In Chapter 17, I cried, I cried very sadly, but I didn't make a sound.
When Li Xiao talked about family matters, he had a fawning smile on his face.
It's impossible to tell whether what he said is true or false—or whether he truly cares that no one cares about what he says.
But surprisingly, Young Master Lan did not refuse his request.
"Then stay," the young man said calmly.
Li Xiao wanted to say something more, but he was somewhat incredulous that Young Master Lan agreed so readily.
"Really?!"
While overjoyed, Li Xiao also cautiously probed, "Brother Lan, you're not just teasing me on purpose, are you?"
Young Master Lan didn't bother with him. Looking into Li Xiao's eyes, he said bluntly, "You're the one who keeps saying you want to stay, but you're also the one who hesitates and feels something is amiss. Instead of making trouble for yourself, you should go back early while it's still dark."
Li Xiao was speechless, mainly because he really wanted to stay.
He didn't argue at the moment, but instead squinted his eyes and smiled like a fool.
Li Xiao must really like Young Master Lan.
Even though I knew almost nothing about the two people's past, I could still feel that genuine joy.
—If the Lan family hadn't suffered a sudden misfortune, perhaps two people of similar status and appearance would have actually gotten married someday.
Although in today's world, love between men is still a minority, it is no longer unacceptable to society.
Even with Li Xiao's shameless personality, he will definitely work hard to overcome all difficulties and achieve his goal in the future.
Although Young Master Lan usually appears aloof and indifferent, he is actually a very gentle and sentimental person at heart.
But what if that event truly never happened—
If Young Master Lan hadn't ended up in such a place, I wouldn't have had the chance to meet someone like him and live the life I could never have imagined before.
I am very grateful for and cherish my encounter with Mr. Lan.
However, I also know very well that the fact that I can stay here, have enough to eat and wear, and be able to calmly observe these two people up close as if nothing happened... is all predicated on Young Master Lan's unfortunate encounter.
I think, in any case, Young Master Lan should never have met someone like me.
I took a deep breath. Although the bleeding from the cut had stopped, I could still smell the distinct scent of blood through the gauze and medicine powder.
Like this moment of warmth, no matter how beautiful, it's nothing more than snowflakes floating in the air. No matter how freely they are scattered, they cannot escape the eventual light and gentle fall. Then, in the final glimmer of memory, they quietly melt and disappear into the void.
What are you thinking about?
Noticing that I had been silent and didn't seem very happy, Young Master Lan asked with concern.
I was about to deny it, but as soon as I moved my lips, the strange sensation in my mouth made me close my mouth again.
She covered her mouth and shook her head repeatedly, then tried to force a smile to assure herself that she was fine.
At this moment, Li Xiao crossed his arms and said in a cheeky tone, "He probably thinks he's already ugly, and now that he's missing two front teeth, he's even more ashamed and can't hold his head up."
Perhaps because he had just received permission from Young Master Lan, the young man knew he could stay, so he became somewhat carried away with his pride.
Originally, I was thinking to myself that although we may have missed the best opportunity, it is still a rare and beautiful thing that the two of us were able to finally come together after going through so many hardships.
...and even considered acting as a matchmaker.
But now that I think about it, I should just give up. Someone like Li Xiao deserves to be single forever and will never be able to win over the person he loves.
I thought Li Xiao was just being sarcastic, but I didn't expect that he would actually reach out and pinch my cheek while we were talking.
I covered my mouth but couldn't dodge in time, and my cheek was grabbed.
The force wasn't particularly strong. I just didn't expect that after being in a warm indoor environment for so long and eating so much hot food, Li Xiao's hands would still be so cold.
"Oh, look at you, you've gotten fatter again." Li Xiao leaned down, squinting at me. "A chubby little idiot, missing a front tooth, tsk tsk tsk, you're really ugly."
He looked like he couldn't bear to look at me, but his fingers lingered on my face.
Young Master Lan watched us quietly from the side, lost in thought. He didn't immediately step forward to stop us, but instead gently instructed Li Xiao, "It's fine to like him, and you can tease him if you want, but don't go too far."
When Li Xiao heard what Young Master Lan said, his smile froze, as if he had been suddenly hit on the head with a stick.
“Who said I like…” Li Xiao turned his head and muttered to the young man with dissatisfaction.
Young Master Lan didn't respond. Just then, there was a knock on the door. He went to answer it and saw the steward outside. The two of them went outside and talked for a while.
The conversation seemed to be related to the young lady that Young Master Lan had treated earlier that day. Judging from the steward's beaming smile, the young lady should be alright now.
Li Xiao also glanced in that direction. Noticing the gaze from inside the room, the steward peeked out and, seeing that it was Young Master Li present, immediately put on a fawning smile and bowed.
