Chapter 453: When fairies appear in fairy tales, it is actually very frustrating
Wednesday, Christmas Day.
Because Nansang Middle School has no plans to celebrate this foreign festival, there are almost no Christmas elements around the campus.
What little there is is just something some classes do spontaneously within their own classes.
Lin Li arrived at the classroom.
"According to unofficial historical records, the reason why Liu Bei named his adopted son Liu Feng and then A Dou was actually to reveal his hidden ambition - he wanted to become a Titled Douluo.
Liu Bei clearly founded the Kingdom of Shu, so why did he only call himself the King of Hanzhong instead of the King of Shu? This was precisely to avoid mentioning the Tang Clan, which was entrenched in Shuzhong.
After the defeat in the Battle of Yiling, he, an old man in his sixties, was able to lead the remaining troops all the way from Hubei to Chongqing, and he used the Tang Sect's body movement technique "Ghost Shadow Mystery" to lead everyone.
Unfortunately, as everyone knows, the Tang Sect's unique skills cannot be leaked outside. Liu Bei's actions were a recipe for death, so in the end, it was publicly stated that he died of illness in Baidi City, but in fact he was assassinated by the Tang Sect.
"How dare you! Bufan, you have already chosen the way to your death!"
"What are you talking about? What does it matter if you die? Come back to life, my love!"
"Can you lend me Bufan's body for a while before resurrection? I can use it."
“…”
After Lin Li mixed in with the laughing boys in the back row who were a must-see every day and distributed breakfast, he returned to his seat, took out a small gift box from his schoolbag and handed it to Bai Bufan.
"What is this?" Bai Bufan did not take it immediately, but instead stepped back cautiously.
"Don't worry, I got the gift from the church last night."
Bai Bufan, who had been covering his butt and thinking that Lin Li had bad intentions and was coveting his beautiful body, suddenly realized what was going on and remembered that he had participated in such a small event over the weekend.
He took the wrapped small gift box, but still didn't relax too much. It was right to stay alert in front of Lin Li at all times.
Fortunately, Lin Li didn't have any ulterior motives this time. After opening it, Bai Bufan found a brand new hot water bottle with a note attached:
"I wish you who received this gift a warm winter with a smile on your face and happiness every day."
The handwriting is very childish, and it is obvious that the writer has only recently mastered the characters. It must have been written by a child.
"Tsk tsk, my God—" Bai Bufan raised his eyebrows and sighed with some amusement: "It makes my body warm just watching it."
Many times, Bai Bufan wanted to shout to God, "God, let me be the top, I can't stand it anymore."
But now, looking at this sincere blessing, Bai Bufan is willing to forgive the world for a second.
"Then Wang Ze was ecstatic." Lin Li smiled.
I can only say that "audit" is sometimes damn necessary, but sometimes it is indeed necessary.
Because every gift has been checked by the volunteers in the church, under pseudo-random conditions, you will never receive any incredible "gifts".
Even if you want to make a living, you are not allowed.
So before having breakfast, Bai Bufan went to the water room and got a bag of boiled water.
Warm and caring.
Bai Bufan felt that his Ding Han was cured.
"Today is Christmas." Feeling the warmth of the hot water bottle, Bai Bufan had an idea and looked at Lin Li: "Lin Li, what do you think happened to the little match girl last night?"
Upon hearing this, Lin Li switched to a combat stance in a split second, changed into a narration voice, and told Bai Bufan the story of last night:
"In an ordinary small town, on Christmas Day, which was yesterday, every household was filled with happiness and joy. Even though the weather was bad, the wind was howling, and snow was floating in the bleak sky, it still did not affect people's mood.
But one girl couldn't be happy. She was thinly dressed, short in stature, and shivered uncontrollably. Her face was pale without a trace of blood, and her frozen purple hands were tightly clutching a few nuclear bombs and remote controls.
"Selling nuclear bombs, selling nuclear bombs!" The girl shouted over and over again in a hoarse voice. Her voice was as small as a mosquito but it used up her last bit of strength.
