Chapter 76
Jin Chuwan lay down, but she didn't fall asleep.
She could sense that Li Xing'en wasn't asleep either, but he didn't disturb her; he just lay quietly on the other side.
Everything was blurry in the darkness. Jin Chuwan stared at the chandelier perched on the ceiling, its crystal beads hanging down one by one, reflecting a hazy light on the smooth mirror surface. She counted the soft, fragmented spots of light out of sheer boredom, until sleepiness came over her again, and she drowsily closed her eyes.
Jin Chuwan unconsciously turned over.
But as she rolled over, she almost landed in Li Xing'en's arms. In the quiet darkness, the boy's breathing paused slightly.
He remained motionless in his previous position until he was sure that Jin Chuwan had really fallen asleep, then he slowly moved closer.
--
Kim Cho-wan was woken up by Lee Sung-eun the next day.
He lay down beside the bed, poking her cheek repeatedly. Jin Chuwan was annoyed by his constant poking in her sleep. She groggily opened her eyes and heard Li Xing'en laughing.
"Breakfast is ready."
Jin Chuwan stared blankly at the ceiling for a while, then turned to look at Li Xing'en, who propped herself up on her arms and rubbed her head.
What time is it?
"Eight o'clock."
Jin Chuwan tensed up slightly, but then relaxed when she remembered she didn't have class in the first period.
Everything that happened last night was still in her mind. Although she had told Li Xingen to wait, she was still not sure if he understood what she meant.
"By the way, Xing'en, about that thing you mentioned last night..."
Li Xing'en interrupted him with a smile upon hearing this.
"Get up and eat first."
Jin Chuwan paused for a moment, then nodded.
She ran her fingers through her messy hair, got up, and went to the bathroom. When she opened the door, she saw that the things she had used when she stayed there were still neatly arranged on the cabinet. She paused for a moment, then turned to look outside.
She could hear Li Xing'en's footsteps as he walked downstairs; his footsteps were light and quick, and he seemed to be in a good mood.
The tap was running, and Jin Chuwan, regaining her senses, splashed some water on her face.
The water temperature was just right, and it felt warm on my face.
But her heart was inexplicably in turmoil.
Jin Chuwan looked up at herself in the mirror. She felt water trickling down her cheeks, but her vision was obscured by fog, and she could only see blurry outlines.
She sighed and picked up a towel to wipe her cheeks.
When Jin Chuwan opened the door, she saw Li Xing'en busy at the dining table, which was filled with food that the two of them could not possibly finish. Jin Chuwan couldn't help but sigh helplessly.
When Li Xing'en heard the sigh, she assumed that the woman was dissatisfied with her breakfast.
"Not to your liking... shall I prepare something else?"
Jin Chuwan quickly waved her hand: "No, I just think it's too much..."
Li Xing'en, however, didn't seem to care and said, "What do you mean by too much? You're too thin; you should eat more."
Jin Chuwan shook her head and didn't say anything more.
It must be said that Li Xing'en is a man of his word.
After finishing breakfast, he took out the test report he had mentioned the night before. Jin Chuwan frowned and looked at it for a while, then found a basin and burned the report page by page.
The stamped document was slowly consumed by the flames, quickly turning to ashes. Li Xing'en and Jin Chuwan squatted together. He looked up at Jin Chuwan; he didn't know what she was thinking, but he felt she seemed a little distracted.
Li Xingen held the letter-opening knife in his hand. After the last flame went out, he poked it in the basin to make sure it was completely burned before carrying the basin to the trash can outside the garden. When he came back, he had a handkerchief in his hand.
He squatted down in front of Jin Chuwan, who seemed lost in thought.
Give me your hand.
Jin Chuwan looked up and saw Li Xing'en take her hand and wipe away the stains that had gotten on it sometime during the day.
A damp, soft handkerchief enveloped her fingertips, but Jin Chuwan inexplicably recalled the forceful yet lingering kiss from last night. She subconsciously glanced at Li Xing'en's lips, then quickly looked away.
She didn't want him to notice anything amiss, but Li Xing'en was always overly perceptive.
He chuckled softly, his handsome eyes narrowing slightly. He seemed to sense what she was thinking, but deliberately didn't bring it up.
He loosened his grip, letting Kim Cho-wan's fingers slip through his fingers.
"Auntie..."
The two squatted face to face, motionless like elementary school students playing "Red Light, Green Light".
Jin Chuwan raised her eyelids, looking at the other person's meaningful gaze.
Am I pretty?
Kim Cho-wan glanced at Lee Sung-eun hesitantly, but she nodded firmly nonetheless.
The boy's eyes curved into a smile as he picked up his hand, which had just fallen to his side, and gently pressed it against his face.
"It's pretty, so Auntie will like it, right?"
The sunlight outside was bright, streaming through the window and falling on the two of them. His voice was soft, like a gentle breeze lifting the curtains.
Kim Cho-wan did not answer, nor did she withdraw her hand.
She was the only one who looked at Li Xing'en so intently.
When you look back on some things, you realize you've been doing something foolish for a long time.
When exactly did she begin to take other people's gentleness for granted, and to take other people's kindness for granted as universal goodness? She never looked closely at other people's eyes, nor did she think carefully about what they said.
Whether it's Li Xing'en or Jiang Chen.
She was both insecure and arrogant, believing that the protagonist's love had nothing to do with her.
But now it's clear that's not the case.
At least, after such a passionate kiss, she could no longer naively believe that she and Li Xing'en could return to their so-called good friendship.
Kim Cho-wan suddenly laughed self-deprecatingly.
She suddenly felt as if she had never lived again. In her previous life, she was a failure, and in this life, she was still a coward, still a failure, naive and foolish.
“Xing En…”
Jin Chuwan raised her head and looked at the person in front of her.
Even if you know, so what? Changing yourself is really hard.
"Liking me will make you very tired."
Jin Chuwan smiled as she spoke.
"You might feel pain later, and you might even regret it."
The gray eyes before her reflected her image, and Jin Chuwan looked at them as if she were looking at herself.
She thought she had almost forgotten her past life, but she hadn't. That insignificant yet extremely proud person had never actually died; she was still alive.
Jin Chuwan gently stroked Li Xingen's cheek. Without a doubt, he was the protagonist of this world; he was handsome, elegant, and of extraordinary status.
He fell in love.
He offered his heart to her.
But she was lifeless and didn't appreciate it.
This is a huge joke.
Jin Chuwan recalled the day she died. It was raining outside the window, and she heard thunder rumbling. She was scared and wanted to hide under the covers, but she had to stick her head out because of a violent cough.
In the dimly lit and cold rented room, she kept telling herself this.
It's just thunder, nothing to be afraid of. My chest hurts a little, but I'll feel better after a good night's sleep.
After leaving her parents, she thought she was free, but she was overwhelmed by the hardships of life.
The world she remembered was vibrant and colorful, but she was a lone traveler in her cubicle, with no home, no family, no friends, no money, only herself.
She was used to being alone, and she pretended to be strong. Unable to handle the people and things around her, she simply shut herself off in her own world, a world where no one could hurt her in the slightest.
She succumbed to her inner timidity.
She thought this would make her happier.
At this moment, Jin Chuwan suddenly felt a little sad. She realized that she was still timid as a mouse in this life. She was full of doubt and worry about the world. She was cautious and timid, like a prisoner who had been beaten and was afraid.
Kim Cho-man guessed that her smile at that moment must look rather awkward.
She tried to pull her hand back, but Li Xing'en held it firmly.
He smiled nonchalantly.
"Then you might as well make me suffer."
"Why don't you hurt me now and see if I regret it?"
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