Chapter 426 Past Life, Present Life
This was the first time Aiwass saw Isabel cry and shed tears.
But there was neither sadness nor fear in her cry. Instead, Aiwass could sense a sense of security and warmth in it.
——The first thing that Aiwas thought of was the diary that Isabel had shown him.
In the diary where the members of the Du Lac family left their traces of life one after another, the first two sentences left by nine-year-old Isabel were:
"I'm so scared..."
"Dad said I could cry..."
Isabel, who was immersed in the fear of death at that time, was so lonely and terrified. She had no idea that the person Queen Sofia wanted to keep the most was her - from Isabel's perspective, the relatives who were gradually dying were like a sharp knife hanging in the air, ready to fall at any time.
She couldn't laugh no matter what.
——So I could only cry.
Later, even the "father" mentioned in the diary quietly fled the Glass Island, leaving Isabel completely alone.
It's like being on a cliff with only a single-plank bridge under your feet. Just one glance down at the abyss will make you dizzy and your legs weak.
In the fear of death, even her own father chose to leave her. Isabel continued to maintain a pure and kind heart, not being twisted by fear, and she had done her best.
And the person who made Isabel no longer afraid and cry was Aiwass.
Aiwass rescued Isabelle from the darkness and helped her wear the crown and become the Queen of Avalon.
Since she is the queen, she must give people confidence. The queen has no right to cry because she cannot show the slightest weakness in front of people.
Now, it was also Aiwass who could make her cry again.
Aiwass's eyes gradually softened.
At first, he just comforted Isabel, laughed at her softly, and coaxed her gently. But before he knew it, he also felt his eyes moisten.
Aiwass also thought of something.
He thought of the scarf Queen Sofia had given him, the bright smile on Isabel's face the day she painted his portrait for the first time, and the sparkling eyes of Isabel when she handed him the diary.
Afterwards, Aiwass suddenly thought of the day when they first met.
She met him under the identity of "Lulu" and her biological mother "Anne Alexander".
Aiwass remembered the gentle smile on her face when she carefully took "little Aiwass" from his arms, and the lullaby she sang softly when she coaxed him to sleep.
...Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't Lulu's lullaby that was too potent, which nearly put me to sleep as well.
Although Isabel's singing talent is indeed outstanding, without the bonus of the Tao characteristics, she cannot hypnotize Aiwass so easily.
Perhaps it’s because... Aiwass has always longed for that kind of love.
Isabel's gentle lullaby may not penetrate the heart of a restless person... but for a heart that has been dry for a long time, it is like a spring breeze and drizzle.
It's not the wine that makes people drunk, it's people who make themselves drunk.
For Aiwass, the lullaby that "Lulu" sang to "little Aiwass" to sleep was exactly the bedtime song he wanted to hear from the bottom of his heart.
The summer evening breeze blows past the window, ringing the wind chimes.
He was being held in his mother's arms, enjoying the peace and tranquility of a carefree childhood. In the child's eyes, there was no anxiety about the future, only hope for tomorrow.
Aiwass slowly hugged Isabel a little tighter.
Gradually, Aiwass's words of comfort stopped, and Isabel's crying also gradually stopped.
The two of them hugged each other quietly, and time flew by.
Sniffing the fragrance of the hair and feeling the warmth in his arms.
In his previous life, Aiwass also had a father, mother, grandparents.
He also had enlightened parents and a happy childhood. In that ignorant childhood, he was much happier than the Aiwass of this world... much, much happier.
His parents taught him a great deal about life and the ways of doing things, nurturing good habits and fostering a cheerful personality. His father would play games with him, while his mother would always cook delicious meals and tell him stories. His grandfather would take him to chess and fishing, while his grandmother would knit sweaters and cotton-padded jackets for him.
——Until a devastating earthquake destroyed Aiwass's entire world, leaving him alone.
It's just like Dickinson's poetry.
She once said, "I could have endured the darkness if I had never seen the sun."
