21 We have not yet discovered the meaning of life (1)
"Do you like Lin Jing?"
"Actually, it doesn't matter whether you like it or not. What matters is that Lin Jing likes you."
"But you should understand that Lin Jing is not the same kind of person as you."
"Even if you didn't have that sick dad of yours, you wouldn't be the same kind of people."
"Do you want your father to live two more years? Here is the contact information of the doctors in Beijing hospitals. I have called you in advance. You can take your father to Beijing for treatment."
"By the way, I can also help you with the money issue."
"It's just that everything in this world has a price, do you understand?"
"Do you need me to give you some time to think about it?"
——"No, I promise. It's just that I borrowed the money, and I will pay it back."
"As you please."
The cup of tea cooled down completely, but Li Yaya never tasted it.
The tea turned from amber to dark brown, the steam no longer lingering at the cup's rim, a stark echo of her unspoken words. The moment her fingers touched the cup's rim, a gentle chill crept up her fingertips, eerily similar to the chill rising in her heart.
After leaving the store, she glanced back at the unassuming entrance. Inside and outside seemed like two different worlds. Li Yaya wrapped her coat tightly around her and stepped into the spring breeze.
Li Yaya's world is just outside the door.
After discussing with her attending physician, Li Yaya finally went to Beijing on her own.
Li Jianren's body couldn't withstand the long journey back and forth. Li Yaya set off for Beijing with Li Jianren's medical records since his diagnosis, his treatment process, medications, etc.
The train set out and headed north.
The world is so big, and I don’t know if I will have the chance to go out and take a look.
Standing on the streets of Beijing, Li Yaya felt unusually calm. She took bus after bus until she finally arrived at the hospital entrance. She carefully called the number Shao Lan had given her, nervously explaining her purpose, fearing the other party wouldn't be aware of the situation.
Unexpectedly, the other party's reaction was surprisingly approachable.
He was not in the hospital today, but he came here specially for Li Yaya.
After learning the patient hadn't come, he carefully studied Li Jianren's case in his office. The latest CT scan results showed that one patient's condition was improving, while the other was declining. In the end, they all came to the same conclusion: no surgery was possible, and only conservative treatment was available to try to prolong the patient's life and improve his quality of life.
Beijing is the best medical center in the country and has the best doctors. However, the doctors here also told Li Yaya that only conservative treatment can be used to prolong the patient's life as much as possible.
In fact, she had already anticipated some of the results in her mind, but she didn't expect that when she heard them with her own ears, she still found it hard to accept.
Fortunately, this approachable doctor gave a new chemotherapy plan and asked Li Yaya to go back and communicate with the local doctor. If there were no relevant medicines, they could be sent from Beijing at her own expense.
Before leaving, he also told Li Yaya to contact him by phone anytime if she had any questions.
After Li Yaya expressed her gratitude, she walked out of the hospital gate and walked aimlessly along the road outside the hospital.
Walking in Beijing in the spring, it seems that people in big cities are always busy. Everyone is rushing on their way, and no one stops to appreciate the surrounding scenery.
Spring in Beijing is like a reserved yet passionate awakening.
Li Yaya sat on a bench by the street, looked up, and enjoyed the brief escape.
The book says that in April, the wild peach trees on the West Bank of the Summer Palace bloomed profusely, their pink and white petals drifting into Kunming Lake, attracting koi carp to pecking at them. The willow branches along the shore of Houhai drooped so low that they were constantly bumped into by young people on bicycles. The old wisteria trees at the Imperial College were the most prudent, letting their young leaves explore the path before slowly lowering their lavender tassels.
The cherry blossoms at Yuyuantan Lake always stir the city. Crowds of people, holding selfie sticks, float amidst the blossoms. A retired man, using a brush dipped in water, writes "Human faces and cherry blossoms complement each other's red" on the stone bricks. A cafe in Wudaoying Hutong sets up outdoor seating, where foreign tourists in jackets and women in traditional Chinese costumes create a scene in the windows.
Sandstorms occasionally spoil the fun. As the sky darkens, the glass walls of the CBD collectively fall silent, and the traffic under the Guomao Bridge flashes its red taillights, like a giant dragon of frustration. But the next day, the dandelions in Olympic Forest Park stand tall again, and the toon shoots at the Xinyuanli Vegetable Market are still selling by the pound.
Those secret news of spring: Under the Wanchun Pavilion in Jingshan, a white-haired old man tried out the tune of "The Peony Pavilion" with a Beijing fiddle; in the corner of the courtyard in Nanluoguxiang, yellow dandelion flowers emerged from the cracks in the blue bricks; in the alley in the early morning, the shouts of people sharpening scissors and kitchen knives scared away a tree of sparrows.
Beijing at this time was like a half-worn bright yellow dragon robe that was being unstitched and re-embroidered, with the golden thread of history and the velvet of modern times mixed together. Some places had not yet been sorted out, but the sunlight had already begun to inspect it impatiently.
However, Li Yaya didn’t have time to appreciate all this before she had to embark on the journey home.
