Chapter 79 Chapter 79 Dangnian Mingyue
So many things happened that night, so many that people felt tired, dazed, and even unbearable to be disturbed. They would lose control and become chaotic at the slightest touch.
Xu Qing'an's arms were shaking as he leaned against the wall, and the corners and bottoms of his eyes were red. He hunched over, and his eyes were even lower than hers.
"Don't you already know that?"
"But I want to hear it from your own mouth."
His voice was hoarse and trembling, and there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
"It's me..." He forced a smile and slowly spoke, meeting her gaze, "It's Zhou Jingzhi."
In an instant, a huge tear rolled down Shangguan Xu's eyes.
She looked at the familiar yet unfamiliar face in front of her, and couldn't help feeling a pain in her heart. The pain, coupled with the words he had just said, made her unable to speak.
Zhou Jingzhi slowly raised his hand that was originally on her shoulder and neck, and placed it on her cheek. His fingers gently stroked it and wiped away her tears.
He seemed to be still in the same state of panic as before, a lingering fear in his heart. He kept saying, "Since I returned to the capital, I've wanted to reveal my identity to you countless times, but for various reasons, I've been forced to postpone this idea again and again... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept it from you."
His eyes flickered, and tears welled up in them. His fingers slowly moved upwards from the bottom of her cheek, wiping away the traces of tears beneath her eyes. He was filled with pity and humility. "I loved you when I was Zhou Jingzhi, and I loved you when I was Xu Qing'an, too. We've already separated once, and it took so much effort to get to this point. We can't let go again..."
"Don't throw me out this time, okay?"
He raised his eyes and looked at her.
But Shangguan Xu's eyes were filled with tears, and his vision was already blurred.
And she knew that from his perspective, she still wanted to see him clearly.
"Fool."
She put her arms around his neck, letting him press against her while tilting her neck forward and kissing his lips tightly.
How could I throw you out again?
What on earth did you go through that night, during that period of time? Your appearance has changed so much, even your temperament and personality have changed that I can't recognize you at first glance. When I think of what you might have experienced, I can't even bear to throw you out again.
And myself, even if I only follow my heart and what I want, I will not throw you out.
"I was too harsh in that." She pressed her lips against his, finding a gap to murmur, "I won't do that again."
Because of these words, his breath suddenly trembled, and the hand that was naturally hanging on her shoulder suddenly clasped her tightly, and the other hand quickly moved down to embrace her whole body in his arms.
It was his turn to kiss her.
In just a moment, Shangguan Xu's back left the wall and was suddenly held in his arms. Force was applied to his lips and body, but it was strong yet gentle.
At the moment she placed her hands on his shoulders, at the moment she felt the breath of her old friend again without any obstruction, the regrets that had been lingering in her dreams and could not be made up for were finally fulfilled.
Outside, the rain was pouring down. She closed her eyes and responded to his passionate kiss from the bottom of her heart. However, a cold feeling slid down to her lips, and the tip of her tongue felt salty and sweet. She couldn't tell whether it was his tears or hers...
——
The rain seemed to be endless, and it continued from the night before until the second half of the night.
Shangguan Xu just rested his head on his legs.
"The rain is too heavy, you can't leave." She closed her eyes, looked calm and smiled slightly as she let him stroke her hair.
His eyes were fixed on her cheek, taking in every inch of her skin with cherishing eyes: "I'm not leaving, not even if it rains."
However, he was also curious and asked, "How did you find out it was mine?"
"Didn't you tell me that yourself?"
"I told you?"
Shangguan Xu smiled and turned to face him. "That night, your behavior in the concubine room was so different from usual that it made me think twice."
"Especially in the last few days, you spoke to me so softly, asking about my well-being, as if you were afraid that some negligence would make me uncomfortable. Perhaps it was because your care was too genuine. The way you looked at me at that time was as if you wanted to peel your whole heart out to me, so passionate and pure. But tell me, how many people in this world can treat me with such sincerity?"
"And, you know what?" She raised her hand and stroked his cheek, "During that time, you revealed your flaws many times. Those habits that you may have deliberately hidden were revealed to me without reservation. It was hard for me not to see them."
She said jokingly, "You are really bad at pretending."
"I see." He thought about her words and responded in a low voice.
"However, despite this, you have kept me guessing for a long time." She looked at his lowered eyes and suddenly said in a lonely voice.
He looked up at her again.
Her eyes flickered, and she forced a smile that seemed to be mixed with bitterness, "So don't make me guess anymore, okay?"
He held the palm of her hand that was caressing his cheek, smiled back and said, "Okay. I won't do that again, never again."
