0025 Pavlov's Dog
After leaving the Renaissance Hotel, the first thing that greeted Qu Zhong was the late autumn evening breeze.
The wind was blowing from all directions, cool and refreshing, and the inescapable chill gave her goosebumps.
Whether it was her imagination or not, the temperature seemed to have turned into winter in an instant.
The four seasons in Shanghai are not evenly distributed, especially from spring to summer and from autumn to winter. The first two seasons are like a third season with little say, with a very weak presence.
Qu Zhong wrapped her thin coat tighter around herself; she was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and stood at the crossroads, unsure of which way to go.
Should I go back to the law firm to work overtime? Maybe not. She couldn't change anything about Chen Xi's case. Although there are winners and losers in lawsuits, and Shen Yun didn't pursue the matter further, it's still a blunder in her criminal defense career.
She doesn't want to see anything related to work right now.
With that thought in mind, she headed straight for the subway station at the end of the street. She didn't want to think about anything; she just wanted to go home and relax.
When she finally got home and lay in bed, the solitude of being alone forced her to recall the minutiae of her argument with Zhai.
The more I recall, the more specific the details become; the more specific the details, the angrier I get.
She didn't understand. He sent prosecutorial suggestions to Weibo to shut those people up, wasn't it just to please her and have sex with her? She did as he wanted and had sex with him, so why is she acting crazy now?
What angered Qu Zhong the most was that this was a room at the Renaissance Hotel, which was ridiculously expensive.
Normally, they would split the cost. But now that I think about it, forget it, it's all his fault, he should pay the 1052 yuan himself.
Whether she herself is at fault or not is irrelevant.
Because Qu Zhong is a criminal defense lawyer. Civil law addresses contributory negligence and the degree of cause. Criminal law, however, is simple, direct, and clearly defined. A person is either guilty or innocent; there's no contradictory situation where one can argue for both innocence and a lesser charge.
And what did she do wrong? He was the one who started it. What kind of casual sex partners argue like this all the time? It's really strange.
At this moment, Qu Zhong was filled with countless thoughts, felt a tightness in her chest and shortness of breath, and wished she could brew a pot of warm coffee and take 24 Xiaoyao pills with it.
But as if on cue, all the bad things just happened at once. Her phone, lying on the bedside table, vibrated twice in quick succession. She picked it up and saw a message from Qu Qiuying, Qu Zhong's aunt:
"Girl, it's gotten colder lately, remember to keep warm."
"By the way, how's things going with that guy I introduced you to last time?"
The strategy of first offering polite words and then resorting to force, putting on airs, will inevitably lead to trouble.
Qu Zhong knew perfectly well that Qu Qiuying was just a messenger, and Qu Wanfeng was the indirect perpetrator who forced her into blind dates and marriage.
Qu Zhong was already numb to these messages. She simply long-pressed the chat interface, clicked the "Delete this chat" option, and then shut down her phone completely.
Is this interesting? Since she graduated with her master's degree, she and Qu Wanfeng have been at odds over this matter, and she even blocked him long ago. Even so, he is still relentless and even sent Qu Qiuying to gather information.
Qu Wanfeng, the song is dedicated to his father.
When Qu Zhong was young, he filed for divorce from Qu Zhong's mother. At that time, in order to fight for custody of Qu Zhong, this man did not hesitate to swear in court that he would never marry.
Later, Qu Zhong was awarded to him, and he kept his promise and never remarried.
Over the years, Qu Wanfeng has been busy with work and has had little time to spend with Qu Zhong, who basically grew up with her grandparents.
Since he'd never cared about her, he should have just left her alone. But ever since Qu Zhong graduated with her master's degree, he'd been frantically arranging blind dates for her, one after another.
When Qu Zhong first started working, she had a lot of trivial matters to deal with every day, and she didn't even have time to sleep. She also had to deal with Qu Wanfeng's endless bombardment.
She originally thought that she could just pretend not to see it. But when she returned home for National Day the year she graduated, before she could even calm down, Qu Wanfeng called her to the living room and said righteously that he wanted to have a serious talk with her.
Qu Zhong had been traveling for several hours and was already feeling nauseous and had anticipated what he would say, so she naturally refused to cooperate and turned to go into the bedroom.
Qu Wanfeng was adamant, insisting that she sit down and launching into a long, rambling story about the blind date. He raved about the man, praising him to the skies, and warned her that this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Qu Zhong finally couldn't hold back any longer and exploded: "Have you had enough? I've already said I don't have those thoughts right now, and I never will. Can you please let me go? I'm begging you!"
Not a single word she said was what Qu Wanfeng wanted to hear. He abandoned his usual conciliatory tone and his expression turned icy: "Look at your age, they've already had two children. If you don't hurry up now, you'll never be able to get married."
Okay, so you're not only pressuring her to get married, but also explicitly suggesting she have children, right?
Qu Zhong was instantly consumed by rage, every cell in her body seemed to be rebelling: "What am I holding on to? Holding on to these scoundrels you've introduced me to, holding on to entering a loveless grave, and finally holding on to burying my life along with them?"
"Say it again!" Qu Wanfeng shouted, his voice rising sharply, his face turning bright red.
Only opponents who lack confidence rely on volume to win. Qu Zhong wasn't intimidated at all. She snorted coldly with absolute certainty: "What, what did I say wrong? Please enlighten me?"
Qu Wanfeng's breathing became heavy, almost shouting, his temper unusual for a man over fifty: "The boy I introduced to you this time is so outstanding, a graduate of Shen University with a master's degree, owns a house and a car in Shanghai, where can you find such conditions, and you're still not satisfied? Huh?"
