Chapter 114 She was afraid of that kind of gaze…
While replying to WeChat messages, Xia Zhiyao looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her hair had grown long, with the ends sticking up slightly. She suddenly noticed a few gray hairs on the top of her head and finally plucked them out.
The light shone down from above, making her look a little pale. She stared at herself in the mirror, stunned for a few seconds. The shallow tear trough under her eyes seemed to have appeared suddenly; it hadn't been so obvious before.
She thought she could calmly accept these changes long ago, but when that fine line came into view, her heart still tightened slightly. Perhaps it was because she hadn't looked in the mirror properly in too long.
The person in the mirror still has smooth skin and beautiful features, but that familiar expression seems to have been gently worn away by life.
Zhou Yue is five years younger than her. In recent years, he has become more and more stable, and his speech and actions have shown a more mature man's demeanor.
But what about her? Every time she hears the word "marriage," the first image that comes to mind isn't a wedding dress or a ring, but rather the image of his parents. She can almost picture the scene: his mother holding a teacup, her smile polite, her eyes gentle, yet subtly hinting at a beating.
She knew Zhou Yue was sincere, and she knew she wasn't lacking in courage, but every time she thought of that scene, her feet would instinctively take a half step back. Even though she knew there wasn't an abyss ahead, she was always afraid of falling in.
Zhou Yue's phone vibrated again. [Why aren't you replying?]
She stared at the words, her eyes stinging. They had broken up and gotten back together so many times, and had finally been together for so long, keeping it a secret from both sets of parents.
He mentioned a few times that he would talk to both sets of parents, since they were already familiar with each other and had known each other since childhood. She always smiled and said to wait a little longer, that she wasn't ready.
She had considered it, but she knew that once she took that step, all the ease, comfort, and freedom would vanish instantly, like a punctured balloon.
She knew all too well that kind of scrutiny. Even though it was gentle, respectable, or even well-intentioned, it was still scrutiny. She was afraid of that gaze, and even more afraid of becoming cautious and timid under it, like someone waiting to be chosen.
On the other side, Zhou Yue leaned against the headboard. He opened WeChat and saw Xia Zhiyao's reply. He could almost imagine what she looked like now. When she was at her mother's house, she always completely let go of her strong woman armor and finally acted like a daughter, wearing old T-shirts, pajamas, and slippers every day, slouching on the sofa.
He smiled. He had originally wanted to ask Xia Zhiyao when she would come to his house to meet her future in-laws, but he didn't ask. He knew that Xia Zhiyao would refuse without even thinking, and he also knew why she didn't dare to.
But he really didn't want to hide it anymore. He wanted to hold her hand and walk her into the house, and to say openly at a friend's gathering, "This is my girlfriend." He wanted everyone to know that she was his.
He sighed, tossed his phone aside, and pressed the back of his head against the wall, feeling the icy chill seep into his scalp.
The lights in both rooms were still on, and the phone screens would occasionally light up and then go dark again, like two faint stars, separated by half of Beijing, gazing at each other.
He didn't send any more messages, and neither did she, but they were both thinking about the same question: how long could they keep this up?
Zhou Yue opened her chat window again. The smiley face was still there, like a gentle yet clear rejection. He put his phone face down on the bedside table, turned off the light, and in the darkness, he heard his own breathing, one breath after another, heavy and slow.
The next day at noon, Wei Ran and Jiang Heng specially cooked dishes for Zhou Yue, all of which were his favorite foods, and laid out a table full of them.
When Zhou Yue returned from walking the dog, he smelled a fragrance that he always smelled when he came home. It was a familiar scent that made him feel relaxed, yet also made him feel inescapable.
Wei Ran, her hair neatly combed, brought out a thick plate of fish. She gently picked up a piece of the tenderest part of the fish belly and put it into Zhou Yue's bowl. As the fish slid down, it brought a little bit of soup with it: "Eat it while it's hot. I just bought it at the market this morning. The owner said it was caught in the early morning."
"Thank you, Mom," Zhou Yue said softly, picking up his chopsticks and stirring the rice, but not touching the fish.
The table was quiet for a few minutes, with only the sound of chopsticks clinking against porcelain bowls and Jiang Heng occasionally slurping his soup. Wei Ran ate at a leisurely pace. Suddenly, as if she had just remembered something, she looked up and asked, "By the way, is Zhiyao still running her consulting firm?"
Zhou Yue paused slightly with his chopsticks, the chopsticks hovering in mid-air. Without looking up, he simply hummed in response, "Still busy." He paused, then added, "She recently took on a government-backed new energy project, and our company has also invested in it." His voice was flat, as if he were talking about someone else.
Wei Ran nodded, smiled, and the fine lines at the corners of his eyes gently smoothed out: "Yes, Zhiyao has been capable since she was little, she studies well, and she's beautiful too."
