Chapter 39 So Good and So Bad
After realizing what he had done, Mu Yan was completely devastated.
"Yes, I'm sorry, sir... I didn't mean to, I..."
He looked down at Shang Qiyue's clothes, which he had soiled, and instinctively tried to find tissues or something similar around him to wipe them clean.
Shang Qiyue grabbed his wrist: "No need to wipe it, just call your assistant to change your clothes."
"...Excuse me, sir, is this outfit very expensive? Does this mean I can't wear it...?"
It was just clothes, Shang Qiyue didn't care, and he didn't think they were dirty. On the contrary, he thought Mu Yan's momentary daze was extremely beautiful.
"It's okay, if you can't wear it, you can't wear it. What's the big deal?"
He picked up Mu Yan and pushed open the door to the office bathroom, where there was a small shower room.
He called his personal assistant and asked her to send in two sets of clothes in the same size as the ones he had at the hotel. He then helped Mu Yan finish his shower.
Mu Yan was not feeling well; if Shang Qiyue hadn't been supporting him, he would have been unable to even stand.
Shang Qiyue gently helped him take a bath and took the clothes that the assistant had just brought from the door and put them on him.
"I still have to work this afternoon. Why don't you lie down on the sofa and take a nap? We'll go home together tonight. It'll be no later than four o'clock, so I won't keep you waiting too long."
Mu Yan was carried to the sofa and laid down, then covered with a blanket.
"I'm fine... You don't need to worry about me, you can go ahead with your work."
Shang Qiyue bent down and kissed his forehead before returning to his office chair to work.
Mu Yan closed his eyes, curled up on the leather three-seater sofa, his fingers unconsciously twisting the hem of his clothes.
Even though he knew it was wrong, he was still a little sad.
Reason told him that Shang Qiyue hadn't really exposed him to others, hadn't done anything to harm him, and hadn't been angry at all even though he'd accidentally gotten something on his clothes.
Shang Qiyue might just be joking with him.
Mr. Shang helped him so much, giving him a sum of money that he might not be able to earn even after working for several years, relieving his immediate crisis, helping his brother get a decent and ideal job, and also resolving his gambling debts.
He's done so much for himself, completely transforming his family's life. Even if he wasn't joking and genuinely wanted to do it, that's perfectly acceptable.
Shang Qiyue seemed quite happy just now, so making him happy wouldn't do him any harm.
But he still couldn't help feeling a little...sad.
Shang Qiyue hugged him and was about to open the door, not telling him that he was joking, just wanting to see him nervous, out of control and break down.
What does he think he is?
Would you like a toy that makes different sounds when kneaded in different ways?
The inexplicable and conflicting emotions were like a cocoon, wrapping him up tightly in layers, making it hard for him to breathe.
There was a light knock on the door three more times.
"Mr. Shang, I've checked the printed bid document, and there are no problems. Do you want it now?"
Mu Yan shuddered, his nerves instinctively tensing up.
He instinctively hunched his shoulders and clenched his teeth tightly.
"Don't be afraid." Shang Qiyue's voice came very close. Mu Yan opened her eyes and found that he had already walked to the sofa and tucked the blanket around her.
Mu Yan paused for a moment, then looked up blankly, only to realize that he was properly dressed and had nothing to be afraid of. He loosened his grip slightly, slowed his breathing, and lowered his head, remaining silent.
Shang Qiyue got up, went outside to get some documents, and when he came back, he went straight to sit down next to Mu Yan.
He looked down at the person on the sofa, his expression softening. He reached out and ruffled Mu Yan's hair, his voice lowering as he said, "Come here."
Mu Yan didn't move, remaining curled up as if she hadn't fully relaxed yet.
Shang Qiyue reached out and pulled him close, letting him rest his head on his lap. His fingers slowly traced his hair, gently massaging his temples as Mu Yan usually did for him.
"Baby," Shang Qiyue called him affectionately.
Shang Qiyue's voice is deep and magnetic, always making people feel extremely safe and wanting to bury themselves in his arms and cry their hearts out.
Mu Yan stared blankly, his nose still stinging, but the touch was so gentle that he couldn't tell whether he should relax or not.
“I didn’t expect you to be so scared…” Shang Qiyue looked down at him, “Are you angry?”
"I won't be angry with you..." Mu Yan's voice was almost choked with sobs; he had just been on the verge of tears. "You can do whatever you want to me..."
“Poor baby,” Shang Qiyue patted his back slowly and rhythmically, as if coaxing a child. “I saw you tremble just now, it broke my heart. Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid.”
