Chapter 81 "Since he doesn't love me anymore, then let..."
The soft sunlight illuminated Ling Zhenli's slender profile.
Two or three days have passed since the argument with Pei Xuanlin that night.
These past few days have felt like time has been stretched out, with every moment feeling like an agonizing knife cutting through my body.
Ling Zhenli sat alone in the palace. The cold wind outside the window was biting, making the windowpanes creak and stirring her emotions.
Her face was pale, and she seemed to have lost all her energy, leaving only endless longing and regret.
She missed him terribly.
Pei Xuanlin's image lingered in her mind.
His voice, his eyes, his gentle appearance—all seemed etched into her heart, so clear that they caused her excruciating pain.
She once thought herself proud and unyielding, but when she truly lost contact with him and the familiar footsteps no longer echoed outside the palace, she realized that loving someone had already crushed her pride to pieces.
She didn't want to imagine that there were other women in his life.
Especially Xue Xianzhu, she looks gentle and graceful, like a woman who can easily win Pei Xuanlin's favor.
Ling Zhenli knew that she had a strong personality and clear likes and dislikes. In front of Pei Xuanlin, she was not as gentle and considerate as Xue Xianzhu.
But she once thought that Pei Xuanlin understood her, understood her stubbornness, and understood her love.
But now, he hasn't come for many days, not even a single greeting.
Has he already forgotten her?
Regret surged into my heart like a tide.
If she hadn't been so stubborn that night, if she had been willing to say a few soft words, perhaps things wouldn't have come to this.
She began to wonder if she had been too willful, which was why she was pushing him further and further away.
She wanted to see him, apologize to him in person, tell him she was wrong, and win him back.
She even rehearsed her apology countless times in her mind, thinking over and over how to get him to forgive her.
But she is still under house arrest.
This is Pei Xuanlin's punishment for her, the price she paid for her past entanglements with other men.
On the days when Pei Xuanlin didn't come to keep her company, she could only sit alone in the palace, listening to the water clock ticking and counting down the days.
But now she can't sit still anymore.
A powerful impulse drove her to the point that she could no longer endure the endless waiting and torment.
Ling Zhenli thought that even if she was punished or rejected, she had to see Pei Xuanlin and apologize to him in person.
She took a deep breath, slowly got up, walked to the door, and pushed open the heavy palace door.
The door opened.
There was no lock.
Ling Zhenli was stunned.
Everyone still calls her Her Majesty the Empress, and the doors can be opened at any time. It's as if the confinement and the deposition of the Empress never existed.
Ling Zhenli stood blankly at the door, the cold wind blowing in her face, ruffling her hair and clearing her confused thoughts.
She understood.
From the very beginning, it was a shackle in her own heart. Pei Xuanlin never truly imprisoned her; she herself trapped herself in this Zichen Palace, trapped in a cage of regret and fear.
"Your Majesty, are you going out?"
A palace maid hurried over and, seeing her standing in front of the door, asked her with concern.
Ling Zhenli came to her senses and said softly, "I want to see the Emperor. Where is he?"
The palace maid replied, "Your Majesty is in the Imperial Garden. It is freezing cold and windy today. Your Majesty should take a sedan chair instead, so as not to catch a cold."
Ling Zhenli nodded.
She did feel cold, not just physically, but also emotionally.
The chill shot straight up from her feet to her heart, making her shiver involuntarily.
Before long, the sedan chair was ready.
Ling Zhenli sat in the sedan chair, the curtains were drawn, shutting out the wind and snow outside.
The sedan chair slowly rose and moved forward steadily. She leaned against the soft cushions, closed her eyes, and her thoughts were in turmoil.
She began to plan in her mind how to meet Pei Xuanlin.
Should she throw herself into his arms and cry? Or should she kneel down and beg for his forgiveness? Or perhaps, she should simply stand quietly in front of him and whisper, "I was wrong, I miss you so much."
She considered many possibilities, each one making her heart race.
She even fantasized that when Pei Xuanlin saw her, he would immediately drop everything, embrace her, and say, "Ah Li, you've finally decided to come find me. I've been waiting for you for so long."
She knew it was a fantasy, but she wanted it.
Perhaps Xue Xianzhu doesn't like Pei Xuanlin, and perhaps Pei Xuanlin hasn't really fallen for Xue Xianzhu either. As long as she makes amends in time, as long as she's willing to humble herself, there's still a chance for things to turn around.
The sedan chair headed towards the Imperial Garden.
Her heart pounded faster and faster as she walked, and her palms became sweaty.
Ling Zhenli kept telling herself: as long as she saw Pei Xuanlin and apologized, everything would be alright.
The Imperial Garden is not far from the Zichen Hall; it usually takes only the time it takes for an incense stick to burn to walk there.
Because of the cold weather, the sedan chair traveled a little slower today, but it arrived quickly.
From afar, Ling Zhenli could see the vermilion archway of the Imperial Garden, where plum blossoms bloomed proudly in the snow, their subtle fragrance wafting in the air.
She lifted the sedan curtain, about to get out, but froze in that instant.
In the Imperial Garden, beneath the plum tree, Pei Xuanlin stood.
He wore a black dragon robe, his posture was upright, and his face was as handsome as ever.
And standing in front of him was Xue Xianzhu.
She was dressed in a light pink gown, her hair was loosely styled, and a strand of black hair fell over her shoulder.
Pei Xuanlin raised his hand and gently tidied her hair, which had been ruffled by the wind. His movements were extremely gentle, his eyes were focused and affectionate, and there was a slight smile on his lips.
Xue Xianzhu looked up at him, her eyes smiling, her cheeks slightly flushed, as if a thousand words were hidden in that gentle glance.
Suddenly, Pei Xuanlin reached out and gently pulled her into his arms.
Xue Xianzhu leaned into his arms, and the two smiled at each other, their smiles so sweet they seemed to melt ice and snow.
Ling Zhenli stood beside the sedan chair, looking at the two sweet and loving people, feeling cold all over, as if her body was frozen by ice and snow, unable to move.
She witnessed the scene she least wanted to see.
She saw Pei Xuanlin's tenderness towards another woman, and she saw the deep affection in his eyes that no longer belonged to her.
