18 A rain that won’t stop fell in my heart (2)
These days in the hospital, it is my aunt who is taking care of Li Jianren.
But my aunt also has a big family to take care of, and she also has to take care of grandma.
Li Yaya took over from her aunt and took care of Li Jianren in the hospital.
Lee Kin-yan got married relatively late in his generation, having Li Yaya at the age of 36. The best gift for his zodiac year was becoming Li Yaya's father.
But he is only 54 years old this year.
Li Yaya's thoughts were a bit confused. The doctor suggested they make a decision quickly. Patients with advanced cancer change daily. Li Yaya feigned composure, but she was torn between accepting the doctor's advice and taking Li Jianren to Beijing for treatment. However, she wondered if Li Jianren's current health would allow him to go.
In the evening, Li Yaya had another detailed chat with the doctor.
In the same office, the doctor sat in front of the computer desk, pointing at Li Jianren's CT scan and explaining Li Yaya's condition.
Li Yaya couldn't understand the complex and technical terms at all. She could only listen in stunned silence, only then could she communicate her thoughts to the doctor.
"Doctor, if I take my dad to a hospital in Beijing for treatment, will his survival be extended? I also want to see if surgery is possible."
"Yes, Beijing has the best medical conditions in the country. Whether it's treatment methods or the use of medicines, we can't compare here."
"But what?" Li Yaya knew that there would definitely be a but behind such words.
"But tens of thousands of people flock to Beijing for medical treatment every day. You don't know how long it will take to get an appointment, get another checkup, and then wait for another appointment, research your condition, and wait for an empty bed. Your father's condition can't sustain such a long wait and exhaustion."
"Your father is having difficulty swallowing and can no longer eat on his own. I've asked your other family members these past two days, and they've barely eaten anything. He's basically just water and very thin millet porridge. His main source of daily intake is fluids. Food is the body's source of energy, and he's losing it daily. From a doctor's perspective, this patient isn't suitable for long journeys right now."
"Of course, if you have acquaintances in Beijing, you can find a way. You don't have to consider the situations I mentioned above."
Li Yaya imagined everything to be too idealistic. Yes, the doctor was right. Those were the real difficulties facing Li Yaya.
Acquaintances? How could she possibly have any acquaintances? She had only seen Beijing on TV and in textbooks. What should she do? What should Li Jianren do?
There is only one disease in this world, and that is poverty.
Finally, the doctor said, "Don't delay. Make a decision as soon as possible, whether to start treatment or transfer to another hospital."
Li Yaya was too scared to face Li Jianren in her current state and walked out of the hospital building in a daze.
It is evening now, and the twilight is like a slowly acting anesthetic machine. Li Yaya pushed open the glass door. The metal door handle seemed to still retain the warmth of the day, but cold sweat broke out on her palms, as if at this moment, she finally felt the reality of being alive.
The streetlights weren't on yet, and a few people were gathered on the steps not far away. Perhaps they were family members chatting, or perhaps patients just getting some fresh air. Li Yaya lowered her head, following the cracks in the concrete floor, walking aimlessly until her footsteps were the only sound around her, and she had no idea where she was going.
There was a sound coming from the corner. Li Yaya leaned over to look and saw an old man in a hospital gown practicing walking. The metal bracket rubbed against the ground and made a "creaking" sound. The shadow of the nurse supporting him was stretched very long by the last rays of sunset, so long that it covered her entire path.
The moment he turned around, the old man's eyes met Li Yaya's and he showed a kind smile.
Li Yaya forced a smile in response.
Older people always have more experience. The old man could tell at a glance that Li Yaya seemed to be incomplete and had lost her soul. He held the support and slowly walked towards Li Yaya, showing concern like a grandfather asking his granddaughter.
Li Yaya couldn't hold back her tears any more after hearing this concern, and they fell down in strings.
Seeing this, the nurse nearby quickly took out a tissue. By the time Li Yaya had finished venting, the street lights had become cold.
After Li Yaya calmed down, the two people beside her finally felt relieved and asked Li Yaya what happened.
There are some things, some words, that you can't talk about with your family. Maybe talking to a stranger, just to relieve your emotions, is better than keeping everything to yourself.
Li Yaya explained the reason for the incident, and after listening, the old man fell silent.
If the patient was an elderly person like him, he might have advised Li Yaya to spend more time with the elderly and try to alleviate the patient's pain. But the patient was only middle-aged, and he had a daughter who had just started college. He had not yet seen his daughter grow up.
Separation from loved ones and death is a difficult problem that human beings cannot overcome in their lifetime.
Suddenly the wind blew, and the curtains of some ward were blown up, and the white cloth corners fluttered in front of the window like an unfinished sentence.
