Chapter 65 Zhou Yue... If you...
Zhou Yue opened the door for her. The warm air that rushed in carried a faint scent of aromatherapy. A pair of high heels that had been kicked off lay on the side of the doormat in the entryway. Several books and a half-finished cup of coffee were scattered on the coffee table.
A cardigan was draped casually and haphazardly over the sofa, as if hastily tossed aside when leaving the house, yet it added a touch of genuine warmth to the room.
The books in the shelves on either side of the television were neatly arranged, with a deliberate sense of order. But the unopened package on the carpet subtly shattered this order.
The house bore the marks of life, yet also exuded a sense of disarray born of helplessness. It wasn't the cozy mess of "having someone to live with," but rather the bare minimum of existence left by someone living alone, barely managing to stay afloat.
Xia Zhiyao seemed oblivious to all this, casually tossing her bag onto the cabinet in the entryway and walking in with unsteady steps.
She took off her coat, tossed it on the sofa, turned back and smiled at him: "Didn't you say the moon would stay with me forever? Then sit here tonight and don't leave."
Zhou Yue closed the door, sat on the sofa and looked at her. His gaze followed her disheveled hair all the way to her lips. The smile in her eyes was like a fire accidentally ignited after drinking, quietly burning in his heart.
"Have some water first." He walked over, pressed her down to sit on the sofa, and turned to pour her some water.
The cup was handed to her, but she didn't take it. Instead, she looked up at him, a hint of unhurried provocation on her lips: "I don't want water."
Zhou Yue leaned forward slightly, his hands resting on the sofa armrests, his voice low and deep, like the wind pressing down in the night: "Then what do you want?"
Xia Zhiyao tilted her head, her eyes half-serious and half-fake: "I want the moon."
Just as Zhou Yue was about to warn her to be careful, Xia Zhiyao was already staggering towards the restroom. Zhou Yue frowned subconsciously and followed closely behind. He stopped and his gaze fell on her.
Xia Zhiyao leaned over the sink, rubbing her hands together tightly. Just as Zhou Yue was about to speak, she suddenly stopped, as if she had become a different person. Her movements suddenly became slow and practiced as she slowly removed her contact lenses.
"Are you really drunk or faking it?" Zhou Yue leaned against the doorway, his voice subdued, his eyes full of inquiry.
She ignored him, not even raising her head. Her movements as she patted the makeup remover on her face were calm and methodical, as if she had blocked out everything around her and was simply going through her usual routine.
The sound of water finally stopped. Xia Zhiyao casually rubbed her face with a towel, turned around and walked straight to the bedroom, taking off her clothes as she went and tossing them at the foot of the bed. She crawled into bed, turned her back to the world, as if to shut herself out and leave only silence.
Zhou Yue stood at the door for a long time, his brows furrowed. Finally, he sighed, walked over, gently pulled the blanket up over her shoulder, and then lay down on the other side himself.
He turned to the side, his gaze falling on her back. Her breathing was even, carrying the quietness unique to the night, as if she had already sobered up and sunk into the purest sleep.
As Zhou Yue watched, his heart was in turmoil. He couldn't tell whether he should be glad that she was really drunk and didn't argue with him anymore, or he should be annoyed that he hadn't been able to get a single honest word out of her tonight.
The bedside lamp was still on. He reached out and turned it off, and the room instantly went dark. Zhou Yue stared at it quietly for a long time, his emotions gradually sinking into his eyes, as if he wanted to etch this moment firmly into his heart.
He slowly lay back down, his breathing unconsciously coinciding with her rhythm. Drowsiness washed over him, and the restlessness in his chest was suppressed by the darkness. Finally, to the sound of her breathing, he slowly drifted into sleep.
The next morning, Zhou Yue woke up first; this was the first time he had truly entered her living space.
The small two-bedroom apartment, which should have been cozy, was instead somewhat cluttered.
