Chapter 221 Epilogue - New World Arc (18)
In the end, Yu Qingzhou did nothing.
I simply stood quietly against the cold tiles of the shower for a while, waiting for my body to calm down naturally.
Shame ultimately prevailed.
He couldn't bring himself to do that kind of thing just a wall away from the woman, especially with the handkerchief she offered him out of concern... because Yu Qingzhou felt it was a desecration.
It could even be described as a crime.
Even though Yu Qingzhou had actually committed murder, the deep-seated sense of awe that was both the first and the last in his soul still managed to choke him in time.
This makes teenagers feel restricted, but also prevents them from unknowingly sinking into an even more unsolvable abyss and completely turning into the very thing they used to hate.
When I came out of the restroom, Shen Yingxue was already sitting behind that desk.
Hearing the voice, the woman looked up and gave Yu Qingzhou a perfectly ordinary smile: "Are you feeling better?"
She asked.
He maintained that same calm and composed attitude.
It seemed that everything that had just happened was nothing out of the ordinary for her... No, Yu Qingzhou secretly corrected herself, it wasn't just "it seemed," because that was indeed the case.
Despite being physically and mentally exhausted, Yu Qingzhou was able to calmly view the relationship between the two people.
The other party was a doctor here, and Yu Qingzhou could be considered a patient under his care, albeit somewhat.
In the eyes of doctors, everything related to the patient's health is just part of their job.
Therefore, the woman's smile, her gentle words, and her calm and unfazed attitude in the face of Yu Qingzhou's sudden physical condition all reflect her professionalism.
If one becomes self-righteous and complacent because of such a thing, or even goes so far as to indulge in fantasies, that would undoubtedly be foolish and ridiculous.
Anyone with a decent memory should not fall into the same trap twice, Yu Qingzhou told herself.
At the same time, adjust your facial expression and reply in a normal tone: "Yes, I feel much better now, thank you, Dr. Shen."
This should be the first time Yu Qingzhou has clearly addressed the other person as Dr. Shen. He doesn't know why he feels a little embarrassed to say it, perhaps because the last time he unintentionally used this title, he was in an extremely embarrassing situation.
In that sense, Yu Qingzhou suddenly realized that she seemed to be in a rather pathetic state every time she was in front of the other party, or rather, she was in a more pathetic state each time.
From simply accepting medical treatment at the beginning, to being witnessed collapsing to the ground with difficulty breathing, to vomiting directly in front of the other party this time, and then having unusual changes in her body discovered...
Even Yu Qingzhou herself found it outrageous.
This, in turn, reinforced Yu Qingzhou's previous thoughts.
It would be much better to treat Shen Yingxue as a doctor rather than an equal.
When facing other people, one may feel ashamed and inferior in the face of one's own shortcomings, but when facing a doctor, there is absolutely no need to be troubled by such emotions.
Since you are already a patient, you should face your problems honestly. Only in this way can you receive appropriate treatment.
For a patient, his or her doctor may be a special person to whom they can entrust their trust.
But for that doctor, all those patients would eventually be abstracted into various specific symptoms or a collection of symptoms, some mild and some severe, and as long as the right medicine was prescribed, that would be fine.
Therefore, a true doctor should treat the symptoms, not the person, without showing favoritism based on personal likes or dislikes, and without making incorrect judgments influenced by the patient's emotions...
Yu Qingzhou said this to herself.
While he was trying to convince himself, Shen Yingxue behind the table was also quietly observing the boy, her emerald eyes slightly narrowed, revealing a thoughtful expression.
But then, the boy looked back and gave her a faint yet gentle smile.
Just like I said before—
The woman's lips parted behind her mask, and her slightly low voice revealed a unique magnetism.
You are welcome to listen to any troubles or confusion you may have. I will be happy to offer some small suggestions, if that's what you'd like.
Extremely tempting words.
But for the imprisoned teenager, it was more of a sweet trap.
With just a gentle step forward, completely surrendering to the pull of gravity, one can fall into that warm embrace filled with wondrous fragrance.
But who can guarantee that they won't suddenly miss their target and fall into an abyss of no return in the next second?
Yu Qingzhou was no longer so concerned about death, whether it was his own or someone else's, but he still had a kind of peaceful delusion about it.
