Confession (Part 3)
But if you couldn't stop them back then, do you think you can stop them after a few years?
While it appears to be Coach Huang's decision, wasn't she also involved in it?
No, that's unrealistic. This concerns you, and Coach Huang is always happy to listen to her opinions on your matters. After all, you belong to her, and she is the one who can decide your fate.
So now, you should finally understand why the so-called medical team didn't finalize a plan for so long, why your medical records were treated like a hot potato and passed around, why the so-called imported knee material was delayed, and why your surgery was postponed for so long.
So long that you completely missed the best time for treatment.
Actually, it's all fake. Zhou Zeyu and the medical team don't exist at all. Dr. Wang was a role handpicked by Coach Huang. Later, due to corruption and falsifying medical records, he was protected by Coach Huang and transferred to another, more remote hospital. Your medical records fell into his hands and were, of course, heavily modified. They were all forgeries.
That was the original plan. The so-called conservative treatment turned into a prolonged shock therapy, dragging it out until your injury became so severe that there was no possibility of reversal. Then Coach Huang could give up on you without having to bear the slightest criticism.
But at this moment, the situation changed—a subtle change that forced us to rethink things.
Perhaps it was fate that was on your side. For some unknown reason, a widespread problem suddenly emerged in the team during that period. Veteran players were retiring one after another, while new players were in poor form due to various factors. In the end, you were the only one left who was truly the best.
It was the final stage of the Olympic cycle, with less than ten months left until the Olympics. The Beijing team needed to place their own people there no matter what. That person probably wouldn't be Cen Zheng, so it was just you.
You are lying in a hospital bed, completely unaware of your fate and future.
The situation changed, and she had to discuss another approach with Coach Huang, which was more radical but more efficient: removing the bone in her right knee and replacing it with artificial material. Although the success rate was low, if she was lucky, her condition would not be greatly affected, and her professional career could still be effectively extended.
That's good, that's certainly good.
However, it seems a bit too good.
What does it mean that your condition will not be greatly affected? Does it mean that after a period of recovery, you can even maintain your current level of performance? Cen Zheng certainly knows your strength well enough; she knows how invincible a healthy and powerful you are.
You can absolutely win the Olympic gold medal, and then win one more gold medal after another in the years to come. You will become the eleventh Grand Slam winner, the most dazzling player in the team, and a perfect athlete.
Right?
Unfortunately, this was just a concept in Cen Zheng's mind, because Dr. Wang had said long ago that no one could estimate the success rate of this plan, and that you were more likely to lose your eligibility for competitive sports forever.
What's cruel is that they even want to eliminate this tiny possibility. Even if there are many possibilities, even if there's only a 10% chance of success, it won't become a reality.
You might feel resentful, bitter, and confused, wondering why they would do this. But the answer is actually quite simple, so simple that it might seem absurd at first glance. It's what Coach Huang said on the day you joined the Beijing team.
Who told you that you're not one of us?
Unfortunately, that's how they decided your fate.
The artificial material in your right knee is not the so-called high-end imported equipment from Germany. It is the lowest grade material, with obvious side effects and sequelae. It has been replacing a piece of bone in your right knee for so many years without your knowledge.
They changed your treatment plan because they needed a powerful Zhou Zeyu, and they changed your knee material because they didn't need an overly powerful Zhou Zeyu.
That's the reason.
They don't care about the harm your injuries cause you, nor do they care about the huge impact they have on your career. You are no longer the ignorant child you once were. How can they perfectly ensure your controllability and prevent you from having the opportunity to spread your wings and fly high?
That's all you have to do. Just sign the surgery form, watch yourself being wheeled into the operating room, and everything will be taken care of.
You were incredibly lucky; the material didn't cause a rejection reaction in your body. You seized the 10% chance and recovered at an astonishing speed beyond what most people could imagine. You must have worked very hard and were so dedicated that they didn't expect you to complete the rehabilitation training so quickly and return to the training field.
But after that, you seemed to gradually become less talkative again.