As the train left Beijing, Li Yaya softly said goodbye in her heart - or perhaps it was goodbye forever.
Under the new treatment plan, Li Jianren did improve, but the side effects became more and more obvious. This is how chemotherapy and radiotherapy work: they kill your good cells as well as your bad cells.
The food supplied by gastrostomy could not make up for the deficiency in Li Jianren's body. The nutrition department prescribed nutritional powder to supplement the substances lacking in the body, but these things were not covered by medical insurance.
Li Yaya did not tell Li Jianren how much money the treatment had cost so far. Every time Li Jianren mentioned it, Li Yaya would make a joke and brush it off.
Money is important, but for those who are penniless, nothing else matters.
I don’t know why, but I’ve been having more conversations with doctors recently, but they always come down to the same issues.
That day, Li Yaya had just stepped into the doctor's office when a middle-aged man came in behind her. He wanted a refund and needed a prescription. The doctor asked Li Yaya to wait a moment while he wrote a prescription first, which would be quick.
After the middle-aged man left, Li Yaya sat next to the doctor, but her ears were constantly "disturbed" by the other two doctors whispering nearby.
"Then XXX's radiotherapy was very effective, so why didn't you treat him?"
"Hey, he doesn't even have the most basic medical insurance. He has to pay for everything out of his own pocket. I've heard his son complain several times, but if a son doesn't treat his father's illness, he'll be stabbed in the back if word gets out."
"Ah, then why are you asking for a refund again?"
"I guess I can't get better, so I've fulfilled my son's wish."
Every word penetrated into Li Yaya's ears.
How can it not be cured?
In May, Li Jianren's health finally improved. He was able to walk on his own. He was discharged from the hospital and continued his unfinished radiotherapy.
I returned to the state I was in at the beginning of March. I finished radiotherapy in the morning, and then slowly strolled back to the hotel with Li Yaya.
Of those who had originally stayed at the hotel together, in just two months, some had recovered and returned home to recuperate, while others had passed away. Things had changed.
At the end of the month, I finished my radiotherapy and went home to rest.
At the end of June, targeted therapy was started.
At the end of August, his condition worsened and he was hospitalized again.
This time, the tumor spread to the lymph nodes, liver, lungs, etc. The tumor on the right side had completely compressed the nerves. Li Jianren was completely unable to lie flat and had to curl up in a C shape.
The whole person was just skin and bones.
He became sometimes lucid and sometimes confused.
He curled up on the hospital bed, looking very small.
The doctor's helpless shake of the head and soft sigh spoke louder than any words.
From October last year to now, it has been almost a year. Even though the expected life expectancy was only 6 months, we have persisted until now.
Thank you Lee Kin-yan for your hard work, thank you Lee Ya-ya for your hard work, thank you everyone for your hard work.
Not long after he moved in, Li Jianren chose to return home when he was sober.
After returning home, Li Jianren spent most of his time quietly curled up in the corner of the sofa. When he felt like talking, he would pull Li Yaya aside to talk.
"Yaya, you must study hard, get into a good university, and find a job that doesn't require too much effort."
"Yaya, you should go out more often and see the world outside."
"Ya Ya, isn't there a place called Barcelona? Where is it? Wait - when you have time, go and see it. I heard it's very beautiful there."
"Yaya, can you help daddy take care of grandma?"
"Yaya, I think I saw your mother. When I see her, I will definitely tell her that our Yaya has grown up. She looks like you, is beautiful and sensible, and has even been admitted to university. This is the first university student in our family."
There was no way to hide it from grandma anymore. This strong woman who lost her husband early and raised two children alone was no longer strong at this moment.
She even went to her husband's grave to ask him to bless their son. She prayed to the gods everywhere and was willing to exchange her own life for her son's.
If there really is a God...
Forget it, there is no God in this world, only mother.
In September, Li Jianren returned to the hospital again.
This time, the hospital specially cleared out a single room for Li Jianren, and gave him painkiller injections and nutrient solution every day. Being in the hospital would definitely make him more comfortable than at home.
When checking in for hospitalization, Li Yaya signed a lot of documents, including that she would not undergo invasive resuscitation and would not need to be admitted to the ICU.
She hopes Li Jianren is alive, but she doesn't want Li Jianren to live in such pain.
At 10 pm on October 4, Li Jianren was finally freed.
He just lay there quietly, and no one ever called out "Ya Ya" in a hoarse voice again.
The hand that Li Yaya was holding gradually lost its warmth.
I whispered in his ear, "Dad, we're home."
Relatives from my hometown had already been waiting at home, and the elders of the same clan had already started arranging the funeral.
Li Yaya knelt woodenly beside the coffin. People were coming and going around her, but the person who loved her the most was gone.
We have not yet learned the meaning of life, but we have experienced death again and again.
Lin Jing finally returned to Huanshan during the National Day holiday, but he didn't expect to see Li Jianren's funeral.
He looked at the lonely Li Yaya across the crowd. He wanted to go up and hug her, but in the end he didn't have the courage.
People with cowardly nature do not deserve happiness.
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