Li Xiao nodded, then silently looked away, seemingly not wanting to acknowledge the other person.
But in reality, he was constantly listening to what was happening at the door.
Taking advantage of his distraction, I quietly pulled my cheek away from his hand, then carefully moved a few steps away from him.
Throughout the entire process, Li Xiao was unaware until I accidentally kicked the chair leg, which made me stumble in pain. I couldn't help but squat down, hugging my knees.
The series of movements caused quite a commotion. Li Xiao glanced at me, frowned, and seemed to want to get up.
Just then, the steward's voice came from the doorway as he took his leave. Young Master Lan greeted him and then turned and went back to his room. Seeing me squatting on the ground with my knees drawn up to my chest, he gave Li Xiao a suspicious look.
Then he walked straight over and pulled me to sit down on a stool to the side.
"No, please don't misunderstand, I didn't do anything to this kid. He was just clumsy and bumped into the leg of the stool—"
Li Xiao seems to be someone who doesn't know how to speak properly. Even while making a clarification statement, he couldn't resist taking a jab at me.
I was never a talkative person to begin with, and now I find myself even more speechless.
I stared at him intently, and perhaps remembering the bloody scene of me knocking out two of my front teeth at the same time, he paused slightly and then turned his head away.
Young Master Lan asked me if that was the case, and I nodded. Young Master Lan didn't say anything more.
That night, Li Xiao stayed in the next room.
He originally intended to squeeze in with us, but Young Master Lan made it very clear that there were only two suitable places to sleep in the room.
If Li Xiao really wanted to stay, he could, since it was so warm inside that he could easily sleep on the floor.
Young Master Li was naturally unwilling to sleep on the floor, so he protested, "If someone has to sleep on the floor, why can't it be him?"
The "he" he was referring to was, of course, me.
I was feeling drowsy when I was suddenly pointed at, and I was a little taken aback. Although I didn't really want to agree with it, what Li Xiao said was actually correct.
It's really inappropriate to make a guest who paid a lot of money sleep on the floor.
For me, sleeping on a makeshift bed on the floor in such a warm room is no big deal.
I've only been sleeping on such a soft bed for the past few months, and I'm not so fussy that I can't sleep without a bed.
The truly rudimentary open-air boat deck was dirty, hard, and damp. I covered myself with a worn-out single garment, closed my eyes, and fell asleep.
Prince Kelan did not back down at all: "Because he is a child."
She paused, then looked at Li Xiao with genuine doubt in her eyes: "Or are you saying, Xiao, that you would even bully a little kid?"
If the child in this statement refers to me, then it's not just one person; it encompasses everything.
Li Xiao thoroughly enjoyed this matter and never tired of it.
But since Young Master Lan has asked this question, he absolutely cannot admit it.
If I had to ask for a reason, it would be that I wanted to try my best to salvage my image in front of my crush.
But then again, judging by his appearance, Li Xiao shouldn't be much older than me.
However, due to malnutrition in my early years, I was shorter than most people my age. But Li Xiao's height increased rapidly.
When we met before, I thought he had lost a lot of weight, but upon closer inspection, I realized that the boy had actually grown taller.
If this continues, Li Xiao's height will soon catch up with Young Master Lan's.
No, maybe he'll grow even taller than Young Master Lan in the future.
—After all, it's still in its growth stage, anything is possible.
I couldn't help but think that this was both my true feeling at the moment and a way to comfort myself.
I wonder... when I'll grow to be as tall as Li Xiao is now. If I could, I would be completely satisfied.
As I thought about it, I cast a genuinely envious glance at the top of Li Xiao's head.
Perhaps my expectations were too high, because the boy, who was aware of this, couldn't help but look up at the top of his head.
He even reached out and touched the void.
After confirming that there was nothing above his head, he looked at me with a somewhat annoyed expression.
He probably thought that, like last time, I was deliberately doing something to deceive him. And he fell for it again.
But with Young Master Lan present, he couldn't really hold anything against me, lest he be proven wrong again after just denying the suspicion of bullying a child.
So, with practiced ease, he crossed his arms, hummed, and turned his head away, ignoring the dragon.
I couldn't help but think that I am indeed a child, but Li Xiao may not have really grown up yet.
Young Master Lan, who was standing to the side, smiled without saying a word, and then handed me a clean little cloth bag.
I looked puzzled, but I took it anyway, while giving him a questioning look.
Young Master Lan said it was teeth.
I was taken aback. When I opened it, I saw two front teeth, small, like two white pebbles, and they looked perfectly intact.
This was the first time I had ever examined human teeth so closely. After washing away the blood and wiping them clean, they looked nothing like they had come from my own mouth.
...But why give me this?
I looked up again, bewildered.
