Chapter 62 Speaking Ghost Stories: I am myself, and I don't know either...
*
A lamp hangs on the topmost upturned corner of the tower.
If you stand at the foot of the tower and can't see it clearly, you might mistake it for a candle in the human world. But now that you're closer, you realize that it's covered with glass and has a luminous pearl as its lamp, shining brighter in the darkest night.
Now, under the bright moon and stars, it appears dim. But in Shen Qinglu's eyes, that lamp is like an eye that can discern all the demons and monsters in the world.
She is, and the person in front of me should be too.
They may be reborn, or they may come from another world.
This explains why this person dared to boast and why someone of Shen Kunyao's status treated him with such respect.
“I…I am called Yu Li, and my nickname is Ali.”
"What was your original name?"
I really do doubt her.
Unfortunately, apart from herself, even if others noticed something amiss, they couldn't find any evidence. Even if she was suspected, she would never admit it.
She pretended to be scared, looking around with a bewildered expression.
"What real name? Lord Mu, don't scare me! Did you know someone who looks a lot like me before?"
As soon as she finished speaking, she felt the atmosphere become even more awkward.
The undercurrent in Mu Hanshi's eyes grew increasingly turbulent, as terrifying as a mountain collapsing and a tsunami crashing down. The icy coldness hidden between his brows seemed to collapse all at once.
"It doesn't look like it."
"..."
A moment later, he let go.
Shen Qinglu immediately lost her balance and fell headfirst forward.
The eighteen-story pagoda was at least as tall as a dozen stories in later times. Without much thought, she instinctively grabbed the person who was right next to her.
The body did not fall, but was suspended in mid-air.
The person she grabbed had calmed the undercurrent in his eyes and was looking at her expressionlessly. "Where do you think people go after they die?"
That madman!
It seems that if she doesn't say something today, her life might be in danger.
She didn't need to pretend; she was terrified, her voice trembling as she spoke, "I'll talk, I'll talk... Yu Qingxue has tried to poison me many times over the years... I've died and come back to life time and time again, I don't know why... I'm not possessed by a ghost, I'm just myself, I don't know if I'm a human or a ghost..."
This is roughly what it means to talk to ghosts.
With his body suspended in mid-air, hanging by a thread, and a bottomless abyss below, a fall would mean certain death. Under such circumstances, it was impossible for an ordinary person not to tell the truth.
But she's no ordinary person!
How could someone who has lived with a mask on for years possibly tell the truth to someone who has threatened them? Besides, whether it's the truth or a lie, how could anyone else know besides her?
When she looked up at Mu Han, her face flushed from the effort, making her vibrant color appear somewhat eerie.
Mu Hanshi seemed to sigh, or perhaps let out a soft laugh.
"So you're immortal. If you fall, you probably won't die. That saves trouble."
"No...that's not it. This was my last chance. Otherwise, I wouldn't have schemed so hard to drive Yu Qingxue out of the Yu family. Lord Mu, I have no grudge against you..."
"There are plenty of people I have no grudges against, should I save them all?"
"Too."
She can't possibly meet a kind-hearted god in two lifetimes.
Perhaps after her death, Heaven took pity on her and allowed her to return to the next world, either to be reincarnated or reborn, and perhaps she could even retain her memories so that she could go find her relatives.
She had avenged most of the original owner's grudges, and reclaimed most of what was owed to her, so she had few regrets. But what if she died and was gone forever, with no chance to return or be reborn?
“I know no one can save me except myself. I shouldn’t be making things difficult for you. You’ve already shown me mercy by not killing me, how could you possibly save me… I just don’t understand, God or you, why are you doing this to me?”
Her bloodshot eyes were brimming with tears.
The tears, like clear water, reflected the bright pearls and fell into Mu Hanshi's eyes.
Mu Hanshi looked at her with an extremely complicated expression.
At this moment, she was already exhausted. In a moment of distraction, her grip loosened, and she was about to fall.
A dizzying sensation followed, and her feet landed firmly on the ground.
Mu Hanshi had his back to her, his eyes filled with deathly stillness, like an endless desert devoid of any signs of life. Even the tiny grass that had sprouted in the depths of his heart, which had been frozen for many years, was plucked by his own hand.
After she calmed down, she subconsciously moved further away, afraid of being caught in his rage.
After a long while, she heard a very soft voice, "I'll take you back."