Zhou Yue casually stacked the books on the coffee table neatly, then carried the half-eaten coffee cup to the kitchen and placed it in the sink. On the balcony at the end of the corridor, several green plants had already withered, their leaves shriveled and yellow, as if no one had taken care of them for a long time.
He looked around, opened the refrigerator door, and a blast of cold air hit him. The shelves were piled high with things, making it look quite lively at first glance.
But Zhou Yue casually picked up a carton of yogurt and a bag of bread, glanced down at the production date, and realized they were long past their expiration date.
In that instant, he couldn't tell whether he felt bitterness or frustration. He only felt that the living atmosphere in this house was something she had been struggling to maintain all by herself.
Footsteps suddenly sounded behind her. Xia Zhiyao leaned against the kitchen doorway, her brow furrowing almost imperceptibly, but she quickly regained her composure. Her tone was indifferent, revealing no emotion: "It's very impolite to rummage through someone else's refrigerator."
Zhou Yue turned to look at her, but did not argue. He simply took the trash bag and began to clean out the expired items from the refrigerator one by one.
Clumped yogurt, shriveled fruit, hardened bread... each item falling into the bag made a dull thud, as if hitting his heart, making his suppressed anger burn even brighter.
Xia Zhiyao walked over, but didn't say anything more. Instead, she seemed a little guilty, lowering her head to tidy up the scattered condiment bottles and paper towels on the table. Her movements appeared casual, but they revealed a deliberate avoidance.
Zhou Yue opened his mouth several times, but swallowed the words back down his throat. Only when his throat tightened did he speak in a low, hoarse voice: "Do you usually... treat yourself like this?" His voice was very low, but it carried an undisguised anger.
"You don't throw away spoiled food, and you don't cook." He stared at her, each word like a blow to her heart. "Are you living a normal life, or just barely hanging on?"
At that moment, he wasn't blaming her, but blaming himself—blaming the self who had always stood beside her but had never truly "seen" her.
She was so smart and strong, yet in the most private part of her life, she completely gave up taking care of herself, just as she had long been accustomed to giving up being loved and giving up expectations.
Xia Zhiyao didn't respond immediately. She simply crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe, her expression cold. Finally, she uttered two words in a low voice: "I'm used to it."
As she said this, a hint of almost sarcastic curvature appeared on her lips: "A person is lucky to be alive."
"What do you do with all that money you earn?" Zhou Yue's voice was filled with undisguised confusion and heartache. "Don't you even buy yourself anything nice to eat?"
Xia Zhiyao smiled lightly, a smile that was faint and almost devoid of warmth: "I ate quite well." After saying that, she raised her phone in her hand, her tone light as if she didn't care, "Takeout, restaurants... were all quite delicious."
She lowered her head, her voice also softening, and subconsciously defended herself: "How have I been bad to myself? Whether it's making money or working, sometimes I just don't want to think about things so much."
She paused, a self-deprecating smile curving her lips: "Besides, why spend half an hour cooking, five minutes eating by yourself, and then twenty minutes washing the dishes...?"
Zhou Yue felt a tightness in his chest from her words. She spoke of all her loneliness as if it were natural, and her lonely days as if they were inevitable. But he knew that it wasn't a habit, but a compromise.
He approached step by step, his footsteps standing out clearly in the quiet kitchen. Xia Zhiyao noticed him, raised her eyes slightly, and frowned almost imperceptibly, but did not back down.
Zhou Yue stopped in front of her, and spoke in a deep, husky voice: "Is this why you've always refused to let me come to your house?"
Xia Zhiyao's eyes flickered for a moment, then she turned her head away, not responding directly, but only softly uttering, "You see now, isn't that all there is to it?"
Zhou Yue stared intently at her, his gaze seemingly trying to see right through her, a suppressed fire surging in his chest. "Xia Zhiyao, if you weren't guilty, would you have stopped me from coming?" His voice was low and laced with a hint of gritted teeth.
