Chapter 34 [VIP]
In the last second before the call ended, Shen Jinshan wondered if he had heard some strange water sound again.
And a very soft, almost reproachful... nasal sound belonging to someone in deep sleep.
But the sound vanished in an instant, too fast for him to catch, as if it were just his imagination, and was cut off in the busy signal.
The man sat blankly in the car, wearily brushing a stray hair from his forehead and letting out a soft breath.
It had been raining all night since yesterday afternoon, but the rain stopped early this morning, and the sky became exceptionally clear and bright. When Shen Jinshan hurriedly looked outside, he even saw two rainbows.
A magnificent rainbow hung there, and Shen Jinshan felt a very uncomfortable unease.
He looked away, lit another cigarette, and the smoke filled the carriage. Shen Jinshan opened the window a crack, but heard laughter and chatter coming from the side of the car.
He could no longer bear the happiness of others and the excitement of the outside world, so he returned to his room.
After informing his assistant that today's meeting would be postponed, Shen Jinshan drew the curtains, shutting out the false sunshine. He took off his glasses, pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes, and pondered everything that had happened in the past ten hours.
Mianmian... He confessed to Shenmian. Before that, in order to curb the dangerous emotional slump that should not have arisen, he deliberately distanced himself, even cruelly avoiding Shenmian's approach.
But Chenmian did not understand his meaning.
He even went so far as to follow him here, meticulously preparing a confession that would push him into the abyss.
Shen Jinshan still remembers the scene he saw when he dawdled back to the hotel and opened the bedroom door.
Shenmian was fast asleep on the sofa, half of the young man's porcelain-white face hidden in his collar. He walked closer as if possessed, wanting to remove the collar that might be in the way, but found that Shenmian seemed to be having a sweet dream, still smiling with the corners of his mouth in his dream.
He gazed at the sleeping boy's face for a long time, becoming somewhat mesmerized.
As he regained his senses and turned to leave, Shen Jinshan noticed the brightly colored envelope on the coffee table.
He reached out and took it.
In the very center of the envelope was a large heart surrounded by roses.
Shen Jinshan's heart skipped a beat, and he opened the envelope with a stiff body and expressionless face.
Upon opening the envelope and seeing the first sentence, Shen Jinshan even wished that the piece of paper in his hand was nothing more than a hotel welcome letter.
But love letters don't just turn into ordinary welcome letters.
However, the familiar, slightly childish handwriting shattered his hopes.
Shen Jinshan was very familiar with the font used in the book "Sleeping".
He had explained countless problems to Chenmian and helped her complete countless holiday assignments.
So much so that when Shen Jinshan saw the very first sentence, his heart trembled violently—
“Dear brother,”
Lately, I've been feeling so happy..."
Shen Jinshan felt a sudden, unexpected fear, and he closed his eyes tightly, barely having the courage to look any further.
But the person on the sofa murmured something in their sleep.
Shen Jinshan heard it clearly. Shen Mian said, "Brother... I like brother so much..."
The murmur in his sleep was like a thunderclap, exploding in his ears. Reality was no longer an escape. He felt no joy in their mutual affection, only overwhelming panic and a premonition of impending loss of control.
The letter continued reading.
"Being able to perceive happiness is a very joyful thing. I used to think that I already had enough, so I couldn't be happier than that."
But recently, things have been very different.
...
When did it start? Brother, was it when you smiled as soon as you saw me? Or when you unconditionally became my support? Or when you searched for me all night and carried me across such a long mountain path? Or when you always treated me gently, making me a person who would be good to me from a very young age?
I really didn't expect that.
I feel so lucky to have such a good brother like you.
I know this is something I shouldn't do, but you can't hide your feelings for someone, and you can't make them disappear.
So I'm coming to find you, brother, while I still have the courage, while I still love you the most, to tell you my secret.
--I like you.
"I really, really love my brother."
The signature was a large, round, and cute little figure, somewhat resembling Chen Mian. Shen Jinshan knew his poor skill level; this little figure must have been the result of Chen Mian's long practice.
Turning the letter over, there was another line carefully added: "Brother, do you like me?"
Shen Jinshan felt a deep sense of powerlessness and frustration, and an unspeakable anger spread through him.