She saw that the embrace she once thought belonged only to her was now holding another woman.
She saw the unspoken understanding and intimacy between them, and the sweetness that once belonged to her.
Her heart was broken.
At that moment, all her fantasies, preparations, and courage collapsed instantly.
She thought that as long as she was willing to humble herself and admit her mistakes, there was still a chance for things to turn around, but reality slapped her hard in the face.
Pei Xuanlin was no longer waiting for her; he had fallen for someone else.
Ling Zhenli stood there, the wind and snow lashing her face, but she felt no cold. The world seemed to stand still, leaving only the two figures embracing, like a sharp blade cutting into her heart again and again.
She wanted to rush up to Pei Xuanlin, to question him, to pull Xue Xianzhu away from his arms, and even had an impulse to tell him that Xue Xianzhu was nothing and that only she, Xue Yingyue, was worthy of him.
But she couldn't.
She was the empress; she didn't want to lose her composure in front of everyone, and she couldn't allow her dignity to crumble.
She could only stand there, watching as the man she loved most embraced another woman, smiling happily.
Tears slid silently down her cheeks and dripped onto the snow, instantly freezing in the cold air.
She raised her hand to wipe away her tears, trying to appear calm, but her hand was trembling, her lips were shaking, and her heart was bleeding.
"Let's go back to the Zichen Palace." Her voice was hoarse and almost inaudible.
Seeing that her expression was not right, the palace maid hurriedly said, "Your Majesty, are you alright? Should we summon the imperial physician together...?"
"Alright, let's go back first."
Ling Zhenli hurriedly turned her head away, unwilling to look anymore, and didn't hear what the palace maid had just said.
The sedan chair immediately turned around and returned along the same route.
Ling Zhenli sat in the sedan chair, unable to hold back any longer. She buried her face in her knees and sobbed softly. Her sobs were suppressed and helpless, as if the whole world had abandoned her.
She really can't do it.
She really couldn't bear to see Pei Xuanlin fall in love with someone else and treat other women so well.
She once thought that she could endure everything, that she could tolerate Xue Xianzhu's existence for Pei Xuanlin's sake, and that she could endure in order to regain Pei Xuanlin's love.
But when she saw that scene with her own eyes, she realized that some things are simply unbearable.
Loving someone is selfish.
She didn't want to share Pei Xuanlin's tenderness with other women, didn't want to share his embrace, didn't want to share his smile, and most importantly, she wouldn't share his bed with other women.
She wanted all of Pei Xuanlin, but she couldn't even keep a single glance from him.
Back in the Zichen Palace, Ling Zhenli slumped onto the bed, gazing at the empty palace, and suddenly felt an unprecedented loneliness.
This was once the place where she and Pei Xuanlin spent wonderful times together, the place where they whispered sweet nothings. But now, in this vast hall, she was all alone, the desolation making her feel uneasy.
She began to doubt the meaning of her existence.
Is she destined to spend the rest of her life competing with another woman for favor in order to gain value?
Does she have to dress up every day, flatter every day, and think about how to win the emperor's favor every day? Right now, she only has Xue Xianzhu, but what about in the future? Does she have to scheme and fight with more concubines, constantly calculating, competing for favor, and relying on a man's love to prove her worth in this world?
Is this really the life she wants?
The vows of eternal love we once made have become a joke.
A man's vows are so easily broken.
Thinking of this, Ling Zhenli began to hate herself.
She hated herself for being too naive and too stubborn. She knew perfectly well that the palace was a place of intrigue and danger, and that her husband was the emperor, whose heart could not belong to only one person. Yet she still foolishly believed that she could be an exception.
She hated Pei Xuanlin, hated how quickly he changed his mind, hated that his past gentleness was all an illusion, and hated that he made her taste the pain of unrequited love.
But more than anything, they resent their fate.
Why her? Why must she endure such suffering? Why does fate make her suffer in this deep palace every day...?
The palace maids exchanged glances, knowing that the Empress was in a bad mood, and dared not say anything more, so they quietly withdrew.
Ling Zhenli lay on the bed, gazing at the ceiling, recalling her previous arguments with Pei Xuanlin.
She was unhappy with Xue Xianzhu's existence and wanted to kill her, which enraged him. Looking back now, she thought she was defending love, but in reality, she was pushing him further and further away.
Anyway, Pei Xuanlin is the emperor, and she can't get pregnant. He'll have other women sooner or later, so why is she reacting so strongly? She should just be obedient and listen to him. Maybe he'll continue to pamper her.
Ling Zhenli regretted not being gentle and tolerant towards him, and regretted not showing weakness in front of him sooner. If she could have been like Xue Xianzhu, he wouldn't have left so decisively.
But there's no going back in this world.
She knew that from now on, Pei Xuanlin would never come back.
His body and soul have already been given to someone else.
She could only spend the rest of her life guarding the empty Zichen Palace and her broken love.
No matter how beautiful the flowers are, they will eventually be destroyed by wind and snow.
She once thought she was the most beautiful flower on the branch, but now she is just a forgotten petal in a corner, ignored by everyone.
What path should she take from now on...?
Ling Zhenli sat quietly on the rosewood chair. Baiyun ran over and she picked it up. Now, only Baiyun was with her.
The cat curled up in her arms, its eyes half-closed obediently, occasionally nuzzling her lower abdomen gently.
Ling Zhenli's fingers slowly stroked the cat's back, her movements gentle, but her eyes were empty as still water.
The palace maid knocked on the door and, after receiving permission from Ling Zhenli to enter, stepped inside and whispered, "Your Majesty, the Duke of Bao is outside requesting an audience."
Ling Zhenli didn't even lift her eyelids, her voice hoarse: "Announce."
Her tone was numb, as if the person who came was just an insignificant passerby.
Now that Xue Xianzhu has returned, Xue Haoting is indeed just a passerby.
Ha, Xue Haoting, he deceived her so deeply, he's been making a fool of her all along.
But she didn't care anymore, because her heart was dead.
The door opened slightly, and a tall, slender figure stepped into the hall.
Xue Haoting was dressed in a dark brocade robe with a jade belt around his waist. His brows were cold and his gaze was sharp as a knife, fixed directly on Ling Zhenli.
