Chapter 181 You Should Hate Me, It’s Okay
Feeling the warmth behind me.
Gu Xia pressed her tongue against her teeth, turned her head and looked at Ning Anran's dark eyes, still smiling.
It's just that my finger subconsciously turned off the screen.
Now is not the time to argue.
Gu Xia didn't want to make a big deal out of this matter. If he really wanted to talk about everything, he would have to wait until he met Ning Anran's psychologist.
Making decisions too rashly is not a good habit for yourself or the people around you.
This is the truth that Gu Xia is only beginning to learn.
"Nothing on my mind, I just want to be alone here for a while."
"If I really go, I'm afraid they will be the ones who feel uncomfortable, right?"
Gu Xia used to do the same when he had dinner together. He would find a corner to sit in and chat with a few of his acquaintances.
In fact, the content of the conversation was nothing more than the gossip of Qingshui City. Gu Xia really admired his past self for being able to listen to those family matters with great interest.
When Ning Anran heard her say this, she shook her head slightly and denied it with a smile.
"How could that be, Xia Xia? If you go there, they will definitely like it."
"You've always been popular."
Seeing this hugging posture, Gu Xia knew without a doubt that Ning Anran must be very uncomfortable, but Ning Anran was stubborn and refused to let go.
"So, do you like it?"
"safely."
"Was it tiring to watch me like this from a distance before?"
Gu Xia is used to being casual and unrestrained.
She dug deep into her memory, but couldn't recall a single moment when she had felt inferior.
Gu Lindong, her sister was right about what she said, she was indeed spoiled.
So much so that many times we are unable to sympathize with the sorrow of those in a lower position and the self-protection mechanisms they have implemented.
These words seemed to have touched upon a secret that Ning Anran had kept deep inside her. Her laughter was more trembling than her crying, and she finally loosened her arms that she had been hugging tightly.
Ning Anran pulled a chair over and sat next to Gu Xia.
In the distance, the sea water was stirred by the wind, and laughter and joy spread across the entire beach. The subtle rubbing sounds came from the landscape trees above.
Ning Anran had no time to appreciate the refreshing scenery before her. She stared at Gu Xia with her finger stretched out.
This time, Ning Anran did not retreat like before. She touched Gu Xia's small earlobe, and under the pretext of helping her tidy up her hair, she couldn't help but gently touch and caress it with her fingertips twice.
"certainly."
"I like."
"Actually, I'm not tired, but I'm not tired either. Xia Xia, you know, it's not just me watching you, you're watching me too, right?"
She is a greedy person, extremely greedy. As long as Gu Xia looks at her more, Ning Anran feels that she can give her everything.
——A complete madman, she has restrained herself with all her rationality.
But why is her heart still so displaced and wandering?
"No one else will respond to my requests like you do."
"Xia Xia."
Ning Anran spoke softly, still pretending nothing had happened.
If the penniless Ning Anran could give Gu Xia complete sincerity and loyalty, as well as that insignificant romance.
But now Ning Anran is completely the opposite. Sincerity and loyalty are no longer important in Ning Anran's eyes. What she wants is for Gu Xia to be safe and live a long life.
What she wanted was to be able to control the situation and prevent anyone from getting close to and hurting Gu Xia.
Ning Anran doesn't want to be the kind of person who can't express his feelings or say sweet words.
Ning Anran doesn't care how the world defines such behavior, whether it means she has a mental illness, a psychological illness, or that she uses any means necessary.
She will never stop her "love".
No one taught Ning Anran, who grew up in a completely isolated environment, how to love someone. She groped around, trying to pour all the love she thought was the most passionate on the person she loved the most.
This will haunt us for the rest of our lives.
The phone vibrated, and Gu Xia knew that the person on the other end had sent another message, but she didn't have the heart to read it at the moment.
"Yeah?"
"Ning Anran, is this really the case?"
Gu Xia looked at her with a smile and began to test her. She didn't know if her words could touch Ning Anran's heart.
However, what Gu Xia wanted was not Ning Anran "covered in blood" in front of him.
What she wanted to see was the complete Ning Anran, not someone who restrained himself and continued to play the game of a normal person in front of her.
Gu Xia could accept whether Ning Anran was sick or not, and no matter how serious her mental illness was.
Just like a sister loves her and accepts all her shortcomings.
"What?"
Hearing Gu Xia's question, Ning Anran admitted that she was indeed panicked, and she uttered two light words from her red lips.
Although he was in turmoil inside, he appeared calm on the surface.
"Did you really hate me?"
"The kind of hatred that makes you want to kill me?"
"The kind of hatred that makes you want me dead?"
Gu Xia didn't know why she said this. It might be because she had peeked into the beginning and end of herself in this novel, and also peeked into the tip of the iceberg of Ning Anran's world.
That's why she could ask this question so accurately.
Looking at her smiling face, Ning Anran's emotions broke down at this moment, and her forbearance began to become a joke.
Ning Anran held Gu Xia's cheeks with both hands and shook her head desperately, letting the sea breeze mess up her hair.
"I don't."
"How could I…"
"I can't bear to leave, Xia Xia... I can't bear to leave..."
"Even if I have to die, even if I have to hate."
"I would only hate myself."
In a word, Gu Xia thought that Ning Anran would feel guilty in front of her, but she didn't expect Ning Anran to be so defeated.
The guilt in his heart immediately took over, and Gu Xia no longer wanted to worry about the little things Ning Anran did behind his back.
She just wants to be safe and sound.
Even if it was Ning Anran who was deceiving herself.
Being hugged from behind, Gu Xia sighed and whispered in Ning Anran's ear: "Anran, I'm not saying this to blame you. I just want to say that hating someone is more tiring than loving someone."
"You must have had a very hard life before."
"You should hate me, it's okay, Ning Anran, you did a great job."
Her body was trembling, and Ning Anran took deep breaths of the scent of Gu Xia. She couldn't tell for a moment whether she was laughing or crying.
Only the faint scent of shower gel on Gu Xia's body seemed to be able to soothe Ning Anran's anxious mood.
What does she hate?
Ning Anran asked herself this question thousands of times during sleepless nights?
Did he hate Gu Xia for his verbal humiliation and constant beatings and scolding?
Or I still hate her dazzling family background, her condescending attitude, and those domineering eyes.
In fact, she doesn't hate any of these.
When Gu Xia tried to drive her away and she refused to leave, Ning Anran understood her feelings.
What she hated and resented from beginning to end was that Gu Xia didn't care about her enough and refused to even look back at her.
Hate that she doesn't love herself.
I hate that she didn't look at me more.
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