Chapter 46 My palm was gently squeezed, and I suddenly came to my senses, looking at the boy under the eaves.
When I heard Li Xiao suddenly utter such a surprising statement, my first reaction was to be stunned.
He then subconsciously glanced around the stall and was glad that he had chosen a less conspicuous corner, so it seemed that no one had noticed the boy's remarks.
Seeing my absent-minded look, Li Xiao was a little displeased and used one hand to turn my face towards him: "I'm the one who's talking, why are you looking elsewhere?"
"I……"
I really don't know what to say.
Fortunately, Li Xiao mistakenly thought I was embarrassed, and just then the proprietress walked over carrying a tray with two large bowls of sweet fermented rice balls.
"Two bowls of sweet fermented rice balls, one with extra osmanthus and extra sugar, right?" The proprietress said with a kind smile.
I nodded, somewhat grateful for the timely interruption.
"Thank you, and happy Lantern Festival," I said, giving the proprietress a sincere smile.
The proprietress seemed surprised by my comment, paused for a moment, and then smiled even more brightly: "Happy Lantern Festival, have fun!"
Even after I watched the proprietress turn away, the smile hadn't faded from my face.
Turning around, I saw Li Xiao's suddenly resentful gaze, as if... I had done something to offend him.
But... what did I do?
"You haven't even wished me a happy Lantern Festival yet," Li Xiao muttered softly.
Oh, I see.
I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. Although I felt that the boy was being a bit unreasonable, I still smiled at Li Xiao earnestly and said, "Then I wish Young Master Li a happy Lantern Festival."
Upon hearing this, Li Xiao blinked, but still seemed somewhat dissatisfied.
Before he could say anything more, I gently tugged at their clasped hands under the table, lowering my voice slightly and adopting a pleading tone.
"Young Master, today is such a wonderful day. Please cheer up. If there's anything I've done wrong, just tell me later and I'll apologize. Also... this rice wine won't taste good if it gets cold."
As I was saying this, Li Xiao just stared at me without saying a word, I don't know what he was looking at.
...Perhaps they are judging the truthfulness of what I said?
Regardless of what Li Xiao was thinking at that moment, my cheeks did indeed start to burn uncontrollably.
In all my years, I've almost never taken the initiative to be submissive or show kindness to anyone like this. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been bullied so badly back on the ship or when I first came to Huayuelou.
Even with Young Master Lan, most of the time I'm just passively accepting his kindness, unlike now—
My voice grew softer and softer, and my gaze shifted from those inquisitive emerald eyes. By the time I finished speaking the last word, my eyes were already fixed on the wooden tabletop, worn dark by the passage of time.
I felt the temperature of my cheeks almost heating up the surrounding air.
The white smoke rose slowly, accompanied by the aroma.
Li Xiao gave a soft hum, his tone softening noticeably, but his words remained as harsh as ever: "Who asked you to beg me... I really don't know where you learned all this nonsense, and you don't even know how to be embarrassed. For a bowl of sweet fermented rice balls, you just... Alright, alright, eat your sweet fermented rice. It's like I'm deliberately making things difficult for you."
He waved his hand, appearing magnanimous.
He seemed to have completely forgotten that in the past, he had repeatedly tried various tricks to get me to beg him to be Young Master Li's dog.
I didn't say anything, and when I was about to pick up the spoon, I realized that my dominant hand was still holding Li Xiao's.
"Young Master Li," I called out cautiously.
"What is it now?" Li Xiao seemed a little impatient.
Although he was holding a spoon, his movements were a bit awkward, as if he didn't know how to use it.
A question flashed through my mind. If I remembered correctly, he should have always used that hand.
However, that thought was fleeting. Li Xiao's words and actions could never be predicted by ordinary people.
"Hands..." I hesitated for a moment, but still mustered up the courage to speak, "How about we let go of each other's hands? Otherwise, eating like this is really—"
"No, we agreed not to let go." Li Xiao decisively rejected my suggestion. "How can you go back on your word halfway through a promise?"
I knew before that Li Xiao was indeed very stubborn and single-minded in some ways.
But I never expected him to be so stubborn.
"But we can't keep holding hands like this forever, can we?" I asked tentatively.
Fortunately, Li Xiao still had some rationality left. He thought for a moment and said, "Let's leave it at that until the end of today."
"But……"
"There aren't that many 'buts'."
Li Xiao seemed a little annoyed by the questions, and looked down at me with a half-smile: "Are you trying to apologize, or are you deliberately trying to cause trouble?"
I was speechless.
...Never mind, it's just not convenient, but I can still eat it.
As I was trying to comfort myself, I reached for the spoon when I heard a loud thud—the sound of something hitting the wooden tabletop.
