Chapter 48 "This... the same goes for it..."
Ji Fuguang wrapped his arm around Sheng Zhiyi's almost limp body, preventing her from falling.
Her face, stained with sweat, mud, and blood, was pressed against his neatly pressed clothes, staining the moon-white fabric dark. The faint scent of pear blossoms emanating from him mingled with an indescribable chill.
“Junior Sister…” Ji Fuguang’s deep voice sounded above her head, no longer with the light laugh or the deliberate gentleness, only a cruel calm remained, like an undercurrent surging beneath a frozen lake, “You just asked me if I understand despair, if I understand frustration, if I understand helplessness, and you blamed me for not understanding you enough…”
He grabbed Sheng Zhiyi's arm, lowered his head, and spoke even closer to her ear.
“Then tell me…” His voice lowered, carrying a calm sharpness, “In front of me, even in collapse you have to maintain dignity, even in despair you have to maintain composure, even when your heart is ashen you still have to worry about how you look… What is that?”
Sheng Zhiyi's body stiffened, and she even forgot to struggle.
Ji Fuguang's voice was cold as he analyzed her, each word like a hammer pounding on her taut nerves, "In front of me, you always wear this mask of being sensible, strong, and hardworking, even when you are in extreme pain, you still have to consider what others think."
"No..." Sheng Zhiyi wanted to refute, but her voice choked in her throat, as weak as a mosquito's buzz.
She felt a sense of utter exposure and shame.
He was right... She was always pretending to be her true self in front of him...
The things he saw seemed to have been subconsciously considered, rationally weighed, and disguised with masks, filtering out only the acceptable parts before finally being presented.
Even in her most difficult moment, she was still worried about looking too pathetic in front of him...
“Your problem has never been that you haven’t tried hard enough.” Ji Fuguang interrupted her feeble rebuttal, his gaze sharp as a knife, as if it could pierce through her skin and look directly into her taut heartstrings. “On the contrary, you’ve tried too hard, so hard that you’ve… forgotten the sword in your hand, forgotten your own body.”
He precisely grasped her pale fingers.
The fingers became stiff and trembled from excessive force.
"Look at your hand holding the sword!" Ji Fuguang's voice carried a hint of sarcasm. "It's filled with fear, it's resisting. What do you take it for? A stone without feelings? You only think about compressing spiritual energy, unleashing it to the limit, and succeeding. You only think about using your will to squeeze every last bit of its potential to achieve your crazy idea of 'Double Waves'."
Ji Fuguang lowered his eyes, pinched Sheng Zhiyi's chin, and forced her to look up at him. His voice was calm yet cruel:
"What do you think you are now, a lifeless puppet? You're drifting further and further away from yourself; you're betraying yourself."
Ji Fuguang's words were like a thunderclap, exploding in Sheng Zhiyi's chaotic and exhausted mind.
She...she had never thought about it from this perspective before...
For the past five days, her mind has been filled with the concept of "double waves"—how to compress spiritual energy, how to capture the vibrations, and how to precisely unleash the second sword intent...
She treated her body and the sword as if they were magical artifacts.
Keep telling yourself, pain? Endure it! Aches? Persevere! Spiritual energy depleted? Squeeze out a little more!
All feelings become obstacles to achieving the goal, distracting thoughts that need to be forcibly suppressed by willpower!
Sheng Zhiyi gripped Ji Fuguang's clothes tightly, her almond-shaped eyes filled with confusion and resentment, like a drowning person grasping at the last piece of driftwood.
"But... but isn't this wrong?"
Without enduring the bitter cold, how can the plum blossoms exude their fragrant aroma?
This is the kind of philosophy she has always embraced!
Is it wrong to work hard? Is it wrong to persevere? Isn't decency a prerequisite for maintaining good relationships?
"Effort itself is not wrong. What's wrong is the direction, the method, and... losing your true self." Ji Fuguang reached out and gently touched her furrowed brow as if to dispel the obsession there. "These past five days, have you been cultivating or torturing yourself?"
"Is your so-called effort listening to your body's signals, following the flow of spiritual energy, and seeking a glimmer of inspiration for a breakthrough at the limit? Or is it ignoring all warnings, constantly whipping your already overburdened body and meridians in your mind, just to achieve that obsession of 'must succeed'?"
Sheng Zhiyi's fingers trembled slightly. She subconsciously lowered her eyes to look to her side, avoiding Ji Fuguang's gaze.
However, his voice continued to ring out, reaching her ears.
"You want to win too much, you want to succeed too much, you want to... prove yourself to me too much..."
Ji Fuguang's voice gradually softened, and his fingers, strangely cold, caressed Sheng Zhiyi's cheek, wiping away the dirt on her face without any disgust.
“Actually…” He suddenly curled his lips into a smile, and where Sheng Zhiyi couldn’t see, a twisted, cold, dark, and joyful glint flashed in his eyes, his tone laced with laughter, “What does it matter? When I first met you, you were already lowly in spiritual power, of low status, and knew nothing…”
Do you think that if I see your pain, breakdown, despair, struggle... I will run away in fear?
Ji Fuguang's lips were almost touching Sheng Zhiyi's earlobe, and a low laugh entered her ear canal.