He neither bowed nor spoke; he simply stood there quietly after entering, like a cold, austere statue.
Ling Zhenli looked up after a long time, gazing at him wearily, a mocking smile playing on her lips.
"Brother, did you come here to laugh at me?"
Her voice was light and airy, and she deliberately called him "brother" in a mocking tone. Seeing how well he was doing, she just wanted to disgust him.
"Your own sister has come back to life, why aren't you going to see her? What are you doing here instead?"
Xue Haoting's eyes flickered slightly, but he remained silent.
He approached step by step, the soles of his boots making a crisp sound on the floor, each step feeling like stepping on Ling Zhenli's heart.
"No."
Xue Haoting finally spoke, his voice low and firm, "It has nothing to do with anyone else; I came here specifically to see you."
Ling Zhenli chuckled, tightening her grip on the cat, and said weakly, "Why are you looking at me like this? I'm not worth your special trip to see. Are you out of your mind?"
Xue Haoting laughed at her scolding, his eyes slightly raised, revealing a helpless smile.
“Pei Xuanlin doesn’t love you anymore, but you don’t need to be so self-destructive. I see you’re still walking the cat and playing with the dog, and you seem to be having a good time. You don’t look like someone who has fallen out of favor at all.”
"Yes."
Ling Zhenli picked up the cat in her arms, pressed it against her face, and said in a sweet voice, "Because I'm also Ahri."
Her eyes were unfocused, as if she truly saw herself as a cat, hiding under soft fur to escape the cruelty of reality.
Xue Haoting felt a pang of pain in his heart when he saw her like this.
He knew she wasn't happy, but rather heartbroken to the extreme, which was why she was using this absurd way to numb herself.
"Are you going to give up on yourself?" he asked in a low voice.
Ling Zhenli was still smiling, but her smile was pale and weak.
“I’ve always been like this, so how can you talk about giving up on yourself? Besides, I don’t have the strength to struggle anymore.”
Her words were like a dull knife, slowly cutting into Xue Haoting's heart.
He took a deep breath and finally spoke.
"Xue Xianzhu betrayed the emperor."
Ling Zhenli gave a soft "hmm," completely unaware of what he meant.
“I know, she has a very good relationship with the emperor. I saw it. Isn’t she already the empress?”
"No."
"What exactly do you mean? Can't you just say what you mean? What I hate most is that you always ramble on and on, never getting to the point."
Ling Zhenli finally lost her patience, revealing an expression of disgust and hatred. She gritted her teeth and frowned, looking completely furious.
Xue Haoting shook his head and said directly, as she wished, "What I mean is, don't you know very well that the Xue family has only ever had one daughter?"
Ling Zhenli's pupils suddenly contracted.
She looked up, her eyes filled with doubt and wariness: "What do you mean by that?"
She couldn't believe that Xue Haoting was loyal to her, so she asked him a question.
"I'm not stupid. You wouldn't help me go against your own sister, would you?"
"You are my real sister."
Xue Haoting spoke slowly and deliberately, his gaze intense.
“You are the real Xue Yingyue, always have been. If you don’t believe me, you can look at your Empress’s edict of investiture. Your name, Xue Run, is clearly written on it. As for Xue Xianzhu, she is an imposter. She is trying to take your place and usurp everything you have.”
"Stop saying things like that." Ling Zhenli was already tired and fed up with it.
Xue Haoting's face turned cold.
“Everything I’m saying is the truth. You are your father and mother’s child. Your father is a profit-driven man. You know him better than he does. Don’t you know what he’s capable of? Under certain circumstances, he can have any child. If you don’t believe me, let me ask you again: Don’t you think you resemble your father? Don’t you think you resemble your mother? Do you think you have any resemblance to your former parents? And what about Xue Xianzhu? Do you think you are more like your father and mother’s child, or her?”
Xue Yingyue.
Xue Yingyue.
The name exploded in Ling Zhenli's mind like a thunderbolt.
She was stunned, as if a ray of light had cleaved her chaotic soul.
"What...what do you mean? What do you mean by saying these things?!"
Ling Zhenli sensed something was wrong. Xue Haoting didn't seem to be joking with her anymore; on the contrary...
On the contrary, it made her feel terrified upon closer examination.
Seeing that she was wavering, Xue Haoting continued.
"Do you know why the Fang family and the Xue family have such a deep-seated hatred for each other? Do you really think that just because the engagement was broken off, these prestigious families who value their reputation would never speak to each other again? Madam Lu married a man she didn't love, so she hates the person who got the man she loved, which is to say, she hates our mother. When your mother was pregnant with you, she suddenly wanted to travel and enjoy the scenery, which gave her the perfect opportunity. She sent people to set fire to the house where your mother was resting during her pregnancy, causing your mother to have a premature birth due to the shock. That's why you are so weak."
"Can you please stop making up stories?" Ling Zhenli was genuinely angry. "This is utter nonsense! Xue Haoting, instead of being the Minister of the Imperial Household, have you switched to being a storyteller on Tianqiao Street?"
Xue Haoting ignored her anger and simply spoke his mind.
"When you were kidnapped by villains, your mother was heartbroken and your father sent people to search for you. Your good father, Magistrate Ling, switched his biological daughter with you, so that his biological daughter could live the good life of a daughter of a prime minister, while you became a loveless girl who could only receive perfunctory and feigned affection from the magistrate and his wife."
"You're talking nonsense." Ling Zhenli's face turned cold, her eyes filled with icy intent. "These are all lies you made up, so shut up now."
"You mean to say that your father is an upright person, right? You mean to say that he wouldn't do such a thing, right? Then what do you think of your biological mother? Would she? Do you think she likes you? Do you think she doesn't care about you? Does she think it doesn't matter whether you live or die?"
Although Ling Zhenli was already on the verge of a breakdown, Xue Haoting was still relentless and determined to destroy her completely.
"Because you're not her biological daughter, what does it matter to her whether you live or die? The more outstanding you are, the more it proves that you're not her daughter. Your dancing skills are superb, and you're also proficient in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. Do you think there's a problem? Is any of these skills something that the Ling couple were good at and passed down to you? Or do you really think you're exceptionally talented and self-taught?"
