Author's final words
When writing this speech, I reviewed the speech I wrote when Brother-in-law finished last year. After half a year, my thoughts have not changed much.
But the difference is that when I wrote the third book, I seemed to be more and more relieved.
Writing is like opening a flower shop, and I have gradually gotten used to the fact that this literary little flower shop of mine has little business and customers. Perhaps it is because it is too remote, or it may be that the flowers I sell are not that beautiful and attractive.
When desolation became the norm, I seemed to gradually adapt to this state.
Occasionally, I would sit in front of an empty store in the afternoon to bask in the sun and enjoy this moment of tranquility alone. I would move the flowers in the store out to let them bask in the sun with me, and tidy up the store, which is pleasing to the eye every day.
At this time, it doesn’t seem so important whether there are customers coming or not. (Okay, I’m just trying to convince myself that I can go to hell with this dog-eaten tomato that doesn’t give me traffic, I just want to write, I’m going to write for the rest of my life.)
The fortune teller said that I would be in the arts and would start to make money next year, and I believed it.
I don’t believe in fate, I believe in myself.
When I was in high school, a young but very good teacher who had already become the head teacher told us something. She said that studying is the thing that can get equal rewards to the greatest extent through hard work.
Once you enter society, you will find that there are many things that you cannot gain any rewards for no matter how hard you work.
I was ignorant at that time and only had a vague understanding of what these words meant.
Please forgive me for being young and frivolous. I listen to advice, but I also believe that I can get what I want through my own efforts.
I want to make progress so much that I am always trapped in a state of inexplicable panic and anxiety, and am driven forward by pain.
It seems that the slow-burning plot is difficult to redeem, so I chose to heal myself.
Perhaps sensitivity and sentimentality are really a gift for an author, but everything has its pros and cons. Even though I never suffer from insomnia, I once broke down and cried one night, and I was lost in thought until dawn.
My first book has a total of 235,000 words, which is not a lot. It took me 17 hours to read it from beginning to end.
For these 17 hours, I couldn't get over the fact that 0 people read it after it was finished.
My good friend said that "Du Wei" is the best book among all my books and is much better than the others.
I can’t see it myself. I think my other books are also good. I can clearly feel that I am making progress, and I am very happy to know that I am making progress.
Unfortunately, things did not go as planned.
I thought that since I had already written my third book, my performance wouldn’t get worse. But the fact is that the data is getting better and better, but the traffic is even worse than the first two books. Turning around, I saw a lot of complaints online about Tomato's attack on AI causing accidental harm to the real author.
It’s bad luck that Tomato is cracking down on AI. Whether Tomato supports AI or not, the real-life authors are the ones who suffer in the end. Starting from February 20, the traffic of a large number of real-life authors has plummeted.
I wonder if this dog-eaten tomato could stop causing trouble.
Some friends don’t understand and asked me to use AI as well. I said that I would rather make myself angry to death than use AI. This is an insult to my ability.
After being in the wind for a long time, I started to go crazy again. After two days of being crazy, I still couldn't bear to give up this book, so I gritted my teeth and continued to write.
I don't even dare to think that it is a pearl covered in dust. I only think that they were born under my pen and they suffered.
Their mother has no ability, so no one cares about them.
I started to feel anxious again, and always had the thought of giving up on myself and just walking away.
I really like talking to the characters I write. Lolo told me that because I am very capable, the characters I write about are so capable and wonderful.
He kept me.
What also keeps me here is you in front of the screen.
Thank you, you are the witnesses of their love and the spiritual supporters for me as a creator to persevere.
Maybe I'm the bad one, their love is not bad at all.
I was a money-grubber who came here to make money, but in the end I didn't make any money. Instead, I was dragged by my passion to write one book after another.
I seem to have forgotten that my original intention of writing was to make money, so I always feel extremely painful when I think about it, because I can't make money, and no traffic means no royalties.
