Survival of the Silent (Part 1)
When Jinnan got home, his face was still hot, and Grandma Xu thought he was cold, so she went to turn on the floor heating. Jinnan tried to stop her, but was caught by Xu Zhiyuan.
The floor heating in the house was installed by Xu Zhiyuan a long time ago. The two elders have always been reluctant to turn it on, even during the coldest time of winter, they said it consumed too much electricity and just added a bed and quilt.
Even though Xu Zhiyuan had always been paying the electricity bill, they were reluctant to turn it on.
Thanks to Jinnan, the floor heating finally came in handy. The house quickly warmed up, and Jinnan and Grandma Xu held hands and talked for a while. Xu Zhiyuan went to take a shower first, and when he came out in his pajamas, drying his hair, he discovered a serious problem.
Xu Zhiyuan only had one uncle and one great-uncle, both of whom were away from home and rarely came back for the New Year. The three-story house had so many rooms, and they were filled with miscellaneous items piled up by the two old people.
I brought Jinnan back without informing the old man in advance, and the old man only prepared one room, and the new thick bedding was not enough.
Grandma Xu: "I wanted to make another bed, but your grandfather said the two boys can just squeeze in."
Grandpa Xu: "Why not? When I was in the army, it was common for five people to share a bed! Zhiyuan will sleep on it, so he can't press Xiaonan down. The two of us can still be warm together."
"Is that okay, Xiaonan?" Grandma Xu asked with concern. "If not, let Zhiyuan come down and sleep on the floor. There's floor heating on the first floor, so he won't be cold."
Xu Zhiyuan was wiping his wet hair and looking at him.
"It's okay." Jinnan said, "Zhiyuan and I will sleep together. It's a good opportunity to talk."
After the matter was settled, it was Jinnan's turn to take a shower. Xu Zhiyuan followed Jinnan into the bathroom and helped him get a new set of toiletries and a towel.
The space was already cramped, and the two of them seemed even more crowded. Xu Zhiyuan even helped Jinnan fill the water and squeeze out the toothpaste. When he looked up, he found Jinnan staring at him intently.
After crying outside for a while, Jinnan's eyes were still a little red, not because of fragility, but more like he was frozen from an adventure in the snow and ice. There was still a smile on the corner of his mouth.
"Xu Zhiyuan, I don't want to call you brother."
This is almost an explicit statement.
Xu Zhiyuan knew it, and Xu Zhiyuan pretended to be stupid.
"Well, whatever you like."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Xu Zhiyuan told him the location of the hair dryer and towel and left without any reluctance, but the whole bathroom was filled with the scent of Xu Zhiyuan.
He just took a shower here.
Jinnan took off his clothes and turned on the water, thinking of the many nights when he secretly turned on the surveillance camera to watch Xu Zhiyuan taking a bath.
At that time, he could never have imagined that one day he would have to share a bathroom with Xu Zhiyuan.
Their relationship is no longer that ambiguous one, and Xu Zhiyuan probably won't leave suddenly at any time or place. So should his surveillance... continue?
Jinnan didn't want this incident to become a thorn between him and Xu Zhiyuan.
As for the surveillance, if you're on vacation, get someone to remove it. The bodyguards can keep it. It depends on whether Xu Zhiyuan wants it or not. It's good for keeping him safe. The listening device...
Take it off tonight.
Jin Nan was afraid that something might go wrong tonight, so he took care of everything in the bathroom before coming out.
Inside the room, Xu Zhiyuan sat at the head of the bed, a book in his hands. He liked to wear a pair of plain glasses when reading, which rested loosely on the bridge of his nose, supported only by the height of his bones.
Jinnan glanced at the cover and saw a line of English printed on the yellowed paper.
The Seed and the Sower
Hearing footsteps, Xu Zhiyuan looked up and frowned slightly: "Why don't you blow dry your hair?"
"Wipe it with a towel first." Jinnan said, sitting on the edge of the bed, feeling a little embarrassed.
Xu Zhiyuan put down the book, naturally took the towel from his hand and put it on Jinnan's head.