"Enough." Ling Zhenli tried her best to suppress her anger.
"Do you know that the magistrate's wife, your mother, is Cui's illegitimate daughter? She is our mother's half-sister, but our maternal grandfather did not intend for her to be recognized by the family. So she harbored resentment and used this method to take revenge on our mother, on you, and on the Cui family. That's why you and Xianzhu have a slight resemblance in your eyes. Do you understand?"
"I've said enough!"
Ling Zhenli's patience reached its limit. She roared in anger and threw the teapot next to her at Xue Haoting's feet, smashing it with a loud bang.
"Shut up! Everything you've said is baseless and entirely your own imagination!"
Xue Haoting looked at the furious Ling Zhenli with unwavering composure, speaking slowly and deliberately.
"Whether you think this is fantasy or reality, you should wake up. Who do you think you are, Xue Yingyue? Stop using that past identity as yourself. That's not who you are."
Xue Haoting is right.
She was born with a phoenix-like destiny, exceptionally intelligent, and proficient in all the arts, including music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. She was the most dazzling among the noble ladies of the capital, Xue Run.
She is not Ling Tang, she is Xue Run.
For a long time, she has been trapped in the cage of her past identity.
She was not an orphan of the Ling family; she was the true daughter of the Xue family and the rightful empress.
Furthermore, the word "defeat" doesn't exist in Xue Yingyue's dictionary.
Xue Yingyue slowly put down the cat in her arms and stood up.
Her back straightened, and her eyes, no longer empty, became proud and cold.
She walked step by step toward Xue Haoting, her skirt trailing on the ground, elegant and composed.
Xue Haoting looked down at her, who was so close to him. Her fingers lightly traced the front of his shirt, and her voice was low and husky, full of ambition.
"If only this world could fall into the hands of my brother and me, wouldn't that be wonderful?"
Xue Haoting chuckled softly, took her hand, lowered his head and gently kissed the back of her hand, his voice becoming a little gentler.
"You've finally accepted your true identity. Welcome to your new life, my dear sister, Run'er."
A ruthless glint flashed in Xue Yingyue's eyes.
She will no longer run away, no longer be weak.
She wants to take back everything that belongs to her, including...
"Brother, you have to help me."
She looked directly into Xue Haoting's eyes and said, "Send someone into the palace to deliver poison to me."
Xue Haoting frowned slightly: "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to poison Pei Xuanlin."
Her voice was cold, her heart filled with sorrow, though her expression remained impassive.
“Since he no longer loves me, let him die. I know there must be some poison in the house that can kill without leaving a trace. Give it to me, and I will kill him. After he dies, I will ascend the throne as Empress, and the world will belong to the Xue family.”
Her words were like ice blades drawn from their sheaths, radiating a chilling light.
Xue Haoting looked at her, a complex emotion flashing in his eyes, but in the end he said nothing and just nodded.
"I promise you."
He pulled her into his arms and whispered in her ear.
"I will definitely bring you poison."
The two figures, embracing, were projected onto the wall, forming an inseparable shadow.
Xue Haoting cupped the back of Xue Yingyue's neck with his palm, his fingertips digging into her hair.
This kiss was forbidden yet alluring, filled with complex emotions that were hard to describe.
Xue Yingyue closed her eyes, her long eyelashes trembling slightly.
She could feel Xue Haoting's hot breath. At this moment, the words, whether true or false, no longer mattered. Their lips met, and their fates were tightly bound together.
She was someone who meant nothing to anyone.
Let's just keep living like this, clinging to life.
Xue Yingyue took the initiative to wrap her arms around Xue Haoting's neck, deepening the kiss.
If their ill-fated relationship began with a red thread called blood, then they should remain entangled until death do them part.
After a long while, Xue Haoting finally released her slowly.
His fingertips brushed against her slightly swollen lips, his voice low and firm: "You stay obediently in the palace and don't think about dying. You are the Empress, and that will not change no matter what happens."
"Okay, sure."
Xue Yingyue responded softly, leaning against his chest, listening to his strong heartbeat, and her own heart slowly calmed down.
She didn't want to be a heartbroken woman trapped in the palace, and rather than wait to die there, she decided to take the initiative.
"Remember your words, I'm waiting for your poison."
**
Pei Xuanlin learned that Duke Xue Haoting of Bao State had entered the palace with the Empress's token late at night.
He was still reviewing memorials in the imperial study when he heard this and suddenly smashed his teacup on the ground, shards flying everywhere.
"How dare the Empress!"
Pei Xuanlin was so angry that he laughed instead.
"I haven't seen her for less than three days. Today, I only provoked her a little in the Imperial Garden, and she couldn't wait to meet with another man, who was her own brother? Does she think this harem is her Xue family's backyard, where the Xue family can come and go as they please!"
The eunuch beside him whispered, "Your Majesty, the Duke of Bao stayed in the Zichen Palace for an hour and just left."
Pei Xuanlin was furious and slammed his fist on the table: "Then why didn't you tell me!"
The eunuch lowered his head even further: "The Empress instructed that I may only speak to you after the Duke of Bao has left."
Pei Xuanlin's eyes darkened, and anger surged within him.
He had thought that Xue Yingyue would cry and beg him to change his mind, and would humbly depend on him as before.
But she didn't.
Instead of bowing her head, she openly summoned her brother, behaving in an ambiguous manner that was known throughout the palace, except for him. She even deliberately waited until he had left before having someone tell him, as if she wanted to infuriate him.
If she drives him crazy, she can then be sweet with another man, right?
Impossible! Dream on!
Pei Xuanlin couldn't contain himself and got up to leave.
"Prepare the carriage for the Zichen Palace."
"Yes, this servant will go and prepare it immediately."
...
The night wind was biting, and the palace lanterns shone like stars.
When Pei Xuanlin stepped into the Zichen Palace, the candles inside were still lit. Xue Yingyue was sitting in front of the mirror combing her hair. Her long hair cascaded down like a waterfall, reflecting the candlelight, making her breathtakingly beautiful.
She didn't turn around, but just stared coldly at him in the bronze mirror.
Before Pei Xuanlin even got close, his mocking voice reached Xue Yingyue's ears.