Was it him who lured the slumber? Was it him? Was it his deliberate tenderness, his overstepping boundaries of care, that silently seduced the naive and ignorant slumber, leading him down this thorny path destined to embarrass everyone?
If Chenmian hadn't broken through this barrier, could he have continued to pretend nothing was wrong and take care of Chenmian as a good older brother, greedily enjoying Chenmian's dependence and closeness while teetering on the edge of sin and maintaining a precarious balance?
But now Shen Mian has destroyed everything.
In the most reckless way, he burned away all his pretenses and escape routes.
He could no longer pretend to be a good older brother and stay by Shen Mian's side as if nothing had happened.
He had nowhere to go!
It's all because of Chenmian—he was too selfish, too reckless, and too arrogant!
Shen Jinshan felt an overwhelming sense of embarrassment and pain, which burned within him, leaving him anxious and unsure of what to do.
At this moment, the slumber began.
Shen Jinshan had not seen Shen Mian's face for a whole week. When he heard Shen Mian's soft call, he looked up at her with almost greedy eyes, but his disgust and irritation were even more intense and obvious.
The sleeping man's face immediately turned pale, and the young man looked at him pitifully with tears in his eyes.
The hatred in Shen Jinshan's heart grew wildly and stronger under that gaze.
The hatred came on strong, almost threatening to devour him, yet it was also as illusory as a mirage.
Because its very existence is based on a love that he cannot express or openly accept.
Thus, words are spoken without thinking, and the hatred catalyzed by love is ten thousand times more powerful than hatred itself. It destroys oneself and others.
When he looked at the trembling, incredulous body sleeping in his hands, how could he not feel pain in his heart?
Shen Mian pushed his hand away and ran away. When she saw the young man's thin, resolute figure completely disappear outside the door, and when she heard the heavy sound of the door closing, Shen Jinshan's heart seemed to have been abandoned and struck.
The heavy echo reverberated in the suddenly silent suite. Shen Jinshan thought he was hallucinating; otherwise, why would the sound make his eardrums buzz?
At the same time, it shattered the cold shell of disgust and anger that he had just used to arm himself.
In the room, only his heavy, disordered breathing and the incessant, unsettling sound of rain outside the window remained.
The lingering scent in the air gradually disappeared, and Shen Jinshan could no longer smell a trace of a boy.
Almost immediately, the rage he had been forcing up, which he used to attack the slumber and also himself, dissipated as quickly as the tide receded, revealing the jagged rocks beneath, filled with self-loathing and condemnation.
The last glance he gave me as I fled from sleep also kept replaying in Shen Jinshan's mind.
The last time Chenmian looked at him, it was as if she were looking at a strange monster, filled with fear, dread, and a desire to avoid him.
Shen Jinshan felt a metallic taste in his throat. He touched it with the tip of his tongue and was surprised to find that he had bitten his tongue and blood was seeping out.
He hurt himself, and he hurt the fact that he was dormant, like a cold saw repeatedly cutting into his heart.
Shen Jinshan's heart began to ache.
But she didn't regret refusing.
He was just a little regretful. How could he have said such harsh and hurtful things to Mianmian? How could he have projected his own vicious words about his own incompetence onto the boy?
What's wrong with Chenmian liking him? Should Chenmian say to him, "Brother, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have liked you"?
Yes, Chenmian, a child who was pampered by his family since childhood, grew up and suffered grievances for another person. Moreover, he did nothing wrong; he only liked the other person.
That doesn't make sense.
Shen Jinshan understood. He suppressed the metallic taste of blood in his throat, looked at his hands, and felt a dense, overwhelming pain in his heart, so intense that his fingers were numb.
Just thinking about Chenmian's bare feet, without even socks, and her instantly pale face and swaying body is enough to make one feel uneasy.
Shen Jinshan felt as if his heart was being gripped tightly by a hand, and the suffocating pain and regret spread even more intensely to his limbs and bones.
Can his dormant body withstand such a heavy blow? The rain outside is so heavy, where can he go if he runs out?
Would Chenmian run out of the hotel? But when he left, he had neither a coat to keep warm, nor an umbrella... he wasn't even wearing shoes.
no!
He has to go find him!
He must find him immediately!
Shen Jinshan suddenly raised his head. He could no longer stay here and be consumed by this useless self-blame.
