Past trauma
Although he was very reluctant, Gabriel still gave space to the young couple who hadn't seen each other for a while.
The moment the exquisitely carved door, gleaming with the sheen of mother-of-pearl, closed, it felt as if a wild animal in Alyssa's heart had broken free. Her heartbeat was pounding, and her brain felt like it was being gently brushed by feathers, leaving her numb with fear and anticipation. Alyssa watched Sewell kneel down before her.
"Your Highness, I'm wearing two pheromone suppressors. I guarantee that not a single pheromone will escape and affect you." Sewell's eyes had turned a deep purple, and faint flames seemed to flicker within his needle-like pupils. "I want to hug you. Can I?"
Alyssa felt a surge of heat rising to her head, making her hands and feet limp. She couldn't remember whether she had agreed or not. The surrounding scene seemed to blur, and only Seville, the center of the scene, was clear as if it were under a spotlight. Seville stood up slowly and approached her.
Sewell had never been this close to her before, and his 1.9-meter height seemed particularly oppressive. He opened his arms and gently hugged her amidst the thundering sound of Alyssa's heartbeat.
Ryan and Gabriel often held her, and she was used to being carried around by these two bugs. Ryan was protective, letting her sit on his arms or shoulders as a mount; Gabriel would hug the cub to hold her firmly.
But when Seville hugged her, he made sure she was firmly planted on the ground. The height difference forced Seville to bend slightly to fit her. Her face was pressed against his chest, and her rapid, intense heartbeat felt like it was whipping her eardrums through a layer of skin.
She lost all her strength, as if she were about to melt into a puddle in Seville's arms. A sweet, intoxicating aroma erupted from the wing sacs behind her. Seville, whose head rested just above Alyssa's, faced this warm, sweet pheromone shock. His face instantly tensed, and the veins on his neck throbbed.
Alyssa's soft body in his arms and the insect mother's aroused fragrance made Seville's instinct clamor to release his mating pheromones as soon as possible and mate with the insect mother; and the pheromone inhibitor in the wing sac was like a golden hoop that detected Sun Wukong's desire for human life, tightening inch by inch to keep his gonads closed and the pheromones would not leak out.
Seville's wing sac was in pain, but he couldn't bear to let go of Alyssa in his arms. In her confusion, Alyssa felt Seville's tense muscles and finally realized something was wrong: "Seville, what's wrong with you?"
"I'm fine, Her Majesty Alyssa, my wing sac is just a little sore."
Alyssa quickly realized that it was her uncontrollable pheromones that stimulated Seville. She changed her hand from hugging back to resisting: "Then keep a little distance from me..."
"I don't want to, Your Majesty Alyssa, I don't want to. The pain in my wing sac is probably not even a fraction of what you experience in human society." Sewell hugged Alyssa tighter. Her strength was about the same as that of a kitten in front of the powerful Zerg.
Sewell felt a pang of pain piercing his heart. Seeing Alyssa crying about the twenty years she'd spent in human society during the livestream, he suddenly realized they hadn't seriously questioned or reviewed Alyssa's experiences in those twenty years.
He, Gabriel, Vio, and all the other Zergs around Alyssa, upon discovering she had been raised as a skinny horse in human society, had unanimously chosen not to speak of the incident. As they helped Alyssa recover and heal, they treated her experience as a skinny horse as a scar, trying not to revisit it. After Alyssa learned to integrate into Zerg life, she never mentioned it again.
It turned out that her injury was not healed, but she just hid it better deep in her heart.
When she flipped the chessboard, she might have been acting in front of Alfonso and the Zerg watching the livestream. But a performance grounded in her own real trauma is more relatable. Who says Alyssa isn't expressing her true feelings? Twenty years of dislocation—how difficult must it be for a newly hatched Zerg mother hatchling in a completely unfamiliar environment?
Alyssa's accusation not only struck billions of Zerg, but also traversed tens of light years, striking Severus with a powerful blow. He realized that while he thought he had helped Alyssa stand up, there was still a dark corner in her heart. In that corner, there was no other Zerg, only a bewildered youngster, lost in constant self-doubt, forcing himself to change and adapt to the environment.
Before the live broadcast was over, Seville could no longer sit still. He asked his father to apply for the fastest jump path and take a small motorship straight to the Palace of Saint Joseph.
"Alyssa, I'm sorry. I never really asked about your experiences in human society." Sewell stroked Alyssa's soft, smooth black hair. "I thought I was protecting your fragile heart, but I forgot that avoidance itself is also an attitude."
"Alyssa, you're not wrong. Please tell me about your experiences in human society and pour out all your grievances to me. I will be your most loyal listener and your strongest support. You're not wrong, who would blame you for this?"
Alyssa let the tears flow unrestrainedly on her face. She wanted to say stubbornly that she was fine, but the moment she opened her mouth, she said, "He, they said I was a fool..."
"Sevier, I didn't learn human language until I was seven. Before I was seven, they said I was a fool... The matchmaker said, she said finding me was her biggest loss ever. She had long wanted to sell me to a wealthy family as a fireman, but I couldn't speak, so I couldn't be sold. She kept saying I was a money-loser...!"
"My eye color is different from theirs. They said that my mother had an affair with a foreigner and gave birth to a bastard like me. They knew something bad was going to happen just by looking at my eye color, so they abandoned me in the wild! They said that my mother would never dare to look for a bastard like me, and that I can only rely on the Four Arts Hall for the rest of my life!"
"They said I was disgusting and always attracted bugs. They said that because of me, Siyizhai had to use more wormwood and realgar."
"I was sixteen, but I still looked underdeveloped. The matchmaker called me a money-loser and a freeloader. Mother Jin and the matchmaker said I had a beautiful appearance, excellent skills, a good temperament, and a unique eye color, and I had the potential to win the first prize. That's why the matchmaker tolerated me and didn't sell me off."