“You shameless bastard, are you that thirsty? I haven’t touched you for only a few days and you can’t wait to find another man. You’re far too wanton.”
Upon hearing the voice, Xue Yingyue slowly turned around, completely disregarding what he had just said. Her gaze towards him held no trace of love, only icy hatred.
She looked at him as if he were a stranger, a heartless man, someone she had loved with all her life, but now only wanted to kill.
"Since Your Majesty knows that the Duke of Bao has already satisfied me today, what brings you here tonight?"
Xue Yingyue chuckled, her voice like a venomous snake coiling around the room, "Does Your Majesty enjoy sleeping with women other men have just slept with?"
Upon hearing this, Pei Xuanlin's expression changed drastically, and anger instantly surged to his head.
He leaned in and grabbed her slender wrist with such force that he almost crushed her bones.
In a dizzying moment, Xue Yingyue was dragged and pulled onto the bed and pressed hard onto the soft mattress.
"Let me go!" Xue Yingyue struggled, hatred and anger surfacing in her eyes.
"open?"
Pei Xuanlin sneered, his eyes devoid of any warmth, only burning red from betrayal and jealousy.
"I'm telling you, you belong to me in life and in death. Without my permission, you are not allowed to let any man touch you!"
"Why! You broke your vow first. You said you would never love anyone else but me!" Xue Yingyue was still unable to shake off Pei Xuanlin's hands that were controlling her.
Pei Xuanlin sneered: "Yes, it's a pity that this day has still come."
A sharp, tearing sound shattered the deathly silence in the hall.
He roughly tore open the front of her dress, and the gorgeous brocade robe was like a fragile butterfly wing under his hands, instantly turning into pieces to reveal the plain undergarment and a patch of snow-white skin underneath.
The sudden contact of the cold air with my skin sent a shiver down my spine.
She knew that struggling was futile, and any resistance at this moment would only further enrage him.
Xue Yingyue closed her eyes in despair, tears silently streaming down her face.
"You've already fallen in love with Xue Xianzhu, so why are you coming to find me..."
"Heh." Pei Xuanlin sneered, "Xianzhu is pregnant and it's inconvenient for her to serve me. How about that reason? Is it enough?"
"Pei Xuanlin, you're disgusting."
"You deserve it, you'll have to suffer."
When her last shred of protection was ruthlessly torn away, and when her body was punished with an almost punitive force, she curled up her toes in pain, her nails digging deep into her palms, and stubbornly bit her lower lip, refusing to utter another sound of begging for mercy.
This was unlike any other time before; there was no tenderness whatsoever, only pure catharsis and conquest.
It was as if he was trying to prove that she belonged entirely to him in this way.
Despite Pei Xuanlin's complete disregard for her, Xue Yingyue did not beg for mercy or cry. She simply stared at him with eyes as cold as ice.
After an unknown amount of time, a tearing pain came from below her, and Xue Yingyue finally couldn't help but cry out in pain.
By candlelight, Pei Xuanlin was astonished to see a glaring crimson stain slowly spreading across the plain-colored bedsheets…
The crimson liquid, like a bucket of ice water poured over his head, instantly extinguished the raging fire in Pei Xuanlin's chest.
He actually hurt her...
How is he any different from Xiao Chongheng, that beast who hurt her...?
Looking at the pale face of the person beneath him, at her furrowed brows from the excruciating pain, at the crisscrossing tear tracks on her face, and at her eyes filled with agony and despair.
An unprecedented panic suddenly gripped his heart.
Pei Xuanlin stopped all movement helplessly. His previous violence and anger had vanished without a trace, leaving only regret and heartache.
"Ah Li... I'm sorry, I... I was wrong, I'm so sorry..."
Xue Yingyue could no longer hold on; the pent-up grievances, the excruciating physical pain, and the emotional trauma finally broke down at this moment.
She could no longer suppress her emotions and burst into tears, her thin shoulders trembling violently, her cries filled with endless grief and heartbreak.
Being hurt in such a humiliating way by a man who doesn't love her is like a knife to Xue Yingyue's heart. What used to be a natural and sweet affair now brings no joy but endless pain and hurt.
Through her teary eyes, she could vaguely see the obvious panic on Pei Xuanlin's face.
He seemed completely at a loss as to how to deal with the situation before him; his eyes, which were usually so commanding and insightful, were now filled with clumsiness and helplessness.
He carefully withdrew from her body, frantically pulling the blanket over her and wrapping her tightly, as if trying to cover up the harm he had caused.
Pei Xuanlin reached out, wanting to wipe away her tears, but then froze in mid-air, afraid of hurting her again.
In the end, all he could do was clumsily pat her trembling back, repeating the gesture over and over again in a soft, almost pleading tone, as if coaxing a frightened child.
"Don't cry, Ahri... don't cry... it's my fault... I'm such a jerk..."
His voice was low and hoarse, filled with deep regret, "Ah Li, don't cry... I know I was wrong, I'm a bastard, I deserve to die..."
However, his reassurance came too late.
Xue Yingyue curled up in the brocade quilt, her back to him, her sobs gradually turning into suppressed sobs.
That frail figure was filled with alienation and despair.
Only her broken sobs and Pei Xuanlin's heavy, disordered breathing remained in the hall.
The candlelight still flickered, but the unfathomable chasm between the two would never be illuminated again.
After a long silence, Xue Yingyue suppressed her emotions and choked out a sob.
"Pei Xuanlin, you should leave now and never come back."
"Ah Li...I..."
Pei Xuanlin panicked completely. He didn't know how to explain his behavior, and no matter what he said, Xue Yingyue didn't want to hear it.
"Go away, go away! I don't want to see you again, just go!"
Seeing that Xue Yingyue was losing control of her emotions, Pei Xuanlin did not want to make her even angrier, so he got up and left the hall to calm her down.
"I'm leaving now, I'm leaving now, don't cry."
"Get out of here!"
The doors of the Zichen Palace slammed shut behind Pei Xuanlin after he left, making a dull thud, as if a heavy hammer had struck his heart.
He stood there, stunned, his outstretched hand still hanging in mid-air, his fingertips seemingly still feeling her warm touch.
