Volume 9 in haste
Fang Hui said, "I've truly loved and truly hated, but all that love and hate has passed by so quickly. Looking back now, I don't regret it at all. If I had to choose again, I would do it all over again..."
(1)
By the time Chen Xun finished telling me their story, it was already getting light. I wiped my face and found it was wet; I realized I had unknowingly shed tears.
To be honest, I had guessed that Chen Xun had abandoned Fang Hui, and I had imagined how heartbroken she must have been, but I never expected it to end like this. Thinking back to that figure in 2003, carrying deep pain as she went off alone to a distant place, I feel an overwhelming pang of heartache. I think everyone probably thought Fang Hui was weak, but I know she wasn't. In the days after leaving all her family and friends, in the days after bidding farewell to those fleeting years, she was the only one who stubbornly held onto her fragile love until the very end.
But I no longer hold a prejudice against Chen Xun. Clearly, Fang Hui wasn't the only one who remembered this love, nor was she the only one who was hurt. Their youth was filled with bright colors, yet also stained with indelible black and white. But without a doubt, these were all unique and unforgettable, belonging to them.
"Hey! You're really getting into character!" Chen Xun said, tossing me a towel as he came out of the bathroom.
I took it, wiped my face, and said, "Get lost! You've probably cried countless times already. Your skills have surpassed Meng Jiangnu's!"
"Go to hell!" Chen Xun kicked me.
"You've really smoked a lot, you've used up all my stock!" I said, shaking out the empty cigarette pack.
"What's so special about this! Only one pack in one night! Back in the day, I smoked a whole pack straight at the gate of my school! It was snowing heavily! I even stubbed out the cigarette several times." Chen Xun said dismissively.
"You brought this on yourself! And what happened to you guys after that?" I asked him.
"Actually, I haven't been in touch with them much for the past two years. We used to be so close, together every day, but now we only talk about what happened to this person. Haha, maybe that's what growing up is like! Qiao Ran is quite successful; he got into the Architectural Association School of Architecture in London and will probably be based there permanently, helping us establish an overseas base. We met up when he came back last year. He said he doesn't have a girlfriend, only close female friends. He's such a literary type; we can't be bothered to argue with him. Zhao Ye is working independently after graduation. His online business is booming; he's supposedly the largest supplier in Beijing. His wife came back from Changchun with him. Northeastern women are really tough; I don't think Zhao Ye has any temper in front of her. Maybe they'll get their marriage certificate this year. Su Kai works at a bank; he's always busy. He's already gotten three credit cards for me! I heard he's also taking out a loan to buy a house and is getting married. The bride isn't Zheng Xue or Lin Jia Mo; it's hilarious, it was a blind date. We never expected it! Jia Mo is still with Song Ning; she's in a business..." "My company is looking to switch jobs now, saying the salary isn't enough to buy clothes, just like when we were in school! Song Ning is such a shrewd guy. When he graduated and was looking for a job, he fooled all the employers. Now he's the finance manager of their Hunan branch. Everything else is great, except he's always traveling to other places. He keeps calling me saying he misses the people of the capital while living in this sparsely populated land. Gao Keshang went to the bus company, and we all say he's made the most of his abilities. Wang Senzhao stayed in Beijing, becoming a complete 'Beijing drifter.' It's really not easy for kids from other places to find jobs; he suffered a lot after graduation. Fortunately, he's good at his studies and has strong abilities, and now he's a white-collar worker with a monthly salary of 5,000. Shen Xiaotang ended up with him. Shen Xiaotang's family didn't approve of their relationship, saying they didn't want her to marry someone from another place. The other day, Wang Senzhao even told me that Shen Xiaotang's mother gave him a DVD of 'New Marriage Era' and told him to watch it carefully, which made him both laugh and cry. But Shen Xiaotang is quite serious. 'Hey, the future is bright, but the road is winding!' Chen Xun said with a smile."
"Aren't you upset that Shen Xiaotang and Wang Senzhao are together?" I asked curiously.
"At first I felt a little uncomfortable, but later I didn't feel anything. The eldest brother is indeed more suitable for Shen Xiaotang than I am. I think he can give Shen Xiaotang happiness, so I accepted it and let bygones be bygones," Chen Xun said, lying on his back on the bed.
"What about your childhood friends?"
