Chapter 17 Chapter 17 "Is it really impossible to let go?" ...
Su Ran left Su Wang's study. Although he had not been punished, he looked dazed and solemn. There were some things in his mind that he couldn't figure out. He felt drowsy and confused, and his steps were heavy.
He is the son of Su Wang's second brother and a doctor in the Su family. He and Su Silang have the same parents as each other.
However, his elder brother died under the persecution of his uncle.
But he did not blame his uncle, although he also knelt down and begged Su Wang to give his brother another chance. However, when the final result came out, he just thought that his uncle was sticking to his way, and everything was for the Su family's reputation and to carry on his uncle's will.
The person he admired most in his childhood was his great uncle Su Yu, also known as Yuhua Gong by people at that time.
However, Gao Hua, the Duke of Yuhua, was not only busy with government affairs every day, but also had to deal with visits from other famous scholars from all over the country. Therefore, he followed his third uncle Su Wang to study and learn Taoism since he was a child.
His third uncle inherited his eldest uncle's legacy and was also someone he respected.
Su Wang taught him to read the books of sages and learn their teachings. He also praised him many times, saying that he was the best student he had ever taught, so he also had high hopes for him.
He is very grateful.
However, Su Wang often sighed that their generation of young people had only grown up in a peaceful life, and their understanding of the "change" and "bloodshed" mentioned in the book was only on paper, so when those "sorrow", "pain" and "blood" really lay before them, they found it difficult to accept them for a while.
"But some things are done once they're done. You chose to do it initially because it was more in line with the Tao in your heart. You don't need to worry about it later."
“It’s true that you may feel you owe someone something, but you should also understand that the so-called ‘innovation’ and ‘destruction and construction’ all start with the first word, and that word often represents sacrifice.”
sacrifice……
Su Wang once said that if the affairs of the world are for the overall situation, everyone and everything can be sacrificed.
Su Ran accepted Su Wang's teachings and followed them. However, perhaps it was just as Su Wang said, because his understanding of some things was only on paper and he had never experienced them personally, when he really faced them, he could never fully accept them in his heart.
So he panicked when he saw Liu Chang that night.
Liu Chang cried and begged him for help, saying that only he, Su Zhongcheng, could save him at the moment. Liu Chang said that he knew Su Gong would not help him. Su Gong did not even pardon his own nephew, let alone him, an outsider.
Su Ran took these words to heart.
He thought of his fourth brother.
Over the years, he has been highly valued by Su Wang and has helped Su Wang with many things. Many things that his uncle was not convenient to do were done by him. He respected Su Wang and followed Su Wang, but he could never fully digest what Su Wang said.
In other words, deep down he felt that some things were wrong and could not be seen by others.
For example, what Liu Chang did four years ago.
He was the one who initiated the incident. If the investigation continued and he was found responsible, would his uncle save him after the world knew about his wrongdoing? Or would he be forced to give an explanation to the world like his fourth brother?
Therefore, Su Ran had to kill Liu Chang as soon as possible, and it would be best if he also killed everyone who might find out about the past.
Unfortunately, he was careless and not only failed, but also implicated the Censorate and the Ministry of Works.
Even if there were many things that he really couldn't get over in his mind, he could always suppress the uneasiness as long as he didn't think about it. But at that moment, Liu Chang's words brought it up again.
Nighttime is when people are at their most vulnerable, which is something everyone who has interrogated people knows. However, Su Ran, who had worked in the Censorate for many years, fell into trouble at that time.
Su Ran felt upset, regretful and annoyed when he thought about these things, and felt that he had done something stupid.
He called his attendants over and said, "Pack your luggage. I'm going to stay at Jingming Temple for a while."
——
During this period, Shangguan Xu not only made arrangements with the Censorate and the Ministry of Works, but also made new arrangements for Xu Qing'an.
Since Xu Qing'an took office last year, he has assisted the Ministry of Rites in handling cases, presided over the Lantern Festival prayers, and found the real culprit that caused the cruise ship to leak. During this period, he also rescued the empress dowager who fell into the water. It is natural that he will be greatly rewarded for his outstanding achievements.
In addition, he was really wronged after being imprisoned in the prison. It was heard that he was in poor health and had suffered physical pain. After he was released from the prison, he stayed in bed to recuperate. It was said that he did not even leave his room for several days.
In this way, there will be both reward and compensation.
