037
In the winter of Yan Palace, the cold wind swirled snowflakes, tapping against the windowpanes of Chang Le Palace. Inside, the palace was warm and cozy, with fine silver frost charcoal burning quietly in a bronze incense burner with animal-shaped handles, and the air filled with the calming scent of sandalwood, yet it could not dispel the invisible pressure emanating from the pinnacle of power.
Si Mianmian sat respectfully on the embroidered stool at the lower end of the table, her eyes lowered, seemingly listening meekly to the Empress Dowager's slow and methodical instructions. This Empress Dowager of the Yan Dynasty, Xuan Jing's birth mother, was no ordinary woman confined to the palace. She had assisted the late emperor in stabilizing the court, acting decisively and ruthlessly. Although she now devoted herself to Buddhism, the shrewdness and sharpness between her brows remained undiminished. Since Si Mianmian married into the Yan palace as a princess of the Yu Dynasty, the Empress Dowager had always maintained a just-right distance from her, neither making things difficult for her nor showing any sign of intimacy.
Survival Handbook Rule #37: The Way of the Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law, especially in the inner palace, is far more complex than a simple hierarchy. Winning hearts and minds is paramount; dissolving potential hostility and transforming the "mother-in-law" into a "reliable figure" requires far more wisdom and patience than conquering a man. The most skillful strategy is to make the other party feel unseen, like a gentle spring rain, subtly and silently nurturing them.
Si Mianmian understood that keen observation was the first step to intimacy. She didn't rush to show off, but instead used her daily morning and evening greetings to carefully observe the Empress Dowager's preferences and habits. She noticed that although the Empress Dowager was a devout Buddhist, the furnishings in her palace weren't entirely simple; instead, they were adorned with several exquisite jade ornaments, especially the pair of mutton-fat jade ruyi scepters on the display cabinet, their warm luster clearly indicating they were frequently polished. The Empress Dowager wore a string of fine sandalwood prayer beads on her wrist, but her nails were neatly trimmed, showing she hadn't completely abandoned extravagance. A palace maid had "inadvertently" mentioned that the Empress Dowager had particularly loved Suzhou embroidery in her youth, her meticulous flower and bird paintings being considered exceptional; however, now that she was older and her eyesight was failing, she rarely sewed anymore.
Survival Handbook Postscript: Discover their hidden preferences and unspoken regrets in the details, and you'll hit the mark. Gift-giving isn't about price, but about touching the recipient's heart and showing your thoughtfulness and care.
Having figured these things out, Si Mianmian began her "strategy." Instead of sending those extravagant jewels, she spent a full half-month personally embroidering a Suzhou-style handkerchief. The pattern wasn't an elaborate dragon and phoenix design, but rather the magnolia flower, the Empress Dowager's favorite, with two Buddhist verses embroidered beside it: "A heart like a lotus, unstained by dust; a mind like autumn water, naturally clear." The stitches were delicate, the colors elegant, cleverly combining the Empress Dowager's tastes with her spiritual practice. When presenting the handkerchief, her tone was sincere yet tinged with shyness: "Mother, my hands are clumsy, not even a fraction as good as yours in your prime. I only heard that you love Suzhou embroidery, so I thought I'd give it a try. Please don't be offended if it's not well-made; it's fine to use it to wipe your hands or cover your scriptures to keep them dusty in your spare time."
The Empress Dowager took the handkerchief, her fingertips lingering for a moment on the delicate magnolia blossom. A faint hint of surprise flashed in her eyes before she regained her composure and simply said, "Thank you for your thoughtfulness." But Si Mianmian did not miss the way the Empress Dowager gently tucked the handkerchief into her sleeve.
Si Mianmian knew that in the Empress Dowager's eyes, her identity as a "Princess of the Yu Dynasty" was a sensitive one. Rather than emphasizing her uniqueness, it was better to show weakness at the right time to highlight the Empress Dowager's authority and importance. She often expressed her confusion as a "newcomer" in some harmless matters and sought advice from the Empress Dowager.
"Mother, it's been cold lately, and His Majesty has been reviewing memorials until late at night. I was thinking of making some soup to warm His Majesty up, but I don't know if there are any dietary restrictions in Yanchao during winter? I'm afraid it might not suit His Majesty's taste and might not be pleasant." She frowned, her tone carrying the anxiety of a new bride and concern for her husband, throwing the question to the Empress Dowager. This showed her filial piety while also satisfying the Empress Dowager's desire to guide her as a mother and someone with experience.
The Empress Dowager would then casually offer a few pointers on which ingredients were warming and nourishing, and which cooking methods were effective in dispelling dampness. Si Mianmian would always take these notes seriously, and the next time she came to pay her respects, she would give timely feedback: "I made the soup according to the Empress Dowager's instructions, and His Majesty actually ate an extra bowl, praising its rich and mellow flavor." She would cleverly use her husband to convey her feelings, attributing the credit to the Empress Dowager's guidance, while remaining behind the scenes.
Sometimes, she would even make some harmless little mistakes. For example, she would deliberately let Xuanjing taste the pastries bestowed by the Empress Dowager first. Only after Xuanjing said they tasted good would she suddenly realize and exclaim, "Oh dear! I've been impolite! I forgot to let Mother Empress taste them first!" Then she would show an expression of annoyance and grievance. Seeing this, the Empress Dowager couldn't bring herself to scold her. She would even smile slightly because her son liked them, waving her hand and saying, "It's alright, as long as the Emperor likes them."
Si Mianmian understood that to truly build a closer relationship, she needed to find common interests. She discovered that although the Empress Dowager appeared cold and aloof, she was extremely concerned about the education of the imperial grandsons (although Xuanjing had no children yet, the Empress Dowager would often inquire about the studies of several young members of the imperial clan). Therefore, Si Mianmian would often "casually" mention the stories she had heard in the Yu Palace about how the Empress Dowager had taught His Majesty and the princes, enabling the princes to become outstanding talents, her words filled with admiration.