He saw the tears oozing from the corners of her eyes, and the other hand went down from her hair and finally stopped at the corners of her eyes. He rubbed it gently with his thumb, silently collecting the tears into his palm, and wiped his thumb downwards. Except for the coolness he felt in his palm, he could not see any trace of her tears.
He thought she probably didn't want him to see it, and she should be happier at this moment.
He then said something else: "But your idea is indeed bold. There are so many people in the world who are like me. How dare you think that I have returned based on that? After all, in the eyes of the world, I have already..."
Shangguan Xu pressed his lips for a moment.
She slowly sat up, her soft and compassionate eyes resting on his face for a moment before she lowered her hand and said, "Some things don't need to be said. We're all fine now, aren't we?"
He nodded in understanding.
Shangguan Xu smiled, lowered his eyes, and answered his original question: "Actually, I thought I was crazy at first. Even though I could convince myself that all the details were right, I just couldn't get past that last hurdle. And I couldn't understand why, if it really was you who came back, you wouldn't want to recognize me? My brother Jing should recognize me."
She looked at him and he dropped his eyes.
She continued, "However, I found the answers to these questions from what my brother said to me after I returned to Shangguan Mansion tonight."
"He told me that he used my seal to cooperate with Su Wang in many things. And that year, Su Wang did the most to eliminate dissidents and killed many innocent people. So I think maybe you misunderstood something because of this, misunderstood me..."
"Xu'er..."
He called her, his eyes filled with pain, but she smiled and continued as usual, "Before this, you told me how you helped Ah Zheng evade the Jingzhao Prefecture's search by substituting a dead body for the real one."
"Do you remember when you told me that Doctor Xun, who was with you, had modified the corpse's face to make it even harder to distinguish between the two people who already looked similar? It was because of your words that I wondered if the person in my heart had also returned in this way?"
"After all, back then, no one could see clearly who the person wearing the dragon robe was, right?"
He recalled the situation back then, and with an indescribable mixture of emotions, he softly admitted, "Yes, when I escaped from Qujiang, I realized that the situation was beyond my control. I had no other options, and I couldn't return to the palace, so I had to choose a death warrior of similar build to mine to replace me. At the time, the situation was urgent, and all I could do in time was dress the corpse in my clothes and then disfigure him."
"The Qujiang Lake is covered with sharp rocks, and the assassins sent by Su Wang were also ruthless. So he wouldn't be suspicious of His Majesty, who is covered in scars. He just wants a dead emperor."
Shangguan Xu: "So later, when you settled down, you began to investigate the whole incident and all the people involved. You did this until you had everything ready and returned to the capital."
He nodded lightly.
"But what happened next?" she pressed. "Why did you still refuse to acknowledge me after that night? Even after I tried to probe you several times, you still refused to speak. Is there anything else you haven't told me?"
His starry eyes twinkled and his lips opened.
Shangguan Xu said softly: "You just promised not to let me guess anymore."
He lowered his eyes and said, "It took me three years to return to the capital. It wasn't just because I wanted to build up my own power and get everything in place, but also because of my health..."
"What's wrong with you?!"
"Do you remember the assassin on the ship? He stabbed me with a dagger that was coated with deadly poison."
"Back then, my injuries were too severe, and I couldn't stay in the capital for long. So, in order to save my life, Xun Ziyang had to take it one step at a time—first heal the external injuries, then detoxify the remaining poison."
Perhaps fearing the atmosphere would be too heavy, he smiled as he spoke of this. It was clearly a bad experience, yet he spoke lightly, "But it also delayed the best opportunity to detoxify. So, I spent nearly three years on Wuyan Mountain removing the poison. While my situation is indeed much better now, there's still a tiny bit of residual poison in my body. So, I want to wait until the day when all the remaining poison is removed before I can meet you again, so that a healthy Zhou Jingzhi can meet you."
Shangguan Xu frowned.
Tonight should have been a joyful night, but her heart ached again and again after hearing these words.
But he smiled at her: "Actually, those days were not bad. I ate, slept, and played all day long. It was a leisurely life that I had never experienced before in the capital."
Shangguan Xu knew he was trying to comfort her, so he sneered, "You're saying that as if I'd wronged you before."
He suppressed his laughter and pretended to reminisce, "Well... there are still some. That sour apricot back then was quite sour."
Shangguan Xu raised his eyebrows: "Hey, I ate a sour apricot and you still remember it now!"
"It is unforgettable. I dare not forget it."
"After three years, you've really learned a lot of bad things."
The two of them joked and played, and the bed curtains were blown again and again, until he suddenly took her in his arms.
His lips brushed across her forehead. "But all that bitterness is in the past. From now on, it's all a different feeling."