"Ah Li, calm down."
He knocked lightly on the palace door, his voice carrying a panic he himself was unaware of.
"Calm down, let me in. Let's talk this out, okay? I was irrational today. I apologize. I didn't mean to."
The hall was deathly silent.
Suddenly he heard the crisp sound of porcelain shattering, followed by her angry rebuke, her voice trembling with tears.
"Pei Xuanlin, get out of here! Die! Why haven't you gone to find Xue Xianzhu yet! You two don't deserve to live! You two should die together! I'll kill you both sooner or later! She's pregnant, so you come here to humiliate me, is that it! Damn it, are the guards at the gate all dead? Tell your emperor to get out! Get out of Zichen Palace!"
These words were like poisoned ice picks, piercing Pei Xuanlin's chest.
Her tone was so resolute and cold, as if he were her most hated enemy in this life.
He went too far.
"I was wrong, I was wrong."
Pei Xuanlin pressed his forehead against the cold door. "I shouldn't have done those things to you. It was all my fault..."
The sound came from inside the hall again, this time filling him with even greater despair.
"No, you are the emperor, whatever you do is right, that's fine with you. Pei Xuanlin, you don't need to apologize to me. I know that you gave me too high a position in the past, so you can't depose me from my position as empress for the time being. In order to keep me in check, you have to put on an act for me. There's no need for that. I won't do anything. Go back."
"No... Ahri, no... I... I didn't... I didn't mean that... Ahri, Ahri, let me in..."
Pei Xuanlin pounded on the palace door, his voice unusually urgent, "Why won't you listen to me?"
Xue Yingyue's voice came through the door, heartbreakingly hoarse.
"If I really refused to listen, would I have let you wail outside the palace for so long? But now I really don't want to listen anymore. Guards, take His Majesty back to where he belongs."
She was also in great pain, but no matter how reluctant she was, she had to bear the thought of letting go. Pei Xuanlin was no longer completely hers; she would rather be a broken jade than a whole tile.
"Your Majesty, it's late..."
The eunuch stepped forward cautiously to remind Your Majesty, "There is a morning court session tomorrow. The Xue family has been making quite a few moves these past few days. Your Majesty cannot allow yourself to..."
"roll!"
Pei Xuanlin shouted sternly, which frightened the eunuch into kneeling down in a panic.
He turned back towards the palace gate, his voice already hoarse: "Ah Li, at least let me in, give me a chance to explain."
This time, there was no response from inside the hall for a long time.
Just when he thought she wouldn't speak again, he heard her voice, so soft it was almost inaudible.
“Pei Xuanlin, I no longer love you, and you don’t love me either. If we continue like this, it will only make the whole country know, cause unrest in the country, and make us a laughing stock. Why bother? We’re not an ordinary couple. We need to maintain the dignity of the Emperor and Empress and uphold the royal family’s prestige. Isn’t it better to be more dignified?”
These words were like a bucket of ice water, chilling Pei Xuanlin to the bone.
He wanted to say something more, but then he heard suppressed sobs coming from inside the hall. The sound was so soft, yet so heavy, each sob striking his heart.
He knew that nothing he said now would make a difference.
Pei Xuanlin stood outside the palace for the entire night. The guards tried to persuade him to leave, but he did not. The guards could not actually obey the empress's order to send the emperor away, so they could only pretend they did not see him.
As dawn broke, it was almost time for court. The eunuch came to urge him again, but Pei Xuanlin, looking at the still tightly closed palace doors, finally left dejectedly.
Inside the hall, Xue Yingyue huddled behind the door, her tears long since dried.
The man she was once willing to give everything for ultimately pushed her into an abyss of no return.
As dawn broke, her heart sank forever into the darkness.
...
The morning light shone through the window lattices, illuminating the entire Zichen Palace.
Xue Yingyue sat on the ground behind the door for a long time. She had been sad all night and was now numb.
For as long as Pei Xuanlin stood outside, her heart ached. She dared not sleep; whenever she closed her eyes, the image of Pei Xuanlin and Xue Xianzhu embracing filled her mind.
All those sweet memories she shared with Pei Xuanlin have now become sharp blades piercing her heart.
"Your Majesty... how can you sit on the ground? Please take care of your health!"
The personal maid tiptoed in, only to find the Empress slumped on the floor behind the door, looking as if her soul had been pulled from her body. Startled, she quickly helped Xue Yingyue up and then helped her sit on the bed.
"Your Majesty, this was sent by the Duke of Bao this morning. The Duke instructed Your Majesty to use it with utmost care."
After speaking, the palace maid took out a delicate white porcelain bottle from her bosom and placed it beside Xue Yingyue.
Xue Yingyue stretched out her slender fingers and gracefully picked up the small bottle.
The porcelain bottle was warm to the touch and decorated with delicate lotus scroll patterns. No one would have guessed that it contained deadly poison.
"Okay, I understand."
Her voice was calm and even, as if she were holding a rare and precious object that the Xue family had sent her.
Those once bright eyes are now unfathomable, concealing an impending storm.
After the palace maids left, Xue Yingyue held the porcelain vase up to her eyes and examined it carefully against the light.
Since Pei Xuanlin no longer loved her, she no longer cared about her life.
Since she's not even afraid of death, what else does she have to worry about?
Xue Yingyue gently shook the porcelain bottle, listening to the subtle sounds inside, and couldn't help but smile. Indeed, in the end, he and she still came to this point.
She opened the porcelain bottle and poured out a small amount of white powder into her palm.
Was this poison truly as Xue Haoting had described, colorless and odorless when dissolved in water, and extremely difficult to detect when mixed with food?
She took a glass of water, poured the powder into it, and watched it dissolve quickly without leaving a trace.
very good.
"Someone come here."
Xue Yingyue summoned a palace maid and handed her a porcelain bottle. "Go, mix this into His Majesty's meals. If anyone asks, just say that the Empress added this seasoning to the Emperor. If anyone dares to say that, they're asking for their lives."
The palace maid's face paled, and she trembled as she took the porcelain bottle: "Your Majesty, are you really going to do this? Perhaps the Emperor..."