Barefoot, she saw a middle-aged man and said earnestly, "Uncle, please buy me a nuclear bomb. I haven't eaten for three days. This is the latest DF61, which can cover the entire world and provide heating."
However, the uncle did not buy it, but just said, "Sorry, we all use matches to keep warm now, and nuclear bomb heating has been eliminated."
Several customers were like this in a row. They would rather drill wood to make fire than use nuclear bombs to keep warm. The child thought with some despair: If she didn't sell another nuclear bomb, she would really starve to death.
She didn't dare go home because she knew she would be beaten if she went home without selling the nuclear bomb. As night fell, the child shivered violently in the cold wind.
She didn't know how long she had been walking, but she was finally completely tired. She stopped hawking, looked around, found a place to lean on and rest, put down the nuclear bomb in her hand, struggled to dig through the thick snow, slowly sat down, and curled up into a ball.
She was shivering with cold and felt that she could not escape quickly. She wanted to detonate a nuclear bomb because that might make her warmer.
In a trance, the kind face of her grandmother who had passed away long ago gradually appeared in front of the girl, and she could not tell whether it was real or not.
The grandmother said kindly to the girl, "Child, come with me. Just press the button in your hand, and I will take you to a good place, where there is no hunger or pain, only eternal enjoyment."
The girl just wanted to be in her grandmother's arms, so she nodded without thinking.
Then, a mushroom cloud appeared in the sky above the town, and that night, she and the whole city saw her beloved grandmother as she wished."
"It's so beautiful." Lin Li was immersed in the beautiful story in his mind.
Although he had heard this before, Bai Bufan still felt uncomfortable seeing Lin Li speaking so seriously. He smiled and said:
"Anchor, your fairy tale is really interesting, but it's still a little too cruel. Do you have any more dreamy and beautiful ones?"
"Yes, brother, yes." Lin Li nodded, "Next is the fantasy version."
Lin Li cleared his throat and began to speak:
"In an ordinary small town, on Christmas Day...
…
…Then, a brilliant, dreamlike, and beautiful mushroom cloud appeared in the sky above the town. That night, she and the entire city got to see her fantastical, magnificent, and dreamy grandma as she had wished.”
Bai Bufan: “?”
"Where the hell is your dreamy beauty?!"
Listening to the same story that was only changed at the end, Bai Bufan almost spit out his breakfast back into his takeaway box. He then raised his middle finger towards Lin Li, patted the hot water bottle on his thigh, and said with a smile:
"I'm touched for once. I hope someone can give that little girl in the fairy tale a hot water bottle. I finally managed to be human for once, but you made me lose so completely. Lin Li, you deserve to die."
"Okay, okay," Lin Li smiled. "There's actually another version of 'The Little Match Girl'. This one has a Happy Ending, which should meet your needs."
Lin Li is reliable, and Bao Wei can climb trees. Upon hearing this, Bai Bufan just sneered: "I don't believe it."
"I can tell you the ending in advance."
"you say."
"Everyone in the town saw the little girl's grandmother."
"Isn't this the same thing?"
Lin Li: "But everyone in the town is alive, the little girl is alive too, and everyone has a smile on their face."
Looking at the smile on Lin Li's face, Bai Bufan knew that things must not be that simple.
But as the King of Red Stone, he must have the corresponding awareness and must taste the saltiness, so Bai Bufan continued to eat breakfast while nodding at Lin Li:
"Then tell me."
Lin Li smiled slightly, then cleared his throat:
"A long time ago, there was a streetwalker—"
"puff--"
I almost exploded just now. This time the cult appeared too early, and Bai Bufan was really exploded.
And it almost sprayed onto Zhou Jiana's back.
You know, Zhou Jiana and Huang Yi's sitting posture in Class 4 is very upright. Unlike the boys in the back row who usually hunch over or slouch, most of the time they keep their backs straight and stick close to the table behind them.
Once it is ejected, its power and area will be maximized.
Bai Bufan could only be thankful that he lowered his head in time.
"Cough, cough, cough cough!" After finally straightening out his breath, he looked at Lin Li with a slight twitch of his mouth.
