Chapter 96: Warm and Soft I want you to hold me for a while.
Although he said that, there was no trace of disgust in Yu Qing's tone, only pity.
Xie Jing murmured, "I won't live much longer..."
Yu Qing couldn't stand hearing that kind of talk. He frowned and said, "Don't talk nonsense. It's just a temporary illness. I'll be fine soon."
Perhaps it was because he was in so much pain that he was so depressed, and she felt distressed for a while.
Xie Jing whispered again, "I'm different. I won't get better that quickly. I know that."
Yu Qing asked, "What's going on?"
She thought of the last time Xie Jing fell into the water, and he recuperated in Prince Jing's mansion for a long time. When she saw him again, he looked like he had just recovered from a serious illness. However, Xie Jing did not mention it much later. She did ask about it, but he simply brushed it off.
She couldn't help but wonder: Was he the same as he is this time?
She didn't know the inside story because she had never visited the patient.
Yu Qing couldn't help but feel regretful. She'd clearly wanted to see him, but she'd been hesitant. There were so many things she'd wanted to do but hadn't been able to, like the fact that she hadn't been able to see Xie Jing these past few days. What good would it have been to see him once? Xie Jing had never once given her an embarrassment.
But when it comes to Xie Jing, she lacks the courage to move forward, because she always feels that the ending will not be what she expected, so she escapes too many times.
It took until the critical moment to realize that the world is changing so rapidly that there is no room for waiting. If anything were to happen to Xie Jing, it would be too late to do anything.
Xie Jing's face was pale and fragile, just like Qing Jia's when he was sick. Just one look at him was heartbreaking.
She had always thought it was all just an act. Although she felt resentful, she never took it too seriously. Being well was better than being sick, right? Now she wasn't sure. If that was real pain, she'd rather it was all just an act.
Xie Jingru was in a dream, his eyes half closed, in a daze. His fingertips touched Yu Qing's collar, and he felt a hint of reality. He was confused for a moment, opened his eyes and looked carefully, but felt that Yu Qing's gentleness was like an illusion, and even her tone was so soft that he could not hear clearly. He struggled for a moment and said, "...I want to get up."
Yu Qing pushed him down and said, "What are you doing? It's like this even when you're lying down. Wouldn't it be even more uncomfortable if you get up?"
Xie Jing said aggrievedly: "I want you to hold me for a while."
Yu Qing was speechless for a moment and could only coax him: "It makes me even hotter when I hold you. You still have a fever."
She thought that if she asked someone to bring some water to apply to his forehead, it might help. However, Xie Jing was very sad when she rejected him: "You didn't even pay attention to me in my dream..."
Yu Qing: “…”
She had no way to resist the tearful look in his eyes, so she had to help him up and carefully adjusted his position so that Xie Jing could lean on her arms. She didn't even dare to hold him too tightly.
She stroked Xie Jing's hair and stayed with him quietly. Soon, she felt Xie Jing's body tense up, his brows furrowed, as if he was enduring some pain. She quickly asked, "What's wrong? Is it still a pain in your chest?"
"...No," Xie Jing paused for a moment and whispered again, "I don't think I'll get better. It's getting worse."
Yu Qing wasn't a doctor and didn't understand the symptoms, and Xie Jing couldn't quite articulate what she felt. She felt a little panicked. Xie Jing sensed her movements and said, "Don't leave."
Yu Qing said, "I'll go get the imperial physician to come and take a look. Wait for me, I'll be back soon."
Xie Jing said gloomily, "The imperial physician is useless and can't cure me. I need to take medicine... and I will become ugly. What should I do..."
Yu Qing thought, "He's delirious from the fever, he's starting to talk nonsense." She felt Xie Jing's pulse and found it steady, so she decided not to look for anyone for now. Xie Jing was still frowning.
"You're not ugly. There's no one in the world prettier than you," she thought for a moment and said softly, "Such a beautiful face won't become ugly."
