17 A rain that won’t stop is falling in my heart (1) In the early morning, when the first rays of light rose, Li Yaya was already standing at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to the high-speed rail station, with bags piled up beside her.
When the women at the cake shop learned Li Yaya was going home, they all prepared some local gifts for her, even packing up some of their homemade mooncakes from the shop. It was hard to refuse such kindness, so I accepted it. I silently promised myself that I would bring them some local specialties when I returned.
The bus stopped and Li Yaya picked up her things and got on.
It was an early morning bus, so not many people were on it. The bus was swaying along, and the people were swaying along with it.
After collecting her ticket, scanning it, and passing security, Li Yaya nervously but smoothly entered the station. She found her seat and waited to board. She sat there blankly, like a statue placed there.
It was not until the broadcast sounded that the sculpture turned into a moving person.
She sat down in the window seat, her belongings stowed away. The journey would take about four hours. Li Yaya closed her eyes, hoping to rest, but sleep wouldn't come.
Maybe it was because I hadn’t been home for too long, there was a quiet sense of tension that became more intense after the train started moving.
Scenes from the past appeared before Li Yaya's eyes like scenes from a movie.
That was her, a past that she never wanted to remember in this life, but could never forget.
Autumn 2012.
This was the first time that Li Yaya was away from home. She was admitted to a university in a coastal city in the north. She began her new life with dreams for the future and the thoughts of a young girl.
This place was completely different from Huanshan. The climate, the environment, the food, the way the locals spoke—everything was new to Li Yaya. Of the five other girls in her dorm, two were locals, and the remaining three came from all over the country. What Li Yaya didn't expect was that some of them had come even further away, needing to take a two-day, one-night train ride to get to school.
Girls are the most beautiful creatures in the world. Six girls with very different personalities quickly became friends.
Someone started teasing Li Yaya, "Yaya, who was that boy who sent you here on the first day of school? Is he your boyfriend?"
"Who? What boy?" asked another youngest and most lively girl.
Li Yaya was a little embarrassed. She liked Lin Jing, but he wasn't her boyfriend. "He was my high school classmate. I'd never been out of the county before, and my dad was worried about me coming all the way to school, so he sent me here first."
"Oh, high school classmates, why don't we have any high school classmates to send us to school. Hahaha——"
A group of people were laughing and playing, it was a sunny and bright day.
Although everyone was exhausted from the military training during the day, they would still chat for a long time once they returned to the dormitory.
That was Li Yaya’s only time in college.
On the afternoon of September 28, 2012, Friday, Li Yaya, who was happily planning to go to Beijing for the National Day holiday, received a call from her aunt.
After her aunt said the words "late-stage esophageal cancer, already spread--", Li Yaya could no longer hear what her aunt said after that.
It’s only early autumn, but it’s so cold. It feels like I’ve sunk to the bottom of a lake on a cold winter night, and the chill is biting.
Li Yaya was bewildered, but she forced herself to calm down. She bought the fastest ticket back to Huanshan, but it wasn't until the next morning. Her roommates noticed that Li Yaya had lost her soul after answering the phone, and asked what was wrong. Li Yaya forced herself to remain calm, shook her head, and said it was nothing.
Esophageal cancer—a disease Li Yaya had never heard of. With shaking hands, she opened Baidu on her phone and began to look it up. After a long text message, Li Yaya's eyes were pierced by these few words: "Inoperable—usually median survival is 6-12 months—" She didn't understand the complex technical terms that popped up on the page. These few words were all she could make out: Li Jianren might only have a short year left to live, or even less.
Li Yaya's heart ached violently, she couldn't breathe, and felt like she was about to suffocate.
I pinched my hand hard, leaving it red, swollen and with marks, but luckily I forced myself to calm down.
At this time, panicking, losing consciousness and crying will not solve any problems.
After calming down, she went to the counselor's office alone. She wanted to ask about taking a leave of absence. Li Jianren needed someone to take care of him now, and she had no way to stay in school alone.
The instructor was surprised that the student asked about taking a leave of absence right after the military training.
Be honest with your counselor. Li Yaya's mother died of illness when she was very young, and her impression of her mother is only from Li Jianren's narration and the few yellowed photos.
She grew up with her father, who also had an elderly grandmother. Although their life was ordinary, the family was happy. But now, Lee Kin Yan was ill, with cancer.
When she started a new stage in her life, when she was building a blueprint for the future, when she was at her most high-spirited.
I used to think that life would always be sweet after suffering, but I didn't expect that after the suffering, there would be even more suffering.
The counselor was so surprised by Li Yaya's experience that he didn't know how to comfort her for a while. Besides being surprised, he felt more heartbroken.