"What do you need to maintain appearances in front of me? I want to see your most authentic self."
Sheng Zhiyi froze completely in his arms.
All the anger, grievances, and resentment... were reduced to dust under his cold and precise analysis, leaving only a bewildered feeling of being completely seen through, and a cold, enlightening clarity.
So... that's how it is?
Tears welled up silently, no longer an angry roar, but a profound sorrow and self-denial after the truth was revealed.
Like a lost and wounded child who had finally found her way, all her pretense of strength crumbled, leaving only her most primal vulnerability and sobs.
Sheng Zhiyi gripped Ji Fuguang's shirt tightly, burying her face in the smooth, soft fabric, her body trembling uncontrollably from her violent sobs.
This time, she no longer cared about her image or any pretense, letting herself immerse herself in the sadness and exhaustion she had been trying to escape for so long.
Ji Fuguang felt the girl in his arms trembling all over, her hot tears soaking through her clothes, bringing a chill.
Despite the unpleasant feeling, his narrow eyes narrowed slightly, and a deep, dark satisfaction surfaced in his eyes.
He tightened his arms, holding her even closer in his embrace, his chin gently resting on the top of her head.
This is what he wanted to see.
Tearing away that meaningless facade, shattering that false strength, she revealed her truest vulnerability and...dependence to him.
He lowered his eyes, his smile deepening silently. The tiny red mole in the crease of his eye stood out vividly under the rising, cool moonlight.
Overwhelmed by the extreme pleasure of having his sense of control completely satisfied, he spoke softly:
"Junior sister, let me tell you a secret... I understand..."
Sheng Zhiyi had already cried all her tears. She was sobbing as she wiped away the last of her tears. She was hesitating about what to say when she suddenly heard this sentence and was momentarily stunned.
"ah?"
She looked up at Ji Fuguang.
Under the moonlight, Ji Fuguang slightly raised one index finger and pressed it to his lips, smiling mysteriously.
"I told you, it's a secret."
Sheng Zhiyi blinked and subconsciously tugged at Ji Fuguang's sleeve.
Is he saying... that he also understands the feeling of despair, frustration, and helplessness?
How is that possible?
But... he seemed shrouded in a profound loneliness...
Sheng Zhiyi hesitated for a moment, then stretched out her arms and hugged her back tightly.
She was a little embarrassed and lowered her eyelids slightly, but what welled up in her heart more was gratitude and concern for Ji Fuguang, which prompted her to speak.
"Senior brother... if it's a secret, you don't have to tell me..."
Ji Fuguang raised his eyebrows, preparing to hear what Sheng Zhiyi would say next.
“But I want to tell you that no matter what your identity is or what you have done... to me, you are my senior brother, you are Ji Fuguang.”
Sheng Zhiyi's voice was nasal from crying, and even she felt awkward listening to it, so she quickly rubbed her nose and cleared her throat.
"Although there's not much I can do, I can be there for you when you need me... I think it's always better for two people to be together than one..."
She looked up at Ji Fuguang, her almond-shaped eyes sparkling with light once more.
Ji Fuguang curled his lips into a smile. He didn't say anything, but simply made a hand seal and cleaned himself up from head to toe.
"Hey, senior brother, you just said you didn't mind me."
Sheng Zhiyi was dumbfounded; how could this man change his expression so quickly?
Ji Fuguang raised his eyebrows and spoke softly:
"Junior sister, I've put up with you for so long, this is my limit. If you don't want me to throw you into the pool right now, you'd better hurry up and cast a spell."
Sheng Zhiyi glared at him resentfully and made a hand seal with her fingers.
Since meeting Ji Fuguang, the cleaning technique has become her most frequently used method; it's a story full of tears.
However… Ji Fuguang's aura no longer seemed so lonely…
After cleaning up, Sheng Zhiyi looked at the bright moonlight and sighed heavily.
Ji Fuguang was naturally aware of her concerns.
Tomorrow is the final match, where I will face Liu Suxin.
Even now, Sheng Zhiyi still doesn't know how to use "Double Waves." This move seems to be just a wild and crazy fantasy in her mind, and it's impossible for it to become a reality.
"Senior brother..."
Sheng Zhiyi spoke in a muffled voice, her brows furrowed.
"If I can't get into the inner gate..."
She didn't know what to say. If she couldn't enter the inner sect, she couldn't do sect missions with Ji Fuguang. Even if she stayed on Shuanghua Peak, it wouldn't make a difference.
"Who said you can't enter the inner sect?" Ji Fuguang held a folding fan, tapped it lightly in his palm, looked up at the bright moon, and spoke in a calm voice.
"What?!"
Sheng Zhiyi was greatly shocked and could hardly believe what she was hearing. She asked:
"Senior brother, what...what do you mean by that?"
In an instant, countless possibilities flashed through Sheng Zhiyi's mind.
Liu Suxin withdrew from the competition, the number of inner circle members increased, and Ji Fuguang strongly supported her selection...
Ji Fuguang looked up at the sky, a slight smile playing on his lips, a hint of gloom flashing in his eyes.
It doesn't matter if he can't win; what he wants will definitely be in his hands.
He chuckled softly, and suddenly unfolded his folding fan, waving it in front of his chest.
"This... is also a secret."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