Xue Yingyue raised an eyebrow, her eyes sharp as knives: "What, why are you saying nice things to the Sage? Is he a Sage or am I not? Whom do you listen to?"
"This servant dares not, this servant will obey you."
The palace maid hurriedly knelt down, her voice trembling with tears, "This servant only feels sorry that Your Majesty and the Emperor once..."
Xue Yingyue sneered: "When he was holding Xue Xianzhu, did he ever think about the days we spent together? Since he doesn't miss me, why should I miss him? Go ahead, but be careful. If you are discovered, come back and tell me, and I'll silence you."
Watching the palace maid's retreating figure, Xue Yingyue's heart gradually calmed down.
Since she couldn't have his love, she would let him remember her forever, even at the cost of his death.
Xue Yingyue walked to the window and gazed at the outline of Xuanzheng Hall in the distance.
Pei Xuanlin, you are heartless, don't blame me for being unjust.
...
After a long while, just as Xue Yingyue was getting sleepy and preparing to go to sleep, a palace maid came in to announce her arrival.
"The Duchess of Jingguo, the Lady of Yongchang County, and the Lady of Anping Marquis request an audience with Her Majesty the Empress."
Xue Yingyue was slightly taken aback.
These three were originally her maids when she was the Crown Princess. After she became Empress, she specially arranged good marriages for them, allowing them to marry into high-ranking families.
Now they are prominent noblewomen in the capital, but when she thinks of their past friendship, her heart softens a little.
"Please invite them in."
Xue Yingyue straightened her clothes, trying to make her tired face, which hadn't slept all night, look more natural.
The three ladies filed in, all dressed in fine clothes and adorned with jewels, exuding an extraordinary air.
Upon seeing Xue Yingyue, they all bowed and said, "Greetings, Your Majesty the Empress! Long live the Empress!"
"No need for such formalities."
Xue Yingyue gestured for them to sit down. "Did you all plan to come together today?"
Lady Jingguo spoke first: "We heard that His Majesty's health is not good, so we came to visit you. The main reason is that the New Year is just around the corner, and there are many rumors about Your Majesty outside. We wonder if Your Majesty will still attend the New Year's banquet this year?"
Xue Yingyue picked up her teacup and gently blew away the foam: "Of course I will attend. After all, I am still the Empress."
The three ladies exchanged a glance.
Lady Yongchang said softly, “Your Majesty, we have already heard that you are the true daughter of the Xue family, and the one before was a fake. So Your Majesty need not take those rumors to heart.”
Xue Yingyue lowered her eyes, her long eyelashes casting a shadow beneath them: "What's the point of talking about truth and falsehood? I don't know anymore. Who is the real daughter of the Xue family? What does it matter now?"
Her fingertips unconsciously traced the rim of the teacup as she recalled what Xue Haoting had said to her that day.
If she really is the Xue family's biological daughter, then what about all the grievances she has endured over the years, and her relationship with Xue Haoting?
Lady Anping said firmly, "No matter who you are, in our hearts you will always be our master. We only hope that you can cheer up. We are really worried about you because we heard that you have been ill for a long time."
Xue Yingyue looked up and felt a warmth in her heart as she saw the concerned looks in the eyes of her three old friends.
She nodded gently: "I will. I'm not so easily drowned by a few rumors."
The three ladies noticed that Xue Yingyue hadn't slept well the night before, so they didn't disturb her too much. After offering their concern and advice, they bowed and took their leave.
Xue Yingyue was finally able to get some sleep.
She was so tired that she fell asleep the moment her head hit the bed.
...
Seven days later.
The Hall of Mental Cultivation was in a state of chaos.
Pei Xuanlin lay on the dragon bed, his face pale and his forehead covered with fine beads of sweat.
The imperial physician knelt before the bed, taking the patient's pulse with trepidation.
The hall was filled with calming incense, but it did nothing to alleviate Pei Xuanlin's restlessness.
"Your Majesty has caught a cold," the imperial physician said carefully, "but... this illness came on very suddenly. I will prescribe some medicine for Your Majesty, and you should rest well."
Pei Xuanlin weakly waved his hand, signaling the imperial physician to leave.
He did feel unwell, but what bothered him even more was Xue Yingyue's attitude.
After that argument, she almost never stepped out of the Zichen Palace. Even when she did go out, it was only to enjoy the Imperial Garden. She never came to see him, and she didn't even come to visit him when news of his serious illness spread.
Recalling her cold gaze that day, his heart ached as if it were being pricked by needles.
"Did the Empress... come while I was unconscious?" Pei Xuanlin asked the eunuch in a hoarse voice.
The eunuch lowered his head, not daring to look the emperor in the eye: "Your Majesty, this servant has sent people to invite her several times, but each time Her Majesty the Empress says that she is unwell and is afraid of passing on her illness to Your Majesty..."
Pei Xuanlin's eyes showed sadness as he coughed and said, "Is it true... cough cough cough, is she sick too? Is she very sick... No, I must go see her..."
"Your Majesty! Your Majesty!" Seeing the emperor about to get up from his bed, the eunuch quickly told the truth, "Your Majesty... what the Empress said was just an excuse, she doesn't want to come..."
Upon hearing this, Pei Xuanlin closed his eyes, feeling a sharp pain in his heart.
She was still angry.
He recalled that day in the Imperial Garden when he deliberately got close to Xue Xianzhu, only to test her feelings.
Unexpectedly, this test yielded such a result.
If time could be turned back, he would never have used this method to test her feelings.
"Your Majesty," the eunuch asked cautiously, "should I go and invite the Empress again?"
"Never mind, it's not necessary..."
Pei Xuanlin shook his head wearily, "You may all leave. I want to be alone for a while."
"Yes, Your Majesty, I take my leave."
The hall fell silent once more.
Pei Xuanlin stared at the dragon pattern on the top of the tent and suddenly coughed violently.
He felt dizzy and cold all over. He probably caught a cold from standing outside Xue Yingyue's palace all night, wearing thin clothes and constantly crying. It was his own fault.
What he didn't know was that all of this was thanks to the poison his beloved Xue Yingyue had given him.
These symptoms do resemble a cold, but they can be much more severe.
Xue Yingyue had been avoiding seeing him all along, precisely to harden her heart.