He rubbed her randomly without any rules, but with just the right amount of force, not enough to hurt Jinnan. Xu Zhiyuan had kissed him before, but they had never been to this extent before, and they had never slept in the same room.
Even when Jinnan High School often went to Xu Zhiyuan's room to do homework, he would say goodbye obediently at the appointed time. Xu Zhiyuan's face didn't look like someone he could share a bed with.
In the past, Jin Nan treated him as a sculpture, but now that he has come to his senses, he treats him as a demon in his heart.
Now……
Xu Zhiyuan helped him dry his hair, and only put on the hair dryer when the water droplets were almost dry, as if he had done this for Jinnan many times. Jinnan closed his eyes, his shoulder leaning on Xu Zhiyuan's arm, the sound of the wind drowning out everything, including their heartbeats.
"Get up early tomorrow. We'll go to the market and buy some vegetables. We also need to replace some home appliances."
After his hair was dried, Jinnan opened his eyes. Xu Zhiyuan looked down at him with a natural expression.
Jinnan stood up without saying a word, holding the hair dryer, walked towards the dirty clothes piled in Xu Zhiyuan's basket, and took out a shirt.
But there was nothing in the pocket of his clothes that he had put there with his own hands this morning.
Xu Zhiyuan saw what he was about to do and tapped his knuckles on the bedside table. Jinnan looked in the direction of the sound and saw a small listening device still working, a light flickering.
Jinnan put down the thing in his arms and turned around to take it, but Xu Zhiyuan reached out and snatched it away.
The eavesdropper was held in Xu Zhiyuan's palm, and the rotten sore caused by the distorted relationship was torn open in an instant. The red light fell on Xu Zhiyuan's cheek, clearly reminding Jinnan what he had done and what he was thinking.
Jinnan rushed forward to grab it, but Xu Zhiyuan held it very high, so Jinnan had no choice but to bend his knees and lean on the edge of the bed.
Xu Zhiyuan pulled her gently and she fell down into his arms.
Xu Zhiyuan held up the monitoring device, placed it in front of Jinnan, and pressed the button. What happened ten minutes ago was clearly replayed. At that time, Xu Zhiyuan asked him why he didn't blow dry his hair.
"Want this?" Xu Zhiyuan asked in a low voice.
"Give it back to me."
The two men were fighting and snatching on the bed. In the chaos, someone turned off the lights. Jinnan felt his arms were tied, and someone held his shoulders and stuffed him into the quilt.
Xu Zhiyuan's voice rang in his ears.
"What is this, Jinnan?" Xu Zhiyuan asked, "Why is it in my pocket?"
Jinnan's body was shaking.
He had just reconciled with Xu Zhiyuan, and he was about to call it quits, to turn over a new leaf. Why, why did Xu Zhiyuan find out at this very moment?
No, there was no way he hadn't noticed. Xu Zhiyuan just chose this time to make it clear.
The timing was terrible. All the tenderness in Jinnan's heart vanished, leaving only fear, as if he were a prisoner awaiting death row.
Letting bodyguards monitor Xu Zhiyuan can be said to be a sign of distrust towards him, but what about wiretapping?
Stealing trade secrets? What's so good about stealing your own secrets?
Jinnan had absolutely no motivation to do so.
Xu Zhiyuan didn't know how to press him down, Jinnan couldn't move, and was having trouble breathing.
"Xu Zhiyuan, how could you do this? You clearly know it!"
Jin Nan took a few deep breaths, exerted strength with his arms, and forced himself to sit up. The person blocking him was knocked over. Jin Nan reached over and pressed Xu Zhiyuan down with his entire weight, not allowing him to get up.
He bent down and searched for Xu Zhiyuan's cheek with his hands. His eyes gradually became familiar with the darkness, and he could finally see Xu Zhiyuan's face and those exceptionally bright eyes.
"Haven't you noticed? I listen to you talk and walk around with you every day. Otherwise, how would I know what time you finish work and what time you want to eat?" Jin Nan held Xu Zhiyuan's cheeks, not allowing him to turn his head, staring at him with eyes fixed on him, almost with a desperate determination.