"If you don't like it, I won't do it again next time, okay?"
Mu Yan was surprised that he would apologize to her, and felt a mix of emotions.
He was a little unsure how to face Shang Qiyue.
Sometimes he wished Shang Qiyue would just treat him like a prostitute, showing him no respect, and leave after sleeping with him.
But he was so good to her, solving all her worries and repeatedly telling Mu Yan, whether in bed or out of bed, that she was the only one, special, and that he loved her.
Why is Shang Qiyue so good to him... and yet so bad at him?
"I thought you'd be more open-minded since you have an ex-boyfriend, but I didn't expect you to be so shy, like a virgin. Did you two always do it in the room with the lights off?"
That's so boring, nothing compares to the fun of being with me. Shang Qiyue thought to himself.
Mu Yan's eyelashes trembled slightly. He wanted to avoid the question, but since it was Shang Qiyue who asked, he had no choice but to answer.
"Hmm...more or less."
"Can't you accept this? Want to add some excitement or something."
Mu Yan's voice was low. His shoulders stiffened slightly, his fingers tightened involuntarily, and his eyelids drooped even lower: "If you're happy... anything is fine."
Shang Qiyue's smile faded, and his eyes lowered as if he were deep in thought.
After a moment, he suddenly sighed, reached out and ruffled Mu Yan's hair, his tone tinged with helplessness: "Both people have to be happy when making love. What do you mean by 'I'm happy and it doesn't matter'? You have to be happy too. What's the point of making you cry?"
"I went through all that trouble, and you're still unhappy? What's the difference between that and rape?"
"You didn't..." Mu Yan's eyes widened in panic, "I was willing..."
"Are you willing or not? Just now, when I was about to open the door, you were still nestled in my arms, your heart was pounding like a rabbit, and you were clenching your lower body so tightly. Are you feeling good or scared? If you still say you're willing, then I'll continue next time."
Mu Yan's lips trembled, as if she was about to cry from the question.
"No, no more... I don't like it..."
Shang Qiyue pulled him up and hugged him, patting his back like he was comforting a child: "Okay. Be good. If you don't like it, you should say so. If you say so, I won't do it next time. We still have to spend a year together like this. If I do something that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, you definitely have to tell me."
"I was just kidding you. I thought you could handle it. You seemed to enjoy it, didn't you? You did it all at once, front and back... But I won't scare you with this kind of thing next time."
Mu Yan's face was almost burning red, and the warmth of his neck against Shang Qiyue's was intense. Shang Qiyue turned his head and pressed his cheek against Mu Yan's cheek: "Good boy, why are you so easily embarrassed? I was just kidding. Don't be angry anymore, okay?"
"I just made a mistake. You know I've always had that problem, I've never slept with anyone else. I learned those things by watching porn, I don't even know if I'm good at it. I thought what I learned was just for fun, but I didn't expect you couldn't accept it. I'm sorry, please forgive me."
Mu Yan wanted to say that he didn't need to apologize to her, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she couldn't stop sobbing.
If Shang Qiyue hadn't comforted him, he wouldn't have actually wanted to cry. But after being gently comforted like this, a wave of grievances belatedly washed over him.
"Alright, alright, are you upset? It'll be better if you cry it out." Shang Qiyue felt extremely sorry for him and hugged him tightly, patting his back gently.
"You...you don't need to apologize to me...I'm not angry, I'm not angry with you. I'm just a little...I don't know why I want to cry...You don't need to worry about me, you go to work, I'll be fine after crying for a while..."
"Work can be done anytime before next Monday, nothing is more important than you. If I don't make up with you right away now that you're upset, you'll keep holding onto this grievance."
Shang Qiyue was very patient with Mu Yan. Even though he didn't know when Mu Yan would stop, he kept gently patting his back and coaxing him softly.
Mu Yan gradually lost his strength from crying, and his emotions gradually calmed down. He took the initiative to tell Shang Qiyue that he felt better and that he didn't need to worry about him anymore.
"Is it really healed?" Shang Qiyue asked with a smile.
Mu Yan nodded seriously: "It's really all done. You can go back to work now."
"Then think about what you want to eat after this is over. Once you've figured it out, I'll go back to work."
"I want to eat... the one from last time," Mu Yan said after thinking for a moment.
"That Huaiyang cuisine from last time?"
Mu Yan nodded.
Hearing that Mu Yan's voice was a little hoarse, Shang Qiyue went to the water dispenser to pour him some water, fed him a couple of sips, and then touched his forehead to make sure he didn't have a fever before returning to his desk.
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