The old man gently patted Li Yaya's shoulder and said, "My child, you see, life is like the cycle of seasons. Aging and death are microcosms of the law of increasing entropy in the universe. Cell division, facial aging, and organ aging are all irreversible. What we should be anxious about is not death itself, but the present moment of existence."
"Modern medicine has extended the average human lifespan, but over-medicalization has transformed death from a natural process into a 'failure requiring treatment.' Sometimes acceptance rather than confrontation requires greater wisdom."
Acceptance requires more wisdom than confrontation.
When he returned to the ward, the sky was already dark. Li Jianren smiled and asked Li Yaya where she had been and why she hadn't come back for so long.
Li Yaya smiled and said that the ward was too boring and stuffy, so she went out for a walk and breathed some fresh air.
Li Jianren pretended to be angry because Li Yaya went out for a walk by herself without taking him with her. It was meaningless.
Li Yaya had no choice but to say that tomorrow, she would definitely take him out for a walk.
For patients in the late stages of cancer, the symptoms really change every day.
Perhaps thanks to Li Yaya's return, Li Jianren finally had his best sleep in recent memory. Li Yaya slept on a folding bed nearby, feeling uncomfortable. But having been awake for two days and one night, she knew that even with all the difficulties ahead, at least she had the living, breathing Li Jianren by her side.
When Li Yaya woke up, Li Jianren was already awake.
Li Yaya didn't know how long Li Jianren had been awake, but the moment she opened her eyes, Li Jianren was lying on his side, silently watching her. Just like when she was a child, every time she woke up, she would see Li Jianren's face.
Li Jianren really raised her very well since she was a child. Although her material conditions were not that rich, Li Yaya's spiritual world was very rich.
Li Yaya stretched, got up from the folding bed, packed up quickly, and went to the hospital cafeteria to buy breakfast: simple millet porridge and eggs.
Li Yaya pushed out the small table on the bed, placed breakfast on it, and picked up the kettle to get some water.
But when Li Yaya came back from fetching water, the originally energetic and cheerful Li Jianren seemed like a different person. His face was like a crumpled piece of gray paper, his pupils were dull, as if covered by a layer of mist, reflecting a dawn that would never arrive. The corners of his mouth remained in a strange state, and his right hand was still holding the small plastic spoon for drinking porridge.
There is a sense of calmness, like a drowning person giving up the struggle, shrouded by breath, dust, and shadows.
When he saw Li Yaya, Li Jianren opened his mouth but no sound came out. After trying several times, he finally made a sound. "Yaya, tell Dad the truth. Am I seriously ill?"
"Why are you asking this suddenly?" Li Yaya turned away and pretended to be calm.
"Ya Ya, I'm—" Li Jianren paused, as if he had made a big decision. "I'm having a hard time swallowing water now."
The water cup in Li Yaya's hand fell to the ground. She hurriedly picked it up, but the movement of her hands revealed her panic at the moment.
When I stood up again, tears had already soaked my cheeks without me noticing. "Don't let me get you excited. I'm going to find a doctor."
Li Yaya rushed into the doctor's office, suppressing her discomfort. "Doctor, let's do the stent placement we talked about yesterday. After that, we'll start treatment as soon as possible. My dad can't even swallow water today."
Baidu says that a person can only survive for about three weeks without food, and about three days without water.
Li Jianren hadn't eaten a normal meal for nearly a month, and today, he couldn't even drink water.
There was something that could not be concealed. After the stent was placed, he would need to be transferred to a specialized oncology department for hospitalization for follow-up treatment. After the stent operation was completed and Li Jianren was able to eat independently, Li Yaya would find a suitable time to have a good talk with Li Jianren.
There are thousands of difficulties in this world, but as long as the family is together, they will all pass.
"It's a bit serious, but the doctor has already given us a treatment plan. We just need to cooperate. The doctor said they'll put a small stent in your esophagus so you can eat. Eating gives you strength, and with strength, we just need to cooperate with the doctor and we'll be fine soon. Don't overthink it."
Li Jianren's emotions were calmed down by Li Yaya.
The surgery was scheduled for the next morning, the first one. General anesthesia was required, and the nurse instructed me not to eat after 10 a.m. or drink water after 12 p.m.
Li Yaya nodded woodenly.
She called her aunt again. She told her that she would be at the hospital that evening and asked what she needed to bring. There was nothing to bring, so Li Yaya just told her to come tomorrow morning.
The next morning, when everyone else was still at work except for the doctors and nurses on duty, my aunt arrived. Next to her was Li Yaya's grandmother.
Li Yaya didn't expect that her grandma would come too.
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