He had to find Mianmian, he had to tell her, tell her…
What should I tell him? An apology? And then? Admit his inappropriate feelings? Or continue to use his brotherly identity to cover things up?
Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, but the urge to see Chenmian immediately and confirm his safety overwhelmed everything.
Shen Jinshan almost staggered to his feet from the sofa. His movements were somewhat unsteady due to his haste, which made him look rather disheveled and ridiculous, especially for a man who was usually so elegant and dignified.
But just as he stood up, the man's gaze inadvertently swept across the side of the opposite sofa—there, a carefully placed bunch of white lisianthus lay quietly in the shadows.
The pure, flawless flowers, bathed in the dim light, radiated a gentle and fragile glow, creating a cruel and ironic contrast with the intense conflict that had occurred earlier in the room.
Shen Jinshan froze.
He seemed to be frozen in place, his feet rooted to the spot. Only after a long while did he slowly, almost mechanically, walk over, bend down, and pick up the large bouquet of flowers.
The delicate fragrance of flowers wafted into his nose, but it also caused him a sharp, stinging pain.
This was prepared by... Mianmian?
The man's gaze then swept helplessly around, only to notice a small velvet ring box lying quietly next to the love letter he had crushed and thrown away on the ground.
He was blinded by anger and didn't even notice its presence.
With trembling hands, Shen Jinshan picked up the small box and opened it.
Inside are two sparkling rings. One is a slightly larger, simple plain ring, while the other is full of the owner's clever touch, with two rows of equally sized small diamonds set in the center of the outer side of the band.
Shen Jinshan held the two rings and looked at them.
Love letters, flowers, rings...
With what kind of solemn, apprehensive, and expectant heart did Chenmian arrange all this, and then wait with joy for his return?
He even fell asleep while waiting, perhaps having a beautiful dream about their future together.
And he himself shattered it all, in the most cruel way.
A sense of emptiness and loss a hundred times greater than before instantly engulfed Shenjin Mountain.
He could almost see those bright, sparkling eyes, brimming with spring water, as Chenmian prepared these things; he could also feel how those bright eyes gradually dimmed, turning to ashes, as those harsh words mercilessly rained down upon him.
Despite being so clumsy and careless, never paying attention to details, she was willing to prepare all this for him.
When ordering flowers, did he tell the shopkeeper, "These are for my confession, so they must be fresh flowers"? When ordering a ring, did he repeatedly consider his preferences, so that the one he gave him was a plain ring?
Shen Jinshan dared not think any further. A heavy, oppressive pain weighed on him. He scrambled the bouquet and ring box onto the coffee table, disregarding everything else, and rushed out of the room into the hotel lobby.
"Have you seen a young man? Very fair-skinned and handsome, slim, about this tall, not wearing a coat or shoes..."
The doorman was frightened by his intimidating face and imposing manner, and stammered that he hadn't noticed.
Shen Jinshan then requested the surveillance footage from the lobby manager. The footage showed that Shen Mian did indeed run out of the hotel and into the torrential rain outside, but it was difficult to discern which direction she went in the dense rain and darkness.
Undeterred, he rushed out into the rain and frantically searched the streets surrounding the hotel. The rain quickly soaked his hair and expensive suit, but he was oblivious.
As night fell, his reason and remaining intelligence finally returned. In a hoarse voice, Shen Jinshan dialed his assistant's number, asking him to send more people to help with the search.
After that, Shen Jinshan stood in vain in the rain, soaked to the bone, his expensive leather shoes sinking into the dirty puddles.
He looked at the empty street before him, and an unprecedented sense of panic and loss completely overwhelmed him.
He lost his younger brother, his Mianmian.
When he finally realized the sincerity of that feeling, when he was filled with regret and wanted to make amends.
His Mianmian ran away; he lost her.
Unbeknownst to Shen Jinshan, somewhere he couldn't find, the boy he had cruelly pushed away, heartbroken and devastated, was being led away from the cold, rainy night by another man who had long coveted him, heading towards another ambiguous and dangerous situation beyond his control.
A note from the author:
Lin Langli: Thank you, brother, for sending me this wife. It's delicious, I love it! Thank you so much! (provocative handshake.jpg)
Thank you everyone for the thunder and nutrient solution in these two chapters!
happy
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