Suppose we could relinquish all attachment to this world, whether it be love or hate... and cast everything aside, then plunge headlong into the cold embrace of death without a care in the world, which might not be a bad thing.
If living itself can no longer hold any promise, then let it become an intermediate step toward that peaceful end. This process can be long or short, or even—in Yu Qingzhou's view, it wouldn't be a big deal to skip it altogether.
He once had that opportunity.
At that moment, he thought he was going to die. He collapsed among the bushes and rubble, barely breathing, his nasal cavity, throat and lungs filled with the thick smell of blood.
He felt intense pain and knew that death was imminent.
He felt that he must be completely broken, with at least a dozen or even dozens of bones broken.
His whole body was either numb or burning with pain... He was fully aware that no one would come to save him.
His mother died, and his father died before her. He wanted all the other villagers to die as well—even though he had already seen the people he hated most perish in the fire, it still wasn't enough.
So when he jumped, during the brief fall, he made that wish with malice.
But after he actually fell, he didn't seem to care so much about whether those people lived or died.
Perhaps he never cared whether those people lived or died; it was just that his beloved mother hated them, so he extended that hatred to them as well…
Perhaps he had this strange thought simply because he damaged his brain when he landed...
The only certainty is that he was exhausted and sleepy at the time.
His eyelids, covered in blood, felt incredibly heavy, and he couldn't feel his other eye at all; perhaps it had fallen out during the fall?
He didn't know, and he didn't want to think about it at all.
All I want is... I want to sleep.
—It's strange, how can I fall asleep when I'm in so much pain?
He even vaguely felt a strange sense of comfort.
Later, Yu Qingzhou learned from the book that it was the result of the body's self-protection mechanism.
Extreme pain can often bring extreme comfort, which is one of the reasons why some people are willing to play the masochist in sexual relationships and enjoy it.
But at that time, Pipa, an ordinary child who grew up in a remote village, would not have known this and thought it was just a normal process of death.
At that moment, the boy even felt grateful, realizing that the pain of dying could be relieved... so that his mother would at least not die in such agony.
Since they have already suffered so much while alive, they should receive something at the moment of death. This is a child's innocent delusion, or rather, a strong expectation.
Is there an afterlife?
—Will they be able to reunite in the afterlife?
Desires are contradictory.
The child longed to feel the warmth of his mother's embrace again, yet also felt deep sympathy for his mother... For the latter, if possible, it would be better to completely sever ties with that village.
His death was less a loss of life and more the end of a crime.
So, in the last moment before sinking into darkness, he didn't think about anything, didn't try to crave that mother-son affection that wasn't his, didn't feel particularly sad or sorrowful, he just looked at the gray sky peeking through the gaps in the grass, and the lightning flashing among the gathering dark clouds...
A raindrop landed on the corner of his eye, making a soft patter that sent a chill down his spine.
He knew a heavy rain was coming, and he felt unusually calm. If it weren't for the chest heaving, he might have thought he was dead.
It's a pity that I can't get home before the rainstorm hits.
Because he no longer has a home... or perhaps, the home he thought he had never existed at all.
So why did you wake up?
Even Yu Qingzhou herself couldn't understand how such a miraculous survival was achieved.
When he first woke up, his mind was blank. Even after he buried his mother's body with his own hands, he was still like a walking corpse.
The only guidance I received was what my mother had once said.
He then followed the voice and left Nancun, and by sheer luck, boarded a cargo ship bound for Fancheng.
What a coincidence!
For a long time, the children felt uneasy, always feeling that behind the boat captain's seemingly fierce face and sincere heart, there might be an unseen face hidden.
It wasn't that he was completely disillusioned with humanity and therefore unable to accept even the slightest kindness... perhaps that was part of the reason, but more so, he felt that he didn't deserve such good fortune or such kindness.
If even someone like him, who can't be brought into the light, can receive genuine care and help from strangers, then what about a mother who dies in agony far from home?
Fortunately...
Fortunately, he finally met the Yu family. The moment he was rescued from the clutches of the mad old woman, although his arm was still throbbing, the child suddenly felt a sense of relief, even a faint joy...
This is the kind of life that suits him, and the kind of family that matches him, isn't it?
The miraculous survival and the incredibly smooth journey seemed to have an explanation—because he and these people were destined to become "family," a family that loved and tormented each other.
