Chapter 110 She caused trouble to others. She brought trouble to others.
Lu Shiman's heart skipped a beat. She turned around to look at Lu Qiyun and asked, "Is it because of me that Fourth Brother didn't take that project?"
"Did Ji Linshen say that?" Lu Qiyun's eyes turned cold, and he began to doubt Ji Linshen's purpose of contacting Lu Shiman.
Lu Shiman immediately shook his head: "I saw the instrument and asked your assistant, and she said you didn't answer."
After saying that, he was afraid that Fourth Brother would blame the assistant for being nosy, so he hurriedly explained: "I was the one who pestered her to ask. Fourth Brother, don't blame her, it's my problem."
"I have something else to do, Fourth Brother. I'll leave first." Lu Shiman felt a sense of guilt for no reason.
This faint feeling of guilt made her feel a little uncomfortable.
Without waiting for Lu Qiyun to speak, she left quickly.
I drove to Ji Linshen's company. When I got out of the car, I slammed the door so hard that the snow on the roof fell off, and the snow fell on my body, soaking my sweater.
When I returned to the office, I didn't see Ji Linshen. I guess he went to a meeting.
The sweater was wet and stuck to her body, making her feel uncomfortable, so she went to the rest room to change her clothes.
She didn't close the door completely, but left it a foot's width away so that she could hear Ji Linshen coming back.
The sound of footsteps came from far away, and Lu Shiman quickly put on his clothes and prepared to go out.
"We can't delay the progress any further. If Lu Qijun can't make a breakthrough, forget it. We can find someone else."
Lu Shiman stopped and stood at the door, listening quietly.
"Lu Qiyun will not agree to cooperate, because of me, if you hadn't mentioned me, there would still be hope."
"Comparing the projects he's interested in with his sister, I think he has a scale in his mind. Don't think about Lu Shiman, find someone else."
Lu Shiman's mind went blank for a moment. The doubts that had been buried in his heart yesterday twisted into guilt that came like a tide.
Because of his relationship with Ji Linshen, the fourth brother turned down the project he was interested in.
The reason why Ji Linshen's project encountered obstacles was also because of himself. If Fourth Brother didn't know about his relationship with him, he might have taken over this project.
It was because of her. Fourth brother gave up because of her, and Ji Linshen’s project stalled because of her.
It's all her fault. She's the one who implicated both sides.
A huge sense of self-blame enveloped her whole body. The hands at her sides trembled violently, and she could hear the blood vessels throbbing in her temples.
She caused trouble to others. She brought trouble to others.
This thought swirled in her mind, like a dormant demon being awakened, and she almost couldn't stand.
She took several deep breaths, but the feeling of self-blame became even stronger. She pinched her thigh hard, and the severe pain made her calm down completely.
Having not heard Ji Linshen's voice for a long time, Lu Shiman guessed that the call should have been hung up.
She forced a perfect smile at the mirror, hiding all her emotions, pretending to have just woken up, and opened the door to the lounge.
Ji Linshen was a little surprised to see her come out, and his eyes softened a little: "Didn't you say you wanted to skip work?"
Lu Shiman put on a smile and walked in front of Ji Linshen: "Are you afraid that you will deduct my salary~"
Ji Linshen laughed softly: "You can bribe me not to deduct your salary."
"How to bribe?" She took two steps closer, put her arms around Ji Linshen's waist, put her face on his chest, and kept saying sorry in her heart.
"What do you want to eat tonight?" Ji Linshen hugged her tightly, resting his chin lightly on the top of her head, and the fragrance of her hair lingered on his nose.
"Tonight...Jiaojiao asked me to have dinner with her, so I should be home late. She has been in a bad mood recently, so I'm accompanying her." Lu Shiman made an excuse.
"Well, be careful." Ji Linshen did not stop him. The methods used against the Qin family have become more and more cruel in recent days. As the daughter of the Qin family, it will definitely have an impact.
I was in love with Ji Linshen for a long time.
The more gentle Ji Linshen was, the stronger her sense of guilt became, so strong that she could hardly pretend anymore.
"It's almost time, I'm leaving now. If I get stuck in traffic, I'll be late." Lu Shiman still smiled and rubbed Ji Linshen's chest again, then left reluctantly.
The usual smile, the usual tone, the usual movements.
Ji Linshen didn't think anything was wrong, so he gave her a few instructions and let her go.
Lu Shiman suppressed her emotions until she got into the car, drove out of the parking lot, and parked it casually on the side of the road. The surging sense of guilt and the self-blame for dragging others down swallowed her up completely.
The fluorescent light on the dashboard gradually went out in the twilight. Lu Shiman pulled the handbrake too quickly, and the metal buckle made a dying cry.
His forehead rested against the cowhide steering wheel, and the fine lines on his skin looked like a parchment branded with guilt.
Her knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel, trembling slightly from the effort.
The skylight gradually disappeared into the horizon. The moment the neon lights came on, the shadows of the trees on the roadside cast a cage-like fence on the windshield.
Lu Shiman parked the car in a roadside parking space and walked along the lake.
She is really useless. Her existence will only drag others down. Even if she does nothing, she will still bring trouble to others.
The north wind blew ice chips into my collar, and goose bumps suddenly appeared on the back of my neck.
"You were born to be a burden and a debt."
"It's all because of you. If you hadn't taken the quota, my Lu family would have had a grandson."
"You're just a burden."
The curse resonated deep in the cochlea, exploding anew at every nerve ending.
The street lights came on one after another at this moment, and she saw countless mouths emerging in the white mist she exhaled.
Those lips opened and closed with the same arc, weaving the word "burden" into a dense net, and the cashmere scarf around the neck suddenly turned into a noose.
She slowly squatted down, hugged her knees, and buried her face in her arms.
The phone rang, it was Ji Linshen calling.
"I'll pick you up tonight?"
"Please, my lover, have some professional ethics and don't get involved in the affairs of the sponsor." Lu Shiman tried to make his tone casual: "No need, I will go back by myself tonight."
"I'm eating, hang up~"
Before Ji Linshen could say anything, the call was hung up.
Turning off the sound of his cell phone, Lu Shiman sat on a bench by the roadside, watching the people coming and going.
"Mom, the teacher said that if I fail again, I will have to pick up trash. Will Mom still love me if I pick up trash?"
"Of course, even if you become garbage, Mom will still love you."
"What about you, Dad? Will you still love me even if I become trash?"
"Even if you become garbage, Daddy will still love you. What's more, even if the baby becomes garbage, he is still a treasure to Daddy."
Neon lights shadow, a family of three passed by in front of me, and their conversation went from clear to blurry.
Lu Shiman followed them closely, and the envy in his eyes was about to overflow.
The blue light of the LED advertising screen not far away enveloped Lu Shiman, as if the overwhelming guilt and self-blame turned into reality and drowned her.
"Lu Shiman!" Ji Linshen's coat hem, curled with the scent of pine needles, pressed into view.
The moment Lu Shiman raised her head, the ice crystals condensed on her eyelashes fell and shattered into starlight at her collar.
The curve of her lips was so precise that it seemed to have been measured with a compass, and the apology in her dimples was about to overflow.
"Ji Linshen, I'm sorry."
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