The night and the bright moon watch over each other, a bond that has endured from time immemorial to the present day and will continue into the future.
The deeper the night, the heavier the moon's shadow.
When they stood again where they had left, the shadows cast on the ground were clearer, but still overlapping, as if a monster had grown horns and limbs.
Even though the monster was half of her, she felt it would devour her and desperately wanted to escape.
Her legs were still weak, and her words were soft and submissive: "Yu Liuzhu no longer lives here. I promise you, as long as she doesn't cause me any trouble, I will never provoke her. Please don't come looking for me again."
"I'm going back to the Marquis's residence."
"..."
When she looked up, there was no one in front of her, only a faint scent of bamboo.
Xia Chan came out of the house and, seeing that she was not in a good condition, quickly helped her up.
She was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and didn't want to say anything. She just lay down and fell asleep.
She was plagued by a series of chaotic dreams all night, and some people seemed to be chasing her from reality into her dreams, refusing to let her go.
When she woke up, her head felt heavy.
After washing up, she felt a little better. Just after having breakfast, Dengzhi came to deliver a message, saying that Madam Xie had asked Granny Li to pack her things and return to her hometown early in the morning.
Xie must have had a bad night's sleep, as she looked unwell, haggard, and much older, with even more gray hairs in her hair.
Remembering Shen Qinglu's words, Li Mama packed her things as instructed, while whispering to her, "Madam, the journey to Pingyang is long and your health is still weak. How can you endure it?"
That's one problem. The other is that we don't have any travel expenses, so how can we get there?
Madam Xie shook her head and sighed, "Where do I have anywhere to go now? I can't just stay here forever."
Having lost all her possessions, she was already heartbroken, but now her heart was chilled to the bone. She had no other choice but to return to Pingyang.
Granny Li moved slowly, glancing at the door every now and then. When she saw Shen Qinglu, she breathed a long sigh of relief.
Shen Qinglu glanced at the packed luggage and said, "They live in Da Xuan Kong Temple. If Grandmother wants to live with them, I will send someone to take you there."
"Madam!" Granny Li cried out anxiously, "There are some things you can't hide from the eldest young lady. They... they don't care whether you live or die. You must think this through!"
She remembered what Shen Qinglu had said and regarded it as a lifeline.
"What happened?" Shen Qinglu asked her.
"The old lady's savings over the years, as well as Qiu Lu's indenture, have all disappeared."
"Such a thing is unbelievable!"
"Only this servant and Qiu Lu know where the old lady keeps her things. I suppose Qiu Lu has been planning this for a long time..." Granny Li didn't finish her sentence, but her meaning was clear.
Shen Qinglu frowned, looking as if she couldn't understand, but in reality, she was the most perceptive person.
The place where Xie Shi kept her things was known not only to Granny Li and Qiu Lu, but also to Xia Chan, who helped move things that day.
Some people aren't satisfied with just one lesson; they need to be taught a second one. Murder to silence someone is one instance, cutting off their money is a second. With two such instances combined, even the deepest mother-daughter bond should be transformed into hatred.
She lowered her eyes, looking very sad. Instead of taking the opportunity to kick Yu Qingxue and her daughter Yu Liuzhu while they were down, she said, "Grandmother, I am so sad that they treated you like this."
Xie was feeling ashamed when she heard this; she was half moved and half felt utterly embarrassed.
"Grandmother, you must not go to them. Who knows what they might do to achieve their goals."
“I understand,” Xie said, wiping away her tears. “I plan to return to Pingyang.”
Some people cannot be eliminated, nor can they be let go, nor can they be exploited by others. Only by keeping them under one's control can one feel at ease.
“I can give Grandmother some travel money, but the journey is long and your health is still weak. You really can’t withstand the long journey.”
Madam Xie sighed inwardly, thinking how kind-hearted this child was, still willing to care for her even now. If she hadn't been so soft-hearted back then, perhaps she could still enjoy the blessings of her granddaughter.
"It's alright, my old bones can still handle it."
Shen Qinglu seemed to feel sorry for her. Seeing the newly grown white hair on her head, her eyes reddened slightly. "Why don't you wait, Grandmother? After my mother comes back, I will talk to her and ask her to find a quiet place for you to stay."
“Ali…Grandma is wrong. You are a good child. Grandma is sorry. Don’t worry about Grandma. All the suffering and hardship is what Grandma deserves.”