“When Mianmian was in the Yu Palace, she heard that her mother personally taught His Majesty the ‘Imperial Model’ and was extremely strict with him. Now His Majesty is diligent in governing and loves his people, and has great talent and ambition, all thanks to the teachings of his mother. Whenever Mianmian thinks of this, she feels deeply impressed and only regrets that she was not born a few years earlier to hear her mother’s teachings.” Her eyes were sincere, as if she admired the Empress Dowager’s methods of educating her children from the bottom of her heart.
These words flattered the Empress Dowager, praised Xuanjing, and also implied the Empress Dowager's own thirst for knowledge on "how to become a qualified empress." Upon hearing this, the Empress Dowager's expression indeed softened considerably, and she would occasionally chime in with a few anecdotes such as "Although the Emperor was mischievous in his youth, he was never confused on important matters," her tone carrying a barely perceptible pride.
Furthermore, Si Mianmian discovered that the Empress Dowager had a deep longing for an ancient, nearly lost art of incense blending from the Yan Dynasty. She secretly used her brother Si Jingjin's connections to find an elderly perfumer from the Yu Dynasty who was skilled in this art. Under the guise of "learning the art of incense to calm the mind," she invited him to the palace and "accidentally" let the Empress Dowager know. The Empress Dowager, as expected, became interested and summoned the old perfumer. The two, the emperor and his minister, chatted amiably. Si Mianmian sat quietly to the side, offering her tools as needed, appearing every bit the studious and considerate junior. After this incident, the Empress Dowager's gaze towards her softened, becoming more discerning and approving.
However, the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is never smooth sailing. The Empress Dowager's niece, Princess Lin, is a hurdle standing in Si Mianmian's way. Princess Lin frequently visits the palace to accompany the Empress Dowager, and her hostility towards Si Mianmian, the "parachuted" Empress, is undisguised. She sometimes subtly criticizes the different customs of the Yu Dynasty, and sometimes boasts about the Empress Dowager's gifts to her family.
At such times, Si Mianmian never argued with her; instead, she displayed magnanimity and tolerance. When Princess Lin praised the exquisite pastries of Yanchao, she humbly asked for their recipes; when Princess Lin boasted about the fabric bestowed upon her by the Empress Dowager, she sincerely praised its beauty, saying it made the princess look radiant. The more she acted this way, the more the Empress Dowager noticed, and in comparison, she felt her niece was somewhat petty. Once, when Princess Lin's words went too far, the Empress Dowager surprisingly intervened, saying, "Alright, the Empress is new here and unfamiliar with many things. You can offer guidance, but there's no need for such harsh words."
Survival Handbook Notes: When facing potential "competitors," especially those close to your mother-in-law, forbearance and magnanimity are the best strategies. Arguing will only put you in a passive position, while tolerance will highlight the other person's narrow-mindedness and demonstrate your own refinement.
Si Mianmian knew that respecting her mother-in-law's habits and choices was crucial. The Empress Dowager was frugal and disliked extravagance. Si Mianmian proactively reduced some of the palace's expenses, setting an example for herself, and reported this to the Empress Dowager, stating that it was "saving for the national treasury and setting a good example for the people." Upon hearing this, the Empress Dowager, though not explicitly approving, showed a hint of satisfaction in her eyes. Material filial piety and emotional connection needed to be given equal importance. Si Mianmian not only sent thoughtful gifts but also focused on daily care and concern, genuinely caring for the Empress Dowager's health.
Time slipped by quietly, and Si Mianmian's "strategy" was like spring rain, nourishing things silently. Her daily greetings without fail, her just-right care, her humble yet assertive attitude, and the dedication she showed in the "ancient incense blending" incident were all gradually melting the ice in the Empress Dowager's heart.
On this day, the snow had just stopped and the sky was clear. As usual, Si Mianmian went to Chang Le Palace to pay her respects, but she saw that the Empress Dowager looked tired and coughed lightly from time to time. She immediately signaled Qiu He to go back and fetch the pear syrup that she had personally prepared a few days ago, which contained fritillaria and honey.
"Mother, it's cold today, and I noticed you're coughing. This pear syrup is made by Mianmian using an ancient recipe; it's very gentle on the lungs and relieves coughs. Dissolve a small amount in warm water and drink it; it might make you feel better." She presented the small white jade jar, her voice gentle, her eyes clear, full of genuine concern.
The Empress Dowager looked at the pale blue under her eyes and knew that she must have put a lot of effort into making this pear syrup. After a moment of silence, she finally reached out and took it, saying gently, "You've put in a lot of effort. Sit down and let's talk."
This time, the Empress Dowager didn't let her leave after a short while as usual. Instead, she inquired about the winter customs of the Yu Dynasty court and chatted about everyday matters. Although it wasn't exactly intimate, the invisible barrier seemed to have thinned a bit.
When Si Mianmian left Chang Le Palace, the snow had stopped, and icicles under the eaves reflected the pale golden sunlight. Si Mianmian knew that conquering her mother-in-law's fortress would not be a task that could be accomplished in a day. But she had successfully opened a crack. What was needed next was more patience, wisdom, and the courage to take responsibility in crucial moments.
The final chapter of the survival manual: The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is a protracted psychological battle. Sincerity is fundamental, but strategy is indispensable. The true beginning of breaking the ice begins when you stop seeing her as an authority figure to be confronted, and instead see her as an important family member to be nurtured with care. The road ahead is long and arduous, but patience and wisdom are plentiful.
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