Chapter 174: Transformation
The next morning, Wei Wuxian was awakened by noises coming from the kitchen.
He put on a coat and walked out of the bedroom. From a distance, he saw Lan Sizhui standing in front of the stove, tiptoeing to reach the casserole on the cupboard. The morning light slanted in through the window, gilding the child's thin back. His small body was stretched straight, like a blue grass striving to grow upwards.
“Si Zhui?” Wei Wuxian walked over and discovered something simmering in the casserole, bubbling and emitting a faint medicinal aroma. “What are you doing?”
Lan Sizhui jumped in surprise, nearly dropping the spoon in his hand. He turned around, a bit flustered, but quickly composed himself, looking up and smiling. "Daddy, I'm making you some medicinal food. I read in a book yesterday that lotus seeds and yam can nourish your body, so I thought I'd give it a try."
Wei Wuxian looked at his cheeks, reddened by the steam, and the specks of medicine on his sleeves, and felt something tug at his heart. He remembered how Sizhui had cried last night, tears streaming down his face, hugging his arm, saying, "From now on, I'll take care of you." At the time, he'd thought it was just a child's angry words, but he hadn't expected him to actually remember them.
"The fire in the pot is too strong, it will burn." Wei Wuxian took the soup spoon from his hand, turned down the flame of the gas stove, and his fingertips touched the child's hand, which was ice cold - he must have been standing in the kitchen for a long time.
Lan Sizhui said nothing, merely standing obediently by, watching him stir the medicinal food in the casserole, his face full of seriousness. After a moment, he suddenly said, "Daddy, the book says that spiritual energy should be channeled along the meridians. I tried practicing it on a doll yesterday. Once I learn it, I'll help you with it, okay?"
Wei Wuxian's hand suddenly paused, the spoon making a harsh scraping sound as it scraped against the casserole. He turned and looked into his son's bright eyes. Their usual playfulness was gone, replaced by a calmness that belied his age. It was like a thin layer of fog covering them, and it made his heart ache.
"Si Zhui, who told you to look at those?" His voice was a little hoarse.
"I thought of this myself." Lan Sizhui lowered his head, twisting the corner of his clothes with his fingers. "I want to learn to take care of you quickly."
Wei Wuxian looked at him like this and suddenly recalled the mass graves many years ago. Wen Yuan, newly rescued then, had been just as cautious, testing the water temperature herself before handing him water and covering him with a blanket so gently as if afraid of breaking anything. He was clearly at an age when he should be acting like a spoiled brat, yet he was so sensible that it made his heart ache.
Later, when he arrived at the Cloud Recesses, Lan Qiren taught him to behave properly, and Lan Wangji protected him, but his inherent sensibility remained unchanged. He greeted everyone he met, walked without stepping on the grass, ate without talking, and even smiled with restraint, for fear of causing trouble.
Wei Wuxian always felt that he owed him. So in this life, he always wanted Sizhui to live a more comfortable life, without having to follow so many rules, without having to worry about other people's faces, and be able to cry and laugh like a normal child. If he got into trouble, he and Lan Wangji would cover him up.
In the past few years, Si Zhui has indeed become a lot more lively. He would quarrel with Lan Jingyi, fight with Jin Ling for toys, and hug his neck and act coquettishly to ask for candy... He thought that all those heavy "sensible" qualities had long been worn away by time, but he did not expect that the revelation of the truth would bring everything back to square one.
“Si Zhui,” Wei Wuxian squatted down, looking him straight in the eye, and spoke softly, “You don’t need to learn those things. Daddy has your father to take care of him, and Grandpa Jun Wu and your Uncle Xie Lian to help. You just need to study hard and have fun. That’s enough.”
Lan Sizhui shook his head, his face full of stubbornness. "Not enough. Daddy got sick because of me. I have to learn to take care of you." He paused, then suddenly reached out and hugged Wei Wuxian's neck. His voice was muffled, "Back in the Cloud Recesses, I was always afraid of doing something wrong and angering you and father. Now I know. As long as it can make Daddy better, I'm willing to do anything."
Wei Wuxian held his son's tiny body, feeling his eyes warm. He finally understood that so-called "sensibility" wasn't something innate, but rather a protective shield that children put on themselves after weathering storms. But this armor was too heavy, so heavy that it made him, as a father, feel heartbroken and breathless.
"Daddy's fault." He buried his face in Sizhui's hair, his voice choked with sobs, "Daddy shouldn't have let you know all this, shouldn't have let you worry about these things at such a young age..."
He would rather Si Zhui remained the trouble-making and willful child, would rather he see him crying for a kite, candy, and playtime, than see him standing in front of the stove, tiptoeing to learn how to stew medicinal food, holding an obscure medical book, saying he wanted to learn how to channel his spiritual power.
This is not something he should have to endure at his age.
"Daddy is right." Lan Sizhui stretched out his little hand and gently patted Wei Wuxian's back, as if comforting a wronged child. "I'm very happy to be Daddy's son. I really am."
The casserole in the kitchen was still bubbling, the aroma of medicine mingling with the morning light, filling the air. Wei Wuxian hugged his son, feeling a pang of pain and tenderness in his heart. He knew that once some things were spoken out, there was no going back. But he would try, try to get better quickly, try to lift the heavy burden of "sensibility" from Sizhui's shoulders, and try to make him return to the child whose eyes only saw sunshine and kites.
"The medicinal food is almost ready." Wei Wuxian sniffed, wiped the tears from his eyes, and ruffled Sizhui's hair with a smile. "But your father's cooking skills are much better than yours. Let me teach you today, okay?"
Lan Sizhui was stunned for a moment, then nodded vigorously, his eyes lighting up again: "Okay!"
Wei WuXian looked at the light and whispered to himself:
When daddy gets better, I will take you out to have fun, climb trees, catch fish, and do all the things that normal kids would do.
This time, you will never miss out on your childhood just because you are "sensible".
The medicinal food in the casserole was cooked until soft and glutinous, steaming hot. Wei Wuxian picked up the soup spoon, scooped a small bowl, cooled it, and handed it to Sizhui: "Try it?"
Lan Sizhui took a sip, his eyes brightening: "Delicious!"
Looking at the carefree smile that had bloomed on his son's face again, Wei Wuxian suddenly felt that everything was still in time.
As long as he gets better soon, everything will be fine.
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