Her expression froze, a fleeting look of panic crossing her eyes, but she quickly raised her chin, staring at him with a half-smile, as if trying to wrap herself up in indifference.
Zhou Yue's Adam's apple bobbed, and his chest felt increasingly heavy. He stared at her, his voice suddenly becoming low and hoarse: "I know very well what you used to be like. Didn't you like cooking, making little gadgets at home, and even having time to arrange my bookshelves into a rainbow? And now?"
Xia Zhiyao stared straight at him, the coldness in her eyes gradually hardening. A flicker of doubt crossed her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by a suppressed stubbornness. She suddenly raised her chin, her voice not loud, but clear as if it carried the edge of a knife: "Then what do you want me to do?"
Zhou Yue stared intently at her, his gaze so sharp it seemed to pierce through her. "Xia Zhiyao," he said in a low voice, his tone trembling as if squeezed out from between his teeth, "Is this how you are? Do you always have to push people to the brink before you're satisfied?"
His eyes were practically blazing with anger, but she held him back with her cold, stubborn demeanor, leaving him unable to advance or retreat. In that instant, he couldn't tell whether he was angry at her or at himself.
Xia Zhiyao felt a sharp pain from his grip, her breathing becoming erratic. She suddenly raised her hand and shoved him hard, her eyes reddening from the suffocation, but she stubbornly refused to lower her head.
"Zhou Yue, what right do you have to tell me what to do?" Her voice trembled. "Whether I'm ruined or not, that's my business!" It was as if she wanted to use these words to form a defense, to lock herself firmly in a castle, to desperately resist his embrace, and also to resist the wavering deep in her heart.
The moment Zhou Yue was pushed away, he swayed slightly, but still stubbornly reached out and grabbed her wrist, his eyes red: "This isn't your problem, it's our problem."
Xia Zhiyao tried to shake him off, but Zhou Yue held her like an iron clamp, refusing to let go no matter how much she struggled.
"Let me go!" she gritted her teeth, stubbornly forcing back her tears, refusing to let him see them. Her chest ached with anger, her voice trembled, and she almost cried out, "Zhou Yue, what do you want from me to be satisfied!"
Zhou Yue's breathing quickened, veins bulged on his forehead, and his eyes were fixed on her face. His throat bobbed as if he wanted to crush something, and the next moment he almost screamed hoarsely, "I want you to stop pushing me away! I want you to admit that you have feelings for me!"
She froze, her wrist still held in his grasp, her heart pierced by those words. But then she abruptly raised her chin, her gaze defiant and filled with anger, her voice cold and hard: "So what if I do? What can you give me?!"
Zhou Yue felt a sharp pain in his chest, as if her words had ripped open a wound, and his eyes instantly darkened. He lowered his head, his voice extremely low, as if he were forcing it out from his throat: "I understand now... why you were hospitalized back then."
He gritted his teeth, his breath trembling: "You're not a workaholic... You just use yourself like a tool, draining yourself dry and squeezing yourself out, not even letting yourself catch your breath." His words were filled with suppressed anger mixed with raw heartache.
Xia Zhiyao froze, her body going limp in an instant as he held her tightly in his arms. Zhou Yue wrapped one arm around her and unconsciously stroked her back with the other, his movements clumsy yet almost desperate.
He lowered his head and pressed his forehead against hers: "You can't keep doing this, Zhiyao."
She didn't answer, but just leaned back quietly, her eyelashes trembling, as if she was trying her best to suppress all the surging emotions.
Zhou Yue lowered his head and kissed her lightly, just on the corner of her lips. She didn't flinch, and his heart tightened. He couldn't help but kiss her a second time, this time deeper, filled with long-suppressed desire and unease.
She reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer as if in response, the distance between their bodies gradually closing. Their breaths mingled, and his hand slipped inside her shirt. She trembled, but still didn't stop him.