"Madam," Li Mama cried, "please listen to the eldest young lady. She's only doing this for your own good. She's afraid that even if you return to Pingyang, you'll still be plotted against. What will you do then?"
Upon hearing this, Xie was overcome with grief.
Having lived to such an old age, the one who ultimately drove her to the brink of despair was none other than her own biological daughter.
After a long silence, she nodded with tears in her eyes, "Okay, I'll listen to Ali."
She looked at Shen Qinglu with relief, and Shen Qinglu looked back at her with red eyes.
The emotional turmoil in the room seemed to be the affection between a grandmother and granddaughter, but no one saw that when Shen Qinglu wiped away her tears, the glistening tears seemed to contain the falling of cold snow.
*
South of the Da Xuan Kong Temple, there is an alley called Zhai Hua (Picking Flowers). The alley contains scholar's residences and various inns of all sizes. Most scholars from outside the capital who come to the city choose to stay here first.
The entire alleyway was filled with the scent of ink and brush, and even on ordinary days, one could see scholars and literati everywhere.
All the inns had pleasing names. Even the seemingly unremarkable entrance had an ambitious plaque that read "Sanjialou" (Three Top Buildings).
The shopkeeper, who was calculating the accounts, heard the sound of horses' hooves, glanced towards the door, and subconsciously squinted. After recognizing the person, he hurriedly went out to greet her obsequiously, "Madam Yu, you've finally arrived."
After not seeing him for over twenty years, the middle-aged man from back then was now an old man with gray hair. Shen Linlang recognized him and gave him some silver as a reward before walking straight inside.
He was sensible enough not to follow, only saying, "Lord Yu is sentimental and still wants to stay in the same room."
The inn has three classes of rooms: upper, middle and lower. The lower rooms are near the stables, which are not only low and dark, but also filled with an unpleasant smell.
The place Shen Linlang went to was the lower room.
Over the years, the inn must have been renovated several times, and it looks somewhat different, but the lower rooms haven't changed much. The stench of horse manure and sweat is still the same as before.
She stood in front of one of the rooms, her heart filled with complex emotions.
The young girl from many years ago thought that the people living here were poor but had their own integrity, but she never thought that someone living in a lower-class house could afford a jade bamboo shoot pen and banana leaf ink.
As the saying goes, "a leaf can block the view," and she remained obscured for twenty-one years.
She gave a self-deprecating laugh and pushed the door open.
The lower room was small, with only a bed, a table, and a stool. Under the small window, someone was sitting with their back to the reader, reading. Their slender figure and refined demeanor seemed unchanged for many years.
Hearing the door open, Yu Zhiheng turned around, a hint of surprise on his face. "Linlang, what brings you here?"
Shen Linlang looked around the small room, her mood completely different from many years ago.
"I've already written the divorce papers. I'll have someone pack your things and bring them here.
"Does it have to be this way?" Yu Zhiheng's knuckles were white as he held the book, and his tense jaw revealed his restraint.
"We've been married for many years, and I thought you knew my temper best. I can be indifferent to everything, but I can't tolerate any nonsense."
"I have nothing to do with that girl..."
“But you did use her after all.” Shen Linlang looked at him, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
He has a handsome appearance, which was given to him by the Xie family.
He understood his advantages very early on: first, his good looks, and second, his academic ability. These two qualities combined were enough to set him apart from ordinary people.
This superiority was also his pride, and his pride gave rise to his unyielding spirit. He disdained to form cliques with scheming people and was ashamed to associate with vulgar people. But while he had backbone, he also wanted to climb higher, so when others offered him ladders to climb to the top, he could only pretend not to know and climb them.
"She may have helped me secretly, but I absolutely did not take advantage of her..."
Under Shen Linlang's stern gaze, his voice gradually faded.
Shen Linlang suddenly smiled brightly, her not-so-delicate features revealing a heroic spirit. "You knew she had feelings for you and helped you a lot in private, but you pretended not to know. That's taking advantage of her. I'm afraid you did the same to me back then."
"No!" Yu Zhiheng quickly denied. "When I first met you, I didn't know your identity. You are different from other women, and I was immediately attracted to you. Linlang, my feelings for you are sincere, and I have never had any other thoughts. You should know this better than anyone else."
"I believe you have no ulterior motives." The smile on Shen Linlang's face faded, replaced by a hint of melancholy.
Yesterday, after she and Mu Miaohua left the city, they went to the manor they used to frequent when they were young.