"Bai Feng turned himself in and got a two-year sentence, which is considered lenient. Wu Tingting works at a flagship store in Oriental Plaza. She often runs into celebrities and rich men and keeps saying she wants to hook up with one, but I've never seen her actually do it. She says she works in luxury goods marketing, but I say she's just a high-end saleswoman. Tang Haibing and Sun Tao are now selling clothes together, each claiming to be the boss and the other the employee. They gave me this coat, saying it cost several thousand abroad, but who knows if that's true! Anyway, it's not bad. They both have stores in Xidan called 'Sunny Day' boutique, which Sun Tao named. In the end, he didn't end up with Yang Qing. Yang Qing is already married. Her husband is a civil servant, working his way up from 3581, not on the same level as Sun Tao."
"Where is Fang Hui?" I asked tentatively.
"I don't know... I only know about her. I don't know what she's doing, or if she's doing well. She hasn't contacted me since." Chen Xun shook his head sadly. "Stop talking nonsense! Take a nap! I still have several forms to finish today!"
"Um."
I lay down too, but I couldn't fall asleep, and I knew Chen Xun couldn't fall asleep either.
In 2006, the Chinese stock market began to improve, and I seized the opportunity to buy several low-priced stocks. I was quite lucky, and by the end of the year, my investment had multiplied several times. At that time, we were reviewing a listed company, and I had a very pleasant conversation with their vice president. We got along very well over dinner and drinks, and the vice president mentioned that a friend of his ran a financial investment company, and he could introduce me to a potential candidate if I was interested. Of course, I was very interested. I was exhausted from working at Yong'an and almost developed a fear of numbers, so we immediately agreed. After two rounds of interviews, I was officially hired.
After resigning, I invited a few close colleagues from Yong'anli to go out all night. Chen Xun and Fu Yuying both came. Everyone was very excited and genuinely happy for me.
Fu Yuying raised her glass and said, "Let's drink to Zhang Nan escaping this sea of suffering!"
Everyone drank the first cup heartily, and I waved my hand and said, "Sit down, sit down, everyone! No need for formalities among us! Don't use the same tricks you use on outsiders!"
"He panicked right from the start!" Chen Xun said with a laugh. "We can't let him off the hook today! One drink to start, then a round around the table, red, white, and yellow drinks all at once, we can't stop until we leave the table!"
"Look! I just said it and you're here! What a bunch of nonsense! I hate all this blatant banter and backroom deals at the dinner table! Take those people from the tax bureau, for example. They're good at nothing but drinking. What kind of atmosphere is this? We drink to have fun, not to follow their rules!" I said, slamming my hand on the table.
"Yeah! Every time we go out, they try to force me to drink. I'm not a PR girl, why should I drink with those stinky men who're old enough to be my dad!" Fu Yuying said defiantly. "Today I'm not drinking, I'm going to have yogurt!"
Everyone burst into laughter, and I picked up a piece of food with my chopsticks and said, "Everyone, feel free to do as you please today! We have to live our own way!"
"That's right! Chairman Mao said we are the sun at eight or nine in the morning, the world belongs to them but also to us! Everyone says we post-80s are no good or useless, I say that's all bullshit! When we're at work, which one of us isn't working hard? When we need to be humble, we're humble; when we need to take the blame, we're blameless. We do whatever the leaders tell us to do, aren't we the same as them? We have our strengths, we see more and learn faster, we have a broad vision and are creative. One day we will surpass them, one day we will become social elites, one day we will have our own careers! Zhang Nan! I support you! Cheers to your courage and pursuit!" Chen Xun raised his glass and said.
His words got everyone excited, and even Fu Yuying, who was clamoring for yogurt, started drinking alcohol. I think we, in our twenties, are definitely not inferior to anyone.
We ended up getting drunk again that day. When we came out of the second bar, Fu Yuying was already passed out on me, vomiting and crying, saying, "Zhang Nan... I can't bear to part with you, I can't bear to part with you..."
I smiled wryly as I helped her up, thinking to myself, "Another tragedy!" Chen Xun was also a bit drunk. He hailed a taxi for us, and together we carried Fu Yuying upstairs. Before I got in the car, Chen Xun put his arm around me and said, "Since I started working, you're the only one I've taken a liking to. If you need anything, call your brother! I'll be there without hesitation!"
I laughed and playfully punched him, saying, "Hey! Don't forget about your buddy!"
He waved his hand and said, "Alright! Enough talk, let's go! I'm leaving Xiao Fu to you!"
I nodded helplessly. As the taxi drove away, I looked back and saw Chen Xun's lonely figure. Suddenly, I wondered if I should tell him about Fang Hui.