I instinctively looked in the direction of the sound and saw that it was the spoon next to Li Xiao, which was now lying upside down on the edge of the table, with some sugar water splashed around it.
Li Xiao was staring at his empty palm, seemingly lost in thought. When he turned to look at me, I seemed to catch a fleeting glimpse of embarrassment and annoyance in his eyes.
"What happened?" I asked.
"The spoon is too slippery," he said.
Is it slippery?
I didn't think so. But seeing that Li Xiao didn't want to talk to anyone, I could only silently swallow my doubts and slowly eat with my head down.
After I finished my bowl, I noticed that Li Xiao's bowl was still untouched.
"Young Master Li, aren't you going to eat?"
"I'm not hungry," Li Xiao replied calmly, then added directly, "Are you full? If you are, let's go."
I nodded to indicate that I was full, then couldn't help but glance at the bowl of almost untouched sweet fermented rice balls, feeling both strange and regretful.
Seeing this, Li Xiao asked me if I still wanted to eat.
"If so, let's order another bowl, it's all cold."
"No, I just feel it's a bit of a pity."
Li Xiao chuckled briefly: "What's there to regret? It's just a bowl of sweet rice wine. But you're being so stingy, are you trying to save money for someone else?"
I ignored the teasing tone in the boy's voice, asked the proprietress for a container to pack the food, and, to Li Xiao's bewildered expression, packed up the entire bowl of glutinous rice balls and took them away.
“Young Master Li may have forgotten that this money was lent to Pipa by you, so I don’t see anything wrong with Pipa saving money for herself.”
I said, picked up the things in my hands, and prepared to leave.
Li Xiao didn't voice any objections, but muttered under his breath, "As expected..."
The boy didn't finish his sentence, and I didn't ask.
Something slightly cool suddenly landed on my face.
I looked up at the deep night sky hidden behind the layers of lights and shadows. This time, it hit my eyes directly, cold and clear, like a frozen tear.
It's raining.
One drop, two drops, and soon the continuous rain weaves between heaven and earth, gradually extinguishing the hustle and bustle of the world.
The crowd was in a state of chaos for a moment before scattering in all directions.
Some people were seeking shelter from the rain, while others simply packed up and went home. It was already quite late, and then this sudden, cold rain started, and it didn't seem like it would stop anytime soon.
Neither Li Xiao nor I brought an umbrella.
While I was still bewildered by the chaotic crowd around me, Li Xiao reached out and pulled me to a shop that had closed early.
Raindrops pattered on the low eaves in front of the shop, making tiny, rhythmic drumbeats. Raindrops splashed onto my cheeks and sent a slight shiver down my neck.
I took a deep breath of the damp, earthy scent in the air, and it reminded me of that water-rich southern village, where the soft patter of raindrops on early spring nights sounded very similar.
Around this time, I would wake up from my sleep and see my mother, dressed in thin clothes, silently gazing into the distance in the darkness.
He murmured something like a dream.
As I got closer, I realized that she was humming that familiar tune.
Her voice was soft and beautiful, but for some reason, her singing made people feel incredibly sad.
--mother.
I couldn't help but call her name softly.
My mother's thin back trembled slightly, whether from the cold or something else, I don't know. She turned around, saw me, smiled, and beckoned me over.
I sat down next to her, and she reached out and pulled me into her arms.
We didn't say a word. I nestled in my mother's gentle embrace for a while, and just as I was about to fall asleep, I suddenly heard my mother calling me softly.
Loquat...loquat?
I opened my eyes groggily.
I noticed my face was wet, as if it had been soaked by rain, but isn't rainwater cold?
Before I could figure it out, my mother spoke again, her voice very low, as if she were sharing another secret that no one else could know. She said, "Loquat, let's leave here... Mother will take you away from here, okay?"
Her tone was calm, as if it were the result of careful consideration.
I was startled, and my sleepiness dissipated a little.
I asked, "What about Dad? Isn't Dad coming with us?"
After hearing my words, my mother was silent for a moment before saying, "If it were just the two of us, would Pipa be reluctant to leave?"
I do not understand.
Although my father has always been a man of few words since I can remember, and he has hardly spoken a few words to me, unlike the uncle next door who would carry a child high on his shoulders or chase him around the yard with fire tongs, he was indeed very good to my mother.
It's the kind of good that everyone in the village can see and praise.
I can understand my mother's desire to leave this village. After all, she wasn't originally from this village. She only lived here for so many years because she married my father and gave birth to me.
I don't know exactly where my mother meant by leaving.
But I guess she went back to her old home, where her mother's father and mother lived, just like I lived with my parents at home.
If it were me, and my mother had been away from home for so many years without ever going back, I would definitely miss her terribly.
But why can't we bring Dad along?
He must be very lonely at home all by himself, I think.