She picked up a piece of green vegetable, chewed it slowly, and then added casually, "However, a girl who's so busy isn't young anymore; she should start thinking about her own future."
Jiang Heng, sitting to the side, coughed lightly, put down his chopsticks, and said as if trying to smooth things over, "Xiao Yue is busy too. Young people's affairs should be left to their own devices."
Wei Ran turned to look at him, her smile unchanged, but her voice was soft yet firm: "I was just asking casually, just showing some concern."
Zhou Yue lowered his head to eat, his expression calm, as if he hadn't heard anything. But his Adam's apple bobbed slightly, swallowing not only the food, but also the words he wanted to say but couldn't.
He knew that every "casual" remark his mother made was not casual; she must have already figured something out, and perhaps even suspected they were together long ago. She just didn't ask, and he didn't say anything. They both understood each other implicitly, like playing a game of tacit understanding, neither willing to speak first.
He neither explained nor denied it, but simply said, "She feels it's good to be busy, and the boss is also her college classmate and friend. She's happy with the company. Zheng Xiaotian is a very nice person; he's the younger brother of our General Manager Zheng."
Wei Ran hummed in agreement, giving him a half-smile, her eyes filled with tenderness and something indescribable: "That's good. You always protected her when she was little, and you'll still do it now that she's grown up."
Jiang Heng chuckled and joked, "That shows how deep our friendship is; we've been friends since we were kids."
Wei Ran didn't reply, but simply raised his hand and gently nudged the soup spoon. The spoon lightly touched the rim of the bowl, making a soft sound.
Her voice was so soft it was almost drowned out by the bubbling broth in the pot: "Deep feelings are a good thing," she said slowly, her gaze fixed on the plate of fish, "but sometimes, it also depends on whether it's suitable." Her words were like a pebble thrown into calm water, creating delicate ripples that spread out in concentric circles.
The dining table fell silent again, with only the soft clinking of bowls and chopsticks. Sunlight slanted in, casting dappled patterns from the tabletop to the floor.
Zhou Yue lowered his head and ate bite by bite. The steam from the soup rose up, blurring his vision. He didn't look up again, nor did he argue. He just said softly, "I know." His voice was very soft, as if he were talking to himself.
Wei Ran glanced at him, then smiled and picked up a piece of lion's head meatball, putting it into his bowl: "Eat more, you've lost weight."
Zhou Yue looked down at the lion's head meatball. He knew that his mother had said everything she wanted to say during this meal.
After dinner, Zhou Yue insisted on washing the dishes, and Wei Ran smiled and said, "Our son has grown up after all; he's starting to care about housework." She walked out of the kitchen and sat down next to Jiang Heng in the living room.
Jiang Heng turned to look at her, picked up the remote and turned up the TV volume, saying with a hint of helplessness, "Why did you say those things to the child again?"
Wei Ran smiled, picked up the teacup, but didn't drink it. He just gently swirled it, watching the tea leaves float and sink inside: "I was just asking casually."
Jiang Heng chuckled, a hint of mockery in his voice: "That wasn't just a casual remark." He paused, turned around, and looked at her profile: "I know a bit about Xia Zhiyao. If you really don't like her, you don't need to beat around the bush. Just say it directly."
Wei Ran was silent for a few seconds. The only sounds in the living room were the water running and the clinking of dishes from the kitchen. "If it weren't for Zhou Yue's situation, of course I would like her." Her voice was soft, but without a hint of a smile, as if she were stating a calm fact.
"I watched her grow up since she was a child. She's smart and has her own opinions. Who wouldn't like a girl like that?"
Jiang Heng had just said, "Then why are you still..."
“But she’s five years older than Zhou Yue.” Wei Ran interrupted him, her tone still calm, but with a hint of weariness. “When girls reach this age, they have more to consider. She’s at the peak of her career and is an only child. She might not be willing to compromise for her family in the future.”
She paused, her gaze falling on the pothos on the coffee table. "You know Zhou Yue's personality. He seems calm on the outside, but he's actually soft-hearted. If he really falls for someone, he'll be the one who gets hurt in the end."
Jiang Heng didn't speak immediately, but sighed deeply and leaned back on the sofa. "You always want to plan out the whole path for them before you feel at ease." He turned to look at her, his tone tinged with helplessness: "When it comes to matters of the heart, can you stop them?"
Wei Ran pursed her lips, not refuting. She looked down at her hands, where faint spots had appeared on the back, and her knuckles were no longer as slender as they had been in her youth.
“It’s not that I don’t trust her.” She finally spoke softly, her voice low, as if she were talking to herself, “I’m just afraid that he’ll get too involved and end up getting hurt.”