Then I told Li Yaya not to rush to apply for leave of absence now. It was the National Day holiday, so she could go back and see what the situation was. If she really needed to take a temporary leave of absence, she could come back and apply for the formalities later.
After telling Li Yaya to be careful on the way home and to communicate with her in time if she had any problems, Li Yaya said thank you and left.
The dormitory was quiet, everyone was doing their own things silently. Although they didn't know why, they were sure that something bad had happened to Li Yaya. She didn't want to say it, so they had to try not to disturb her.
After a sleepless night, Li Yaya lay quietly in bed until dawn.
When the dormitory door opened, I put on my bag and left quietly.
When the other people in the dormitory woke up, Li Yaya was gone.
Despite not sleeping all night, Li Yaya was completely sleepless on her way home, staring blankly out the window. The closer she got to home, the more anxious she felt.
The phone rang, and Li Yaya came back to her senses. She glanced at the screen and saw Lin Jing. She had forgotten, completely forgotten, that she was going to Beijing. "Beijing, Beijing," Li Yaya muttered to herself, "He's going to take Li Jianren to a big hospital in Beijing for treatment!"
The call was connected. "Li Yaya, where have you been since yesterday? You didn't even reply to my messages. Which day did you buy the ticket for?"
Li Yaya tilted her head and cleared her throat. "Sorry, I forgot to tell you, I'm going out with my roommates and won't be going to Beijing this time."
"Why? Didn't we agree long ago that you stood me up?"
"I'm sorry, I'll go next time when I have time."
Lin Jing didn't say anything and just hung up the phone. Looking at the darkened phone screen, Li Yaya returned to her dazed state.
The train ran smoothly and at high speed, and Li Yaya finally returned to Huanshan after taking the high-speed rail and then the bus.
I called my aunt and rushed to the hospital.
The first thing I did was go to the doctor's office. After I explained my identity, the doctor asked solemnly, "Can you sign?"
"Sure!" No hesitation.
Every form that needs to be signed in the hospital requires the person to take responsibility and bear the consequences.
My aunt and Lee Kin-yan are siblings, but they are not direct blood relatives. You see, they have to sign at the back.
By the summer, she was 18 years old and could take on the responsibilities of a daughter.
"...This is an advanced stage of esophageal cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes. Surgery is currently inoperable. Because the patient is having difficulty eating, our initial treatment plan is to try placing a stent in the patient's esophagus. This will at least ensure the patient can eat independently and maintain bodily functions. We will then transfer the patient to the oncology department for radiotherapy and chemotherapy to try to prolong his life—"
"Doctor, according to my father's current physical condition, how much time does he have left?"
"About six months."
6 months, half a year, the transition can be completed in the blink of an eye.
Li Yaya didn't know how she walked out of the doctor's office. The last thing the doctor said was, "Your family should determine the treatment plan as soon as possible."
In the corridor of the ward, tears flowed unconsciously. Auntie held Li Yaya's hand and said, "Your father doesn't know what's wrong with him yet. Don't act too sad when you go in."
"Okay." Li Yaya's voice was hoarse. She waited for a long time outside the corridor before entering the ward.
But when I saw Lee Kin-yan for the first time, I couldn't help but shed tears.
After just a month, Li Jianren had become emaciated. He lay quietly on the hospital bed, staring blankly at the ceiling with a blank look in his eyes.
I don’t know why, but the first time I saw Li Jianren, it was like seeing a corpse that had not yet cooled down.
His cheekbones were high, his cheeks sunken, and his skin a strange grayish-yellow, as if someone had sprinkled a thin layer of dust on his face. His eyes were large and dull, sometimes staring at an invisible spot on the ceiling, and sometimes closing them tightly, as if resisting some invisible pain.
The moment he saw Li Yaya, his grayish-yellow face finally showed a change of mood. Joy was revealed in his eyes. "Yaya."
Hoarseness with a gargling sound.
"Didn't you say you wouldn't come back? Why are you back again? You've come such a long way. Have you eaten? Go have something delicious. I'm fine. I think I'll be fine after a few more days of injections."
Li Jianren didn't know what was wrong with him. Initially, he felt a foreign body in his throat, thinking it was a sore throat. He went to a nearby clinic for a few days to get anti-inflammatory injections, but instead of getting better, his condition worsened. Li Yaya's aunt visited Li Jianren and noticed that he had become like a tattered old newspaper after just a few days. She dragged him to the hospital for a checkup, and only then did she discover the root cause of his condition.
"I've eaten, don't worry about me." Li Yaya gently sat on the bed and held Li Jianren's hand. "I know, I know you will be well soon."
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