These words finally worked, and Xie Jing relaxed a little, but still said: "No, you haven't seen it..."
Yu Qing said: "What kind of you have I not seen?"
Even if she was sick, she was still a sick beauty. She had no choice but to praise Xie Jing's beauty a few more times. Anyway, she just said what he liked to hear, which finally made him feel a little relieved.
Xie Jing said again: "I think..."
Yu Qing bowed his head and asked, "What?"
Xie Jing: "I want to hear you play the flute."
Yu Qing: “…”
She said helplessly: "This is a hunting ground, I can't play it, and I didn't bring my flute."
Xie Jing's eyes were a little moist again. Yu Qing was really afraid of him. She quickly said, "Next time, bring the flute with you. I'll hold you for a while longer, okay?"
"Oh well."
Yu Qing touched his eyebrows and sighed, "Don't cry all the time. Why are you like this all the time..."
Xie Jing whispered, "But I'm just unhappy every day."
A prince who lived in such high esteem, with the finest food, clothing, and daily necessities, and a large group of people waiting on him, how miserable could he be? But when Yu Qing heard him say this, her heart sank, and she felt as if it was really true.
"What are you unhappy about, Your Highness?" Yu Qing said.
Xie Jing said, "I don't see you often enough."
Yu Qing was silent, unable to tell whether Xie Jing was just being coquettish or serious.
After a long pause, she said, "...If you really wanted to see me so badly, why didn't you recognize me for so long? If you had told me earlier, we would have been able to meet a long time ago."
This was the question she had always asked, but now her anger had long since faded, and she no longer insisted on an answer. Her voice was so light, she wondered if Xie Jing could hear it clearly.
After a long time, she thought Xie Jing would not answer, but Xie Jing opened his eyes and said in confusion: "I dare not. I can't go to see you."
Yu Qing was startled and said, "Why not? Even if you don't have time to leave, send me a message. I will come to find you once I know about it."
Xie Jing: "Who would accept that his wife has become a man? You definitely won't like me as much as before. And you don't want to be entangled with a man... I told you, if you ignore me and hate me, then it's better not to say it. At least it won't affect the past. I'm no longer a princess..."
Yu Qing said: "You...why would you think that? Aren't you a princess?"
She felt like she was trapped in the princess's weird circle again. She thought to herself, Xie Jing and the princess were the same person from beginning to end, so how could he not be the princess?
Xie Jing didn't listen to her, still mumbling sleepwalkingly: "I'm not that good, I can't do anything, I'm different from others... Who would like me? Even after you knew I was a man, you didn't want to see me. You always liked women before."
She was at a loss for words and said, "What do you mean by a favorite woman? Before you, I clearly had no crush on anyone. Besides, why are you not good? I like you very much..."
Xie Jing said: "Yeah. You like my face."
Yu Qing: “…”
Yu Qing said anxiously, "I like other things too. Besides, you know a lot of things. You can play the piano, play chess, sew and embroider..."
Xie Jing's nonsense made her very confused and her brain was burning with anxiety.
Amidst the bitterness and confusion, she suddenly understood Xie Jing's thoughts - was Xie Jing actually also very frightened?
She seemed to understand. These feelings, though expressed out loud and confusing to others, had actually been brewing in her heart for thousands of times. They were real.
She had also been hesitant out of fear, worried about the unknown future of Xie Jing, and so avoided interacting with him. She understood the dilemma he faced, wanting to hold on tight but having to let go. If Xie Jing had been suffering in the same way, she would have forgiven him; she didn't blame him in the first place.
The tent was completely silent, save for the surging emotions of my heart. It was as if a crack had appeared in the dam of my heart, and all my emotions were pouring out.
In the end, she just thought that maybe she hadn't done enough in the past, or well enough, to make Xie Jing feel at ease.
·
Yu Qing stayed with Xie Jing for over half an hour. After all, it wasn't appropriate for her to stay here forever, as she had other things to do later. She touched Xie Jing's forehead, and the warmth had subsided a little—it seemed the imperial physician's medicine was having some effect.