When Cen Zheng first met you, you were a quiet, mute little girl. Later, you became more cheerful, and the spirit and arrogance that you had deliberately concealed slowly reappeared. But that didn't last long, because you started to become that little mute again.
The little mute girl from back then had her always by her side, but the little mute girl after that didn't. Cen Zheng just stood far away from you, quietly watching you. She wanted to know how far you could push yourself to go, and of course, she saw it too.
In the final stages of Olympic preparation, you seemed to be really unable to hold on any longer. The psychological pressure and the aftereffects of your knee were tormenting you, leaving you almost emaciated. She caught you secretly wiping away tears more than once, and even crying silently in a corner. You were really tired, but she couldn't help you.
You did ask her for help; you were practically grasping at straws. You told her, pale-faced, that you really couldn't go on and wanted to be a deserter, just once.
But no, Zhou Zeyu, this time it really won't work.
Cen Zheng looked at you, and subconsciously didn't know what to say. What could she say? That she was supposed to participate in this competition, but she deserted at the last minute, becoming yet another deserter, and instead threw the biggest responsibility to you, even though she knew that your current condition was not suitable for a high-intensity competition and that you had no chance of winning.
So in the end, she ignored your plea for help once again, and just sat beside you, her tone seemingly thoughtful, but there seemed to be a hint of sentimentality mixed in.
"Little mute, go and win that championship, for yourself and for me."
She is emotionally manipulating people.
And she knew perfectly well that doing so would work, because you couldn't refuse her.
And so, Cen Zheng silently watched you step onto the field, exhausted, and saw your energy being completely depleted after match, yet you forced yourself to start the next one. You were like an unkillable cockroach, always managing to grit your teeth and keep going.
A human being is made of flesh and blood, not a numerical health bar in a game. You are not invincible, and after so many years, you will eventually get tired.
There were many reasons why you lost that game: overworking your body, the accumulation of numerous injuries, the aftereffects of the artificial material in your right knee, the expectations and pressure from countless people both on and off the court, and your heart that was so fragile that it could not withstand a single blow.
If these reasons were separate, none of them would be a match for you, and you would always be able to deal with them with ease because that's how you've always done it, and this time would have been no different. But unfortunately, this time they've all come at you at once.
It surges so fast that it gives you no chance to turn the tide.
When you fell in front of Angelica, Cen Zheng was less than ten meters away from you. The whole world seemed to collapse with your fall.
That day finally came.
Later, so many things happened. You were purged, expelled, and went to a very far place alone, and you never came back for so long.
Cen Zheng embarked on a new life. She announced her retirement and, with arrangements made, entered the team's management. In just one year, everything changed dramatically. She deliberately buried her former life, but she could never forget it, like a shadow following her, constantly reminding her.
It reminded her that she couldn't just keep moving forward recklessly; there was someone else she had forgotten in faraway Belgrade.
To be fair, Cen Zheng never seemed to think you were important to her. After all, she had already done enough to hurt you. If she still insisted that she valued you after that, it would seem ridiculous.
As for now, isn't the greatest significance of your existence to her reminding her of those unbearable past events, making her unconsciously think of her selfishness and incompetence every time she sees you?
Cen Zheng can't wait to forget you.
But there are always some people or things in this world that make her remember you. Even though you left, you still left behind a lot, such as Fang Xiaocan, who has never had a good impression of her.
You are far away in a foreign land, so of course you don't know how much your so-called friend has done for you. You don't know how she managed to make a rough deduction about what happened over the years, and then she boldly went to her and demanded an explanation.
An explanation? What kind of explanation does she want, and what kind of explanation can Cen Zheng give?
Objectively speaking, if a person wants to maintain basic judgment and rationality, then she absolutely cannot let emotions interfere. Unfortunately, you have not done this, so you have been kept in the dark for so many years.
Unfortunately, Fang Xiaocan is completely different from you. She has no feelings for Cen Zheng, so she can see many things clearly, at least much more clearly than you. She pointed out the unfair treatment you have suffered over the years and implied that it was all related to one person.
