But I know that my choice was right.
I began to play the role of "a loving person" more and more skillfully.
I know I'm not kind, nor as warm as I seem.
But looking at the people around me, seeing them open their hearts to me because of my "harmlessness," seeing them trust me without reservation, I felt no emotion whatsoever, only an almost indifferent calm.
I was just taking advantage of their favoritism and their trust to pave a smoother path for myself.
When I see a stray cat, I instinctively stop and buy it a sausage.
I will proactively lend a helping hand and patiently comfort my friends when they encounter difficulties.
When my elders are sick, I will put aside what I am doing and take care of them personally.
I will remember my grandfather's birthday and prepare his favorite calligraphy and paintings in advance.
When my mother is tired, I will hand her a cup of warm tea and say, "Mom, you've worked hard."
When my father returns from his business trip, I share my recent learning achievements, but I never mention my hard work.
I know that what they need is not a real, temperamental daughter, but a perfect heir they can be proud of, a "good child" who knows how to please them and how to maintain family relationships.
I'm getting better and better at it.
My smile became natural, my eyes softened, and my tone of voice always carried just the right amount of gentleness.
These behaviors were initially intentional, done to maintain a "well-behaved" persona, but later they seemed to become an instinct.
Over time, even I can hardly tell which one is the real me.
Everyone praised the eldest daughter of the Yu family for being well-behaved, sensible, kind, and gentle; she was a rare good child.
They will lower their guard against me, entrust me with important tasks, and naturally favor me in matters of inheritance.
Because no one would doubt that a child who looks so innocent and harmless could have any ambitions or do anything outrageous.
But only I know that beneath that soft, harmless shell lies a heart already wrapped in coldness and scheming.
I will never truly fall in love with anyone, at least not like ordinary people, giving my heart away without reservation.
My "filial piety" towards my elders is in order to gain their support.
My "friendliness" towards others is to reduce potential enemies.
I even learned to navigate relationships, knowing how to use gentleness and consideration to make others dependent on me and thus use me for their own purposes.
Some people say I'm lucky to have been born into the Yu family and have everything.
But they don't know that everything I have was obtained by "losing myself".
I've long forgotten what true happiness looks like, what it feels like to be spoiled, and what it's like to trust someone without any reservations.
There was no love in my childhood, only the rules of survival. The most profound rule I learned was that being kind and harmless is the sharpest weapon, and knowing how to "love" is the most skillful strategy.
Later, when I grew up, I truly secured my position as the heir to the Yu family.
I am still the gentle, kind, and grateful Yu Jiuyuan in everyone's eyes, and I can still play every role perfectly.
Only on certain nights, when I stand alone in the empty study, looking at the moonlight outside the window, I occasionally think of that little girl with sharp eyes from the past.
She asked me, "Is this really okay?"
I have no answer.
But I know that in this cage of the Yu family, in this dog-eat-dog world, this is the only way for me to survive and thrive.
Those barren, cold childhood memories are like branded marks etched into my bones, reminding me never to let my guard down and never to give my heart away easily.
I used "harmlessness" as a mask and "love" as a means to get to where I am today, becoming the perfect Yu Jiuyuan in the eyes of others.
Only occasionally, when I see other families of three enjoying each other's happiness, or when I see children shamelessly snuggling in their parents' arms, a slight pang of pain will pass through my heart.
It turns out, I, too, once longed for love.
That longing, however, had long been worn away by the cold light of childhood, leaving only boundless indifference and an ever-thickening layer of innocent and harmless pretense.
And I will wear this disguise for the rest of my life.
Because I am Yu Jiuyuan, the heir of the Yu family.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
