Chapter 57
Autumn had deepened on the campus of A University in the north. Lu Baiyan sat on a sofa in the psychological counseling center, his gaze calmly fixed on the falling leaves outside the window.
"How have you been feeling lately?" Professor Chen asked gently.
"Very good." Lu Baiyan's tone was calm. "Xu Nianlei is adapting well to F University. She joined the literary society and is also writing a column for the bookstore."
Professor Chen's pen paused on the notebook. Looking at the impeccably excellent student before him, a pang of sadness welled up in his heart.
"Baiyan," he said softly, "do you remember our last conversation?"
"What conversation?" Lu Baiyan turned his head, his eyes clear and frank. "Was it about Xu Nianlei's growth record? She recently..."
"Baiyan!" Professor Chen had to interrupt him, "Xu Nianlei passed away last year. Right here in front of you, in that alley."
The room fell into dead silence.
The calm on Lu Baiyan's face slowly crumbled like a mask. His fingers began to tremble, and his breathing became rapid.
"No...you're mistaken." He managed to maintain his composure. "She got into F University, to study chemistry. I even received a message from her last week..."
"That's a message you sent to yourself!" Professor Chen's voice was filled with heartache. "Look at this."
He pushed a medical record towards him. It clearly stated: Post-traumatic stress disorder, derealization, persistent delusional symptoms...
Lu Baiyan's gaze was fixed on the handwriting on the medical record, and the world he had carefully constructed began to crumble. The lights of the emergency room, his mother's weeping face, his father's heavy sigh, and... that unforgettable stain of blood.
"She's dead..." he murmured, "in front of me..."
Those so-called cycles, those changes he thought he had, those nightly vigils, those unspoken understandings... they were all lies woven by his brain to protect itself.
There was absolutely no second chance.
There is no salvation.
That girl will forever remain eighteen years old.
Overwhelmed by immense pain, he was completely engulfed. He curled up on the sofa and finally broke down in tears like a child.
"Why...why me..." he choked out, "Why did you let me see..."
Professor Chen gently patted his back: "Sometimes, the deepest pain is remembered in the most beautiful way. You are commemorating her in your own way."
But Lu Baiyan knew it wasn't. This wasn't a commemoration; it was punishment. A punishment that tore him apart repeatedly between beautiful fantasies and cruel reality.
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