Chapter 185 Raising a child under the moon
After dinner, the courtyard of Yunshen Pavilion was bathed in the watery moonlight. Lan Wangji invited Lin Yan to sit in the porch, where a warm cup of Tianzixiao was placed on the stone table. Wei Wuxian wanted to stay and listen, but Lan Wangji persuaded him to return to the room with a look - some things needed to be discussed between the two "elders" in private.
Lin Yan held the teacup, his fingertips burning. He knew Lan Wangji would ask about the bar, and he had already prepared a response. But when he met those calm eyes, he suddenly felt that all his excuses seemed unnecessary.
"Is Sizhui's back injury feeling any better?" Lan Wangji spoke first, his voice gentle and without any blame in it.
"I applied the medicine, and the swelling has gone down." Lin Yan's voice was lower. "I was too rough."
"It's not severe." Lan Wangji picked up the wine cup and gently swirled the wine inside. "The punishment should not be light. But after the punishment, he should understand why it is punished, and more importantly, let him know that the punishment is to protect him."
Lin Yan nodded silently. He remembered Si Zhui crying while clutching the corner of his clothes, and the words, "Don't you want me anymore?" His heart felt like it was being pricked by tiny needles. "I was... so scared. Seeing him in a place like a bar, with people offering drinks around him, my mind went wild."
"I understand." Lan Wangji pushed a glass of wine in front of him. "You are older than Sizhui and have seen more sinister people than him. This worry is real. But Lin Yan, you must remember that although he needs discipline, he needs trust even more."
Lin Yan raised his eyes, confusion in his eyes.
"You punished him because you were afraid he'd learn bad things, that's true." Lan Wangji's gaze fell on the magnolia tree in the courtyard. The moonlight filtered through the petals, casting mottled shadows on the ground. "But you locked him in the guest room and left him alone all night. Were you afraid he wouldn't remember the pain, or were you afraid you'd just softened your heart?"
These words were like a mirror, revealing everything about Lin Yan. He was truly afraid—afraid that if he softened his stance, Si Zhui would forget his lesson, and afraid that his meager protection wouldn't be enough to keep him safe forever.
"I..." Lin Yan opened his mouth, but found that he had no way to refute.
"Sizhui looks docile, but he's actually quite stubborn." Lan Wangji's voice was soft, yet it carried a weight. "He trusts you, which is why he panics when you treat him coldly, and why he clings to the edge of your clothes. This trust is a double-edged sword. Used well, it's armor, but used poorly, it's the knife that hurts him the most."
Lin Yan's fingertips trembled slightly. He recalled Si Zhui's grievances when he went to Lin Mo to cry about it, and his constant dependence on him at the company. Suddenly, he understood that Si Zhui was more afraid of his alienation than the pain in his body.
"Uncle Lan, I was wrong." He lowered his head, regret in his voice, "I shouldn't have treated him coldly and forced him to remember the pain."
"It's good that you admit your mistakes." Lan Wangji nodded calmly, but changed the subject, "But you should also remember the things you did right."
Lin Yan was stunned.
"You protected his bottom line and prevented him from falling deeper into his mistakes." Lan Wangji looked at him with recognition in his eyes. "More importantly, you let him know that 'someone will be angry about his mistakes.' This kind of care is more effective than any reason."
He paused, picked up a freshly peeled lotus seed and handed it over. "Si Zhui has lacked a sense of security since he was a child. If you are always gentle, he may not take the 'rules' to heart. Occasionally being strict is to let him know where the 'boundaries' are. However, this strictness must be hidden with warmth that he can feel, and it cannot be completely cold."
Lin Yan took the lotus seed, his fingertips touching the slightly cool lotus core. He suddenly remembered the night he had waited outside the guest room—he was clearly heartbroken, yet he pretended to be heartless. It turned out that Lan Wangji had seen all the care he could not hide.
"I understand." Lin Yan's voice was a little hoarse. "It's like carving wood. You need strength to shape it, but you also need to know how to hold back so as not to damage it."
Lan Wangji smiled, the moonlight in his eyes rippled gently. "That's exactly the truth. You are older than Sizhui, so you should understand the word 'balance' better than him. You have to make him fear your rules, but also make him believe that you care about him. This is true protection."
The two of them sat quietly, the moonlight spilling onto the stone table, illuminating the wine in the glass. Lin Yan looked at the swaying shadows of the trees below, and the knots in his heart seemed to be untied by the moonlight and the words.
He remembered that he had to teach Sizhui how to carve a kite tail tomorrow, and suddenly he had an idea - perhaps, he could carve two little people holding hands on the kite, one calm and the other lively, just like him and Sizhui.
"It's getting late." Lan Wangji stood up. "Go back. Sizhui is waiting for your woodcarving class tomorrow."
Lin Yan nodded and stood up to say goodbye. When he reached the gate, he suddenly turned around and looked at Lan Wangji in the corridor, saying seriously, "Thank you, Uncle Lan."
Lan Wangji waved his hand and watched the young man's figure disappear in the moonlight, a faint smile appearing on the corner of his mouth.
Inside the house, Wei Wuxian peeked through the window. Seeing Lin Yan leave, he leaned over and asked, "What did you say to him? He looked like he'd suddenly understood something."
Lan Wangji turned back to the house, pulled him into his arms, and nuzzled the top of his head. "Nothing much, just telling him that when protecting someone, one must be willing to be both a ruler and a warm garment."
Wei WuXian laughed and punched him in the face. "You're the only one who has too many reasons. But having said that, Lin Yan is a really good kid. He's much smarter than you were back then."
Lan Wangji chuckled softly and didn't say anything else, simply gazing out the window at the moonlight. Moonlight fell on the desk, illuminating the crooked mahogany rabbit on it—a gift from Sizhui to Wei Wuxian.
He knew that Sizhui would slowly learn to grow up with Lin Yan by his side. And Lin Yan, in this protection, would slowly learn how to love.
Just like the magnolia in this courtyard, it must be able to withstand wind and rain, and also know how to stretch its petals in the moonlight, so that it can bloom the most fragrant flowers when it is time to do so.
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