Because the traffic will be cut off after the update is discontinued, and the traffic will be zero after the update is resumed, there is no possibility for this book to be revived. (Tomato, I really don’t have time to play with you (ó﹏ò) )
When it was the most painful, I would think every day that I shouldn’t write anymore. It doesn’t matter if I’m unhappy today, I will actually be unhappy tomorrow too.
I have not lied to myself. I seem to love them more than I imagined. I am always reluctant to leave.
It's my greed that always pushes for more.
It's because I'm paranoid that I refuse to change my ways.
It was because of my nostalgia that I finally got what I wanted.
This secretly surging passion is so powerful that I can write one book after another, which actually makes no money at all.
But looking back, I have never regretted investing my energy in each of their stories, which actually had no future and no traffic, even though it was really contrary to my original intention, and even though I was dragged by my passion to walk this path wrapped in pain.
Just because I gave them souls, I always felt that they were alive. They had already secretly grown flesh and blood, and I should not abandon them.
We cannot judge whether others love us enough, but we can choose to love ourselves well.
Reality turns into a sharp knife trying to stab me, but I turn around and turn into a pool of warm water, allowing it to approach me, wrap me, and hurt me, and I accept it all.
It is inevitable that there are too many authors whose works are ignored. Please forgive me for being young and arrogant, but I just can't accept it.
I know what I lack, where I need to improve, and I accept my mediocrity.
Gradually let go of the fact that you may not have a natural talent for the things you enjoy.
But I still don't accept it.
I just don't accept it. I am not a humble person, so I want to say it loudly: I am not willing to give up.
I know myself too well, and I cannot be modest about something I have written with great effort.
I may be different from most new authors. When I look back at what I have written, I am full of satisfaction with myself. The articles I wrote are absolutely in line with my own xp, and I am satisfied with them no matter how I look at them.
I feel even more satisfied when I know that I am making progress all the time.
This is not being arrogant, but affirming your own efforts in the process of continuous improvement.
Okay, I admit that I am a narcissistic woman.
Maybe because no one was interested in it, I didn’t even get a bad review, which made me even more confused.
I want to improve so much that I am always thinking about whether I have made any progress.
I often feel that my writing skills are declining. Perhaps it was because the first book was my most inspired book, so I was able to write many vivid texts that I think were the peak of my writing skills.
Sometimes I feel narcissistic and think I have made progress, I can choose words and sentences effortlessly, and my inspiration and insights are getting deeper and deeper.
But now I have let it go. It doesn’t matter how well I can write. Every stage has its own strength. I won’t have any regrets if I do my best.
Maybe when I get a lot of negative reviews I will be humble and then I will be honest, hahahahahahahahahaha.
The fortune teller said that my fortune will be average this year, but I will start making money from next year.
Regardless of whether it is really accurate or not, I am grateful for giving me hope.
I am walking my current path steadily and looking forward to more people seeing them every day.
I wrote two books with great passion and then looked at the backend and found that I had earned 200 yuan, including 60 yuan for a short video I made for myself.
Now it’s my third book, and I’ve earned my third hundred dollars.
This is what happens when life is tough. The royalties are not worth my efforts, so I eat something delicious to comfort myself and then come back to continue writing. I can't bear to give up on them, they all have my shadow, and giving up on them would be like abandoning myself.
Just like what I said to describe the villain in my book, ambition is like a burning fire, and when the fire is extinguished, it hurts your mind. I feel like I've been hurt by reality and my faith has been shattered. But in this despair, there is still a glimmer of hope, Fengsheng is pulling me to stay.
There is no answer to this question, so I am thinking about writing a new book~ (The new book is being serialized, you can check it out if you like it~)
Maybe we will meet, just around the next corner.
Probably not, because we’ve already encountered it.
I wish all of you in front of the screen long-lasting happiness and health year after year.
Beibei, who is still studying, study hard. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like studying. Just remember to eat well, drink well and be happy every day.
I would like to thank the readers who have been following and rewarding me for the updates, and my dears who have been with me since the first book. I wish you all happy every day and all your wishes come true for the rest of your life.
(--End of full text--)
——Shengjiu doesn’t eat candy/2025.4.18
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