"I hadn't had my period since I was seventeen. The matchmaker said I couldn't have children, which saved her the money for sterilization drugs. Then, then Mother Jin said she'd heard of women getting pregnant without having their periods, and she couldn't let me ruin the reputation of Siyi Zhai. Then, then they gave me an even stronger dose, saying they wanted to make up for what I'd missed..."
"From that day on, the sac on my back has been sore. It hurts all the time, even when I wear the lightest clothes. The matchmaker said she wanted to cut out the scar on my back to solve it once and for all. Mother Jin said I was too weak and was afraid I'd die, so they'd wasted their time raising me. That's why they didn't do anything to my sac!"
"They told me to strive for first place and marry into a wealthy family, saying that only wealth could support a delicate person like me and heal the scar on my back... They told me to smile more at the Governor-General at the horse-viewing banquet and keep my eyes fixed on him, even though, even though he was already a grandfather!"
"Sevier, I really, really smiled at that Governor-General. When Ryan saved me, I even asked that Governor-General for help! Sevier, I, I..."
At some point, they had transitioned from standing to sitting. What remained unchanged was that Seville held Alyssa tightly in his arms. The petite Alyssa seemed completely enveloped by Seville, with only the sliver of his skirt peeking through his folded breasts revealing that he was holding someone tightly in his arms.
Alyssa's tears soaked the front of Seville's shirt. When Alyssa finally calmed down a little, she noticed that the hair on top of her head seemed to be wet as well.
It turned out that while she was crying bitterly, Seville was also crying.
It turns out that lavender eyes look so beautiful when they are soaked with tears.
Alyssa raised her hand to wipe away Seville's tears. Seville took the opportunity to hold Alyssa's hand. He lovingly kissed the calluses on Alyssa's fingers that had been formed from piano practice one by one. His kisses made Alyssa's fingertips itchy and numb, and goose bumps seemed to appear uncontrollably all over her body.
"Alyssa," Sewell held up Alyssa's hand and covered his own eyes, avoiding looking into those beautiful golden eyes. "I want to be honest with you about my despicable behavior. I took advantage of your fledgling complex and your vulnerability."
"You've been living among the Zerg for a while now, and I believe you've noticed that I'm very short among them, and it doesn't fit their aesthetic standards at all."
"Gabriel brought me here because I resemble a human. He wanted to help you adapt to life among the Zerg. I'm not a strong Zerg, and before you gave me a chance, I had no career of my own. I was a dissolute young man in the Knox family, living a life of drunkenness and idleness. Even my father had given up on me."
"After seeing your fully human form, I felt this was my chance. I've actually been subtly influencing you, urging you not to abandon your human side. After all, that way, I'll have a greater chance of gaining your favor."
"Even now, I'm crossing the line. If you were a normal Zerg Queen who grew up in Zerg society, I wouldn't have the chance to stand before you, and you wouldn't be able to see me, a person who doesn't stand out among the Zerg."
"I saw your past trauma as my opportunity, and I seized it firmly. And," Sewell put Alyssa's hand down, revealing his eyes, which had turned deep purple. His pupils had been shrunk into needles, and he was completely focused on hunting. "I don't want to let go."
Who says that Zerg communication using pheromones is more efficient and direct?
Alyssa clearly saw Sewell's determination and obsession in his eyes. She felt like she was tightly wrapped by the wings of a butterfly, with no room to break free.
"Have I allowed you to let go?" Alyssa stared at Sewell. After venting her feelings, she regained her dignity as a Worm Queen. "Do you think you can just give up after provoking a Worm Queen? I can't abandon the human part of you. If you think that being human is bad, then you're also thinking that I'm bad."
Sewell chuckled and said, "As you command, my Lord. You are the best."
Alyssa also put on a pheromone suppressor for herself, so that she could nestle comfortably in Seville’s arms and would not cause Seville to feel pain in his wing sac: “Sevier, what I told you today, you must keep it secret.”
Sewell kissed Alyssa's hair gently: "Even Lord Gabriel, can't you tell me?"
Alyssa sighed and unconsciously scratched at Sewell's hand around her belly. "Mammy...Mammy won't be able to bear it. Mammy will definitely vent her anger on those interstellar humans, even if the ancient humans who bullied me back then have turned into a pile of yellow dust."
Alyssa said softly, "We, the Zerg, should not engage in war with any other race at this time."
Sewell: "...In fact, I also find it difficult to let go of the harm caused to you by the ancient humans. Lady Gabriel has the power and ability to avenge you. I can only build public opinion for you. If I were a soldier bug, or if I were at the pinnacle of power, I would also be willing to fight for you and tear apart all humans who have disrespected you."
“Why are you using honorifics again?” Alyssa pouted. “I gave you permission not to use honorifics when we’re alone.”
Alyssa turned around, held Seville's face, and said seriously: "Seville is very good. If I can grow from a skinny horse to a worm queen, then Seville can also grow from a playboy to a great worm."
The distance was too close, Alyssa's bright and delicate face was so close, even though they were wearing three suppressors together, Sevier still felt a dull pain in his wing sac.
"...Alyssa, next, I want to go to human society and find medicine that can cure your old illness." Sewell said without waiting for Alyssa to frown and object, "I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you so much. I want to kiss your mouth, your neck, your wing sacs. I want to express my love to you in every way possible without wearing a suppressor. I want to feel your equal response. I want to become your lifelong partner as soon as possible."
The feeling of heat rising and limp hands and feet came back. Alyssa spoke, her voice so sweet that even she was shocked: "You, don't say anymore, my wing sac hurts a little."
"Really? Then let's...let's not hug like this anymore."
"I can still hold on for a while. It's not particularly painful..."
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