"Oh wow, so impressive, a graduate student from Shenda University. I could get into that garbage school with my eyes closed. Tell me, what's so great about him?" Qu Zhong's chest heaved, her disdain and indignation reaching their peak. "To put it bluntly, you just like him because he has a house and a car, right? Are those things registered in my name or yours?"
As she spoke, Qu Zhong inexplicably calmed down. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear and smiled, "Marrying him is fine too, but first, I'll have him change the ownership of the car and the house to my name. After all, I don't want to only have the right to use a car and the right to live in a house after marriage."
Studying law really makes a difference; she speaks with such eloquence that Qu Wanfeng was left speechless, unable to refute a single word.
He bluntly admitted, "Yes, he has a house and a car, and countless women are lining up to marry him. You're the only one who doesn't know what's good for him. Do you think you can buy a house in Shanghai on your own in this lifetime?"
Qu Zhong will never forget the contemptuous yet absolute tone in which he said those words that day.
She had excellent grades since childhood, which made Qu Wanfeng very proud. After she was admitted to graduate school, Qu Wanfeng boasted about her everywhere, saying that she had a bright future ahead of her.
Qu Zhong believed that he was at least proud of her.
But now, he's like a corrupt official who sentences someone without even a trial, immediately sentencing her to death. He says she'll never be able to establish herself in Shanghai through her own efforts, and that marrying a man whose family has bought her a house and a car, becoming his appendage, is her only way out.
Qu Zhong swallowed hard, his throat dry, and gritted his teeth as he spoke, as if making a vow: "You wait, I will definitely buy a house in Shanghai in ten years."
"In the main urban area of Shanghai," she emphasized.
She was clearly happy to return to her hometown from Shanghai, but that night she carried her suitcase back the same way and returned to that small rented room.
She was exhausted that day, but she didn't sleep a wink all night.
Qu Zhong is not actually opposed to marriage; she has not been traumatized by the dismal end of her parents' marriage. She has had several normal relationships, and when she was deeply in love, she would discuss the future with her partner.
She dislikes the utilitarian nature of blind dates, hates entering into marriage without any emotional foundation, and hates being pressured or threatened by others.
Perhaps, like Chen Xi, she is a romantic and aloof person at heart. She yearns for highly pure emotions. She wants to proceed step by step, each step following its proper order. Just like the order of succession in legal inheritance, only when the first-in-line heirs are all dead can the second-in-line heirs take their turn.
She longed for a relationship that would naturally progress from attraction to confession, falling in love, and finally, marriage. This was the order she envisioned.
But arranged marriages are the complete opposite. Both sets of parents get involved beforehand, two completely unrelated people of the opposite sex talk face-to-face about marriage and children, rush to the civil affairs bureau, and end up having a vulgar wedding where everyone except the couple is laughing and joking.
Qu Zhong absolutely cannot accept this.
Later, she began to doubt the meaning of marriage itself, which seemed unnecessary to her.
The recently concluded case, where Shen Yun and Chen Xi's marriage couldn't even end amicably, further confirmed Qu Zhong's inner thoughts.
She firmly believes that marriage is a curse stamped with an official seal, bringing nothing but harm.
After breaking up with Qu Wanfeng, Qu Zhong truly began to face the world independently.
The salary for intern lawyers is very, very low, while the cost of living in Shanghai is extremely high. Qu Zhong, a recent graduate, was penniless, and Qu Wanfeng had to subsidize half of his monthly rent.
After blocking Qu Wanfeng, she began a long period of frugal living, carefully calculating every expense. The few hundred yuan she spent on her internship training at the Bar Association was actually helped by Lin Qianqian, who worked in non-litigation matters.
Later, on one occasion, she and Xu Yanru went to the C District Court to review case files. After they finished, it was lunchtime, and Xu Yanru asked her if she wanted to go eat at a nearby restaurant together.
She agreed. But she didn't expect that the "nearby" place Xu Yanru mentioned was a high-end Japanese restaurant.
After finishing her meal, her heart ached when she saw the bill presented by the waiter. Xu Yanru smiled and said, "It's okay, this meal is on me."
Qu Zhong, who was so tough that he never easily bowed his head in front of others, was unable to say no to Xu Yanru at that moment.
Because she knew that perhaps if she gritted her teeth, she could afford a fancy Japanese meal. But she couldn't pretend she could afford the life that followed.
If she pays for this meal, she won't be able to afford next month's rent, her meals that she can no longer afford to eat frugally, or anything else that requires a price to survive. All of these things will trigger a chain reaction, and she won't be able to cope with it at all.
Fortunately, those agonizing days are finally over. She thought that after so much time, Qu Wanfeng would have come to his senses, but he still hadn't.
Qu Zhong stared helplessly at the ceiling. After months of construction noise, the noise outside had finally subsided, and for the first time, she felt that the night in Shanghai was so quiet.
But instead, she tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep, fearing she might have truly become Pavlov's dog.
Later, in a state between sleep and wakefulness, she finally understood. The hustle and bustle of the outside world was actually helping her, a mere mortal, to drown out the noise in her heart.
*
Pavlov's dog was an experiment in which dogs, once accustomed to a certain long-term stimulus, gradually forget to resist and form a conditioned reflex. Here, it refers to the female protagonist mistakenly believing that the dog's insomnia was due to being accustomed to the noise of construction.
Furthermore, she can't pretend about the life after a meal. This quote is from a line in the book "The Rational Life": "I can afford a designer bag, but I can't pretend about the life behind the designer bag."
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