I asked you what she was selling! Was she still selling matches? Answer me!!!
Lin Li: "What's wrong?"
Looking at the slightly confused Lin Li, Bai Bufan smiled: "Nothing, just keep talking."
Although it has been confirmed that the stone should be a bit salty, since it is here, I might as well try it.
Lin Li nodded and continued to speak, but he spoke in a low voice, making sure only he and Bai Bufan could hear:
"She wasn't originally in this line of work, but her mother died and her father remarried. That wife brought two stepdaughters with her, so in order to fit in, she also chose to be a stepdaughter."
"But because she had no experience and no track record, her family looked down on her and treated her very badly."
"Wait, wait a minute!" Bai Bufan was stunned when he heard that, then realized something was wrong: "Did you get off topic? Weren't you going to talk about 'The Little Girl Who Wouldn't Sell Gold and Copper'? How did it become 'The Yellow Girl'?"
"Don't worry. When a gun appears and a bullet is fired in the previous scene, someone will definitely be shot later." Lin Li frowned and said, "Besides, Miss Huang's name is too harsh. This is 'Gray Child'."
"Wuyu, please continue." Bai Bufan's mouth twitched slightly, but he also wanted to see what Lin Li was up to.
"Fast forward to the familiar events in between. Anyway, one day, the prince of the kingdom decided to hold a silver party."
"The best streetwalkers in the country will be there."
"But Gray Born's two step-sisters took all the props from home and went to participate on their own, leaving her alone at home."
"Fairy tales are always full of wonderful coincidences. At this time, Cinderella found a purple magic charm left by a fairy under the hazel tree next to her home."
"Without any hesitation, the helpless girl at home chose to use it."
"But I didn't expect that the moment I used it, the clothes on my body instantly turned into underwear, the flip-flops turned into high heels, my butt had more - and there was even a nanny car at the door of my house."
"The girl was stunned, and then she saw a line of words: 'Everything will be invalid after 12 o'clock.'"
"The girl didn't hesitate and immediately took the nanny car to the palace. When she arrived, her gorgeous dress stunned everyone and made a deep impression on the prince. He was deeply attracted to her and his heart was completely devoted to her."
"But when it was almost midnight, the prince found that Cinderella had escaped from his arms and said she wanted to go home."
"The prince tried to chase her, but Gray Girl was running so fast that in her panic, something fell from behind."
"The prince picked it up and found it was incredibly small and slippery. A normal person would have fallen out if they put it in, and no one could hold it in place. So the prince announced to the whole country that the person who could wear it would be his future wife."
"I won't go into the details of the game with his stepdaughter. Anyway, when he arrived at the Gray Girl's house and found that Gray Girl was suitable for a match, the prince immediately recognized her and lived happily with her."
Bai Bufan: "(゜▽゜)?"
Lin Li, you know that you are no longer a human being.
No wonder the voice is so low.
But before complaining about the story itself, Bai Bufan wanted to ask another question: "So what the hell does this have to do with the little match girl?"
"You'll know soon," Lin Li gestured to Bai Bufan to calm down, smiled, and continued:
"On the Christmas day that Cinderella and the prince were married, a little match girl was walking down the street, selling her matches."
"But now everyone in the town uses nuclear bombs for heating, and no one uses outdated matches anymore."
"After a long period of unsuccessful attempts at trafficking, it was already night time, and the little girl's hands and feet were cold and she was shivering."
"To get a little warmth, the little girl lit a match. In the warm light of the match, she actually saw a big stove."
"But this is just an illusion. When the match goes out, the stove disappears completely."
"The little girl continued to light the match, and in the flames she saw roast goose, a Christmas tree, her grandmother, and all the beautiful things."
“But they’re all fake.”
"Before she knew it, the little girl had only one match left."
"She lit the match, but by this time her hands were shaking so badly from the cold that she couldn't hold it, so it fell into the snow and melted some of it."
"The little girl saw a strange object and took it out."
Lin Li's voice suddenly sounded a little excited:
"It's the fairy wand that Gray Born Girl used!"
"The little girl was already frozen and dumb, so she used it subconsciously!"
