Chapter 357 Zhao Mingyan, what do you take me for?
She didn't know who the person in the painting was, but she could feel the Emperor Wusu's deep appreciation for it.
Ji Qingwu refused to look at the painting anymore.
She lowered her eyes and stared at their hands, but the more she looked, the more agitated she became.
There are many brushstrokes applied to this woman, even the strands of her hair are lightly stroked.
Ji Qingwu felt a pang of sadness, and her eyes stung with tears.
She tried to pull her hand away, but he noticed and gripped it even tighter, continuing to guide her hand as she drew.
He also warned her in her ear, "Don't move around, it'll be fine in a bit."
Ji Qingwu blinked her sore eyes, then looked away at the incense burner with its wisps of smoke rising from it.
Her hands were out of her control, her heart was out of control, but her eyes were still at her beck and call.
After an unknown amount of time, Emperor Wusu sighed in her ear, appearing quite satisfied with the painting.
But he still didn't let go of her hand, wrapped his left arm around her waist, and pressed her back, making her completely nestled in his arms.
He asked, "Are you satisfied?"
Ji Qingwu was not only dissatisfied, but also felt like he had shot himself in the foot. If he insisted on having some kind of token, he should have just said a few words and left.
She replied, "May I ask, Your Majesty, what is vulgar about this?"
Zhao Mingyan was still admiring the wax paper in front of him when he said slowly, "Exquisite and unconventional, transcending the mundane and surpassing the ordinary."
What she called vulgar is completely different.
Ji Qingwu remained silent, but was suddenly grabbed by the chin and gently turned to the side.
Upon seeing the expression on her face, Zhao Mingyan stared in surprise at her reddened eyes.
"Are you unhappy?"
Ji Qingwu, her eyes red, said, "No."
Zhao Mingyan compared the kneeling girl's back in the painting with the stubborn person in his arms, and shook his head almost imperceptibly.
The two were looking into each other's eyes, and Ji Qingwu could easily see the trajectory of his gaze.
He asked in a gentle tone, "Is it because I painted it poorly?"
Ji Qingwu bit her lower lip tightly, then released it, repeating this several times until her lips turned a color even more vibrant than a deep red cherry.
She squeezed out three words from between her pearly teeth.
"Excellent."
Seeing such obvious insincerity, Zhao Mingyan pinched her waist, his gaze deepening, and said, "Stop saying things you don't mean, tell the truth."
This awkward posture made Ji Qingwu's heart twist as well.
She brushed his hand off her chin, turned around, and looked at the woman on the candle paper on the imperial desk.
Even just looking at her back, one can tell, as Emperor Wusu said, that she is an extraordinary girl.
Ji Qingwu's lips trembled a few times, and her voice was not as gentle as usual as she asked, "What does Your Majesty take me for?"
She could hear the heartbeat of the person behind her, and the tense, panicked, and disordered rhythm within her chest.
Completely opposite.
Each sound was very steady.
An unsettling silence fell over the Qin Zheng Hall.
Ji Qingwu pressed her fingers hard against the edge of the table, her pink fingertips turning white.
She didn't receive a reply from him, not even a joke.
Ji Qingwu's heart sank rapidly, as if he had fallen into a bottomless, icy pool.
She slowly closed her eyes, and everything before her eyes went completely dark.
She could no longer hold back; all the fear and anxiety she had been living these past few days, along with the emotions she had been suppressing, surged into her mind.
"Zhao Mingyan, what do you take me for?!"
The man holding her froze as soon as the question was uttered.
She easily pushed away Emperor Wusu's arm and pushed him away as well.
Suddenly losing warmth, Ji Qingwu shivered from the cold.
She thought it would be difficult to ask, and that some things could be kept in her heart and resolved or faded away with time.
But once that opening was made, the words that followed flowed out like a broken string of beads, exceptionally smooth and cascading down.
“If you consider me as the birth mother of Yuanheng and Qiuqiu, you should know how the children came to be.”
Neither of them was willing at the time.
Ji Qingwu took a breath and continued, "If I had any other choice, I wouldn't want to get involved with you either. Although I was a bit bold in my actions, you now have children."
“When your true energy was in chaos and raging, I helped you with my own body, and it’s time to repay that debt.”
She mentioned what happened in the military camp back then, and that night in Zhaoyang Palace a while ago.
In her mind, this was the algorithm she used as a form of repayment.
Zhao Mingyan's breathing became heavy, and his gaze, heavy as a thousand pounds, fell on her thin back.
Ji Qingwu said, "But just when I wanted to live out my life peacefully, you appeared again, reminding me of many things from the past, and..."
She tried her best to keep her voice steady, wanting to save face for herself.
She said dejectedly, "It also gave me unrealistic fantasies."
Ji Qingwu recalled the words she had solemnly sworn to Qiao Shi when the Empress Dowager summoned her to assist in organizing the Emperor's birthday celebration.
She wanted to try and win the emperor's heart.
What did she manage to achieve...?
What he received was his deliberate distancing; he went to pay respects to his ancestors, was assassinated while trying to save Consort Wei, and returned to the palace wounded, his life hanging by a thread.
When Ji Qingwu thinks back on what happened afterward, he doesn't even have the strength to smile bitterly.
On her wedding night with Wei Ting, Emperor Wu Su appeared before her.
Ji Qingwu told himself that nothing was more important than his life, more important than his being alive.
Even though he was seriously injured while saving Wei Liru, and even though there was still someone else in his heart.
She kept backing down her bottom line, and if she took another step back, it would truly be an abyss of no return.
She opened her eyes, turned to face him, her eyelashes were already wet, and a few tears fell onto her pink dress, leaving damp marks.
Emperor Wusu's eyes were pure black as he frowned and stared at her face.
Since he remained silent, she decided to speak her mind; she no longer wanted such an empty concept as dignity.
Ji Qingwu said, "Do you think I'm the kind of person who would completely depend on a man?"
After returning to Lin'an, she planned to get married as soon as possible, just so she could freely do what she wanted.
Only by being free from love can one feel truly at ease, but right now she feels anything but at ease, and ultimately, it's all because of the person in front of her.
Ji Qingwu stared directly at him with her bright, moist eyes.
Do you think I'm afraid of not being free after entering the palace as a concubine?
A look of doubt first appeared in Zhao Mingyan's eyes, then a glint of shrewdness flashed across them.
Ji Qingwu's lips parted and he said, "What I'm afraid of has never been this."
"The heart is free, it doesn't matter where it is, but you wove a huge net, captured my heart, and then stopped caring about it."
Ji Qingwu was no longer willing to pretend, so he decided to make this his final confession.
"After returning to Lin'an, you appeared before me time and time again. Why did you treat me so differently?"
Why should I be so upset because of your every word and action?
However, Ji Qingwu was not as strong as she had expected; by the end, her words were trembling and incoherent.
She covered her face and realized that her face was wet without her noticing, and tears were streaming down her face through her fingers.
Why am I becoming less and less like myself?
Why is it always you...?
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