(2)
I saw Chen Xun again in the autumn of 2007. At that time, we were both going through the hardships of starting our own businesses. We made several appointments before finally setting a time to get together.
We found a small restaurant, ordered some side dishes and beer, and chatted while we ate. Chen Xun had just returned from a business trip to Xinjiang; he was dark-skinned and thin. He tossed me a pack of snow lotus cigarettes and said, "I don't know what to bring back for Boss Zhang, how about trying some Xinjiang cigarettes?"
"Fuck you!" I laughed and slapped him, "Come on! General manager my ass! Have you ever seen a general manager who doesn't have a single subordinate?"
"Then why do you print such an intimidating business card?"
"Isn't that how it is now? Everyone's either a manager or an assistant; nobody has the title of 'ordinary citizen'! How's it going for you? How many CPA exams have you passed?"
"Four subjects. This year it's tax law. I took it last year and almost missed it, damn it! What about you?" Chen Xun poured me a drink and said.
"It's alright, nothing special," I said, clinking glasses with him.
"I heard that money went up recently, and your stocks did really well. You sold before '530' and didn't lose any money. You're even publishing articles in newspapers and magazines. You're quite the bourgeois! I bet you've already made enough for your income tax declaration? Your Xiao Fu has been bragging to me about it for a while now. I was even thinking of asking you to buy some funds or something." Chen Xun looked at me slyly.
"Damn! This woman..." I said, frowning. "Don't listen to her nonsense. I just gave her a supplementary credit card. If you have money and aren't afraid I'll ruin it for you, call me anytime, and I'll help you manage your finances. Hey, don't talk about me, how about you? You haven't even set your sights on any pretty girls yet."
"No! I reckon I'll have to wait a few more Singles' Days!" Chen Xun said with a faint smile.
"Honestly, if Fang Hui comes back, do you think you two can still get back together?" I asked tentatively. A few days ago, I met AIBA on MSN, and she told me that Fang Hui had returned to China. I immediately thought of Chen Xun, which is why I asked him out.
"How should I put it?" Chen Xun took a sip of beer and said, "During the best days of my life, she was always there for me. I could see the whorl of her hair with just a slight tilt of my head, and I could touch the hem of her clothes with a gentle lift of my hand. I still remember her using Pantene shampoo, and the faint fragrance she had. She's in most of my memories. Back then, we sat in the same classroom every day, read the same book, did the same problems, walked the same roads, and were always together. Thinking about it now, I can't help but sigh, it was so wonderful to have that girl by my side... But now our good days are over, and she's left me for such a faraway place. I feel it's not a matter of whether things can get better, but that we can never go back."
"Do you still miss her?"
"I don't think about it much, but it's always on my mind." Chen Xun finished the wine in his glass.
We were both silent for a while. Actually, when I asked him, I was thinking about the same question myself: Do I still miss Fang Hui? Would I still be with her? My answer was almost the same as Chen Xun's: neither of us can go back to the past. After leaving each other, we will continue our own lives, and perhaps neither of us will ever appear again. But that doesn't mean forgetting. I think we will both keep each other in our hearts, because that is the mark of our youth, the most beautiful thing in our lives.
I gazed wistfully out the window, drawn to the sweet potato stall bathed in the night. A rather mismatched Passat was parked beside it, and a neatly dressed man got out and bought two sweet potatoes. Perhaps lacking change, he rolled down the passenger window and handed over some bills. When I saw that face, I thought I was hallucinating. She was still so pale and thin, still the Fang Hui I remembered; she hadn't changed at all.
The man bought roasted sweet potatoes, carefully wiped the skin off, and handed them to her. Fang Hui smiled at him and said something.
Chen Xun noticed my strange look and turned around to look at me, saying, "What are you looking at? Your eyes are practically glued to you?"
Fang Hui had already rolled up the car window, and Chen Xun couldn't see her. He turned to me with a smile and said, "Driving a Passat to buy roasted sweet potatoes, that's pretty cool. You're not afraid of getting a ticket from the police if you park on the street."
"Ah..." I said in a daze.
“When Fang Hui and I were together, we always loved to buy roasted sweet potatoes after school. We’d buy one and share it. Back then, we thought there was nothing better than getting together to eat roasted sweet potatoes. Haha, we were such kids!” Chen Xun shook his head and laughed.
I looked at him but didn't say anything. I thought Fang Hui was probably living the happy life she deserved now, and Chen Xun had calmly cherished that relationship. Perhaps it didn't matter whether I told him or not what I knew.