Aiwass had been loved and drunk the wine of happiness. His family were good people, and he grew up in a bright world - until the sun set.
——I remembered it.
Aiwass opened his eyes slightly and his breathing stopped for a moment.
The memories he had deliberately forgotten were brought back to him. It wasn't like a seal had been lifted, but more like finally opening the homework he had saved for a whole holiday.
He had known of their existence and even knew their general content, but he was always unwilling to face them.
Even before the earthquake, Aiwass had felt a vague sense of unease. He had also seen insects crawling and toads roaming the streets. But he hadn't taken that fleeting feeling seriously. Only afterward did he feel a heart-wrenching sense of guilt and regret.
If only I had taken those omens seriously. Aiwass sometimes thought so.
I woke up from a nightmare with cold sweat all over my back.
Many, many years passed before he gradually forgot the guilt he felt at that time. But those loves, like the marks he had carved on the walls of his hometown when he was a child, were deeply engraved in his heart.
Perhaps it is because Aiwass once experienced such beauty that he now longs for that kind of love; or perhaps it is because he is the only one who survived the disaster that he always subconsciously wants to sacrifice himself to help others.
Because he has suffered, he hopes that others will not have to suffer again;
Because I have felt that kind of powerlessness, I want to control my own destiny;
And because he was the only one who was saved at that time, he is now never afraid of hurting himself.
That is a subconscious desire for self-destruction.
Before Aiwass awakened his past life memories, he always subconsciously chose to sacrifice himself to help others; he always avoided the feelings and expectations of others and was always unwilling to accept the love of others.
Just like quitting the game if your account is hacked, stopping keeping pets if your pet dies of old age, and not getting married again if your wife or husband passes away... What Aiwass resists is the love from others; and tracing back to the source, he hates his own weakness.
Because of this, Aiwass always subconsciously keeps a distance from others.
His current dedication to the Tao and his adaptability to transcend the Tao come precisely from this subconsciousness.
If Isabel is the gorgeous but fragile glass, then Aiwass is the steel that is hard on the outside but full of cracks on the inside.
——It’s not emptiness, but fear.
The fear that disaster will strike again and you will be powerless...unable to save the people you love.
If that is the case, then it is better not to love again. As long as you never have it, you won't be sad because of losing it.
“…So, I’m scared too.”
Aiwass understood and murmured softly.
"What?"
Isabel didn't hear what Aiwass said clearly, and asked with some confusion.
Her voice became unclear and hoarse due to sobbing, but her soft voice sounded sweet and sweet.
"nothing."
Aiwass said softly, "I just suddenly realized... that the biggest coward is actually me."
I have been encouraging Isabel to overcome her fear and watching her become stronger.
But isn't this just projecting the fear in his heart onto her?
Her victory was my victory. I helped her stand up, just like I was helping my past self.
——The courage that Aiwass gave her has now become the courage she gives to Aiwass.
Even if Aiwass recalled the past again, he would not be afraid.
The moment he realized this, Aiwass's heart, which had been restless due to facing the past, gradually calmed down.
In Aiwass's pupils, red and purple achieved an unprecedented harmony and balance.
"Lulu."
He whispered Isabel's other name.
"Um?"
Isabel was also a little confused. She shook her head and wiped her tears with Aiwass's shoulder before raising her head from Aiwass's arms.
Aiwass, however, silently moved his hand, which was resting lightly on her back, upwards. Between his fingers were flowing golden hair, and his open hand gently cushioned the back of Isabel's head.
In an instant, Isabel realized what was going to happen next.
She opened her eyes slightly in surprise, her long eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings, and her clear green pupils shone with a glimmer as bright as water. She immediately closed her eyes and held her breath.
Aiwass bent down and kissed him gently.
First the forehead, then the tip of the nose, and finally the lips.
Isabel's soft waist bent slightly backward, and Aiwass's shoulders hugged her tighter and tighter.
A light touch, then separation. Licking the bitter tears until the low gasps of breathlessness.
(End of this chapter)
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