Cen Zheng almost laughed at that moment. They both knew what the other meant, but neither of them said it out loud. Yes, what was the need to say it out loud? Cen Zheng liked this feeling of pretending to know what she didn't. It made her feel like she was in complete control. At least Fang Xiaocan had nothing to do with their affairs, and she had no right to know the truth.
Zhou Zeyu, she was actually waiting, waiting for your reaction after you found out everything.
Even Fang Xiaocan saw it clearly, so when will you finally realize it? And if that day really comes, how will you treat her?
Cen Zheng had always felt that this was perfectly justifiable, after all, she had achieved all her goals. For ten long years, she had relied on absorbing your hard work, treating you as a scapegoat, a shield, and a bloodsucker. She had made it through all of that, and now she was retiring with honors and other brilliant athletes, with a bright future ahead of her.
So, even if you know all this once you've achieved your goal, what can you do? Do you have any room to retaliate? Can you harm her in the slightest?
After all, you're just an ordinary person.
And even now, they still hopelessly cling to that last shred of trust.
You might hate her, hate her for ruining your once bright career, but why would you think that way? If it weren't for her back then, you would never have gotten to where you are today. And everything she did to you was just to collect interest from what happened back then.
Disappointed? But that's human nature. If you hadn't met her, you would have met someone else. Those people's methods and schemes would only be worse than hers. You would only suffer more if you fell into their hands. At least Cen Zheng wasn't that cruel.
At least she won't kill you, allowing you to live a peaceful life in faraway Belgrade, completely severing ties with all the turmoil here.
But apart from that, it seems she has no other kindness towards you.
After all, Cen Zheng wasn't stupid. She just occasionally wanted to use those so-called principles of fairness to hypnotize herself, which was understandable. After all, it's really difficult to admit that you're a bad person, but does that mean you're not just unwilling to admit it?
No, at least to you, she is a completely bad person.
Your career, your life, your destiny were indeed ruined by her, because of her selfish desires.
Right?
…
When this inner monologue comes to an end, everything seems to have a reasonable explanation. These thoughts and experiences can probably answer all your questions, but Cen Zheng thinks you probably still have one last question.
Just like when she left your hospital bed and said those last words, you were still struggling against the drowsy feeling, desperately resisting the effects of the anesthetic, gazing deeply at her, and asking her why she was so conflicted.
Why?
Actually, you're not entirely stupid, so her initial assessment of you was correct.
Actually, you may have already sensed all of this, just like Fang Xiaocan, but you've always been good at burying your head in the sand, or rather, deceiving yourself.
Isn't your ignorance your best shield? As long as you don't know, as long as you force yourself not to think about it, that's fine.
But don't you sometimes find it strange? You thought you could accept her complete exploitation, but what happened today surprised you. How could a hunter break down and lose his mind in front of his prey? And what were her tears and pain for?
This must be a struggle for you, making you wonder if it's just acting or genuine emotion, but why do you feel that she will definitely answer your question?
Just as Cen Zheng didn't say that all of her tens of thousands of words of inner monologue were necessarily true.
This version, which is mixed with too many personal subjective factors, conceals too much and omits too much, is not even Cen Zheng's own. Rather, it is the version that Fang Xiaocan imagined based on her own ridiculous clues and shallow reasoning when she came to see her.
It seems generally accurate, but it's not.
Although I don't know exactly when Fang Xiaocan plans to let you know the truth, it probably won't be long. And what you hear then will probably be the version Fang Xiaocan tells you, since Cen Zheng didn't deliberately correct her mistakes when she was talking so eloquently.
It's not surprising that Fang Xiaocan would think this way about her, and she doesn't have the patience to correct the discrepancies one by one. It seems that it's not bad to treat this as a widely circulated truth.
However, no matter what, even if everyone in the world believes Fang Xiaocan's deduction, you must know that this version of the truth has flaws, and the answer you want to know exists in those distorted and omitted facts that Fang Xiaocan will never know, and that you will never know.
So guess, Zhou Zeyu, guess what kind of feelings she harbors for you, where do those contradictory behaviors come from, and what is the answer you most want to know?
Whether you guess right or wrong doesn't matter, because it's not important. She will never tell you the real answer.
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