In that instant, he almost thought that she was finally willing to come closer, finally willing to let her guard down. He kissed her neck and collarbone, his lips and tongue burning, but he still tried his best to restrain himself, not daring to go too far.
However, Xia Zhiyao suddenly pushed him away.
Zhou Yue froze, his eyes still burning with lingering intensity, his voice hoarse: "What's wrong?"
She didn't answer immediately, but instead lowered her head and slowly straightened her clothes. When she raised her head again, her eyes were as cold as if covered with frost, and all her previous hesitation was hidden.
A cold smile even appeared on her lips: "Do you think... we've made up?"
Zhou Yue's brows furrowed suddenly, his voice strained: "I—"
"You think we can start over?" Her words were like knives, her eyes flashing with the glint of alcohol and a cold, mocking glint. "Aren't you being a little too naive?"
She leaned back on the sofa, tilting her head back as if trying to suppress her surging emotions, but her tone was light and airy: "Don't take it too seriously, Zhou Yue. I think it's fine as it is now."
"What do you mean, 'like this now'?" His voice instantly lowered, and his eyes gradually darkened.
“Let’s sleep together, and neither of us will be responsible.” She said coldly and resolutely, as if she were extinguishing the last bit of warmth. “You’re here, and I don’t need anyone to sleep with. If you’re willing, I don’t mind.”
Zhou Yue's expression changed instantly. In that instant, all the tenderness within him seemed to be emptied, leaving only a surging, trembling pain and anger. He stared at her, his eyes bloodshot, as if trying to tear something from the depths of her gaze: "What utter nonsense are you spouting?!"
"Don't you understand? Or are you pretending not to understand?" Xia Zhiyao laughed, her smile almost cold. "I don't need love, Zhou Yue. If you're still clinging to those unrealistic fantasies, you might as well leave now."
Zhou Yue's breathing quickened, his chest heaving violently. He approached her step by step, his eyes fixed on her, his voice low and hoarse: "You really think so?"
"It's fine." She spread her hands, as if reciting a script she had already memorized, her tone light and casual. "We won't bother each other, and we can occasionally relieve our loneliness. I don't owe you anything, and you shouldn't bother me with your cheap feelings anymore."
"Xia Zhiyao!" Zhou Yue gritted his teeth and called her name, his voice filled with anger and pain, almost bursting out of his chest.
She smiled gently and said, "If you want me to hurt you again, then stay. I'm in the perfect state right now to be a bad guy."
Zhou Yue suddenly loosened her clothes, as if all his strength had been drained away. He lowered his head, his forehead resting on her shoulder, his voice low and hoarse, almost broken: "...No, I didn't just want to do this with you."
Xia Zhiyao paused for a moment, but her eyes quickly darkened: "Anyway, aren't you men all the same?" Her voice was soft, but cold and piercing. "Rather than waiting for you to use emotional abuse to say you don't like me anymore, it's better not to start at all."
Her movements were languid yet provocative, and the smile on her lips was so faint it was almost invisible: "Zhou Yue... if you just want to play around, I'll play along."
The light flickered across her face, her smile was indifferent and self-deprecating, but her eyes couldn't hide the deep weariness she felt. "Anyway, I'm used to it."
At that moment, it was as if Zhou Yue's last nerve had been suddenly snapped. He jerked away, stood up stiffly, his eyes bloodshot, his face filled with the pain of being torn apart.
"What the hell do you take me for?" His voice was hoarse, as if it were being ripped from his throat. "Is this all you see me for?!"
Xia Zhiyao simply looked at him quietly, her voice so soft it was almost faint, yet carrying an unwavering sorrow: "Those who can't be kept will leave sooner or later...."
After speaking, she paused slightly and looked up at him. Under the lamplight, a fleeting vulnerability flashed in her eyes, almost betraying her. But only for a moment, and she cruelly suppressed it, crushing that wavering.
"I'd rather you leave now." Her voice was cold and hard, as if she were stabbing herself in the chest, yet still forcing him to endure it.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com