She climbed to the top of the mountain at night, enjoying the breeze and the moon, raising her cup to the sky and speaking freely. She hadn't felt so carefree for many years. In the middle of the night, when she was in the middle of the night, she inexplicably felt that she had wasted many years.
"Yu Zhiheng has his merits. He is good-looking, talented, and of decent character. However, he is not without the common traits of ordinary people. But as human beings, no one can escape the mundane, not even emperors and sages."
The reason you're upset is because perhaps the person you truly love isn't him, but rather the person you imagine him to be. If it were only him, life wouldn't be unbearable, but his mother and sister are truly awful.
These were Mu Miaohua's words of advice to her.
Outsiders always see things more clearly than you do.
Yu Zhiheng stood up, stepped forward and took her hand. "Linlang, since you trust me, let's live a good life together from now on, okay?"
A couple's relationship of over twenty years cannot simply fade away overnight just because they've come to understand and see things clearly.
She was aware of her own reluctance, but she also knew that even if the rusted weapon was still usable, it could no longer protect her.
“If it were just you and me, that would be fine. But the thought of your mother switching my child with yours, your sister mistreating my child and turning him into a mentally challenged person, makes it impossible for me to get over this.”
"Ali is all better now..."
“You wouldn’t understand.” Shen Linlang shed tears. “What you see is that she’s recovered, but what you don’t see is that she has been murdered, and I will be in unbearable pain and will never be able to forgive myself for the rest of my life.”
Yu Zhiheng really couldn't understand. All he saw was that the person was alright, so where did the idea that he had been murdered come from?
Shen Linlang withdrew her hand and sighed, "Let's get a divorce."
She placed the written divorce papers on the book, and Yu Zhiheng picked them up, intending to tear them up.
"It's better for both of us to part ways amicably."
Upon hearing this, Yu Zhiheng loosened his grip, and the divorce papers instantly fluttered to the ground.
The words are in black and white, seemingly leaving no possibility of alteration.
A horse neighed, and the sound of hooves quickly faded into the distance.
Shen Linlang lay prone on the horse's back, riding faster when there were few people and slower when there were many. When someone recognized her, they couldn't help but exclaim, "It's been so many years since we've seen Madam Yu riding through the streets..."
She felt a mix of emotions, sometimes melancholy, sometimes turbulent.
Seeing the person standing in front of his own door from afar filled him with a myriad of emotions.
"Ah Li!"
Shen Qinglu stepped forward, her black jade-like pupils shining brighter than the sunset, "Mother, you are so majestic."
Shen Linlang dismounted, retracting her whip with a swift movement that accentuated her heroic bearing. "Weren't you at your uncle's house? Why are you back?"
She went to find Yu Zhiheng as soon as she returned to the city, unaware of what had happened in the manor.
Shen Qinglu briefly explained the situation, and finally said, "What I did was only a temporary measure, and it is up to you, Mother, to make the final decision."
Whether it's the Xie family or Dengzhi.
"You did very well, it was very thorough." Shen Linlang praised her generously, her expression gradually darkening. "Ali, you weren't raised by your mother when you were little, you didn't have a mother's love, and you didn't have a father either. If I divorced your father, would you be sad?"
Everything else is negotiable, but she owes so much to this daughter she lost and then found again.
“After I returned to my mother’s side, my father never asked me how I had been all these years, never comforted me, and never said anything to show his concern for me.”
Even if such a so-called biological father didn't exist, how could one possibly be sad?
Shen Qinglu lowered her head, her heart completely calm, but she appeared sad and heartbroken.
Shen Linlang felt a pang of pain in her heart and was speechless.
Sunlight shone brightly, illuminating the two characters "Yu Fu" (Jade Mansion) on the high-hanging plaque.
When Shen Qinglu looked up, her gaze fixed on it, her dark eyes filled with icy sarcasm. "Mother, shouldn't the words on this plaque be changed?"
Still feeling upset, Shen Linlang looked up instinctively upon hearing this, appearing even more dejected, and murmured, "It's fine to change it, or not to change it."
Her surname was Shen, but her children all had the surname Yu. In a family, the head of the household is always a man, and since the father is not alive, the position of head of the family naturally falls to the son.
“Mother, I want to change.” A glimmer of starlight appeared in Shen Qinglu’s dark eyes. “I want to take your surname and change it to Shen.”
Shen Qinglu's "sinking".
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