Young Master Lan explained that, according to custom, a child's shed baby teeth should be buried in the ground if they are upper teeth, and thrown onto the roof of the house if they are lower teeth. This way, the new teeth that grow in after the baby teeth fall out will be neat and beautiful.
Oh, I see. So you're telling me to find a place to bury my fallen tooth.
I nodded in agreement, but at the same time a question popped into my mind.
If I lose my lower teeth in the future, how am I supposed to throw things onto the roof of this tall building? Am I supposed to fly?
Don't tell me I'm just an ordinary person with a mortal body. Even if I were to grow wings someday, they would just be useless decorations because I'm really afraid of heights.
I wonder if it's because I think too much before bed.
That night, I had a strange dream I had never had before.
In my dream, I was walking on a long staircase in the snow and ice, climbing up one stone step at a time.
The steps were steep and narrow, making each step extremely difficult.
The mountain wind, sharp as a knife, swept across my cheeks, icy and biting.
I breathed in the crisp, cold mountain air, but my lungs felt like they were about to explode from the heat.
Needless to say, my hands, feet, shoulders, and back felt as heavy as if I were dragging an invisible boulder.
With each movement, the bones cracked and popped as if they were about to break at the joints.
With great difficulty, I looked up against the wind and snow, only to see endless stone steps winding through my vision and disappearing into the white expanse.
At the horizon, clouds swirled, and the snow-covered sky blended seamlessly with the horizon.
It gives one the inexplicable feeling that the other end of these stone steps might lead straight to the sky.
I want to stop, I want to stop this torture-like, endless ascent up the stairs.
Whether it's to rest where you are or turn around and leave.
It's wrong to endure this pain and torment aimlessly, embarking on a path of no return with no future in sight.
Unfortunately, the version of me in my dream didn't think that way.
Instead, they stubbornly and laboriously continued to climb upwards, only their steps became slower and slower, and their straight backs gradually became more and more hunched.
The version of me in my dreams continues.
But I knew that he was probably about to give up.
—Stop it.
I really wanted to tell him to stop torturing himself.
However, in this dream, the real me became completely mute.
Perhaps to be more precise, I am merely a wisp of consciousness residing in this body, capable of sensing and seeing what it perceives, but unable to exert any influence on the body itself.
I am merely an observer in this dream.
However, these spectator seats happen to be in the first-person perspective.
Gradually, I became numb, listening to the whistling wind, the cracking sound of bones rubbing together, and my increasingly heavy breathing.
I think this road probably has no end.
Perhaps only when this person dies will all of this finally come to an end.
However, I was wrong.
Suddenly, something happened. There was a thud, and the sound of something falling to the ground came from behind.
The pressure on my back seemed to lessen considerably.
That is...
The person who had been focused on moving forward suddenly stopped.
Even his breathing paused for a moment.
I first reached behind me and touched the cold, hard fabric with my fingertips. I touched a long, narrow object. The ancient patterns on its surface were so vivid that just touching it made my mind come to mind. It was the hilt of a sword.
Strangely, despite the freezing weather, even my hair was almost frozen solid.
When my fingertips brushed across the blade, the touch carried a slight warmth, as if it were not a cold weapon, but a warm human skin.
I stopped what I was doing because of that.
But in just a moment, I touched the emptiness beside me.
It felt as if a piece of my heart had been emptied.
I turned around stiffly, looked down, and tried to open my eyes wide and stretch out my arms to search around.
Finally, about seven or eight steps away, a dark shape came into view.
Amidst the almost blindingly white snow, it looked so jarring, yet strangely reassuring.
I took a deep breath, then leaned against the stone steps and slowly made my way towards that spot.
This situation was even more chaotic and difficult than when they were climbing upwards before.
Back then, at least we were walking; now, we're truly climbing.
Even so, the thrill and dizziness from being at a high place still made my heart pound uncontrollably.
All I could do was stay close to the steps behind me, making sure I wouldn't accidentally tumble down because of the shaky view.
Level 1, Level 2...
I descended much slower than I had ascended.
With only seven or eight steps, I had to stop almost every time I went down a step, close my eyes to catch my breath, regroup, and then continue.
When I finally reached the spot where the things had fallen, my hands, which I had used to support my body, had completely lost sensation. They felt neither pain nor cold, but they had become equally uncontrollable and difficult to bend.
Even so, I still reached out and picked up the things on the ground.
He lay almost face down on the ground, barely managing to brace himself with his elbows, then hugged himself tightly to his chest, as if he were holding some lost treasure that he had found again.
I cried, I cried so hard, but I didn't make a sound. Even my tears seemed to freeze in my eyes, refusing to fall.
Only the metallic taste of blood kept churning in his throat, splashing onto the pure white snow with a soft "plop".
Like a bright red plum blossom in winter.
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