often can't help but lecture and put themselves on a superior level.
If this continues, the child will definitely doubt himself, feel that there is a barrier between him and his parents, and not want to communicate.
Perhaps, many more difficult problems await Sun Lifang in the future.
But it's okay, she already has the medicine.
What kind of medicine is it?
That is love—
Only love can be the cure.
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