He was not favored by fate, but rather delivered to the side of the person to whom he was matched as part of cause and effect.
The loquat tree from before has indeed died.
Light boat—
The beautiful vision that my mother made in her youth, with the heart of a young girl, has weathered more than a decade of storms and finally become that little boat that carries destiny, drifting upstream like a ghost, returning to the place where it should have set sail.
There is so much hatred in this world that has no reason... So what about love?
Is parental love for their children really as great and selfless as rumored?
Yu Qingzhou didn't believe in it, nor did he expect such fairy tales to exist. Essentially, any expectation of great, selfless love is a form of emotional exploitation.
This applies to parents and children, and vice versa.
Unfortunately, Yu Rou didn't understand that back then.
Born as the youngest child in her family, a child born to fill the void of not having a son, she was indeed anticipated, at least during her fetal development, until she was born into this world and confirmed to be a daughter who would ultimately be lost like spilled water...
Yu Qingzhou gradually pieced together the image of Yu Rou in her youth from the mouth of the woman she should have called her grandmother.
Well-behaved, sensible, and obedient...
It's just the same evaluation over and over again.
His grandmother reminisced about her youngest daughter's kindness while also recounting how she had never mistreated her.
[She was studying... but I had already used my connections to find her a good job in the factory. Back then, unlike later, the difference between studying for two more or two less years wasn't that big. If she started working earlier, she would start earning money two years earlier...]
When she reached a certain age, she naturally had to get married. It wasn't that I forced her; everyone was in the same boat back then, and she was the younger one, so she didn't say she didn't want to... The man wasn't bad either; he was older, but not by much, and he knew how to be caring...
...
The old woman murmured as she twirled the prayer beads in her hand. On the altar were enshrined a benevolent-looking Bodhisattva and several children. Amidst the curling incense and candlelight, the Bodhisattva's face became blurred, and the unique aroma of incense from the temple filled the not-so-spacious room.
Beneath that fragrance, there was also a faint hint of stale, decaying dampness.
It smells like an old-fashioned wooden desk covered with old photographs, a worn-out cushion with frayed edges, and the smell of a person's body gradually decaying and rotting from the inside out.
Listening to the old woman's ramblings became Yu Qingzhou's main function after entering that "home".
Because apart from this child who has a face similar to that of her once well-behaved, sensible, and obedient youngest daughter, there is no one else in the family willing to listen to the old woman's story.
Perhaps there was something at first, but when Yu Qingzhou arrived, all that remained in response to the old woman was silence and the middle-aged woman's occasional complaints.
It's all in the past, wouldn't it be better to let it go...?
The old woman's withered lips parted, like a dried-up, cracked fruit pit.
She murmured as if in a dream: "That...that's your sister."
The eldest daughter across from him crossed her arms, looking impatient.
Of course I know that's my sister, but Mom, my little sister is gone, and even... even that other person is all grown up now. What's the point of bringing up those old, stale stories? Did you see what Dad said? It's because you keep repeating them that the neighbors are gossiping. What kind of mess are you going to make of this family? Even if—
【go out! 】
The middle-aged woman's response was two words of anger and embarrassment.
The old woman cried out with almost all her might, her thin chest heaving, and even her long-sagging cheeks were bulging and contracting violently.
Seeing this, the middle-aged woman's words caught in her throat. She frowned, wanting to say something more, but then, as if hesitant, she pursed her lips and said, "Whatever. I'm saying all this mainly for your health, Mom… I've put your food here, and don't forget to take your medicine in the drawer."
The middle-aged woman muttered something as she turned and walked out of the somewhat cramped room. Her eyes swept over the child in the corner, and she wrinkled her nose as if she had smelled something unpleasant. Before leaving, she gave him a look that seemed to be a warning.
—That happened when Yu Qingzhou had just arrived at that "home".
Throughout the entire process, the roles of the father and husband were absent.
The old woman, scolded and then abandoned by her eldest daughter, seemed to fall into a daze until her gaze fell on the shyly smiling face of the girl in the photo frame. Only then did she seem to come back to her senses and start that cycle again, telling the story of the obedient daughter who only existed in her memory, how she had never mistreated her, how unfair fate was, and how innocent she was...
After all the twists and turns, it all boils down to a sigh: staying or leaving only leads to enmity.
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