"Oh wow! My worn-out clothes instantly turned into... underwear!"
"It's burning!"
"At this time, the townspeople who were passing by also took the opportunity to see her grandmother."
"They discovered that appearances are not to be judged, and the depth of the ocean is unfathomable! They underestimated her!"
"We must never let such people live on the streets. So the little woman and the townspeople lived a happy life. Ending!"
Bai Bufan: "(；☉_☉)?"
Bai Bufan needed a question that could express his emotions better than "not human".
"There's actually a fucking connection here!!"
"Fuck you! Why would this magical tool be thrown out on the street by a gray girl?!"
Lin Li asked in confusion, "She's already with the prince, why would she need a purple mood? She can just throw it away."
Bai Bufan: “…”
Bai Bufan was silent for a long time, then gave a thumbs-up. "Lin Li, damn, you are the true fairy tale king. I suggest that everyone grow up reading your fairy tales. This will definitely help our next generation grow stronger."
Looking down at the note in the drawer wishing him happiness every day, Bai Bufan couldn't help but pray for the child in his heart.
——I hope you will never meet Lin Li.
By the way, I will never meet myself. To put it bluntly, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter at all.
After angrily despising Lin Li, Bai Bufan couldn't help but reveal his true nature: "Brother, is there anything else?"
"Yes, brother, yes."
"explain."
"A long time ago, there was a queen who owned a magic mirror that knew everything. One day, she asked the mirror, 'Mirror, mirror, who is the sweetest, softest, and most adorable little boy in the world?'"
"The magic mirror answered Snow White."
"The Queen couldn't accept this, so she sent the Huntsman to kill Snow White."
"But the hunter was drained of his energy after meeting her, and not only did Snow White run away, she also met a group of dwarves, and then shamelessly lived a life like Tom the trumpet."
"After the Queen asked the magic mirror the same question again and found out that Snow White was still alive."
"He came up with a plan, so he disguised himself as a fairy selling fairy wands and found Snow White."
"It just so happened that the dwarf was not there that day, and the dwarf was shorter than a human. She was immediately tempted and bought the fairy wand with the highest magic value."
"But when she tried to cast the magic, Snow White realized she had fallen into a trap."
"This is a fucking electric baton."
"Hahahahahahahahahaha——" Bai Bufan couldn't hold it in anymore at this time, and he lay down on the table. When Lin Li looked over, he tried to suppress his laughter and waved his hands: "This is too fucking——"
Fortunately, I wasn't eating.
Lin Li shrugged helplessly after being interrupted and continued in a low voice: "Anyway, Snow White was electrocuted. The dwarves came back very sad and thought she was dead, so they prepared a coffin while she was still warm."
Bai Bufan: "What do you mean by preparing the coffin while it's hot? What exactly do you mean by preparing the coffin while it's hot?"
"Don't interrupt. Anyway, at this moment, a Prince Charming passed by and, after seeing Snow White's face, he couldn't walk anymore."
"With a loving kiss, Snow White woke up! But when the prince realized that Snow White was not the corpse, he immediately ran away in disappointment."
"But fortunately, Prince Charming's prince is gone, but the white horse is still here."
"So Snow White and her white horse lived happily ever after."
Bai Bufan: “…”
"So you're just forcing a happy and joyful ending, right? Why does Hakuba have a role too?!"
"There's a foreshadowing ahead," Lin Li looked at Bai Bufan with some disdain. "First of all, even the seven dwarfs can't satisfy Snow White. Also, she requires the most mana, and the horse's ox is very long..."
"You call this foreshadowing!!! Don't slander the word foreshadowing!!"
"Stop barking, are you listening?"
"listen."
"This time, it's the story of the three little pigs..."
…
When Lin Bai behind him was muttering, and occasionally a silver laugh was heard.
Huang Yi and Zhou Jiana in front were scratching their heads anxiously.
Because no matter how hard they pricked up their ears or how carefully they listened, they could only hear a few scattered words and had no idea what Lin Bai and the others were talking about.
Is there anything in this world more cruel than this?
(End of this chapter)
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