Shangguan Xu leaned in his arms, responded to him softly, and thought that everything would be sweet from now on.
——
Zhang Fan stayed in the palace for almost ten days. The imperial physician examined him carefully all day long, and the kitchen prepared broth for him to nourish him. All kinds of thoughtful care made him feel a little embarrassed.
That day, when Xu Qing'an came to see him again, he again mentioned that he wanted to leave the palace.
"Mr. Zhang, do you feel that something has not been done well recently? Why do you keep thinking about leaving the palace?" Zhou Jingzhi neither rejected nor agreed to Zhang Fan's proposal, but just expressed his concern.
"No, no," Zhang Fan denied repeatedly. He had been served better than ever before in the palace, and he felt even more grateful to his master. Besides, his legs were already inconvenient, so even if he left the palace, he wouldn't be able to go anywhere. "It's just that this old minister feels it's inappropriate for me to stay in the palace alone. It both troubles my lord and doesn't conform to etiquette."
Zhou Jingzhi had already begun ladling the soup from the bowl into his bowl. "It's no trouble at all. You're my teacher, and it's my duty to take care of you. As for etiquette, ancient history books contain numerous examples of court officials staying overnight at the palace. And Lord Zhang is a loyal and virtuous minister of the Great Jin. You certainly deserve this kind of treatment."
Zhang Fan opened his mouth to say something, but Zhou Jingzhi spoke first, "The most important thing is that your leg hasn't recovered yet, and the doctors and medicines at the Imperial Hospital are the best in Dajin, so I still want you to stay here for a while longer."
He pushed the bowl of soup closer to Zhang Fan and said earnestly, "Besides, you know the current situation. The palace is much safer than outside. Teacher, please stay."
Zhang Fan looked at the steaming broth and agreed again although he felt helpless.
——
At night, the candles in the Lizheng Hall remained lit for a long time.
The sound of chaotic breathing came one after another, and the figure reflected on the bed curtain appeared and disappeared. The touch of skin aroused a shudder and a burning sensation.
The temperature was so hot that people's breathing trembled, and it was so hot that the slender fingers of茭白 had to twist around the broad arms.
Her eyes were hazy, and sweat was breaking out under his shoulders, but the two of them kissed each other again, passionately, and the temperature rose.
It was not until midnight that it calmed down.
The bed curtains were pulled up and down again. After stepping over the clothes on the floor, Zhou Jingzhi returned to the couch, gave her some water, and then lay down with her in his arms.
"Go to sleep if you're tired."
This is not the first time he has said this in recent days.
Since that night, there was always someone in her bed every night, and things became even more out of control after her period ended.
At first she could understand that he was overwhelmed by the emotion of their reunion, but later she began to resent it.
Not only did he pester her about that at night, he also insisted on having her call his name while doing it.
At first, she was happy to cooperate and let him hear the name "Brother Jing". But later, when he mentioned it more and more times, she began to feel confused.
What she couldn't understand even more was that every time she called him, when his love was at its peak, he would always shed silent tears with red eyes.
Then there was a bigger attack, and it continued over and over again until midnight.
Tonight was just like the previous nights. After he lay down again, he would put his arm around her back and comfort her carefully. Or maybe this was his habit towards her.
But she didn't sleep tonight. Instead, she spoke in a hoarse voice, "I heard that Mr. Zhang mentioned wanting to leave the palace again today?"
"Well, but considering his health, I still suggest that he stay." As he spoke, he did not stop soothing her. Even in the quiet bedroom at night, even the subtle caressing sounds could be heard clearly.
Shangguan Xu smiled weakly: "I don't think you let him stay just for his health."
"Then why am I?"
As they looked up and down, their eyes met.
"Why do you say that?"
He laughed: "I don't know."
Shangguan Xu's eyes became filled with hatred and anger.
His smile widened, and he held her tighter: "I have selfish motives. I just want to spend a little more time with you. Otherwise, what other reasons can I find to stay here?"
"Does this count as forgetting your friends for the sake of beauty?"
"You and I are husband and wife, having worshipped heaven and earth and declared it to the world. He is also my respected mentor."
"So you're saying that if one person isn't a pervert, then the other isn't a friend?" She chuckled. "And you say you haven't learned bad things. I wonder who you learned this from. You're so good at making excuses and taking advantage of loopholes."
"You really don't know?"
Seeing that he didn't deny it this time and even questioned her, Shangguan Xu couldn't help but retort, "How could I know? I was by your side all those years."
He had a good point: "But except for those few years, you were always here."
His eyes were full of meaning as he asked again, "You really don't know who I learned this from?"
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