A month after meeting Chen Xun, I saw Fang Hui again. This time, she took the initiative to ask me out. I guess AIBA had told her about meeting me on MSN.
I took her to a rather quiet teahouse, and she looked at me with a smile and said, "Zhang Nan, you seem to have gained weight?"
"You're missing me, aren't you! Haven't you seen 'Love on a Diet'? After leaving you, I'm just like Andy Lau!" I said, pouring her a cup of tea.
"You haven't changed at all in your love of talking nonsense!" Fang Hui glared at me and said.
"You seem to have changed a bit; you're more cheerful and smile more often than before."
"Maybe so. Come to think of it, I have a lot to thank you for," Fang Hui said, lowering her head and smiling.
"Me? I'm flattered! Tell me quickly, what good deeds have I done? I need to write them down right away, it'll be a significant entry in my personal file!"
"Being with you has made me let go of the past. After you left, I dared not think about those things and those people by myself anymore. I originally thought I would be sad for the rest of my life, but after talking to you about the past, I felt much better. Although I still feel a little melancholy when I think about it now, it's not the same feeling as before. Time really is the best medicine; it doesn't show its effects until the years have passed. 98, 99... 07, I've known them for almost ten years, haven't I? Time flies... Chen Xun and I were together for three years, tormented each other for two years, and then had no contact for five years. Counting it up, the time we spent together was almost as long as the time we spent apart. He also slowly moved on from..." Everything in my life has become a part of my life. Before, I always wished Chen Xun's car had a higher frame, and the road home was longer. Later, I always wished he loved me more, and that I could just see him. I truly loved, and I truly hated, but all that love and hate just passed by so quickly… But I don't regret it. If I had to choose again, I would do it all over again… So, Zhang Nan, thank you! Fang Hui looked up and said, her eyes holding a light I had never seen before, clear as a deep, still lake. I think that's probably where the old Chen Xun got lost!
"As long as you're doing well, that's all that matters. You know, I genuinely hope you can be happy," I said, gazing into her eyes.
"I understand, thank you," Fang Hui said, blinking. "I heard you're very happy. What's that girl's name? How did she win you over?"
"It was AIBA again, wasn't it? Bad news travels fast! Her name is Fu Yuying, and she's a colleague at the firm I just came back to work for. She really smitten me. I've never seen anyone as clueless as her. I can't help it, I'm just too kind-hearted. I thought, who would want someone like her? So I just accepted her. That's all."
"Come on! Who knows how you'll pursue her!"
"No, I'm not lying to you! But I heard you're doing well too, and you're happy, right?" I said with interest. That day, the seemingly wealthy protector of the flower really intrigued me.
"Huh?" Fang Hui looked at me in confusion.
"Stop pretending! Tell me honestly what's going on between you and your partner? Confess and you'll be treated leniently, resist and you'll be punished severely!" I said, pretending to be serious as I glared at her.
"What? I really don't know what you're talking about!" Fang Hui looked completely bewildered.
"Tsk! I saw it all, and you still won't admit it! Just last month, weren't you buying roasted sweet potatoes near Dongzhimen? You even parked your car on the side of the road, weren't you afraid of getting a ticket from the police? You're so devoted!" I said confidently.
Fang Hui suddenly laughed, glanced at me, and said, "Can't you think about it seriously! That's my dad!"
I froze for a moment, blushed deeply, and laughed awkwardly, saying, "Oh my, Uncle, you look so young! You're in great shape too. You look like you're in your 30s, not nearly 50 at all..."
"Go away! Stop joking!" Fang Hui said, pouring me a cup of tea.
"But seriously, you should find someone. It's your own fault for not cherishing me when we met. From now on, you'll just have to lower your standards!"
“Look, it’s all about fate. Maybe one day someone will appear, and the two of them will spend their lives together.” Fang Hui said, looking out the window, “The ginkgo leaves are turning yellow again. Next year will be 2008.”
I looked at her and hesitated again. I didn't know whether I should tell her about Chen Xun. They had already forgiven the past, and there would be many more such "fleeting years" to come. I couldn't decide anything for them, and I couldn't know what decisions they would make. Just as I was hesitating, my phone suddenly rang. When I saw Chen Xun's name on the caller ID, I suddenly felt a sense of relief.
From beginning to end, their fleeting years should belong only to themselves.
I handed my phone to Fang Hui and said, "Hey, answer this call for me."
Fang Hui took my phone with a puzzled look in her eyes. She looked down and froze.
Time seemed to stand still at that moment, and as I looked at her, a smile slowly spread across my face.
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