He didn't know if I was single or happy, so he just waited there, ready to break free of his constraints and take over my "broken" life.
He must be afraid that if he gets married, he might hear about me again, find out I'm unhappy, find me all alone, and want to rekindle our relationship, but he's constrained by family ties, leaving him in a dilemma.
Thinking about all this, I went back to the living room after I finished bathing and putting my son to sleep.
Li Yunwei was still awake, looking at the night view from the balcony.
Seeing me approach, Li Yunwei turned around and said in surprise, "So there's a Spring Festival atmosphere abroad too, and it's quite lively."
I nodded. "Yes, Chinese people are all over the world. Those who live abroad miss their hometown and pay even more attention to holidays and festivals."
"Is my godson asleep?" Li Yunwei asked.
"Yeah, he didn't sleep too much during the day, so he can go to bed early at night and I can do my own things."
Li Yunwei stared at me for a while, then said admiringly, "You're really amazing. You raised your child all by yourself and still managed to work."
I smiled knowingly, "The main thing is that the child is obedient and doesn't cause trouble, otherwise I would be exhausted."
I don't know whose personality my son inherited from, but he is clever, quick-witted, and well-behaved.
I remember my grandmother saying that I wasn't this carefree when I was a child.
And Su Shenglin...
He said he was quite naughty when he was a child, and because he was difficult to discipline, he was later taken to the army by Grandpa Su for training.
However, the "childhood" he mentioned was when he was already a teenager.
I wonder if he was particularly well-behaved and obedient as an infant.
Li Yun gave me a narrow-minded look. "Is this something he takes after his father?"
I smiled but didn't answer, my mind preoccupied with something else.
After a moment, I made up my mind: "Weiwei, when you return to China... could you go and talk to him? Tell him I'm doing well, and that he shouldn't worry about me or wait for me anymore."
Li Yunwei frowned slightly, somewhat surprised. "If I go to him like this, wouldn't that be the same as telling him that I've seen you recently, or at least contacted you? What if he asks me about your whereabouts? Should I tell him or not?"
"Of course I can't tell him, otherwise he'll definitely come looking for me."
“Since you’re going to avoid him, why bother stirring things up?” Li Yunwei didn’t approve of my idea, but she understood me well. “I know you’re upset because you heard him resisting his family’s arrangements.”
"Yes. He might still be waiting for me, but I really don't want to hold him back."
One reason was that I didn't want to waste his youth.
There's another reason.
I haven't been back for two years since I left.
My maternal grandmother is still alive, but my aunt said that her health is deteriorating day by day.
My parents can't take long-haul flights to visit me and my child, so I've recently started thinking about whether I should take my son back home sometime.
But if Su Shenglin doesn't get married, I dare not go back rashly.
Only when he gets married, settles down, and has some commitment, will there be no more turmoil between us.
"It's no use. With Su Shenglin's personality, do you think he can be easily persuaded by an outsider like me? Besides, maybe, as you said, he just doesn't want to settle down, and it doesn't necessarily mean he can't let you go. Otherwise, he hasn't looked for anyone in two years."
I remained silent, feeling somewhat puzzled.
I can't figure out what Su Shenglin is thinking.
He seemed utterly disheartened, having lost all interest in women and marriage.
But at such a young age, if he's so detached from worldly desires, how dull and boring his life must be.
Seeing that I remained silent for a long time, my best friend stared at me thoughtfully for a while before asking seriously, "Are you really planning to never see him again and never let him know about the child?"
Before I could answer, Weiwei pressed on, "Don't you think this is too unfair to the child? His biological father is alive, but he has no idea."
“I haven’t thought about the future, at least I don’t dare to now…” I’m afraid Su Shenglin will fight me for custody of the child.
I want to wait until the child is older and more sensible, and knows how to make choices. If it becomes unavoidable, I can let the father and son recognize each other.
"But now is the time when children need their fathers' company the most. Missing each other during childhood will be a lifelong regret for them."
Li Yunwei's tone was gentle, yet it resonated deeply within me.
"Let me think about it some more. You must be tired today, get some rest. We'll go out and have fun tomorrow." I was feeling a bit confused, so I had to end the conversation.
Li Yunwei stayed with me for four days and is now heading elsewhere.
She's been getting annoyed by her family's pressure to get married these past two years, so she travels every Chinese New Year, visiting all over Europe.
Before I left, Li Yunwei asked me again, "Think it over. If you really want me to pass on a message, I will muster up the courage to go and find Mr. Su when I get back."
I was definitely scared, and immediately shook my head, saying, "No, let me run away for a while longer."
Li Yun smiled. "You know you're running away."
I smiled sheepishly, knowing I couldn't escape it for long.
My plan is to take my son back to China when he is three years old so he can meet his maternal grandmother and aunt.
However, things are unpredictable.
Just one month after Li Yunwei returned to China, I suddenly received a call from my aunt in China.
My grandmother is seriously ill and has been hospitalized.
"Grandma is almost ninety. The doctor said she might not make it this time. She doesn't have any serious illnesses, it's just that her lifespan is coming to an end. She's getting weaker and weaker, and her sleep is getting longer and longer." My aunt's voice was heavy on the phone, unable to hide her grief.
“Xiao Wan, you should come back. You know, your grandmother is most worried about you. Besides, she hasn’t even seen the baby since birth. The old lady is very strong-willed; she won’t say it, but she misses the baby terribly. She’s kept the printed photos of the baby under her pillow…”
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