Chapter 69 Nothing to be afraid of
When Jiang Fengyan returned home, he found Chen Lixue sitting on the sofa in the living room. The house was cold and there was no sign of life at all.
Jiang Fengyan frowned and wanted to cook but found that there was nothing in the refrigerator: "Shall I go out to buy groceries?"
Chen Lixue: "No need to go. I'm not in the mood to eat."
This sentence made Jiang Fengyan's body pressure suddenly drop: "Why?"
Chen Lixue looked sternly and coldly at Jiang Fengyan: "Tell me what happened to your Chinese and math first?"
This joint entrance examination of eight provinces was very difficult. Although Jiang Fengyan ranked second in mathematics among more than 3.5 million candidates, 144 points was the lowest score he had ever achieved despite his strong performance in the exam.
As for Chinese, he was not good at it to begin with, and as the difficulty of the exam increased, his performance hit a new low.
Jiang Fengyan said in a cold voice: "I can't do the questions."
"If you can't cook, just go hungry. Then you'll be able to cook." Chen Lixue said as she picked up a book on the table in the living room and opened it. "I'll go hungry with you."
Jiang Fengyan's chest heaved violently, but he was helpless because he couldn't change Chen Lixue's decision. So, he looked at Chen Lixue for a few minutes and finally took a step back: "I can skip dinner, but you have to eat."
"No, I'll stay with you." Chen Lixue left no room for negotiation and turned the page of the book.
Jiang Fengyan was almost unable to control his emotions.
The lights in the living room were on, shining directly into his eyes, forcing him to close his eyes: "Remember I scored 400-500 before? If you don't eat, I will continue to score 400-500."
In addition to beating, every time Chen Lixue punished him for something, she would punish herself in the same way. She believed that this was setting an example. But for Jiang Fengyan, this was an unbearable burden.
So he could only use himself to threaten Chen Lixue, because Chen Lixue only cared about him.
Sure enough, after he said this, Chen Lixue put down the book, looked up and stared into his eyes: "You dare?"
"I've done it all. There's nothing I'm afraid of." Jiang Fengyan's tone was calm and a little nonchalant.
"Jiang Fengyan!" Chen Lixue stood up, unable to bear it any longer. "You study for yourself. What can I get from your high scores?"
"I don't want to get a high score." Jiang Fengyan looked back at Chen Lixue, "If you don't eat, I will get 500 next time. I mean what I say."
Chen Lixue was so angry that her eyes widened. She opened the living room cabinet, took out a can of food, and ate it in front of Jiang Fengyan: "Go back and do your homework."
Jiang Fengyan turned his head to look at the kitchen, then returned to his room without saying anything.
But just as he entered the room, Chen Lixue took the key and locked the door from the outside: "I'll let you out tomorrow morning."
Jiang Fengyan subconsciously turned the doorknob, and when he found that the door could not be opened, he clenched his fist, lowered his head, and his breathing became increasingly unstable.
I don't know how long I stood like this. The air in the room became thinner and thinner, and it felt like all the strength in my body had been drained away. I could only stand by supporting myself against the wall with my hands.
Jiang Fengyan suddenly wanted to cut his arm again, but when he just took the knife and saw the scar on his arm becoming lighter, he suddenly couldn't hold the knife in his hand anymore, and the knife fell to the floor with a clang.
Jiang Fengyan covered his eyes with his hands, took a deep breath, and only let go of his hands after his heartbeat barely returned to a normal rate. He then took out his exercise book and prepared to do the exercises.
However, he began to feel a tightness in his chest not long after he started writing. Jiang Fengyan resisted the urge to pick up the knife from the ground and wrote two words on the draft paper. After seeing the two words "Qin Yu", the suffocating feeling in his chest that was about to burst was relieved a little.
Therefore, every time when he couldn't bear the pain oozing from deep in his chest, he would write "Qin Yu" on the draft paper. In three hours of practice, he wrote this name nearly a hundred times.
Jiang Fengyan tidied up the table, stood up and walked to the closet, opened it, took out a set of pajamas and went into the bathroom to take a shower, planning to go to bed early and get through the night.
As a result, I was woken up by stomach pain in the middle of the night after lying in bed for not long.
Jiang Fengyan curled up his body and bit his lips tightly. His lips were broken because he bit them too hard. Blood flowed into his mouth. He tasted rust before turning on the light in the room, picking up the watch Qin Yu gave him from the bedside table and checking the time: 2:26.
After seeing the time clearly, Jiang Fengyan's pupils were as deep as a cold pond. He found that the night was longer than he had imagined. Holding the watch tightly in his hand, he walked to the door, sat on the ground leaning against the door, and planned to spend the rest of the night like this.
It was still very difficult, as if his stomach was burning with fire. The pain made every nerve in his body spasm. He couldn't help but clench his watch tightly, but he was afraid of breaking it, so he changed his grip to his other hand, digging his nails deeply into his palm. It was not until he felt his palm being pierced by his fingers that the stomachache was diverted a little.
The room was too quiet, so quiet that he had the illusion that he was the only one left in the world. He closed his eyes and dared not move, dared not think. Once his brain started to work, he would have the illusion that something horrible was tightening his neck.
But, he can't die, he has to wait for Qin Yu to celebrate his birthday!
This thought was like a green sprout emerging from the darkest, coldest and narrowest crack. He placed all his hopes on the green sprout. He huddled his body against the corner, his eyes sore and tears dripped uncontrollably, sliding down his face to his chin and then dripping onto his clothes.
"Qin Yu..."
Just like the countless nights he hadn't seen Qin Yu, Jiang Fengyan whispered the name again, suppressed the madness hidden in his blood, and waited for time to pass.
·
After a few hours, Jiang Fengyan had almost exhausted all his vitality. When he heard the sound of the door lock turning, he stood up, walked lightly to the desk, put down his watch, took a few tissues from the table and wiped his tears.
When Chen Lixue entered the room, she saw Jiang Fengyan sitting on a chair in front of the desk, with his head lowered and his expression could not be seen clearly.
She brought the freshly cooked soy milk to the table in front of Jiang Fengyan: "Why aren't you asleep?"
Jiang Fengyan knew his throat was very hoarse without him opening his mouth, so he didn't answer Chen Lixue's words.
"Drink something first, I'll go cook porridge." After Chen Lixue said this, she wanted to leave Jiang Fengyan's room, but before she turned around, she suddenly saw the knife on the floor. Her pupils widened, and she reached out to hold Jiang Fengyan's hand. Regardless of Jiang Fengyan's resistance, she pulled up Jiang Fengyan's sleeve, and several knife marks appeared in front of her.
Jiang Fengyan didn't expect Chen Lixue to pull his hand. After discovering the wound on his arm, he withdrew his hand, pulled down his sleeves, picked up the spoon and started drinking soy milk.
His stomach still hurt, and the soy milk he drank was like sharp blades cutting his blood vessels and nerves, but he didn't want to care about it anymore. He drank the soy milk mouthful after mouthful as if he was numb to the pain.
Chen Lixue's heartbeat was already in her throat. She picked up the knife from the floor and then looked at Jiang Fengyan: "What stupid thing are you doing?"
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