Chapter 8: Who will fall first?
"At the Qionghua Banquet in the past, the poems and paintings written by Mr. Lu were both excellent, and I still remember them vividly." Shen Chensheng had no makeup on her face, only a little lipstick to enhance her complexion, and her smile was very charming.
In the past three days, Chen Chensheng was either silent or looked uninterested. This was the first time he took the initiative to start a conversation.
He was inexplicably dissatisfied with Lu Huai's avoidance and wanted him to only look at himself and not let other things distract him.
Chen Chensheng knew that he was born beautifully, but when faced with things that disgusted him, he was unwilling to curry favor with them.
He knew that if he deliberately showed weakness or even softened his stance, it would be hard for anyone to reject him. But survival was already hard enough, and if he could easily give up even this little bit, then he would be no different from those he despised.
What Chen Chensheng found strange was that he had always been disgusted by men's admiration and support for him, but when he saw a hint of love and covetousness in those men's eyes, he felt it was superficial and disgusting.
But this time there was an exception. Although he knew that Lu Huai's partial liking for him might be due to his lust for him, he rarely felt disgusted with him and even wanted to give it a try.
He wanted to tear him off the altar and make this gentle young man, as gentle as a pine tree and as gentle as the moon, his own. He wanted to taste the pure soul of the person he once dreamed of becoming, and see if it was as delicious as he imagined.
"It is Huai's great honor to have the young lady please me." He wanted to pour out all the words he had wanted to tell his beloved at the Qionghua Banquet that day, telling her that if his work could earn her approval and bring a smile to her face, he would have fulfilled his greatest mission in life. But in the end, he couldn't...
The question from his friend that pierced his soft heart still lingered in his mind. Now that he realized that his ugly attempt to spy on his friend's sweetheart had been exposed in broad daylight and discovered by Pei Yu, it was time to wake up from this dream.
Lu Huai was full of thoughts and felt terrified by the initiative of his beloved. He wanted to get closer but also restrained himself from staying away. After thinking a lot and strengthening his belief, he just replied cautiously and politely with a correct sentence.
After saying that, he still felt a little close. Lu Huai felt helpless but there was nothing he could do. Then he thought again, even if he and Pei Yu had agreed not to get too close to Shen San, he should at least maintain a basic communication attitude. Otherwise, wouldn't it be like throwing the baby out with the bathwater and neglecting the lady?
He studied the ways of a gentleman, read the books of sages, and always took the ancients as his teachers, believing that he adhered to the doctrine of the mean in his conduct. If he couldn't even do the basics of treating others well and making them feel comfortable, then there was no point in talking about other great principles.
After all, whether Miss Shen did anything wrong or not, it was just him...it was Lu Huai who had delusions and forgot the fishing net after catching the fish.
Lu Huai was a bright and open-minded man. After thinking things through and making up his mind, he returned to his gentle and talkative self. However, every move seemed to be carefully measured, polite yet distant. Even though the person before him was a peerless beauty, the one he had once wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
He really knew when to advance and when to retreat, just like when his classmate was intoxicated by worldly affairs and tempted to the point of losing interest in studying, and his good friend tried to persuade him in vain but the friend still wanted to pull him down, he decisively withdrew. Lu Huai knew very well how to avoid a bigger abyss.
He was so decisive that it seemed as if the eager gaze, the paintings he had drawn so tenderly, and the poems he had written had never existed. It was as if he had never returned to the mansion and anxiously written a visiting card and asked the servant to deliver it to the Duke's Mansion, and was worried that Pei Yu would see it.
Although Lu Huai spoke to him while looking him in the eye, as he wished, his posture was elegant and natural, with a calm demeanor of his own. He spoke with a stream of witty remarks, and also took into account his preferences, touching on topics just right.
Even the most picky person would find nothing wrong with such a chat partner.
But far from feeling satisfied, Shen Chensheng felt as if something was missing, making him even more lustful. He searched for something wrong, even suppressing the urge to frown as he recalled his memories of previous encounters with the men, and finally discovered the problem.