She was afraid that if she saw Pei Xuanlin's weak appearance, she would feel heartache and abandon the whole plan, so she had to force herself not to look at him.
Although she was heartbroken.
But there's nothing I can do. If I don't love her, then I might as well die.
...
As the New Year approaches, the festive atmosphere in the palace is gradually growing stronger.
Red lanterns were hung and paper-cut window decorations were pasted in every palace.
The Imperial Household Department was busy preparing for the New Year's banquet, and the palace maids and eunuchs had all changed into their new winter clothes.
Although news of the emperor's serious illness spread quickly, the festive atmosphere of the New Year still overshadowed the unease.
Xue Yingyue stood by the window of Zichen Palace, looking at the busy scene outside and sighing. In a few days, it would be the New Year's banquet. At that time, civil and military officials, imperial relatives, as well as foreign royalty and envoys would all enter the palace to attend the banquet.
This was an occasion she, as Empress, was required to attend, and also the best opportunity for her to administer further drastic measures to Pei Xuanlin.
She gently stroked another porcelain bottle hidden in her sleeve. This bottle contained a deadly poison that could render Pei Xuanlin seriously ill; it had been sent by Xue Haoting this morning.
"Your Majesty, Hanyuan Palace has been decorated according to your preferences. Please come and take a look."
Xue Yingyue nodded, her eyes vacant.
After a long while, she came to her senses.
"Have the outfits I asked the Bureau of Clothing to make for the banquet been finished?"
The palace maid replied, "The Persian dance costume is still being sewn, but the others are finished."
"Go and bring it here so I can take a look," Xue Yingyue instructed.
"yes."
Xue Yingyue was still worried and instructed again, "Also, tell the Bureau of Clothing and Stuff that the Persian dance costume is the most important. I will be wearing it to perform for the Sage, so it must be dazzling."
"Of course, Your Majesty, please rest assured."
As night fell, the snowflakes began to fall again.
As Xue Yingyue gazed at the swirling snowflakes, she suddenly remembered last year when Pei Xuanlin held her hand and said he would take her to Jiangnan to relax. At that time, nestled in his arms, she felt that there was no greater happiness in the world.
Who could have imagined that in just one year, everything would have changed so drastically?
The snow outside the palace fell heavier and heavier, enveloping the entire palace in a blanket of white.
Beneath this pristine white surface, undercurrents are surging.
A storm that will change everyone's fate is quietly brewing in this seemingly peaceful winter night.
...
At this moment, Pei Xuanlin sat alone on the bed in the side hall of Xuanzheng Hall, coughing occasionally, but still forcing himself to read the memorials despite his fatigue.
Xue Yingyue wouldn't let him enter the Zichen Palace, and he was afraid of passing on his illness to her, so he didn't dare go to the Zichen Palace. With the New Year approaching, he didn't know if she was still angry with him or if she would refuse to attend the banquet to save face for him.
He didn't dare send anyone to ask, fearing he would receive a rejection from her.
Moreover, he had also brought Xue Xianzhu back, which annoyed her. Pei Xuanlin thought that Xue Yingyue would never forgive him in this lifetime.
He couldn't love anyone but Xue Yingyue.
What happened in the Imperial Garden that day was just a play he put on with Xue Xianzhu, since he knew in advance that Xue Yingyue was coming and Xue Xianzhu happened to be there as well.
He was laughing because he saw Xue Xianzhu's dandruff. Xue Xianzhu's seemingly happy smile was actually a result of her being amused by his mockery.
but……
The reason Xue Xianzhu went to the palace that day was because the Prime Minister's mansion had released the news that Xue Xianzhu was the fake heiress. She couldn't accept it and was eager to go to the palace to seek help from the imperial power.
ridiculous.
What business is it of his?
He desperately wanted the Xue family to protect the woman he loved, because that would only prove that Xue Yingyue was loved by more people, and that her future path would be smooth, without her feeling inferior or sensitive.
As for who Xue Yingyue's biological parents are, he doesn't care at all. He loves her as a person, not whose child she is. No matter what her background is, he won't care.
But if Xue Xianzhu really took over the life that originally belonged to Xue Yingyue, then given Xue Yingyue's vengeful nature, she would probably make sure Xue Xianzhu died without him even having to lift a finger.
What does it matter? Xue Xianzhu was just a pawn he used to provoke Xue Yingyue. How could she naively believe that he would help her hurt Xue Yingyue? How could she really think of him as a kind-hearted person like Yang Chengxiu? As expected, he is not a true descendant of the Xue family; he lacks ruthlessness and intelligence.
"Cough cough cough..."
A violent cough nearly choked Pei Xuanlin.
Having finally recovered, Pei Xuanlin was stunned when he saw the bloodstains on the handkerchief.
How could that be?
"Summon the imperial physician! Quickly, summon the imperial physician!"
After ordering someone to summon the imperial physician, Pei Xuanlin breathed heavily, staring incredulously at the bright red blood on the handkerchief.
How is that possible? How could a mere cold cause him to cough up blood? He's only twenty years old, how could he cough up blood!
The imperial physician arrived at Xuanzheng Hall quickly to take Pei Xuanlin's pulse. Unfortunately, due to the Empress's excessive power, the entire Imperial Medical Academy was controlled by the Xue family behind the Empress. They knew exactly what to say and what not to say.
"Your Majesty is suffering from severe typhoid fever and is also burdened by state affairs every day, which has caused blood stasis and led to coughing up blood. Your Majesty is advised to rest more and worry less, and perhaps you will recover."
The imperial physician was also implying to the emperor that as long as he reconciled with the empress, his heartache would be gone, the empress would be happy, and he would naturally stop being sick.
However, Pei Xuanlin had no time to ponder the meaning behind the imperial physician's words; he only felt that it was heaven punishing him.
He shouldn't blame Xue Yingyue.
What did Xue Yingyue do wrong? In those difficult days, what other way could she, a weak woman with no weapons, survive except by going with the flow?
As for infidelity after marriage.
That's his own fault for not giving her enough care and love, so she needed to get those things from other men. He's the one who's wrong, and he's the one who should make amends.
Unfortunately, it was all too late.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com