She looked up, her gaze passing over the living room to the sky outside the balcony. The sky was very blue, the clouds were light, and the wind rustled through the treetops.
"People understand this when they reach my age. I don't want my son to suffer the same losses I've made." Her voice was as light as a sigh in the wind.
Jiang Heng was silent for a few seconds, then took her hand: "You take things too seriously. Let them walk on their own; if they stumble and fall, it's part of their growth."
Wei Ran didn't say anything more, only hummed in response.
The sound of water in the kitchen stopped, replaced by the sound of the tap being turned off and the soft rustling of dishes being stacked.
After a moment, Wei Ran suddenly smiled and said, "I hope you're right."
She picked up the cup of tea again and this time actually took a sip. The tea was a bit bitter, and the taste lingered on her tongue for a long time.
Zhou Yue put the last bowl into the drainer, turned off the tap, and his phone vibrated: "Jiang Qiran's video call request."
He shook the water off his hands, wiped them casually on his apron, and swiped to answer the call.
On the other end, Jiang Qiran was clearly lying on the bed in the dim light. As soon as he saw Zhou Yue, his eyes lit up: "Brother! What are you doing?"
"Just finished washing the dishes." Zhou Yue turned his phone to show him the stack of dishes and chopsticks. "It's so late, why aren't you asleep yet?"
"Hey, it's not late." Jiang Qiran waved his hand dismissively. "Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, bro! Where are Mom and Dad?"
As Zhou Yue walked along, phone in hand, he said, "They're watching TV in the living room. I'll go over and tell them, oh, by the way," he paused, then added, "I'm going to New York on a business trip next week."
Jiang Qiran sat up straight, her voice brimming with barely concealed excitement, "Brother, that's great! How many days can you stay?"
"At least a week, depending on the schedule." Zhou Yue smiled, his tone relaxed. "If you need anything, just let me know in advance and I'll bring it to you."
"Hey!" Jiang Qiran immediately perked up, gesturing with his fingers in the air, "That's great, I just happen to be short of—" He stopped abruptly halfway through his sentence, his eyes flashed, and a mischievous smile slowly crept onto his lips.
He leaned forward and lowered his voice: "Brother, let's not talk about bringing things yet. I have a question for you. Mom asked me the other day how you've been lately and if anything's happened."
Zhou Yue remained calm, but his eyes flickered slightly: "That's what she asked?"
“Absolutely.” Jiang Qiran rested his chin on his hand, looking on with amusement. “I knew something was off from the start. You know how she sounded. She was just asking casually, but she was definitely plotting something.” He narrowed his eyes. “So, brother, what happened?”
Zhou Yue paused for two seconds, then smiled faintly: "It's nothing."
"Are you really alright?" Jiang Qiran raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing it.
"Hmm." Zhou Yue's tone was steady, but with a slight hint of evasion. "Let's talk when we meet in New York."
Jiang Qiran stared at him for a few seconds, then clicked his tongue and said, "Alright, we'll talk now that you're here. But bro, your 'it's nothing' doesn't sound like nothing to me."
He grinned mischievously, "Fine, I'll let you off the hook this time since you're bringing me something."
Zhou Yue smiled and shook his head: "Stop being silly. Focus on your studies. Make a list and send it to me if you need anything."
"Alright!" Jiang Qiran saluted, then resumed his carefree attitude. "I'll wait for you then."
Zhou Yue smiled and turned around, taking his phone to the living room: "Mom, Uncle Jiang, it's Qi Ran's video." As he spoke, Zhou Yue handed the phone over.
"Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, Mom and Dad!" Jiang Qiran smiled as soon as she saw Wei Ran on the other end of the screen. "My brother is coming to New York next week. I'm going to make a list and ask him to bring me some delicious food."
Wei Ran smiled, her expression gentle: "Yes, I also have something for you."
The family chatted through the screen, and the atmosphere relaxed for a moment. Wei Ran asked him about his school life and gave him a few more instructions. Jiang Qiran readily agreed, his words were perfunctory, but his eyes were full of smiles.
As Zhou Yue watched their conversation, he kept thinking to himself that sometimes he really envied Jiang Qiran. That kid was always so relaxed, optimistic, and insightful. He said whatever he wanted to say, even to his parents. He could laugh and joke around without ever beating around the bush. No matter how tense the atmosphere was at home, he could defuse it with a few jokes.
But he couldn't do that. The more he tried to make things go smoothly, the more likely he was to create an awkward atmosphere. He was used to pondering, controlling, and weighing things, and he had to think carefully about what to say before speaking so as not to provoke other reactions.
He knew it was because of his role as the eldest brother, and also because of all the experiences he had had over the years. But sometimes, he would think that if he could be as simple as his younger brother, perhaps everything would be much easier.
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