Lu Huai was too calm, as if the person before him was more like a friend than a beloved. His eyes were clear, devoid of the tender affection he had shown at the Qionghua Banquet. He even suspected that the care he had sensed during their recent meeting was just an illusion.
Chen Chensheng was such a perceptive person that he immediately knew that Lu Huai's behavior was just to draw a clear line between him and maintain a lukewarm relationship from then on.
He had always been indifferent, and apart from the few shackles tied to him and the Ningshuang Ningbi he wanted to protect, he never cared about other things that were easily changed. Even though they became "love him to death" and "hate him to death" under his cold eyes, he ultimately felt that everything was directed at "Miss Shen San" rather than him, and was unwilling to change himself.
But now he didn't want to let things develop freely anymore. He told himself: Maybe those people wanted to get closer, but this top scholar wanted to stay away from him after provoking him.
Chen Chensheng rebelliously wanted to go against Lu Huai's thoughts, and he would not allow this to happen.
He did as he thought.
He frowned slightly, hesitating for a moment, wanting to say something but stopping himself. Suddenly, a trace of sadness appeared on his cold and elegant face. "Mr. Lu, I don't know why I always feel that you are like a cloud in the sky. I always feel that I can grasp it, but it becomes farther away."
Lu Huai seemed to have noticed something and didn't want to hide it from the victim anymore. He was about to express his apology and tell the truth in a tactful and implicit way, but he was interrupted by "her" next sentence.
"It reminds me of my mother. When she was still alive, she always loved me and would respond to my cries. However, she would also teach me correctly when I did something wrong and patiently taught me how to do things well." As if thinking of a sad thing, Shenchensheng's voice, which was originally deeper than that of a woman, became hoarse and fragile.
"I once thought her love for me was forever, but when she left me so decisively, she never imagined that I was still the one left in this world..."
"I just realized that love is so fragile, like a fleeting cloud... It will never truly stay for you."
What about you, Lu Huai... Are you like your mother, like those people who keep saying they love him? You have love for him in vain, but can easily abandon him like a burden for other things...
At first, Chen Chensheng only had the bad intention of keeping Lu Huai, letting him be distracted by him, and seeing that he had a thousand words to say but could only hold them back until his face turned red.
But as he spoke, his tears began to fall like beads from a broken string, one drop at first, then two, but eventually he couldn't stop. His bony, white fingers tightly gripped the handkerchief he had previously held loosely, as if all the strength in his body had been drained.
These words hit Lu Huai like a heavy hammer. The person in front of him burst into tears. The tears stirred up ripples in Lu Huai's heart, which had finally calmed down, and gradually spread out in circles.
He seemed to have heard the hidden meaning in Shen Chensheng's words.
This couldn't be a coincidence... A smart man like him with a keen mind could intuitively tell that the woman in front of him couldn't have said such appropriate words that touched the depths of his heart unintentionally.
And from a rational point of view, he should not be moved by his beloved's painful confession. He should cut the Gordian knot and get everything back on the right track, so that Pei Yu and Shen Chensheng can finally get married.
But he is a human being with emotions after all. The person in front of him is the moonlight in his heart that he can never take his eyes off since their first encounter, and is his youthful dream.
She's crying, and it's my fault... A sour feeling spread in Lu Huai's heart. If there were other choices, how could he bear to hurt her like those people?
As the ancients said, "Love begins without knowing where, yet it grows ever deeper." Although he honestly questioned his feelings for her, he knew she was the one he couldn't live without, but she was like a rainbow, something you only know when you meet her. In his youth, he had been moved by a beauty as stunning as Shen San. Lu Huai didn't hold out hope that he could ever piece together his broken heart and give it to another woman, as he felt it would be unfair to others.
After being exposed by Pei Yu that day, he even thought desperately that except Shen San, he would never hug another woman, because he was not worthy.