Sure enough, when the promotion edict came down, he was transferred from the Censorate to the Ministry of Justice as a Deputy Director, and his official rank jumped from the lower eighth rank to the upper sixth rank.
Shangguan Li was once the Minister of Justice, so his promotion was naturally the work of Shangguan Xu.
Xu Qing'an sat leaning against the wooden table on the couch, holding one end of the promotion edict in his hand, which hung down from the table and spread across his legs.
Xu Qing'an rubbed the seal at the end of the edict with his fingertips.
"Don't look at it, drink the medicine first."
Xun Yang's voice sounded beside him. Xu Qing'an just turned his head and saw a bowl of medicine with wisps of mist. The bitter taste went straight into his lungs.
Xu Qing'an couldn't help but frown.
Seeing this, Xun Yang said without any mercy: "Why are you frowning? You asked for it."
"The poison in your body is inherently cold in nature. It would have been fine if you hadn't taken the Poison Relief Pill for a few days, but you insisted on taking something as yang-boosting as the Ginseng Pill. The two are antagonizing each other, and all the hard work you put into recuperating your body has gone to waste."
Xun Yang hissed, "What on earth are you doing all this trouble for?"
Even if it wasn't a life-or-death situation, the physical pain was unbearable enough, and he really couldn't understand it.
Xu Qing'an took the medicine bowl, shook it gently to disperse the heat inside, blew on it again, and said calmly, "If I don't do this, she won't believe I'm so weak. But I can't take the poison-slowing pill in front of her. Otherwise, if she takes it back to the palace physician, she'll know what poison I've been poisoned with, right?"
"The poison in my body needs to be diagnosed by a doctor. It is specially made. Since the poison still remains in my body, I can't let her find any clues."
"You still can't let her go?" Xun Yang asked suddenly, regardless of what he said.
Xu Qing'an paused.
Xun Yang sighed softly, "I checked your pulse. While your vomiting blood might be due to not taking the poison-reducing pill in time, it's more likely due to your anger." He cast a probing look at the person sitting on the couch, "You were the only two in the room at the time. What did she say to you?"
Xu Qing'an put his lips close to the rim of the bowl and said calmly, "Nothing."
He tilted his head back, drank the medicine in one gulp, then closed his eyes tightly because of the bitterness. It took him a long time to open them again.
Perhaps the medicine was too bitter, his eyelashes were slightly wet and his breathing was more obvious than before.
The medicine bowl was placed aside, and with a light tap, there was no other sound.
Xun Yang knew he wouldn't answer any more, so he stood up straight and raised an eyebrow. "I'm different from your old subordinates. In my eyes, you're just my patient. Logically, if you want to treat me, you have to listen to me. And doctors like us are most afraid of encountering patients who conceal their illness or even lie about it."
"My master agreed to let you leave the mountain without completely removing the poison because you promised him that you came here only to clear the grievances of your old friend and bring retribution to the evildoers, not to harm yourself like you are doing now."
"My master has just returned to the mountain to prepare medicine for your next detoxification. The most important thing you should do is to take good care of your body to prepare for the next detoxification, instead of acting recklessly like you did a few days ago."
Xun Yang spoke with great sincerity, and Xu Qing'an finally looked up at him.
Xun Yang took the opportunity to continue, "You already knew some of the answers three years ago. Why can't you get over it now? Can't you see through it? Things and people have changed. It's not just you who has changed, but also...her in your memory."
Yes, things have changed and people have changed. He was forced to go through purgatory and now he has struggled out step by step, completely changed. He has even abandoned those gentlemanly ways, let alone her who is now in the limelight and in a high position.
Whenever he looked at her from afar, he could not see the smile in her eyes.
Xu Qing'an closed his eyes.
Xun Yang couldn't help but whisper: "Could it be that you really can't let it go?"
Xu Qingan opened his eyes again and looked at him. His eyes flickered slightly, and he finally spoke: "Don't worry, everything I do has my plan, and I know my limits."
Xun Yang: “…”
"Okay." He took a long time to say a word, and then placed a small sky blue porcelain bottle on the wooden table. "I've returned the poison-slowing pill to you. Remember to take it later."
Xu Qingan nodded lightly.
After Xun Yang left, he stroked the edict in a daze again.
When will you trust me?
But do you also want to experience the feeling of being betrayed by the person you love and trust the most?
But now, have you lost the ability to trust people?
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