"I'm just such a bad guy, Xu Zhiyuan. I'm monitoring you, spying on you. You're so smart, what's there that you don't know?" Jin Nan almost collapsed. "I want to stop, I want to stop. I don't want to hurt you, really."
"Why?" Xu Zhiyuan's voice remained calm.
Jinnan looked at him, trying to see something different in his eyes, but all he saw was himself.
Very good, Xu Zhiyuan.
"Why else?" Jin Nan scoffed.
He suddenly let go of his strength and lay on Xu Zhiyuan, craving for Xu Zhiyuan's body temperature.
Xu Zhiyuan was afraid of the cold, and even though the doors and windows in the room were tightly closed, it was still freezing. There were only two quilts between the two of them.
He should go downstairs and sleep later, so that grandpa and grandma don't find out about their quarrel. Let's finish the New Year and then...
"Xiao Nan, I want to ask," Xu Zhiyuan's voice was hoarse, "Why did you take it back? Don't you want to understand me?"
Jinnan came back to his senses and opened his eyes wide for a moment.
He stared at Xu Zhiyuan, as if Xu Zhiyuan was the one who did all these crazy things.
In front of Jinnan, Xu Zhiyuan took out the listening device in his hand and pinned it to the collar of his pajamas.
"Don't you want to hear me talking in my sleep? Don't you want to know who I was thinking about when I...did that?"
"Xiao Nan, how can you take it back, what you gave me?"
Jin Nan was almost going crazy. What did he give Xu Zhiyuan? A monitoring device!
The rift that Jinnan had once opened widened. He saw Xu Zhiyuan's smile, the way he looked at him. Deep and dark, it concealed a mind lost in thought, never a single word revealed before.
What is the real Xu Zhiyuan like?
What was Xu Zhiyuan like, the man who stayed at his house at two in the morning, strangled him until he was covered in bruises and left a clear kiss mark?
Jin Nan's scalp tingled the first time he touched her. He subconsciously tried to withdraw his hand, but Xu Zhiyuan grabbed his wrist first. Those eyes were fixed on him, and the lips that Jin Nan had stole countless glances at pressed against his fingertips, murmuring softly.
"Xiao Nan, speak."
"Don't be dumb."
Jinnan wanted to speak, but in their world, silence always prevailed. Knowing without saying, seeing without revealing, leaving a silver lining in everything, was the only way to have a long, lasting future.
If he opens his mouth, all the possibilities will be reduced to right or wrong. How can he know whether Xu Zhiyuan likes him or not?
Xu Zhiyuan didn't say it in person. If he was just deceiving him and telling lies to be settled later, what should Jinnan do?
Xu Zhiyuan still had a backup option of leaving at worst, but he didn't have it. He couldn't accept Xu Zhiyuan leaving, he would be miserable.
But Xu Zhiyuan was kissing him, and Jinnan was reluctant to pull his hand away.
He was very different from the Xu Zhiyuan in his dreams, not gentle at all. Xu Zhiyuan was using everything he had to force Jin Nan to speak.
This coercion pulled Jinnan out of his dream and made him confirm that he was in reality.
He seemed to be walking in the sky, and if he took a wrong step, he would be crushed to pieces.
"Xu Zhiyuan, do you like me?" Jinnan's voice trembled.
As long as Xu Zhiyuan says he likes her, as long as he says it, Jinnan will not care about anything.
"What do you think?" Xu Zhiyuan said, "Isn't what I gave you enough?"
Jin Nan was still uneasy when these words fell into his ears. He had been carefree since childhood and had no idea how to interact with others. He realized that he liked Xu Zhiyuan only after dreaming that he was being hugged. How could he know whether Xu Zhiyuan liked him or not?
Does giving a lot of things mean love? Li Hongfang and Lin Jiaze also gave him a lot, and he also gave things to Ke Zhuo. Does he like Ke Zhuo?
Of course not.
He couldn't get into Xu Zhiyuan's mind to see if Xu Zhiyuan had any erotic dreams about him.
"I don't know." Jinnan said.
Xu Zhiyuan took a deep breath and laughed angrily.
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