But Mother said Father wouldn't leave, because Father was a man of this village, born and raised here. No matter how he appeared, in essence, he was no different from those people outside the courtyard... those men and women.
My mother also said that she didn't want me to become that kind of person, so she wanted to take me away while there was still time.
I still don't understand why, since we were all born in this village, I can't become like everyone else in the village.
This time, my mother didn't explain, but calmly asked me a question.
If I had to choose one, between her and my father, who would I choose?
I answered almost without thinking: Of course, it's Mother.
Upon hearing this, Mother smiled faintly. Her smile was beautiful, even though it appeared somewhat dim and haggard due to insufficient blood and energy.
Unlike the deliberate smiles of the other women in the village, her smile always seemed so genuine, yet it also seemed to contain a faint sadness.
Looking at that smile, a strong impulse welled up inside me—I wanted to protect my mother!
Protect her from anyone or anything that might harm her!
I thought to myself, and buried my head deep in my mother's arms, and said earnestly, "Mother, take Pipa and leave. Let's leave the village together, go anywhere is fine, just the two of us, that's enough."
I felt my mother pause briefly in stroking my head, followed by a soft, incredibly gentle hum.
I could tell from her voice that she was smiling at that moment.
So I smiled with relief, nestled in my mother's gentle embrace, and closed my eyes to the gentle patter of the spring rain.
The distant melody still seems to echo in my ears.
The melody was intermittent, and the lyrics were unclear.
"What did you remember? Your expression is so unpleasant."
My palm was gently squeezed, and I snapped back to reality, looking at the boy under the eaves.
His hair was slightly damp, clinging to his fair cheeks, and the scattered lights in the distance blurred his features. Yet, the sweet, damp scent of pears wafting from his nose was unmistakably real.
"I miss my mother," I said.
Only after I finished speaking did I realize that my voice sounded somewhat muffled.
“No wonder.” Li Xiao’s voice sounded like he was laughing. “I guessed it when I saw you secretly shedding tears without saying a word… Sure enough, you’re still just a child.”
The way he talks makes it sound like he's a grown-up.
I thought to myself, but didn't say a word.
Being caught crying in secret is already embarrassing enough; all I want now is for this feeling to pass. Hopefully, this rain will stop soon, and then... then we can all go home, right?
To be precise, I have no home—the only place I can return to is the Flower Moon Pavilion.
But at least there are rooms that can shelter you from the wind and rain, and dry, warm beds. What more could you ask for on this damp, chilly night with the cold rain?
"Why aren't you saying anything?" Li Xiao suddenly asked. "Are you unhappy that I called you a child?"
"No, Young Master Li, you're overthinking it. Pipa just thinks you're right, so she just acquiesced," I said, in a very sincere tone.
Li Xiao, however, was not satisfied: "When I hear you calling me 'Young Master' and 'Your Majesty,' it sounds like you're harboring some resentment towards me."
I was puzzled: "But aren't you the eldest young master?"
Moreover—what I didn't say was that Li Xiao himself had always referred to himself as "Young Master."
"Whether it is or not is one thing, how it is called is another," Li Xiao said frankly. "I don't like hearing it, so you'll have to change it from now on."
That makes sense.
Since the customer doesn't like it, it naturally needs to be changed.
But……
"What should I change it to?" I asked blankly.
“Just call me by my name. Didn’t you call me that smoothly last time?” Li Xiao didn’t look at me. Instead, he looked at the two rows of lanterns that hadn’t been taken down yet on the opposite street corner. His voice was not loud, almost like he was muttering to himself.
...Last time?
My mind went blank for a moment, and then a scene from a snowy night gradually came to mind.
Amidst the sweet aroma of wine and pears, I could hear the boy's heartbeat through his thin clothing as he half-forced me into his embrace.
Before or after that, I think I really did call the boy by his full name...
Even I can't quite remember these minor details, but I didn't expect the drunken boy to remember them.
Even now, when I think back to what happened that day, including the news of Young Master Lan's death, it all feels like a hazy, dreamlike experience.
At the end of that dream, the boy and I tumbled down the steps together, and besides the loud thud of our bodies hitting the railing, there was also the boy's muffled groan of pain...
Thinking of this, I felt as if I had been struck by lightning, and subconsciously looked at Li Xiao's other hand placed at his side.
The boy's smug words from not long ago still faintly echoed in my ears... Here, this is a gift for you... Don't say I didn't think of you; it took me quite a few days to make this, on and off...
"Li...Li Xiao, was your hand also on that day—"
Was it because you shielded me from falling down the stairs that day that you got injured, and it hasn't healed even today?
I wanted to ask that question, but I suddenly stopped halfway through because I remembered that strangely shaped lamp.
It was said to have taken quite a while to complete, but I just easily gave it away to someone else.
...If that's the case, he would think it's perfectly normal to be angry.
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