She gently put Xie Jing back on the bed, stared at him for a while, then got up and left.
In the evening, today's hunting ended and everyone returned to the camp with a rich harvest.
As usual, there was a banquet every night. The aroma of fine wine and roasted meat wafted ten miles away. Below, drums beat and music played, and warriors formed into sword formations. The emperor would often applaud and praise, and the atmosphere was lively. Everyone at the table toasted each other.
"I noticed that you didn't go to the hunting ground today." said the fifth prince.
Yu Qing said, "Yes. I will be responsible for protection, so I will not participate in the hunt."
"Why don't you just hand these over to your subordinates? As a commander, you don't have to do everything yourself," the Fifth Prince poured more wine and raised his glass to Yu Qing. "Was he affected by what happened last night? I heard he was bitten by a snake. Is that true?"
The position of King Jing is vacant.
Everyone had noticed his absence. Many people in nearby tents had heard rumors last night. While they didn't know the specifics, they knew about the snake encounter. Xie Jing hadn't been seen since last night, and outsiders didn't know his condition.
Yu Qing glanced at the Fifth Prince, raised his glass and clinked it with his, saying, "I don't know either."
She saw an attendant whisper a few words to Prince Rui, and soon Prince Rui stood up and took his leave to the emperor. Later, the emperor grew tired and went back to rest. Yu Qing also took the opportunity to leave, but instead of returning to her own residence, she walked around and came back to Prince Rui's tent.
She waited outside for a while.
Prince Rui's attendant brought her tea and said, "Commander-in-chief, the Ninth Prince had already woken up during dinner and is in good spirits now. Your Highness is talking to him. Please wait a moment."
"..." Yu Qing asked tentatively, "Then, can I go over and wait?"
The attendant thought for a moment and said, "Your Highness never said you couldn't come."
Yu Qing: “…”
Prince Rui's attendants were all quite easy to talk to. Of course, this was mostly tacitly approved by their masters.
She walked towards the inner room, her steps very light and her breath restrained. Although no one tried to stop her, she was still hesitant to come in rashly.
Behind the screen, someone was talking in low voices. First it was Prince Rui, then Xie Jing. His voice was not as hoarse as before.
Xie Jing said: "...not often, just occasionally."
King Rui said, "Well, besides these, are there any other symptoms?"
Xie Jing was silent for a moment, then said weakly, "I vomited blood a few times... maybe two or three times."
Yu Qing was startled, and Prince Rui inside was also shocked: "When? Twice or three times?"
Xie Jing said, "It was the first time on the 20th of last month, and I haven't had it since, so I thought it was fine. But a while before the autumn hunt, I coughed twice, but they happened on the same day, so I'll count it as one. I later asked the imperial physician to prescribe medicine."
King Rui said, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
Xie Jing said, "...You're not the imperial physician, so why should I tell you what to do? And you always talk nonsense to mother... I understand my own body well."
King Rui said, "You understand? You don't understand!"
Xie Jing said gloomily, "...Anyway, I've let it go. If it's a good disease, the imperial physician will naturally be able to cure it; if it can't be cured, then there's nothing anyone can do. It's all fate."
Before Prince Rui could refute, Yu Qing could no longer bear to hear him. She said, "Your Highness, Yu Qing requests an audience."
The two princes inside stopped talking. Yu Qing took a step forward and her shadow appeared on the screen.
King Rui said, "...Come in."
Yu Qing walked in. The room was filled with the aroma of medicine. Xie Jing was leaning against the bed, covered with a blanket, staring at her blankly.
Prince Rui: “…”
He watched the two of them stare at each other in silence until Xie Jing cast a cautious look at him. Prince Rui stood up, feeling annoyed, and said, "I'm going to go out for some fresh air. You two can talk."
Yu Qing walked to Xie Jing's bedside and said, "The 20th of last month was the day I went to see you, wasn't it?"
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