The balance in his heart began to tilt. He just wanted to smooth over the frown between Shen Sanru's brows and tell her that he would prove with his actions how worthy she was of love. But Pei Yu's figure was still guarding behind him like an impermanence ready to strike back, so he didn't dare to reach out.
But he didn't seem so frightened anymore. He had been following the rules for so long that he had overlooked a crucial point: he was the master of his own destiny. He shouldn't have given up his love just to fulfill Pei Yu's wish. This was unfair to both himself and Miss Shen San. He was too self-righteous!
"Mr. Lu, can I touch you?"
The "woman" said, but as if afraid that Lu Huai would misunderstand, she explained in a low voice, "I just feel that for a gentleman like you, your love should also be like a stream that moistens everything silently, with life but cannot be easily cut off."
"I know that Mr. Lu has no intention towards me. This pleasant chat is all thanks to the hard work of your husband. Shen San knows that he is willful and unreasonable, but he still can't help but hope that your husband can be less polite and reveal more of his true self, instead of keeping a layer of fog between us... This may make me have some unrealistic fantasies, and I'm really afraid..." The more he spoke, the more ashamed he felt, and his voice became fainter and fainter.
These words added fuel to the fire, making Lu Huai feel even more guilty. Shen San understood what he meant, and he was not deliberately trying to hide it. He just admired her, but he was a coward and wanted to escape.
Lu Huai thought of Pei Yu's engagement with someone else. Regardless of whether there were hardship or not, wasn't it a sign of fickleness and ungratefulness? How could he, who had hurt others so much, still have the right to demand that others not touch Shen San?
At this moment, the upright gentleman also had a selfish desire that could not be expressed in words. He threw off the shackles of the world and truly wanted to fight for his love.
Chen Chensheng stopped crying. She didn't look that good after crying. Even her bright eyes were red and swollen, and their luster was dull.
But Lu Huai just stared at her deeply without any romantic feelings. It was the first time he looked at her so long and attentively.
"Huai feels deeply ashamed. Today, I have let Miss Chen down, but I have something to say to her." He stood up, his clear and elegant face showing shyness but his tone was firm.
Did the God who had compassion for the world finally let his despicable means pull his clothes and stay for him against his original intention?
The excitement and pleasure in Shen Chensheng's heart instantly dispelled the real sadness just now, and her back under her dress arched slightly as if she could not bear it anymore.
"Huai came to visit today because he fell in love with Miss Shen at the Qionghua Banquet. The poems, paintings, and invitations he wrote were all sincere. However, his intentions were weak, and he was distracted by other things, so he treated Miss Shen with disrespect."
Lu Huai heard himself say in a dry and nervous voice, "If Miss Meng doesn't give up, can you give me another chance to invite me? No matter what difficulties you encounter in the future, you can talk to me. If I can help, I will never refuse!"
Chen Chensheng nodded, a smile that seemed to melt ice and snow. The two drank tea instead of wine, agreeing to put aside their grudges and get along as friends in the future. Lu Huai was completely open in the conversation afterwards, and Chen Chensheng was surprised to find that their interests were even more similar than when they were in business.
After seeing Lu Huai off, he felt a little lost.
Obviously, after keeping that cloud that wanted to leave, he should have lost interest and let it go. Why was he really like a young woman in love? He couldn't help but recall the pain and bitterness in Lu Huai's eyes when he just cried. He couldn't help but think of his gentle and honest confession...
Shen Chensheng thought that he must look very ugly when his eyes were swollen from crying, but why could Lu Huai still look at him with such gentle eyes, as if he wanted to take his place?
He couldn't understand why he got so worked up just by imagining what it would be like if Lu Huai actually cried for him? Why did he want to lick up all his tears and swallow all the bitterness into his stomach?
In today's farce, was it Lu Huai or him who got involved?
The author has something to say:
----------------------
Fishermen can easily lose money!
This chapter is all about Lu Huai's perspective. Some of the things she didn't put in quotation marks are about Shen San from Lu Huai's perspective.
It took me a long time to write this emotional chapter, I hope it doesn’t break down, hehe!
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com